Hard Parkers

Drtybrd

Howdy all, this is my first post so I thought I'd put up some pages from my comic. This is my first time making a comic. I usually just do illustrations and design. I work on it in my free time as hobby. It's loosely based on my experiences in the import car / street racing scene. Any feed back would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
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francium

its hard to tell some of the characters apart. the XB driver is different enough, though its sad that he doesnt know cars yet participates in street racing. you missed the mark for the quality of initialD, but those artists are pro's so dont sweat it.
whats working for me is the apparent tracing of actual cars in order to maintain the integrity of the... ahem... integra, and the other cars that appear in the comic.
also the sequence of events is easy to understand and reads pretty well. i appreciate every time you took a shot at difficult/dynamic angles like the camera view from the foot pedals or looking down at a character through a window, those panels are very nice!
what isnt working at all for me is the use of photography on top of the drawing. the road cones are so simple to draw, and the phone image doesnt even look like a real phone. i think you should draw a phone with a call or text screen and replace the one you are using currently. also, rather than having a cone monster which was frightfully confusing, maybe you could draw some cones and a steam-roller and maybe even some alarmed construction crew waving frantically at the speeding cars?

over all i think its pretty awesome what you are doing. id like to know more about who is driving but you’ve set up well for a "rematch" between the two drivers you introduced. the boys at the beginning talking about a hairy chick just make me want to see the girl. i hope she comes into play. if you dont plan on having her as a character though, id suggest you take that part out as its the only thing that doesnt add to the characters or the story.
keep posting

Enc

The mixed media use is really distracting from what is otherwise a fairly interesting layout and presentation. I'm specifically talking about the cell phone and the strange street divider monster. Both look very much out of place and pulls me away from your other comic materials in a sort of "90s-era geocities animated gif" sort of way.

Your overall content is very engaging. I'd like to see more.

Red Raevyn

I think your cover is anatomically nonsensical, and I don't like the suit-unzipped big-fake-tits woman - what do you gain by having that kind of crude art? Why not a car or one of your characters instead of this unrelated sexist image? Also, what's up with "the shocker" sprinkled throughout the comic? I know the kinds of people with big exhaust stick it on their cars sometimes, but take a minute and think about what it really represents and ask yourself whether you're proud to have that juvenile laughing at non-consensual violations in your comic, and whether it makes your comic stronger.

Art-wise, the biggest problem I see are the fonts. They are changing all over the place, the word bubbles are shapeshifters, and even whether it's white on black or black on white is a mess. Stick with one maybe two fonts, and be consistent when it's someone talking, or incoming audio from a cell phone. Onomatopoeia should never look the same as dialog. Pick ovals or rectangles or rounded rectangles or something for the word boxes, and stick with it and use it consistently. That will help a lot with the readability; it feels really scatterbrained right now.

Drtybrd

Thanks for the feed back. The style i was going for was more of a high breed of Initial D and the Max boost comics from the old Import turner mags. I always liked the realist way cars were portrayed in Initial D. So I choose not to stray from the cars original designs or make them look cartoonish, like I did with the human characters. So that the races have a little bit more of a serious tone and the interaction between characters could be more comedic. Also yes the hairy chick will be making an appearance latter on.

I can see how having the pics of the cones could be distracting. I was looking for a way to make things pop a little more without going full color. The cellphone is another aspect I'm still playing with. I wanted a way for the different characters to interact while driving with out it seeming as though voices were coming out of thin air. But I guess that's something I'll have to keep working on. As for character development, The way I'm planning it you will find out more about each character as the story progresses. I didn't want to do a straight up origin story as I find them kinda boring.

Once again thanks for the feed back.

Iruka

Red Raevyn wrote: »

I think your cover is anatomically nonsensical, and I don't like the suit-unzipped big-fake-tits woman - what do you gain by having that kind of crude art? Why not a car or one of your characters instead of this unrelated sexist image?

I think in the context, that this is a little reactionary. The comic has a zine/underground/xeroxed comic to it that makes me sort of expect a touch of crude. It doesn't feel out of place in that realm. There are some anatomical issues going on there, though.

