HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
Here's a story that's not about poop: I spent all day today gettin' dirty with dudes. There's even a video of it!
0
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
I had drinks with some English footballer at the Boston airport pre 9/11 but by the time I'd sobered up I'd forgotten his name. 21 year old me could not keep up with the footballers.
Hi apparently super attractive Ex-Shorty, who is also apparently super manipulative! :bz
a well-observed comment
Read my previous story...
I know the type, even if I didn't put it in the writing.
"Never Hit"
+1
ButtlordFornicusLord of Bondage and PainRegistered Userregular
edited April 2013
ok this is my only poop story
when i was in basic i went the first two weeks without really pooping. i'd squeeze out some little poops here and there but i wasn't remotely emptying the tank.
so it's two weeks in and we're on KP at our own squadron, and the supervisor says we can have some nutri-grain bars before the breakfast period starts to hold us over
so i chow down on a couple, being the hungry little trainee i am
breakfast comes and goes, so does lunch
and i feel a rumbly in my tumbly and i says to myself, "self i think i need to poop, i think those nutri-grain bars did the trick"
and poop i did, for nigh on thirty minutes straight
just half an hour of unrelenting pooping. the smell was making people gag, the sounds were freaking them out, and over it all are my terrified sobs as i pray to whatever elder god has decided to use my ass as a portal to this world to just please kill me and get it over with
felt so good though
Buttlord on
+16
Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
On New Year's Eve me and the wife got in a big fight cause of her dumb dumb relatives and then I spent my NYE puking my guts out at @Sheri's mom's house and the wife had a nice quiet evening at home.
The moral of the story is when someone says 'okay you have had enough Dan' you should listen to them
good thing my name's not Dan!
+4
Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
when i was in basic i went the first two weeks without really pooping. i'd squeeze out some little poops here and there but i wasn't remotely emptying the tank.
so it's two weeks in and we're on KP at our own squadron, and the supervisor says we can have some nutri-grain bars before the breakfast period starts to hold us over
so i chow down on a couple, being the hungry little trainee i am
breakfast comes and goes, so does lunch
and i feel a rumbly in my tumbly and i says to myself, "self i think i need to poop"
and poop i did, for nigh on thirty minutes straight
just half an hour of unrelenting pooping. the smell was making people gag, the sounds were freaking them out, and over it all are my terrified sobs as i pray to whatever elder god has decided to use my ass as a portal to this world to just please kill me and get it over with
felt so good though
same thing happened to me
two weeks of total stoppage
then one massive, wonderful shitpocalypse
0
ButtlordFornicusLord of Bondage and PainRegistered Userregular
i can honestly say i'd rather be tear-gassed again than have to smell that poop
ButtlordFornicusLord of Bondage and PainRegistered Userregular
edited April 2013
given an opportunity to od it over again i'd suck it up and wait for the waiver and do it the right way
basic sucked but i wouldn't not do it for the world
it's one of the few times in my life i can truly say i felt happy
which is weird because that. shit. sucked.
on the other hand being in separation flight was a unique experience of its own. it was like being in prison but without the rape. just this weirdly controlled chaos where everyone broke the rules and almost all of the TIs looked the other way
we routinely had a kid sneak to the vending machines for snacks! one night, and i swear i'm not making this up, he made a rope ladder out of sheets and climbed out a window and down to the pad to get sodas. this was a kid who was being separated because he apparently bugged the fuck out immediately upon arrival and just left, went AWOL, called his grandmother from a pay phone, and to hear him tell it her response was "you fucking idiot get back there and do it right if you're going to quit"
Buttlord on
+6
Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
goddamnit hacksaw who told you to get that haircut
you ain't no jarhead
0
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
goddamnit hacksaw who told you to get that haircut
you ain't no jarhead
Whatever, dad.
more like if I was your dad I'd be nodding in approval then say something like, "now that's a haircut you can set your watch to"
+3
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
I just don't like having long hair. Too much of a pain to deal with and style and shit. Not like I need to be pretty for any reason.
+1
Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
when people with pretty hair disregard it, I want to throw them through a building
+2
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
Though to be fair, this is me we're talking about; ain't no haircut in the world going to change the fact I look like someone tried to make a scarecrow out of a rake, and used a moldy boot for the head/face.
