I do hate folks who short tabs; if you don't have enough money to tip, you shouldn't go out for drinks, just hit up your local liquor store and enjoy yourself at home.
If you don't have enough money to pay the tab? Stay at home and skip the store; you obviously have problems budgeting money and alcohol shouldn't even be a consideration.
I do hate folks who short tabs; if you don't have enough money to tip, you shouldn't go out for drinks, just hit up your local liquor store and enjoy yourself at home.
If you don't have enough money to pay the tab? Stay at home and skip the store; you obviously have problems budgeting money and alcohol shouldn't even be a consideration.
Agreed. Eating and getting drunk at home is so much cheaper than going out to do it.
Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
That joke
>>>>>>>>>>
My head.
0
Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
edited June 2013
belladonna is one of those porn stars who's just way too into it for me
I want someone who's somewhere between the bored disdain you see in 90% of cheap low-fi web porno and the rectal prolapse fetishism/mega-herpetophilia of, say, Sasha Grey
Faye Reagan's in there
she's clearly enjoying herself but not in a way that makes me think she goes home and does research on the Hot New Thing in butt stuff or whatever
Shorty on
+1
TrippyJingMoses supposes his toeses are roses.But Moses supposes erroneously.Registered Userregular
"What? You're shushing me? You were talking the whole time during the beginning of the movie, and you're telling ME to shush?"
- Only man during the movie who was loud enough to be heard by everyone.
0
Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
So my dad is one of those Big Fish-style embellishers and while he has lived one hell of a colorful life (served in Vietnam, never went to college, owned bars/clubs in a dozen different cities, won whatever the highest honor is in the Marine Corps boxing league, gone from literally hunting squirrels for dinner as a child to owning two of the most successful bars in a metro area with a population of 900k) he has told me so many stories that I have been able to pick out which ones were bullshit. Obviously I would never, ever tell him I think they're not true. You don't do that to your dad.
Here's one of my favorites of the, hopefully, true ones:
The Bet
My dad was born in the 40s and was a teenager during the height of the whole 50s greaser movement so he and his buddies totally did the standard Grease schtick. Cruisin' down Memorial, a street which is still used for stupid car-oriented behavior to this day, drinking some beers with their leather jackets and shitty but lovingly maintained cars.
Well they had a "rival gang" of guys that they would always race against or get into brawls at the drive-in and the usual. After getting locked up in jail for a night during one particularly nasty throwdown, they all kind of decided that they would have to settle their beefs another way or risk getting destroyed by their parents. Grandpa Blank would brook no bullshit. After a few nights of stewing in their machismo, they decided that the best way to settle their differences was to prove which crew was the ballsiest, most insane manly men once and for all.
It started out about like what you would expect, arm wrestling turned to five finger-fillet turned to chicken and so on. Inevitably, it came down to hot dogging it with their sweet rides. My dad who was equal parts drunk and stupid, decided to hop on the hood of the car and try and surf as they tore down Memorial. Thankfully Memorial Drive wasn't super well maintained and they were always afraid of fucking up their cars really bad, so they kept it below really insane speeds. Well, the rivals couldn't let that stand so one of their dudes did the same damn thing. After returning to the drive-in for a quick breather, and some more beer, my dad had a flash of inspiration.
He should get naked.
So while the other guys were still munching on their burgers, down comes my dad's gang's car roaring down the street with him buck-ass naked on the hood doing his best Silver Surfer. Because there's really no countering a nude man flapping in the breeze on the hood of a moving vehicle, the rivals were pretty speechless. Unfortunately, my dad didn't have much time to revel in his glory as that was when the Tulsa Police decided to crash the party. Faced with a couple of cop cars with sirens blaring my dad's friend panicked and swerved the car. My dad's incredible dumb luck ran out and he, predictably, went flying off the hood.
Probably due to being shit-faced and loosened up, he escaped with only a broken arm and some nasty bruising and gashes. After a quick stay at the hospital, Grandpa Blank picked him up. The car ride was dead silent, which was surprising to my dad as Grandpa Blank loved a good solid tongue thrashing. After finally getting home Grandma Blank was happy to see he was relatively okay and after getting some food in him slapped him upside the head and told him that he couldn't leave the house outside of school for a month. Dad thought that was pretty light and was sure Grandpa Blank was gonna have something worse planned. He never did.
