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Staying friends will do us no good ? :(
hovoss
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Well I have been dating this girl for 2 years and we are in the same class...
It started 2 years back, she already had a boyfriend( 3 years they were together and then she learnt that he cheated on her)...
During this time, she knew I had feelings for her and I told her about them...She was delighted because she also had feelings for me but she was not sure until I told her...She broke up with her bf but she told me that she needed time...I was always there for her but in doing so i gave her the space she needed to move on from her break up..
Now in February 2012, I learnt from one of his best friend that she was going abroad to study after her degree.. Well I was shocked that she did not even tell me this because we both wanted a relationship.. and her friend even told me that she would not be willing to go abroad if she entered into a relationship with me...This has taken a toll on me and on Valentine's day I acted angrily and sadly towards her...And then I told her that I loved her very much but that I won;t stand in her way if she decided to go away because I'm not the guy who is there to harass her etc..
The day after, after classes her ex came to fetch her and I was totally disillusioned by this because she told me that she did not keep contact with him...I went into a depressed mode and later found out that she was at the clinic and that she had treatment with a psychologist because she was unable to make choices and so on...
We remained friends until May where our feelings lit up again...however she already made the business of going abroad..I was completely isolated and thus, i went to tell all the sorty ot my BFF as he was into a LDR for 3 years now...In June my friend (she only knew him on facebook) reacted angrily towards her,spilling the story of his ex cheated on her and that she did not move on from her ex...
She reacted angrily towards me because I had told the story to my friend but I partially took the blame on myself but on the other hand, my friend had some points to tell her all this because she constantly isolated me from my friends...She wanted our relationship to remain secret so that people will not ask questions...BUT how on earth would I be able to do this ?? we are together all the time, we sit together, we do everything together...Maybe she kept playing with me ...
She told me that she was happy about how things are now, she does not want a relationship..
Recenlty, she told me that in December, she met with a guy(they actually kissed) and wanted to be in a relationship with him...Telling me this, as if nothing mattered...I just told her,,,few times ago you wanted to remain single and now you want to be in a relationship....
Was she playing with me all this time??? She then told me that she might not go abroad and so on...So Was i Fighting for nothing?? Was i taking all the blames for nothing
?
Was i dumb because I was so patient to wait for her?? Did I sacrifice my time for obtaining things like this in return ???
I truly love her and should I say, it was an epic but now that all this happened....I'm all down and my exams are finishing on the 14th of June....She constantly keeps telling me that we will see each other afterwards but I don't think it will ever be like this...Because I want more than just being friends but in her case no... and maybe she would go with this guy
I did not tell her anything about what I would tell her..I'll just wait until our exams finished on the 14th of June so that she is not caught up with all of this
It started 2 years back, she already had a boyfriend( 3 years they were together and then she learnt that he cheated on her)...
During this time, she knew I had feelings for her and I told her about them...She was delighted because she also had feelings for me but she was not sure until I told her...She broke up with her bf but she told me that she needed time...I was always there for her but in doing so i gave her the space she needed to move on from her break up..
Now in February 2012, I learnt from one of his best friend that she was going abroad to study after her degree.. Well I was shocked that she did not even tell me this because we both wanted a relationship.. and her friend even told me that she would not be willing to go abroad if she entered into a relationship with me...This has taken a toll on me and on Valentine's day I acted angrily and sadly towards her...And then I told her that I loved her very much but that I won;t stand in her way if she decided to go away because I'm not the guy who is there to harass her etc..
The day after, after classes her ex came to fetch her and I was totally disillusioned by this because she told me that she did not keep contact with him...I went into a depressed mode and later found out that she was at the clinic and that she had treatment with a psychologist because she was unable to make choices and so on...
We remained friends until May where our feelings lit up again...however she already made the business of going abroad..I was completely isolated and thus, i went to tell all the sorty ot my BFF as he was into a LDR for 3 years now...In June my friend (she only knew him on facebook) reacted angrily towards her,spilling the story of his ex cheated on her and that she did not move on from her ex...
She reacted angrily towards me because I had told the story to my friend but I partially took the blame on myself but on the other hand, my friend had some points to tell her all this because she constantly isolated me from my friends...She wanted our relationship to remain secret so that people will not ask questions...BUT how on earth would I be able to do this ?? we are together all the time, we sit together, we do everything together...Maybe she kept playing with me ...
She told me that she was happy about how things are now, she does not want a relationship..
Recenlty, she told me that in December, she met with a guy(they actually kissed) and wanted to be in a relationship with him...Telling me this, as if nothing mattered...I just told her,,,few times ago you wanted to remain single and now you want to be in a relationship....