0
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
Pretty hair? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.
+1
Tommy2Handswhat is this where am iRegistered Userregular
a month ago we had to call the cops on a yugioh player
Well you cant just stop the story there
ok so i'm at work one saturday. saturday is a busy day for us. we have a bunch of events going, we have a bunch of people coming in to get shit on their day off, it's a Busy Fucking Day. one of those events is a yugioh tournament. every week, without fail, yugioh.
the day in question there's like four of us on because we're in the middle of a shift change. i'm doing my thing manning the register like a bandit when two of our regulars come up to me with a third close behind, and they tell me "hey jeff, this kid stole a deck from us and we caught him." technically, i can throw the kid out right then and there but fuck it i'm not remotely close to being in charge on a saturday, so i pass that buck and take them over to the event desk where the other three guys are adn say "yo here's what's up you deal with it"
manager listens to the whole thing, turns to the thief and says something to the effect of "obviously you're not going to be allowed in here ever again" and the kid goes berserk. starts crying and yelling about how we can't do this to him and it isn't fair and on and on. bear in mind, at this point he has literally admitted to it. he fessed up! so manager says, again, "no, you need to leave. right now. get out." kid slams his binder and shit down on this glass display case and just screams "NO"
the next thing i know the manager and another employee have him by the arms and they're marching him out and i'm looking at the manager's face and i can see he's about ten seconds away from just murdering a yugioh when the kid ragdolls in front of the door, just goes totally fucking limp. manager goes "fuck this shit, dude, i'm calling the cops." while he's on the phone, the other guy who was escorting him out is talking to the kid trying to keep the situation from escalating further, while me and the fourth dude are just running crowd control. the whole time, the kid's screaming and crying and begging and pleading and it is having zero effect. nobody here is budging. at some point he gets up on his feet and switches to angry mode and threatens to kick the employee's ass, which is fucking hysterical given that the kid is a fat nerd and also because the employee in question doubles as a bouncer at a local bar
then he made the single worst move he could have possibly come up with
he threw a punch
at a guy whose job is to have drunk people try to fight him and a) not get hurt and b) not hurt them
to say it was ineffective is to say that waterloo was a minor setback for napoleon
it was hilarious
the best part is that about the time he slammed his shit down the entire store went dead silent and stopped to watch, with the exception of two guys looking at comics who could not have given less of a shit if they tried. when the cops showed up they were still browsing trades.
+34
Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
I'm thinking that goofy-shaped one downtown across the street from benihana's
so that people will always remember who got thrown through what, and why
0
ButtlordFornicusLord of Bondage and PainRegistered Userregular
this is the same store where the boss's wife once caught a kid (literally a 14 year old) trying to lift a couple boxes of yugioh and she plunked him down in a chair next to the boss while she called the cops
at the time, the boss was in the middle of a game of blood bowl
the kid is, predictably, freaking the fuck out and begging and crying
and the boss doesn't even look at him
just keeps playing his little football warhammer game
about an hour after the cops came and took the kid away, his mom showed up to give him a ride home
i love this store
+19
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
I occasionally overhear the employees at my comic store talking about the shit that goes down at some of their tournaments. Tournament peeps are insane
Bluedude152 on
+3
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
Posts
all the vodkas
and some tequila
a well-observed comment
New Year's Eve/Day doesn't count
because I said so
But cooler heads prevailed
Read my previous story...
I know the type, even if I didn't put it in the writing.
when i was in basic i went the first two weeks without really pooping. i'd squeeze out some little poops here and there but i wasn't remotely emptying the tank.
so it's two weeks in and we're on KP at our own squadron, and the supervisor says we can have some nutri-grain bars before the breakfast period starts to hold us over
so i chow down on a couple, being the hungry little trainee i am
breakfast comes and goes, so does lunch
and i feel a rumbly in my tumbly and i says to myself, "self i think i need to poop, i think those nutri-grain bars did the trick"
and poop i did, for nigh on thirty minutes straight
just half an hour of unrelenting pooping. the smell was making people gag, the sounds were freaking them out, and over it all are my terrified sobs as i pray to whatever elder god has decided to use my ass as a portal to this world to just please kill me and get it over with
felt so good though
good thing my name's not Dan!