Years later, when they were both grown men and sharing a drink at one of my Dad's place, he asked Grandpa Blank why he didn't do anything involving a belt and/or verbal takedown for my dad's hood ornament impression. Grandpa just looked at him, took a sip of his bourbon and said "Son, all them girls saw you naked in the middle of January. Figured that's punishment enough."
One of these days I'm gonna sit down with my dad and just interview him, record it and start collecting all of his stories.
So my dad is one of those Big Fish-style embellishers and while he has lived one hell of a colorful life (served in Vietnam, never went to college, owned bars/clubs in a dozen different cities, won whatever the highest honor is in the Marine Corps boxing league, gone from literally hunting squirrels for dinner as a child to owning two of the most successful bars in a metro area with a population of 900k) he has told me so many stories that I have been able to pick out which ones were bullshit. Obviously I would never, ever tell him I think they're not true. You don't do that to your dad.
Here's one of my favorites of the, hopefully, true ones:
The Bet
My dad was born in the 40s and was a teenager during the height of the whole 50s greaser movement so he and his buddies totally did the standard Grease schtick. Cruisin' down Memorial, a street which is still used for stupid car-oriented behavior to this day, drinking some beers with their leather jackets and shitty but lovingly maintained cars.
Well they had a "rival gang" of guys that they would always race against or get into brawls at the drive-in and the usual. After getting locked up in jail for a night during one particularly nasty throwdown, they all kind of decided that they would have to settle their beefs another way or risk getting destroyed by their parents. Grandpa Blank would brook no bullshit. After a few nights of stewing in their machismo, they decided that the best way to settle their differences was to prove which crew was the ballsiest, most insane manly men once and for all.
It started out about like what you would expect, arm wrestling turned to five finger-fillet turned to chicken and so on. Inevitably, it came down to hot dogging it with their sweet rides. My dad who was equal parts drunk and stupid, decided to hop on the hood of the car and try and surf as they tore down Memorial. Thankfully Memorial Drive wasn't super well maintained and they were always afraid of fucking up their cars really bad, so they kept it below really insane speeds. Well, the rivals couldn't let that stand so one of their dudes did the same damn thing. After returning to the drive-in for a quick breather, and some more beer, my dad had a flash of inspiration.
He should get naked.
So while the other guys were still munching on their burgers, down comes my dad's gang's car roaring down the street with him buck-ass naked on the hood doing his best Silver Surfer. Because there's really no countering a nude man flapping in the breeze on the hood of a moving vehicle, the rivals were pretty speechless. Unfortunately, my dad didn't have much time to revel in his glory as that was when the Tulsa Police decided to crash the party. Faced with a couple of cop cars with sirens blaring my dad's friend panicked and swerved the car. My dad's incredible dumb luck ran out and he, predictably, went flying off the hood.
Probably due to being shit-faced and loosened up, he escaped with only a broken arm and some nasty bruising and gashes. After a quick stay at the hospital, Grandpa Blank picked him up. The car ride was dead silent, which was surprising to my dad as Grandpa Blank loved a good solid tongue thrashing. After finally getting home Grandma Blank was happy to see he was relatively okay and after getting some food in him slapped him upside the head and told him that he couldn't leave the house outside of school for a month. Dad thought that was pretty light and was sure Grandpa Blank was gonna have something worse planned. He never did.
Years later, when they were both grown men and sharing a drink at one of my Dad's place, he asked Grandpa Blank why he didn't do anything involving a belt and/or verbal takedown for my dad's hood ornament impression. Grandpa just looked at him, took a sip of his bourbon and said "Son, all them girls saw you naked in the middle of January. Figured that's punishment enough."
One of these days I'm gonna sit down with my dad and just interview him, record it and start collecting all of his stories.
blank i love your theme.
i love it so much.
it is... cool beans.
