Ain't nothing wrong with sitting in a storm, sippin' on some drink, watching thunder and lightning.
It ain't as good unless you're sitting on a porch of a beach house, watching the storm hit the ocean. Which I plan on doing lots of this summer
Also LS, I want a story that involves all of those at the same time.
I had an experience that involved pregaming a roadtrip to New Jersey with franzia sunset blush to get White Castle at 2 in the morning (this was before Harold and kumar) then booting in the car and the vomit coming out red. So there's that
Oh man lostwords, now I'm all nostalgic about visiting my grandma as a kid (who lived right near the beach before she passed away) and watching spectacular thunderstorms.
ButtlordFornicusLord of Bondage and PainRegistered Userregular
the day after i turned 21 i went with my roommates to a party
it was my first time really going to a party
it was also my first time drinking any amount more than like a beer, slowly
so i didn't realize how big of a lightweight i was
i remember finishing the second tallboy. i remember opening the third. somewhere between starting to drink the third and like halfway through it shit gets blurry. i remember partaking in a push-up contest and calling the other guy a bitch because he wasn't going down far enough. i remember a portly young lass plying me with sex on the beach out of a gatorade bottle all night. i remember one of the DDs leaning in and asking if i was going to "go for it."
and i remember drunkenly blurting, in between two of my many many blackouts that night, barely able to hold my head up, "i'm not that drunk" and the look of horror on the DD's face because he did not anticipate that response
not my proudest moment
my proudest moment was managing to piss without pissing on myself.
+1
Lost Salientblink twiceif you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered Userregular
edited April 2013
Umm hmm.
So one time I was studying for a midterm in my intensive Korean course where we had to write, memorize and present a dialogue with a fellow student. More precisely three dialogues of thirty-two lines each, one of which would be randomly selected for presentation. The test was on Thursday and on Monday I woke up with incredibly awful food poisoning/flu. If it had been a hangover I would have powered through, but I was just a wreck of vomit and pain. So I miss class on Monday. Tuesday is no better. Puke central.
And I felt pretty funky all day Wednesday, but there was a test to prep for so hey, gotta study. I went in to school and over to my partner's house after class, where she ordered pizza fit lunch. Korean pizza is typically laden with things like tempura shrimp and mayonnaise. I gingerly ate a slice. We continued to study until seven p.m. at which time my partner's husband arrived home and I was like like "THANK GOD I get to go home now."
Which is when her husband insisted that I come out to dinner with them. Despite my efforts to weasel out, they would hear nothing of it and finally I capitulated.
I ate some food at the very nice steak restaurant we went to and did the world's most reluctant toast with soju before excusing myself. Sure that I'd survive, I made it on to the first of two buses that I'd have to take to go home, and in fact managed to maintain my shit all the way to the second bus when I got that feeling where your salivary gland starts acting up and a cold sweat breaks out...
At which point I puked into my own backpack and carried it the rest of the way home.
Lost Salient on
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
So one time I was studying for a midterm in my intensive Korean course where we had to write, memorize and present a dialogue with a fellow student. More precisely three dialogues of thirty-two lines each, one of which would be randomly selected for presentation. The test was on Thursday and on Monday I woke up with incredibly awful food poisoning/flu. If it had been a hangover I would have powered through, but I was just a wreck of vomit and pain. So I miss class on Monday. Tuesday is no better. Puke central.
And I felt pretty funky all day Wednesday, but there was a test to prep for so hey, gotta study. I went in to school and over to my partner's house after class, where she ordered pizza fit lunch. Korean pizza is typically laden with things like tempura shrimp and mayonnaise. I gingerly ate a slice. We continued to study until seven p.m. at which time my partner's husband arrived home and I was like like "THANK GOD I get to go home now."
Which is when her husband insisted that I come out to dinner with them. Despite my efforts to weasel out, they would hear nothing of it and finally I capitulated.
