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Tell Me a Story
Also, here’s another story I thought I had banished from my memory.
Back in college I attended a friend’s wedding during summer break. The wedding was about an eight hour drive from where I lived, so some friends and I decided to carpool to the wedding. I made the trip with these two chicks (who were both smoking hot) and we all stayed at my roommate’s (I’ll call him Jared) house for a couple nights. At the wedding reception they do all the traditional stuff, including a garter and bouquet toss, which my roommate and The Hottest of the two chicks catch, respectively. We had more than a little to drink, and went back to Jared’s house to sleep it off before our drive home the next morning. Since his house is pretty tiny, I crashed on a sleeping bag on the floor of his room, while our two female companions slept in his sister’s room since she was out of town.
It took me a while to get to sleep, and since I was in a sleeping bag on the floor, I didn’t sleep very soundly. Somewhere around 2am-3am I become aware that somewhere in the dark room there was a fairly persistent squeaking noise that I was having trouble placing, being half-asleep and all.
Damn that ceiling fan
, I thought,
it’s going to keep me up all night if it keeps doing this.
Then the squeaking sound stopped for a moment, and as I was listening I heard a slight rustling sound come from the top of the bed. It wasn’t until I saw the nude form of
The Hottest Chick
silhouetted against light coming in through the window that I suddenly realized what was happening. In the bed next to me, not three feet from where I was laying, my roommate was doing the nasty with the very lovely blonde who had carpooled with me two days earlier.
Unsure of what I should do, I did what any horny, perverted college student would do in this situation.
I watched. I watched the whole thing.
The next morning the three of us packed our suitcases and made the long trip home again. Needless to say there wasn’t much conversation between The Hottest Chick and myself during those eight hours. After I dropped the other chick off at her house, the awkward silence became too much to bear, and I caved.
“So, last night…” I began. The sudden look of unexpected horror on her face gave me pause. After a moment, I continued. “You and Jared?”
“Yeah… Wait you were AWAKE?!!! OH MY GOD!”
Oh shit, I thought. What have I done? I decided to feign ignorance, to preserve whatever dignity the poor girl had left.
“What are you talking about? I was just wondering if you and Jared were like, a thing or something?”
“Oh right, yeah we’re kind of a thing, I guess.”
“What’s this about being awake?”
“Oh, it was nothing.”
I’m pretty sure that she knew, but I never brought it up to her again. A few weeks later admitted to my roommate that I had been awake the whole time.
“Wow dude,” he said, “that’s totally fucked up. Like, that’s creepy as hell.”
“No, what’s creepy is that you two deciding to have sex while I’m in the same room.”
He thought about that for a moment, and began to laugh. “Yeah man, it was pretty fucked up. That chick was fucking crazy. If it were me I probably woulda done the same thing. So whatdya think? It was pretty hot, right?”
I’m not embarrassed to say that last question was the understatement of the year.
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