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Being [TRANS] Is Like Working In A Fish Market

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Posts

  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    @ruby Rhod I just caught up on the thread! I want to hug you so tight because of the meds! And now even tighter because of that last story! So you get all kinds of hugs! all the hugs!

    Ruby Rhodlittle_punk_pup
  • WheatBun01WheatBun01 Face It, Tiger Registered User regular
    If any of you are ever depressed enough that you feel like you need to talk to someone like right fucking now, well, I'm a dude who is sitting at work on a computer 9 hours a day not doing anything, so I'm around to chat with. I'm also kinda a total stranger here still, so maybe having someone who's opinion doesn't matter will make it easier?

    I hope so!

    And then we can play your favorite game on steam together and I'll baby you or somethin'. Just ... I'd rather someone do that then something else!

    So.

    Yeah.

    little_punk_pup
  • SassoriSassori Registered User regular
    I've never made a plan to kill myself. But I would be lying if I had not thought at several different points of my life how much easier it would be to just disappear one way or another.

    It's weird how those thoughts can sneak up on you without you even realizing it.

    FyndirUsagiTankHammerSpeed RacerSolarSlacker71SorcelonelyahavaLegbalittle_punk_pupBigBearSkylark
  • WheatBun01WheatBun01 Face It, Tiger Registered User regular
    I think it's one of those things that once you think once, like, in serious contemplation, it becomes hard to not always think of it as an option.

    Just like "Oh well I burnt dinner, I should probably go upstairs and shoot myself."

    Or maybe it's just me.

    Speed RacerBrovid HasselsmofSorceInfamyDeferredlittle_punk_pupI Win Swordfights
  • SassoriSassori Registered User regular
    I think one of the moments where it really hit me what "disappearing" actually meant was when I caught myself thinking:

    "Well, it should probably wait until (Best Friend) graduates or has a break from school. If it happened during the semester it would not be fair to them."

    FyndirYukiraTankHammer
  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    hooray helplessness/hopelessness

    0BnD8l3.gif
  • laughingfuzzballlaughingfuzzball Registered User regular
    The only times I was depressed enough to do anything that drastic, I was too depressed and too paranoid to make it to where the the knives are kept.

    Yay?

  • FyndirFyndir Registered User regular
    Much though a part of my mind is utterly convinced that everyone I know would be objectively better off if I had never existed, I am conscious of the fact that killing myself would hurt them in ways that are difficult to quantify, so I can't really make a judgement on whether the benefits would outweigh that negative.

    Basically if I could alter the timeline in such a way that I simply never was I'd be down with that, but it's not a realistic option.

  • WheatBun01WheatBun01 Face It, Tiger Registered User regular
    The only times I was depressed enough to do anything that drastic, I was too depressed and too paranoid to make it to where the the knives are kept.

    Yay?

    Yay! For real.

  • GatsbyGatsby Registered User regular
    I've recently been in a mood of sorts, where I've been putting way too much on myself and punishing myself for dumb mistakes that can be easily avoided: Not missing classes, starting assignments, etc. And I'm at the point where every little, tiny thing that goes wrong either throws me off balance on a good day or plunges my head deep down in those murky waters of "killmekillmekillmekillme."

    It's getting tiring, brain

    Stop being like this

    I just feel like I'm thinking way too much, always being on all the time, always analysing, researching, pushing and pushing and pushing until I burn out for a whole day or week. I would like to shut down for a day or two, simply enter a bubble of standstill where I can turn off for a bit before maybe coming back. Maybe.

    I don't know.

  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    A strong piece of evidence against the discovery of time travel is the distinct lack of teenagers being murdered by mysterious strangers who look uncannily like an older version of themselves.

    FyndirRainfallgtrmpTrippyJingSorceSeriously
  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    It's only happened a handful of times to me but my thinking usually goes, "That'd be a super shitty thing to do to Mom and Dad. Maybe after they're gone. Yep. Putting it off until later. Just like I do with everything else. Wow, that's dark. I should probably eat some hot chocolate powder."

  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    related:

    2011-01-13-beartato-badmemories.png

    cabsyRuby RhodsimulacrumMs DapperPlatySCREECH OF THE FARGTrippyJingOdinSeriouslygodmodeTankHammerMortal Sky
  • GatsbyGatsby Registered User regular
    I can no longer laugh at that comic, much like how Van Halen couldn't laugh at This Is Spinal Tap

    Because it's too true

    Ms Dapperlittle_punk_pupHyperBallad
  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    Pony wrote: »
    A strong piece of evidence against the discovery of time travel is the distinct lack of teenagers being murdered by mysterious strangers who look uncannily like an older version of themselves.

    maybe they're all eliminating themselves before they were even born and the timeline is constantly shifting and we just never notice

    0BnD8l3.gif
    AntimatterSpeed RacerDonovan Puppyfucker
  • WheatBun01WheatBun01 Face It, Tiger Registered User regular
    Dichotomy wrote: »
    Pony wrote: »
    A strong piece of evidence against the discovery of time travel is the distinct lack of teenagers being murdered by mysterious strangers who look uncannily like an older version of themselves.

    maybe they're all eliminating themselves before they were even born and the timeline is constantly shifting and we just never notice

    Teenagers wouldn't be capable of that much foresight.