0
Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
No he's been locked out. He has lots more black friends too now. The best part is it happened just after he posted a link to an article about how all us crackers are gonna be slaughtered by the evil natives when Mandela dies.
today, a man and a woman tried to have sex in the dumpster enclosure of the gas station where I work
I went to throw out some garbage and I caught them with their pants down
I then proceeded to laugh as hard as I have laughed in this wretched year of Our Lord 2013
they both went wide eyed
the woman screamed and ran off and the dude yelled at me as he ran after her, trying to keep his shorts up with one hand
I may be in the lowest spot I've ever been in my whole life
but it provides me some comfort that I will never ever be trying to do the nasty against a container filled with rotting food, cardboard, and empty Boone's Farm bottles
today, a man and a woman tried to have sex in the dumpster enclosure of the gas station where I work
I went to throw out some garbage and I caught them with their pants down
I then proceeded to laugh as hard as I have laughed in this wretched year of Our Lord 2013
they both went wide eyed
the woman screamed and ran off and the dude yelled at me as he ran after her, trying to keep his shorts up with one hand
I may be in the lowest spot I've ever been in my whole life
but it provides me some comfort that I will never ever be trying to do the nasty against a container filled with rotting food, cardboard, and empty Boone's Farm bottles
You should have yelled after him:
"Hey, Pigpen! Charlie Brown called and he wants his dignity back since you're not using it anymore!"
+8
Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
I just remembered a story about my former father-in-law:
I was staying with my then-fiancée for a week or so back in 2005, and at that point we were making plans for her to move down to Mississippi with me. She was talking about this on the phone with her father. He was confused on the balance, because he was a very selfish man who never came to understand either of his daughters before he killed himself. But that's another story.
So, they were talking, and she put him on speakerphone, a decision she would come to regret when he said:
"I don't get it. Well, this guy must be one great fuck, I'll tell you that much."
"Daddy!"
I just did one of those "I am going to look in other parts of the room and whistle" moves.
+13
TrippyJingMoses supposes his toeses are roses.But Moses supposes erroneously.Registered Userregular
I just beat this, and I had to share this story, it's overwhelming me
I played the first half of the game on my own; I ran into a couple fellow travelers, but our time together was brief
then tonight, I knocked out the second half. almost immediately upon starting up, I was joined by someone, and we ended up beating the game together -- slogging through the elements, dodging the dragons, stopping and calling loudly when we got separated, waiting for each other to unlock new areas, bumping together and singing to each other as we walked
at the end, after you collapse and enter The Afterlife or Immortality or whatever you want to call it, we goofed around together, expressing what limited exuberance we could to each other
when we were done, we landed together on the platform just short of the crevice. my friend started to run circles around me, mashing his song button. I didn't know how to tell him goodbye, so I walked in the snow to form the shape of a heart. he walked the same path, then drew an even bigger one around it. then we walked into the light together, and the scene faded on our two shrinking silhouettes.
Oh guys, reading all these stories reminded me of one from many years ago.
Back in high school there was a guy in my group of friends (I'll call him Gary) who was unfortunate in that he never really "filled out." He looked like a perpetual 12 year old, even when we were seniors.
To illustrate this, our junior year we were caught trespassing by some cops. One of the cops said to us "if I ever catch you around here again I'm taking you all to jail," at which point he looks at Gary and says "and YOU'RE going to JUVI!" But I digress...
Gary was constantly trying to make up for his small stature, and he would frequently come up with wild stories that we all wrote off as BS. One of these stories involved an "illegal casino" inside a local dry-cleaning business. Gary claimed to have seen slot-machines, poker tables, and a roulette wheel through a hidden door in the dry-cleaners that led into the adjacent office space. We of course thought this was BS.
A few years later, when I was a junior in college and home on winter break, I was driving to pick a friend of mine up from his job in the photo department of our local WalMart. As I was approaching the dry-cleaners, I see about 5-6 cop cars suddenly turn into the parking lot with their lights and sirens. Traffic slowed to a halt and I saw half a dozen officers jump out of their cars with their guns drawn and take cover behind their car doors and the pillars in front of the store.