Was she playing with me all this time??? She then told me that she might not go abroad and so on...So Was i Fighting for nothing?? Was i taking all the blames for nothing
?Was i dumb because I was so patient to wait for her?? Did I sacrifice my time for obtaining things like this in return ???
I truly love her and should I say, it was an epic but now that all this happened....I'm all down
and my exams are finishing on the 14th of June....She constantly keeps telling me that we will see each other afterwards but I don't think it will ever be like this...Because I want more than just being friends but in her case no... and maybe she would go with this guyI did not tell her anything about what I would tell her..I'll just wait until our exams finished on the 14th of June so that she is not caught up with all of this
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If you think you can handle being friends with her, be friends with her. Imagine hanging out with her AND possibly this guy as her boyfriend and decide if you can sit there and handle that, and enjoy yourself.
1. She doesn't sound like she's completely honest with you. I think that's 100% necessary for a friendship, ESPECIALLY one where one has feelings for the other.
2. It sounds like your feelings are one-sided. You should move on. Honestly, I'm not sure I'd call what you have with her a friendship. It sounds more like you're courting her.
Seems like there's WAAY too much drama going on here. If she's going to study abroad this might be the perfect time to get some distance from her and let your feelings settle down. I don't know what you're taking the blame for, a lot of your story doesn't really make sense to me, but what I do know is that she doesn't really seem romantically interested in you so you should probably move on!
Maybe you can be friends later but for now I would focus on moving on and letting go of your feelings for her
This. This has happened to many people in their lives. Your school should have counseling, I would suggest going to talk to them, the can really help you get your feet back on the ground and sort through your problems.
Wish her well in her life and don't try to contact her again.
The problem arose when she could not keep telling me that her past relationship was this and that...She told me that her past relationship was kept in secrecy (so why post in on FB when it was meant to be secret ?)...As if she was blaming me for what happened to her ><....Well I'm not the type of guy who runs away when there are problems but at times I feel quite irritated when she blames me for nothing...
And yup we have been dating for 2 years....ups and downs...well I am a committed guy,not running behind countless girls, but she has changed a lot when she started to see her psychologist...the was that she does not understand that she was not at fault when his ex bf cheated on her and thus she went on to change herself....she sets up a lot of drama and now, although she is always caring and trying to be in a relationship with me, she just told me that she was not going abroad because she received a letter whereby her past results were not good enough...I don't think she cares as much as I do or feel the same as I do
It's really hard to tell which advice I should be giving here because you are completely incoherent, and half of what you say contradicts the other half.
"...I gave her space"
"... she would not be willing to go abroad if she entered into a relationship with me"
"...she does not want a relationship"
"...she met with a guy(they actually kissed)"
You need to accept the fact that you were never actually in a relationship with this girl. Have you ever gone on actual dates with her - that SHE would consider dates, not just you? Kissed her romantically? I'm going out on a limb and guessing "No."
The reason she doesn't want you telling everyone on Facebook that you're dating is because you two are not dating and never were. You were holding out hope that she would run into your arms after she got over her cheating ex and it didn't happen. I've been there, I know how it feels to be the one not chosen but you've got to sack up and move on.
Cut contact with her until after your exams. You don't need this affecting your academics. After that, if I were you I'd apologize to her for all the drama and frankly, get some real space for once. Block her on FB, get away from her for a while. Find somebody else. It sounds like you both have some problems and while it's possible for two people to remain friends when one has open, unrequited feelings for the other, I don't think this is one of those times.
Well yeah, I think that's stunningly obvious.
So obvious that I'm pretty confident that she doesn't even agree that you two are even dating. Telling someone you like them and would like to date them at some indeterminate time in the future doesn't mean you're suddenly dating and it's really bloody clear that you're reading much more into this than she ever intended. You need to let go and move on with your life.
That being said, lamenting an unrequited relationship is totally valid and it can suck. But, don't misconstrue it as lamenting an actual relationship. Her getting your hopes up by telling you she wants to be with you, and then suddenly reneging might not have been so straightforward or kind. But, again, don't confuse that with the normal "ups and downs" of dating. Sounds to me you had the potential of something but then came on too hard (a bit of an understatement). That does not mean she handled it the best way too.
Been there (sorta), done that (sorta.) Sounds like you were a viable boyfriend substitute and she has her eye out for the real thing; your post sort of meanders. In my case, I was a convenient boyfriend for her, but not a long term prospect. We were in a relationship sure, but I believe all along she knew that it had no future as I was 'Mr. Right Now' and not 'Mr. Right.' I'd suggest wishing her the best and be miserable for a bit then get over it and get on with your life.
I lucked out and I wound up getting a good job in a different city which sped up moving on with my life.