  • GatsbyGatsby Registered User regular
    Who said it was on purpose?

  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    Gatsby wrote: »
    I can no longer laugh at that comic, much like how Van Halen couldn't laugh at This Is Spinal Tap

    Because it's too true

    george takei once described Galaxy Quest as "harrowing"

    RingoTankHammer
  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Inside a cluster b personalityRegistered User regular
    Pony wrote: »
    Gatsby wrote: »
    I can no longer laugh at that comic, much like how Van Halen couldn't laugh at This Is Spinal Tap

    Because it's too true

    george takei once described Galaxy Quest as "harrowing"

    Yeah but from our end, that movie was fucking awesome.

    Donovan PuppyfuckerSorceRingo
  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    I am the person who has no last name

    0BnD8l3.gif
  • laughingfuzzballlaughingfuzzball Registered User regular
    Pony wrote: »
    Gatsby wrote: »
    I can no longer laugh at that comic, much like how Van Halen couldn't laugh at This Is Spinal Tap

    Because it's too true

    george takei once described Galaxy Quest as "harrowing"

    They played a George Takei thing on the radio this morning.

    It was a marriage equality thing, but clearly styled after fifties anti-gay propaganda videos.

    He introduces himself as a "person, Trekkie, and bow-tie enthusiast."

    It was pretty amazing.

    InfidelNeoTomaTrippyJinglittle_punk_pup
  • BlueBlueBlueBlue Registered User regular
    Melding wrote: »
    i've long since decided if i ever killed myself it's self immolation.

    Seems like it would be the most fun for the first few seconds.

    To me that seems like one of the least fun and also most painful ways to go.

    CD World Tour status:
    Baidol Voprostein Avraham Thetheroo Taya Zerofill Effef Crimson King Lalabox Mortal Sky ASimPerson Sal Wiet Theidar Tynic Speed Racer Neotoma Goatmon ==>Larlar Munkus Beaver Day of the Bear miscellaneousinsanity Skull Man Delzhand Caulk Bite 6 Somestickguy
  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Inside a cluster b personalityRegistered User regular
    BlueBlue wrote: »
    Melding wrote: »
    i've long since decided if i ever killed myself it's self immolation.

    Seems like it would be the most fun for the first few seconds.

    To me that seems like one of the least fun and also most painful ways to go.

    Not sure that discussing methods is a good thing to do in a thread full of people who admit to thinking about it pretty often.

    Just tossing that out there.

    laughingfuzzballFyndirPonyYukiraUsagiKevin CristAshkickerAnialosDirtyDirtyVagrantPlatyTrippyJingMs DapperBrovid Hasselsmof-TalVALVEjunkieMr Fuzzbuttgodmodelittle_punk_puptynicHyperBalladBigBearMortal SkySkylark
  • InfidelInfidel Heretic Registered User regular
    Antimatter wrote: »
    basically i havent killed myself because im afraid of pain and funerals are expensive for the people who have to find my body

    the friends and family who care about me factor lessens over tine

    I am pretty sure I made it through high school partly because of this. I planned and wrote out stuff, and I realized eventually that I couldn't do it not because I gave a fuck about myself, but because I couldn't do that to my mother.

    At the very start of my senior year, I nearly died from undiagnosed type 1 diabetes. Shit went south quick, I was in the hospital, my mom and I got the first chance to discuss it and all I said was "well, at least I'll have to eat better?" which made her bawl uncontrollably.

    It gave me perspective and I credit it with what turned my life around. I decided that high school meant fuck all in the grand scheme of my life. I completely changed just about everything, came to grips with my sexuality, started to not get hung up on every bad thing that happened, etc.

    I felt the same way as you before that, that friends and family were less to hang onto, week by week. Know that even if it feels that way, you obviously have friends and family that care about you, and if you reach that low point you can realize that you are loved. People here care about you as well, know that.

    OrokosPA.png
    lonelyahavalittle_punk_pup
  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    I certainly do

    0BnD8l3.gif
    WeedLordVegetainterrobangUsagiGatsby-TalVALVEjunkieMortal Sky
  • InfidelInfidel Heretic Registered User regular
    Also George Takei is awesome.

    OrokosPA.png
    laughingfuzzballKevin CristMetalbournePlatyYukiraGatsbyDonovan Puppyfuckerlittle_punk_pupTankHammer
  • AntimatterAntimatter Devo Was Right Gates of SteelRegistered User regular
    i know it, it's just

    bluh. really all i have to say on the whole thing, bluh.