That being said, the comic here is lacking polish on multiple fronts.

Font- Is that comic sans? Its terrible. Get some blambot fonts, or better yet, learn to hand letter. You want to have that experimental/authentic feel to work, Comic sans isn't your friend. You can do more interesting things when you don't let the digital medium make everything hard edged. You can do five different lettering types, but doing them with your hand will give them a consistency that is natural.

Inking- You need stronger lines, better line weight, more coherent hatching. Your characters should separate from the background, There shouldn't be little flecks of white between the coloring and lines. Take your time, don't be lazy.
http://smokinghippo.com/TSOtutes/inking_tutorial.html

Color- Using selective color and mixed media is fine but you have to consider the hierarchy of what you want views to look at on the page, and how much attention one thing is drawing to itself over another. Some tips on that, in general:
http://artanecdotally.tumblr.com/post/36677946356/just-to-expand-on-what-every-bodys-been-saying

If you've never read Scott McClouds books on comic making, I recommend them, too.

Drtybrd

Red Reavyn
I choose that cover Image cause the it plays into the car culture theme. the car model, pinup chick, race queen is a theme that is deeply rooted in the car scene. I'm a big fan Ed Roth, Robert Crumb and Rockin jelly bean and draw a lot of inspiration from their work. I would say that it is suggestive and provocative but not sexist. As for the Shocker, that's kind of a wink and nod to the import crowd. Its kind of an inside joke amongst Honda enthusiast and lets them know hey this is something for you.

The word bubbles and text are something I'm working on. Trying to find what looks best and flows with the art work.
Thanks for the feed back

Red Raevyn

Fair enough. I don't think that connection worked for me because the cover is more pinup, (WW2 airplane) nose art, track racing in the 50s-70s while the comic is modern, underground, illegal street racing; the former is rock and roll and the latter is the Initial D soundtrack. That doesn't mean you can't connect the two though, which it sounds like you're aiming to do. Best of luck.

Tiptup The Turtle

I do like the birds-eye view.

Drtybrd

Thanks for the response lruka. I'm going to definitely check out those books.
Here are a couple of the pages I'm redoing.
original
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new
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old
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new
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also here are some new pages I'm working on
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Drtybrd

thanks for the feedback lruka I'm defiantly going to take a look at the book you suggested.
Here are some pages that I'm redoing
old
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new
[img][/img]

old
[img][/img]

new
[img][/img]

Also here are some new pages I'm working on
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Drtybrd

Here are a couple of the pages I'm redoing
[img][/img]
[img][/img]

and here are some new pages I'm working on
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
[img][/img]

Drtybrd

thanks Lruka for the feed back. I'm definatly gunna check that book out.
Here are a couple pages I'm redoing
old
[img][/img]
new
[img][/img]

old
[img][/img]

new
[img][/img]

here are some new pages I'm also working on
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
[img][/img]

Drtybrd

Here are some pages that I'm redoing
old
[img][/img]
new
[img][/img]

old
[img][/img]

new
[img][/img]

and here are some new pages I'm working on
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
[img][/img]

as always feedback is welcome and appreciated

Drtybrd

Here are some pages that I'm redoing
old
[img][/img]
new
[img][/img]

old
[img][/img]

new
[img][/img]

and here are some new pages I'm working on
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
[img][/img]

as always feedback is welcome and appreciated

Drtybrd

Here are some pages that I'm redoing
old
[img][/img]
new
[img][/img]

old
[img][/img]

new
[img][/img]

and here are some new pages I'm working on
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
[img][/img]

as always feedback is welcome and appreciated

Drtybrd

Here are some pages that I'm redoing
old
[img][/img]
new
[img][/img]

old
[img][/img]

new
[img][/img]

and here are some new pages I'm working on
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
[img][/img]

as always feedback is welcome and appreciated

Drtybrd

Here are some pages that I'm redoing
old
[img][/img]
new
[img][/img]

old
[img][/img]

new
[img][/img]

and here are some new pages I'm working on
[img][/img]
[img][/img]
[img][/img]

as always feedback is welcome and appreciated