I texted my friend what I had seen and suggested that he hurry up and clock out so we can find out what was going on. We parked in the shopping center next door to the dry-cleaners and watched the "life-flite" helicopter land and fly someone away to the hospital.
Apparently the guy had been shot in a dispute over a poker-game at an "illegal gambling operation." It turns out Gary really HAD seen a casino inside the dry-cleaners that day.
Posts
What?
You failed to deliver that punch.
You only have yourself to blame.
If you don't have enough money to pay the tab? Stay at home and skip the store; you obviously have problems budgeting money and alcohol shouldn't even be a consideration.
Ah. I didn't realize that the bartenders were shorted until I heard them say something about it to each other.
Agreed. Eating and getting drunk at home is so much cheaper than going out to do it.
Best part? Getting drunk in your underwear and playing video games.
Second best part? Answering the door shitfaced and half-naked when there are two Mormon kids working the neighborhood.
"Elders, I think you have the wrong house."
"Yes ... um ... well, we'll be going now."
"Have a blessed day, boys. I know I am."
:winky:
And Belladonna.
Agree'd. Except for Belladonna, that girl scares my dick.
You must not fear; fear is the dick killer.
And STD's, but that's a whole other angle on the discussion.
only because you'd catch athletes dick
I'll stick with Stoya.
>>>>>>>>>>
My head.
I want someone who's somewhere between the bored disdain you see in 90% of cheap low-fi web porno and the rectal prolapse fetishism/mega-herpetophilia of, say, Sasha Grey
Faye Reagan's in there
she's clearly enjoying herself but not in a way that makes me think she goes home and does research on the Hot New Thing in butt stuff or whatever
- Only man during the movie who was loud enough to be heard by everyone.
Is this still about porn?
Here's one of my favorites of the, hopefully, true ones:
The Bet
My dad was born in the 40s and was a teenager during the height of the whole 50s greaser movement so he and his buddies totally did the standard Grease schtick. Cruisin' down Memorial, a street which is still used for stupid car-oriented behavior to this day, drinking some beers with their leather jackets and shitty but lovingly maintained cars.
Well they had a "rival gang" of guys that they would always race against or get into brawls at the drive-in and the usual. After getting locked up in jail for a night during one particularly nasty throwdown, they all kind of decided that they would have to settle their beefs another way or risk getting destroyed by their parents. Grandpa Blank would brook no bullshit. After a few nights of stewing in their machismo, they decided that the best way to settle their differences was to prove which crew was the ballsiest, most insane manly men once and for all.
It started out about like what you would expect, arm wrestling turned to five finger-fillet turned to chicken and so on. Inevitably, it came down to hot dogging it with their sweet rides. My dad who was equal parts drunk and stupid, decided to hop on the hood of the car and try and surf as they tore down Memorial. Thankfully Memorial Drive wasn't super well maintained and they were always afraid of fucking up their cars really bad, so they kept it below really insane speeds. Well, the rivals couldn't let that stand so one of their dudes did the same damn thing. After returning to the drive-in for a quick breather, and some more beer, my dad had a flash of inspiration.
He should get naked.
So while the other guys were still munching on their burgers, down comes my dad's gang's car roaring down the street with him buck-ass naked on the hood doing his best Silver Surfer. Because there's really no countering a nude man flapping in the breeze on the hood of a moving vehicle, the rivals were pretty speechless. Unfortunately, my dad didn't have much time to revel in his glory as that was when the Tulsa Police decided to crash the party. Faced with a couple of cop cars with sirens blaring my dad's friend panicked and swerved the car. My dad's incredible dumb luck ran out and he, predictably, went flying off the hood.
Probably due to being shit-faced and loosened up, he escaped with only a broken arm and some nasty bruising and gashes. After a quick stay at the hospital, Grandpa Blank picked him up. The car ride was dead silent, which was surprising to my dad as Grandpa Blank loved a good solid tongue thrashing. After finally getting home Grandma Blank was happy to see he was relatively okay and after getting some food in him slapped him upside the head and told him that he couldn't leave the house outside of school for a month. Dad thought that was pretty light and was sure Grandpa Blank was gonna have something worse planned. He never did.