  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    "bluh" is really all anyone can say on a lot of stuff

    0BnD8l3.gif
    interrobangGatsbyVALVEjunkieWeedLordVegeta
  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    that is the quote that will define my legacy

    all those other historical figures can have their fancy pithy statements and five dollar words, all I will leave is "bluh"



    it will be hailed as among the most insightful comments of all time

    0BnD8l3.gif
    laughingfuzzballSkylark
  • MeldingMelding Registered User regular
    BlueBlue wrote: »
    Melding wrote: »
    i've long since decided if i ever killed myself it's self immolation.

    Seems like it would be the most fun for the first few seconds.

    To me that seems like one of the least fun and also most painful ways to go.

    Trust me the other way i was about to do before deciding against it, a lot less fun. Probably more painful.

  • AntimatterAntimatter Devo Was Right Gates of SteelRegistered User regular
    tumblr_lyo5d2pFJj1qgmwa0o1_500.jpg

    DichotomyRuby RhodinterrobangDirtyDirtyVagrantB_RAneurhythmiaMr FuzzbuttWeedLordVegetalittle_punk_pupPersonfaceBigBearSkylark
  • MeldingMelding Registered User regular
    I will always love that comic.

    Also pictures of puppies wearing hats.

    little_punk_pup
  • AntimatterAntimatter Devo Was Right Gates of SteelRegistered User regular
    agh

    agggghhhh my dad opened an unmarked letter addressed with his name on it and it turned out to be a job offer for me

    and then he was talking about me getting my driver's license in a few weeks and my mom is okay with the idea even though i'd have to take the test with my dad present because she wants to get it out of the way even though i could just get a state id and leave

    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh i just want to leave by the end of june

  • AntimatterAntimatter Devo Was Right Gates of SteelRegistered User regular
    WHY DID THAT SELFISH FUCK HAVE TO GIVE ME HIS NAME

  • interrobanginterrobang kawaii as  hellRegistered User regular
    rachel

    you are wonderful and everything will be okay

    FyndirRuby RhodLiiyaDichotomySCREECH OF THE FARGRainfallSpeed RacerTheySlashThemTheodore FlooseveltNeoTomaPharezonTrippyJingsimulacrumAnialosMs DapperGatsbycabsy-TalVALVEjunkieSassoriWeedLordVegetaUsagiKochikenslittle_punk_pupRingoTankHammerHyperBalladPersonfaceBigBearSkylark
  • FencingsaxFencingsax It is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understanding GNU Terry PratchettRegistered User regular
    edited May 2013
    Congratulations on the job offer! You are awesome and things will go awesome!

    Fencingsax on
    little_punk_pup
  • AntimatterAntimatter Devo Was Right Gates of SteelRegistered User regular
    i don't want the job, I've been wanting to leave this place since last may but I've been staying because my mom didn't want to deal with my dad and my brother's depressed. I've been offered a place in Seattle, I'm currently in bumfucking nowhere southwest Michigan.

  • FencingsaxFencingsax It is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understanding GNU Terry PratchettRegistered User regular
    Oh.


    Then Fuck that job!

    SCREECH OF THE FARGTankHammer
  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Inside a cluster b personalityRegistered User regular
    Antimatter wrote: »
    i don't want the job, I've been wanting to leave this place since last may but I've been staying because my mom didn't want to deal with my dad and my brother's depressed. I've been offered a place in Seattle, I'm currently in bumfucking nowhere southwest Michigan.

    Alright. I'm going to explain something here: there's a huge difference between doing something selfish and doing something for yourself. If you pack your shit and take off in the middle of the night, it's not selfish. You're under no obligation as a human being to put up with that shit or be whatever kind of codependent crutch your family needs to stay together.

    Your mom doesn't want to put up with your dad? Not your problem. If you're what gives her the strength to put up with his abusive bullshit, then your doing something horrible by staying there, because your leaving will be the catalyst for something to happen.

    And I'm not going to sugar coat this: she might divorce his ass and move out or she might cut her wrists in the bathtub. Either way, you're not responsible for that. You don't control anything in this universe but yourself. And hell; she might do either one of those tomorrow, so don't let it affect your decision.

    I know this doesn't make the decision much easier, but I really hope that I've laid out the score for you and let you know that you don't need to feel guilty or even responsible for all the bullshit flying around you.

    NeoTomaStericaAshkickerTheySlashThemsimulacrumDoobhlaughingfuzzballnukaPonyGatsbycabsyRuby Rhod-TalgtrmpDonovan PuppyfuckerVALVEjunkieSorceSCREECH OF THE FARGRainfallWeedLordVegetaDirtyDirtyVagrantlonelyahavaUsagiTrippyJingKochikenslittle_punk_pupTankHammerHyperBalladPersonfaceBigBear
  • laughingfuzzballlaughingfuzzball Registered User regular
    I'm confused.

    I mean, yeah, loving your family is great and all but you gotta take care of yourself.

    Darmaklittle_punk_pup
This discussion has been closed.