I ate some food at the very nice steak restaurant we went to and did the world's most reluctant toast with soju before excusing myself. Sure that I'd survive, I made it on to the first of two buses that I'd have to take to go home, and in fact managed to maintain my shit all the way to the second bus when I got that feeling where your salivary gland starts acting up and a cold sweat breaks out...
At which point I puked into my own backpack and carried it the rest of the way home.
ah yes, the hyperactive salivary gland vomit alert
I've discovered that I can often avoid vomiting altogether if I spit a whole bunch when this happens
When I was a lad, my best friend was my slightly older cousin who was a horrible influence (and later, we found out he was a horrible person who should never have been near anyone ever) so one day, during the short period I lived with my father, my cousin brought over a case of Budweiser.
My cousin, one of our friends, and myself were sitting in the living room drinking, this being my first time with beer found the taste horrid but there was no way I was going to admit I didn't fucking love this horrible fermented brew in front of my peers, so I keep drinking. Around the time I start on my third I don't mind the taste to much, or really much of anything cause I was getting pretty god damned drunk at this point. About halfway through this third beer, while watching some shit television show, I decide I want to see what my limit is. So now I really start in on these lukewarm cans of cat piss. One after another I go. My cousin and our friend have drifted off into a drunk sleep having downed 4 or 5 beers. I'm starting in on my 7th when I start to remember all those 90s DARE programs about people drinking to much, passing out, and drowning in their vomit.
So now I'm scared I've gone and killed myself. Can't go to sleep or the beer will kill me. I've still got tons of undigested brew in my stomach when I realize that my body is about to violently reject my idiocy. I crawl to a nearby wall, dragging myself to a standing position while clinging to the blanket I've got wrapped around my shoulders for warmth. I feel like the world is at a 45 degree angle as I slowly make my way to the bathroom, unable to remove my hand from the wall for fear that I will instantly collapse.
I make it halfway across the bathroom before I let loose. I vomit so hard I'm pretty sure some of it still got into the toilet and not just on the floor.
And that is the story of how my dad found his 14 year old son, crying while trying to mop up the bathroom while wearing a vomit drenched blanket like a cape.
And I'm pretty sure we were watching CHiPS reruns.
Battletag BYToady#1454
+4
Lost Salientblink twiceif you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered Userregular
I mean I was on a bus so spitting wasn't going to do me any good
I couldn't get off because I was on the last dollar of transit money and had no cash in my bank account
AND my phone battery was dead, even before I vomited profusely into the pocket where I kept it on my backpack. That killed the phone completely, though.
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
Hi5 for being bus-booting buddies! I once puked on a bus on the way home from a formal. All over myself and my friend. I wish I had a backpack that night
ButtlordFornicusLord of Bondage and PainRegistered Userregular
edited April 2013
when i was in basic i would have days where nothing would agree with my stomach
most days i was smart enough to keep the next meal light, give my belly time to settle, and double down on the next one
then came the day where i ignored my belly and continued to inhale food and as i was getting rid of my tray realized "son of a fuck i'm gonna blow" and immediately started sprinting for the bathroom
i made it literally to the door of the bathroom before i lost it and projectile vomited all over the door from a foot away
i had to clean it up too
A Good Day in the Life of Buttlord
Buttlord on
0
Lost Salientblink twiceif you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered Userregular
Other places I've puked:
Taxi cab
Friend's sink
Mesh trash can(s)
Drawer
Plastic cup while driving
My own mouth while working with a customer
A stranger's patio
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
I mean I was on a bus so spitting wasn't going to do me any good
I couldn't get off because I was on the last dollar of transit money and had no cash in my bank account
AND my phone battery was dead, even before I vomited profusely into the pocket where I kept it on my backpack. That killed the phone completely, though.
oh, totally
it's obviously not an option all the time
but, some of the time
+2
Lost Salientblink twiceif you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered Userregular
Actually, here's a story: I just dropped the biggest deuce of all time. I blame Rankenphile
whoa whoa WHOA
let's not turn this into a pooping thread
I wish that someway, somehow, that I could save every one of us
0
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited April 2013
Back in 2004 I lived in this big house with three housemates. I had gone out to the local brewery/eatery to just hang out for a couple of mugs, when I ended up bumping into this Albanian guy and we started talking about how rad Europe is and what it was like during the Soviet collapse and we ended up downing the whole tray of pints that were supposed to go back to his table. Finally I realize that if I don't start walking home right then, I'm never gonna make it home, so I settle up and take off. On the way I grab a hotlink from a street cart and scarf it down.