same thing happened to me
two weeks of total stoppage
then one massive, wonderful shitpocalypse
thus
PAXEast
how did I not know this
i'm not
i got separated during basic because it came out that i have adhd and that's a no-no in the air force especially when you lie about it to get in
ahhhh, okay
Well you cant just stop the story there
basic sucked but i wouldn't not do it for the world
it's one of the few times in my life i can truly say i felt happy
which is weird because that. shit. sucked.
on the other hand being in separation flight was a unique experience of its own. it was like being in prison but without the rape. just this weirdly controlled chaos where everyone broke the rules and almost all of the TIs looked the other way
we routinely had a kid sneak to the vending machines for snacks! one night, and i swear i'm not making this up, he made a rope ladder out of sheets and climbed out a window and down to the pad to get sodas. this was a kid who was being separated because he apparently bugged the fuck out immediately upon arrival and just left, went AWOL, called his grandmother from a pay phone, and to hear him tell it her response was "you fucking idiot get back there and do it right if you're going to quit"
you ain't no jarhead
Whatever, dad.
more like if I was your dad I'd be nodding in approval then say something like, "now that's a haircut you can set your watch to"
ALWAYS mix hard liquors
also hacksaw i bet your hair sparkles when you run a comb through it (i need a haircut so badly rn)
ok so i'm at work one saturday. saturday is a busy day for us. we have a bunch of events going, we have a bunch of people coming in to get shit on their day off, it's a Busy Fucking Day. one of those events is a yugioh tournament. every week, without fail, yugioh.
the day in question there's like four of us on because we're in the middle of a shift change. i'm doing my thing manning the register like a bandit when two of our regulars come up to me with a third close behind, and they tell me "hey jeff, this kid stole a deck from us and we caught him." technically, i can throw the kid out right then and there but fuck it i'm not remotely close to being in charge on a saturday, so i pass that buck and take them over to the event desk where the other three guys are adn say "yo here's what's up you deal with it"
manager listens to the whole thing, turns to the thief and says something to the effect of "obviously you're not going to be allowed in here ever again" and the kid goes berserk. starts crying and yelling about how we can't do this to him and it isn't fair and on and on. bear in mind, at this point he has literally admitted to it. he fessed up! so manager says, again, "no, you need to leave. right now. get out." kid slams his binder and shit down on this glass display case and just screams "NO"
the next thing i know the manager and another employee have him by the arms and they're marching him out and i'm looking at the manager's face and i can see he's about ten seconds away from just murdering a yugioh when the kid ragdolls in front of the door, just goes totally fucking limp. manager goes "fuck this shit, dude, i'm calling the cops." while he's on the phone, the other guy who was escorting him out is talking to the kid trying to keep the situation from escalating further, while me and the fourth dude are just running crowd control. the whole time, the kid's screaming and crying and begging and pleading and it is having zero effect. nobody here is budging. at some point he gets up on his feet and switches to angry mode and threatens to kick the employee's ass, which is fucking hysterical given that the kid is a fat nerd and also because the employee in question doubles as a bouncer at a local bar
then he made the single worst move he could have possibly come up with
he threw a punch
at a guy whose job is to have drunk people try to fight him and a) not get hurt and b) not hurt them
to say it was ineffective is to say that waterloo was a minor setback for napoleon
it was hilarious
the best part is that about the time he slammed his shit down the entire store went dead silent and stopped to watch, with the exception of two guys looking at comics who could not have given less of a shit if they tried. when the cops showed up they were still browsing trades.
right through a building
not a small one, either
I'm thinking that goofy-shaped one downtown across the street from benihana's
so that people will always remember who got thrown through what, and why
at the time, the boss was in the middle of a game of blood bowl
the kid is, predictably, freaking the fuck out and begging and crying
and the boss doesn't even look at him
just keeps playing his little football warhammer game
about an hour after the cops came and took the kid away, his mom showed up to give him a ride home
i love this store
You have terrible taste in men and mens' hair.
you are the worst
the worst
The tequila was kept in a glass skull, if that makes any sort of difference.
you know how i kept calling the thief a kid
he's like 20
Yeah, and?