Years later, when they were both grown men and sharing a drink at one of my Dad's place, he asked Grandpa Blank why he didn't do anything involving a belt and/or verbal takedown for my dad's hood ornament impression. Grandpa just looked at him, took a sip of his bourbon and said "Son, all them girls saw you naked in the middle of January. Figured that's punishment enough."
One of these days I'm gonna sit down with my dad and just interview him, record it and start collecting all of his stories.
No no, you want to offer to let them in.
Make them make the choice to face what lies ahead of them.
blank i love your theme.
i love it so much.
it is... cool beans.
i have noticed that a lot of the missionaries up here in seattle are just INSANELY attractive.
wanna corrupt me some mormon boys, provoke some excommunications nahmsayn?
so true
not just the boys, either
there's this supercute lady missionary who was at my school last quarter
she was so upbeat all the time it was almost manic
http://www.audioentropy.com/
come to think of it, there was probably more of us in the county than black people
heaven forbid seeing a black mormon (I can't remember if I ever met one in that particular church district)
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
I've met two in my entire life.
They're like unicorns, only less likely to stab you with a spiral of head chitin.
especially since they couldn't hold positions of authority until '78
Steam
My incredibly racist uncle's FB account got hacked.
His profile photo is now big black and beautiful.
The reactions are too funny for me to care enough to report it.
STEAM
STEAM
Is it you?
You mean like female Catholics?
Steam
I went to throw out some garbage and I caught them with their pants down
I then proceeded to laugh as hard as I have laughed in this wretched year of Our Lord 2013
they both went wide eyed
the woman screamed and ran off and the dude yelled at me as he ran after her, trying to keep his shorts up with one hand
I may be in the lowest spot I've ever been in my whole life
but it provides me some comfort that I will never ever be trying to do the nasty against a container filled with rotting food, cardboard, and empty Boone's Farm bottles
You should have yelled after him:
"Hey, Pigpen! Charlie Brown called and he wants his dignity back since you're not using it anymore!"
I was staying with my then-fiancée for a week or so back in 2005, and at that point we were making plans for her to move down to Mississippi with me. She was talking about this on the phone with her father. He was confused on the balance, because he was a very selfish man who never came to understand either of his daughters before he killed himself. But that's another story.
So, they were talking, and she put him on speakerphone, a decision she would come to regret when he said:
"I don't get it. Well, this guy must be one great fuck, I'll tell you that much."
"Daddy!"
I just did one of those "I am going to look in other parts of the room and whistle" moves.
Back in high school there was a guy in my group of friends (I'll call him Gary) who was unfortunate in that he never really "filled out." He looked like a perpetual 12 year old, even when we were seniors.
To illustrate this, our junior year we were caught trespassing by some cops. One of the cops said to us "if I ever catch you around here again I'm taking you all to jail," at which point he looks at Gary and says "and YOU'RE going to JUVI!" But I digress...
Gary was constantly trying to make up for his small stature, and he would frequently come up with wild stories that we all wrote off as BS. One of these stories involved an "illegal casino" inside a local dry-cleaning business. Gary claimed to have seen slot-machines, poker tables, and a roulette wheel through a hidden door in the dry-cleaners that led into the adjacent office space. We of course thought this was BS.
A few years later, when I was a junior in college and home on winter break, I was driving to pick a friend of mine up from his job in the photo department of our local WalMart. As I was approaching the dry-cleaners, I see about 5-6 cop cars suddenly turn into the parking lot with their lights and sirens. Traffic slowed to a halt and I saw half a dozen officers jump out of their cars with their guns drawn and take cover behind their car doors and the pillars in front of the store.
I texted my friend what I had seen and suggested that he hurry up and clock out so we can find out what was going on. We parked in the shopping center next door to the dry-cleaners and watched the "life-flite" helicopter land and fly someone away to the hospital.
Apparently the guy had been shot in a dispute over a poker-game at an "illegal gambling operation." It turns out Gary really HAD seen a casino inside the dry-cleaners that day.