Once I get home, I can tell it's all going to come up, and my head is already pounding, so I go to bathroom and sit next to the toilet, waiting for the inevitable.
Then I wake up in my bed, hungover but not as bad as I was expecting. Go to take a piss, and discovered the horror. Even though I was right at the toilet, I had vomited hotlink & beer all over my legs, the wall, and entire outside of the toilet. Took me all afternoon to clean up.
Edit: I had slithered out of my vomit soaked jeans and left them on the floor.
Weaver on
+2
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
i assume by now i've told the story enough that everyone knows about sonicgirl
i don't
tell it again
+11
ButtlordFornicusLord of Bondage and PainRegistered Userregular
a month ago we had to call the cops on a yugioh player
+6
Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
a story, in which I narrowly avoid certain doom
Last night I went and had a few beers. I got pretty tipsy and was starting to get moody. That's typically when it's best for me to just go home and go to sleep, because if I don't, what happens next is that I make a poor decision.
I tend to forget this when I've been drinking, and so last night was no exception.
I started browsing some old posts of mine on Facebook via my phone, saw a comment from my ex-wife. We are no longer friends, on Facebook or otherwise, because a few months ago she got all salty about some comment I made (which is itself a funny story) and then decided to stage a friend breakup. My response, at the time, was, "That's fine, we're not very good friends anyway."
So, I see this comment of hers, and I notice that she's got a new picture, which I tap for a closer look.
This was a poor decision.
I will not describe it, except to say that I looked at it and had no thoughts for a few moments; when a thought did arise, it was this sentence, fully formed:
Mistakes were made.
Which I thought was pretty funny.
And I thought, "You know who would think that's pretty funny? The ex-wife!"
Enter poor decision #2: I decide to relate this happening to her via text message.
To which, after about twenty minutes, she replies, "wanna fuck??"
Now, you all do not know this woman, so you do not know that this is a terrifying question. Without getting into our long and sordid history, it is enough to say that, were I a cat, my tail would have gone all bushy when I read this. Maximum awareness, is what I'm saying, because what's coming is either going to be really good or really bad and probably completely harrowing either way.
(Yes, this is the woman I married; more than one person has commented that she's left me with some weird tics re: women, and apprehensive hyperawareness as soon as sex makes an appearance on the table is one of them.)
I thought for a few minutes, then replied, "When you ask me that, I become very worried."
"So, that's a no?"
"More like, 'Yes, but I'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop.'"
"And here I was thinking you were invincible to my hotness."
"Only partially. And I routinely make poor decisions even when I haven't been drinking."
"So I'm a poor decision?"
This is called Picking a Fight. But I do not fall for it. I spot my way out of this locus of psychic enervation, and reply:
"With a little effort, you certainly could be!"
I have not heard back from her. Crisis averted.
One final note: She has been known to read my posts on this board (though not, to my knowledge, since we divorced). Everyone wave to my ex-wife, just in case.
+5
StraightziHere we may reign secure, and in my choice,To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered Userregular
Man now I'm trying to think of all the places I've puked.
It's mostly bathrooms. And like some bushes. Once I projectiled onto a friend right as she was walking out of the bathroom that I so desperately needed. Oh and there was that time my freshman year of college at a place where I didn't no anybody where I was sitting indian style on the floor and just kind of puked in the gap between my legs while nobody was paying attention and just kind of sat tight and walked out a bit later.
0
Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
i assume by now i've told the story enough that everyone knows about sonicgirl
I don't!
0
AntimatterDevo Was RightGates of SteelRegistered Userregular
edited April 2013
alright sonicgirl story, take 4 or whatever, i've told it a few times
freshman year of high school, new girl showed up
she seemed pleasant, looked like winnie the pooh if he were a human female, but she just had an off vibe about her
i found out she liked sonic, that was okay, i liked sonic the hedgehog video games at the time too
it turned out she really liked sonic
she made a list of people who were her friends, and she wrote sonic characters next to them
she wrote super sonic next to my name
during pride week, one of the days was red + white day, the school's colors
she made an Amy Rose dress out of duct tape
she drew herself as a sonic character and drew sonic characters during class
she wrote sonic fan fiction, she told a story to her friends that i had the misfortune of overhearing when i was in the computer lab before class started
sonic turned into a baby and shadow had to change his diaper
she eventually got blocked from the school computers for looking up sonic porn
she moved away in junior year
to this date, she is the only person who's asked me out
Antimatter on
0
ButtlordFornicusLord of Bondage and PainRegistered Userregular
alright sonicgirl story, take 4 or whatever, i've told it a few times
freshman year of high school, new girl showed up
she seemed pleasant, looked like winnie the pooh if he were a human female, but she just had an off vibe about her
i found out she liked sonic, that was okay, i liked sonic the hedgehog video games at the time too
it turned out she really liked sonic
she made a list of people who were her friends, and she wrote sonic characters next to them
she wrote super sonic next to my name
during pride week, one of the days was red + white day, the school's colors
she made an Amy Rose dress out of duct tape
she drew herself as a sonic character and drew sonic characters during class
she wrote sonic fan fiction, she told a story to her friends that i had the misfortune of overhearing when i was in the computer lab before class started
sonic turned into a baby and shadow had to change his diaper
she eventually got blocked from the school computers for looking up sonic porn
she moved away in junior year
to this date, she is the only person who's asked me out
i literally went ahahahahohhhhhh
+22
Garret Dorigan"Why can't I be DLC for UMvC3?"Registered Userregular
Hi apparently super attractive Ex-Shorty, who is also apparently super manipulative! :bz
On New Year's Eve me and the wife got in a big fight cause of her dumb dumb relatives and then I spent my NYE puking my guts out at @Sheri's mom's house and the wife had a nice quiet evening at home.
The moral of the story is when someone says 'okay you have had enough Dan' you should listen to them
Posts
Sooooo who wants to hear one of those eh
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
The only difference of note is that after you're 21 you spend less time being bored at home and more time being bored at the one local bar.
It ain't as good unless you're sitting on a porch of a beach house, watching the storm hit the ocean. Which I plan on doing lots of this summer
Also LS, I want a story that involves all of those at the same time.
I had an experience that involved pregaming a roadtrip to New Jersey with franzia sunset blush to get White Castle at 2 in the morning (this was before Harold and kumar) then booting in the car and the vomit coming out red. So there's that
it was my first time really going to a party
it was also my first time drinking any amount more than like a beer, slowly
so i didn't realize how big of a lightweight i was
i remember finishing the second tallboy. i remember opening the third. somewhere between starting to drink the third and like halfway through it shit gets blurry. i remember partaking in a push-up contest and calling the other guy a bitch because he wasn't going down far enough. i remember a portly young lass plying me with sex on the beach out of a gatorade bottle all night. i remember one of the DDs leaning in and asking if i was going to "go for it."
and i remember drunkenly blurting, in between two of my many many blackouts that night, barely able to hold my head up, "i'm not that drunk" and the look of horror on the DD's face because he did not anticipate that response
not my proudest moment
my proudest moment was managing to piss without pissing on myself.
So one time I was studying for a midterm in my intensive Korean course where we had to write, memorize and present a dialogue with a fellow student. More precisely three dialogues of thirty-two lines each, one of which would be randomly selected for presentation. The test was on Thursday and on Monday I woke up with incredibly awful food poisoning/flu. If it had been a hangover I would have powered through, but I was just a wreck of vomit and pain. So I miss class on Monday. Tuesday is no better. Puke central.
And I felt pretty funky all day Wednesday, but there was a test to prep for so hey, gotta study. I went in to school and over to my partner's house after class, where she ordered pizza fit lunch. Korean pizza is typically laden with things like tempura shrimp and mayonnaise. I gingerly ate a slice. We continued to study until seven p.m. at which time my partner's husband arrived home and I was like like "THANK GOD I get to go home now."
Which is when her husband insisted that I come out to dinner with them. Despite my efforts to weasel out, they would hear nothing of it and finally I capitulated.
I ate some food at the very nice steak restaurant we went to and did the world's most reluctant toast with soju before excusing myself. Sure that I'd survive, I made it on to the first of two buses that I'd have to take to go home, and in fact managed to maintain my shit all the way to the second bus when I got that feeling where your salivary gland starts acting up and a cold sweat breaks out...
At which point I puked into my own backpack and carried it the rest of the way home.
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
Cause getting dragged across pebbles kinda sucks! Had so many pretty rocks from there as a kid.
ah yes, the hyperactive salivary gland vomit alert
I've discovered that I can often avoid vomiting altogether if I spit a whole bunch when this happens
My cousin, one of our friends, and myself were sitting in the living room drinking, this being my first time with beer found the taste horrid but there was no way I was going to admit I didn't fucking love this horrible fermented brew in front of my peers, so I keep drinking. Around the time I start on my third I don't mind the taste to much, or really much of anything cause I was getting pretty god damned drunk at this point. About halfway through this third beer, while watching some shit television show, I decide I want to see what my limit is. So now I really start in on these lukewarm cans of cat piss. One after another I go. My cousin and our friend have drifted off into a drunk sleep having downed 4 or 5 beers. I'm starting in on my 7th when I start to remember all those 90s DARE programs about people drinking to much, passing out, and drowning in their vomit.
So now I'm scared I've gone and killed myself. Can't go to sleep or the beer will kill me. I've still got tons of undigested brew in my stomach when I realize that my body is about to violently reject my idiocy. I crawl to a nearby wall, dragging myself to a standing position while clinging to the blanket I've got wrapped around my shoulders for warmth. I feel like the world is at a 45 degree angle as I slowly make my way to the bathroom, unable to remove my hand from the wall for fear that I will instantly collapse.
I make it halfway across the bathroom before I let loose. I vomit so hard I'm pretty sure some of it still got into the toilet and not just on the floor.
And that is the story of how my dad found his 14 year old son, crying while trying to mop up the bathroom while wearing a vomit drenched blanket like a cape.
I couldn't get off because I was on the last dollar of transit money and had no cash in my bank account
AND my phone battery was dead, even before I vomited profusely into the pocket where I kept it on my backpack. That killed the phone completely, though.
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
most days i was smart enough to keep the next meal light, give my belly time to settle, and double down on the next one
then came the day where i ignored my belly and continued to inhale food and as i was getting rid of my tray realized "son of a fuck i'm gonna blow" and immediately started sprinting for the bathroom
i made it literally to the door of the bathroom before i lost it and projectile vomited all over the door from a foot away
i had to clean it up too
A Good Day in the Life of Buttlord
Taxi cab
Friend's sink
Mesh trash can(s)
Drawer
Plastic cup while driving
My own mouth while working with a customer
A stranger's patio
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
This.
This is the sign of a goddamned trooper.
My hat's off to you, LS; you are an inspiration to young drinkers everywhere.
oh, totally
it's obviously not an option all the time
but, some of the time
But I wasn't even drinking! I had the flu! (The time with the customer was a hangover though)
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
the dude's, not the dummy's
just went WHAM and his entire arm immediately sagged and 122 people immediately went OHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
The solution to Not Drinking is Drinking.
Your Mileage May Vary.
Though I do have a story about the one time I went up to Canada on a whim to hang out with @trentsteel
True story: not drinking drove me to drink. Profusely.
whoa whoa WHOA
let's not turn this into a pooping thread
Once I get home, I can tell it's all going to come up, and my head is already pounding, so I go to bathroom and sit next to the toilet, waiting for the inevitable.
Then I wake up in my bed, hungover but not as bad as I was expecting. Go to take a piss, and discovered the horror. Even though I was right at the toilet, I had vomited hotlink & beer all over my legs, the wall, and entire outside of the toilet. Took me all afternoon to clean up.
Edit: I had slithered out of my vomit soaked jeans and left them on the floor.
In that case, I'm out of stories.
I've been there.
Ow.
i don't
tell it again
Last night I went and had a few beers. I got pretty tipsy and was starting to get moody. That's typically when it's best for me to just go home and go to sleep, because if I don't, what happens next is that I make a poor decision.
I tend to forget this when I've been drinking, and so last night was no exception.
I started browsing some old posts of mine on Facebook via my phone, saw a comment from my ex-wife. We are no longer friends, on Facebook or otherwise, because a few months ago she got all salty about some comment I made (which is itself a funny story) and then decided to stage a friend breakup. My response, at the time, was, "That's fine, we're not very good friends anyway."
So, I see this comment of hers, and I notice that she's got a new picture, which I tap for a closer look.
This was a poor decision.
I will not describe it, except to say that I looked at it and had no thoughts for a few moments; when a thought did arise, it was this sentence, fully formed:
Mistakes were made.
Which I thought was pretty funny.
And I thought, "You know who would think that's pretty funny? The ex-wife!"
Enter poor decision #2: I decide to relate this happening to her via text message.
To which, after about twenty minutes, she replies, "wanna fuck??"
Now, you all do not know this woman, so you do not know that this is a terrifying question. Without getting into our long and sordid history, it is enough to say that, were I a cat, my tail would have gone all bushy when I read this. Maximum awareness, is what I'm saying, because what's coming is either going to be really good or really bad and probably completely harrowing either way.
(Yes, this is the woman I married; more than one person has commented that she's left me with some weird tics re: women, and apprehensive hyperawareness as soon as sex makes an appearance on the table is one of them.)
I thought for a few minutes, then replied, "When you ask me that, I become very worried."
"So, that's a no?"
"More like, 'Yes, but I'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop.'"
"And here I was thinking you were invincible to my hotness."
"Only partially. And I routinely make poor decisions even when I haven't been drinking."
"So I'm a poor decision?"
This is called Picking a Fight. But I do not fall for it. I spot my way out of this locus of psychic enervation, and reply:
"With a little effort, you certainly could be!"
I have not heard back from her. Crisis averted.
It's mostly bathrooms. And like some bushes. Once I projectiled onto a friend right as she was walking out of the bathroom that I so desperately needed. Oh and there was that time my freshman year of college at a place where I didn't no anybody where I was sitting indian style on the floor and just kind of puked in the gap between my legs while nobody was paying attention and just kind of sat tight and walked out a bit later.
I don't!
freshman year of high school, new girl showed up
she seemed pleasant, looked like winnie the pooh if he were a human female, but she just had an off vibe about her
i found out she liked sonic, that was okay, i liked sonic the hedgehog video games at the time too
it turned out she really liked sonic
she made a list of people who were her friends, and she wrote sonic characters next to them
she wrote super sonic next to my name
during pride week, one of the days was red + white day, the school's colors
she made an Amy Rose dress out of duct tape
she drew herself as a sonic character and drew sonic characters during class
she wrote sonic fan fiction, she told a story to her friends that i had the misfortune of overhearing when i was in the computer lab before class started
sonic turned into a baby and shadow had to change his diaper
she eventually got blocked from the school computers for looking up sonic porn
she moved away in junior year
to this date, she is the only person who's asked me out
i literally went ahahahahohhhhhh
The moral of the story is when someone says 'okay you have had enough Dan' you should listen to them