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Looking for some feedback on the first few pages of my comic.

JessieKJessieK EnglandRegistered User regular
edited June 2013 in Artist's Corner
Hey guys so first time posting on here but I thought I would give it a bash, so I am currently working on a drama comic/manga that I would like to get some feedback on, so far I have finished 4 pages but I am working on them all the time (normally get about 1 page done a week)
So wondering if I could get some feedback on what you guys think before I start pushing forwards with this

so here are the first 2 pages:

Page 1:

BORS4nH.jpg


Page 2:

sal3NOU.jpg


I am very grateful for any feedback I can get on this, I am currently working out where to host it and what not.

Thanks very much.

JessieK on

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    franciumfrancium Registered User regular
    Art Looks good! The backgrounds that you didn't draw look out of place. And your lack or words leave me wondering.
    I'm sure you mean to stretch out the introduction, but I'd suggest trying to be a little more stimulating with future material. Maybe even some narration?
    Keep it up :)

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    ninjaininjai Registered User regular
    edited June 2013
    A few things from me. First, I don't want to seem like I'm here to beat you up, because I'm not. I am give you my opinion and you're free to take it or leave it, but let's start with some positive things. You seem to have a really good grasp on linear perspective. The school building and the flora all look really good. Your proportions for the style you're going for are also really nice (except for 1 panel which I talk about in a sec) I also really like the last panel of the first page. It's framed really nicely. I also like your idea of pacing. Cutting up a sentence over multiple panels, having reaction panels or mood panels. Excellent idea, hope you stick with that.

    Now on to the stuff that I think can be improved on. Stop using gradients. They're cheap, the look cheap, and they make the rest of your panels look like crap.

    Second, The "halo's" you've got going on are hideous. They're a lazy tactic to achieve an affect that doesn't even look appealing.

    If we take real hair as an example, the reflection on peoples hair are not symmetrical or straight accross, they are angular and change shape as the turn around the head and as the hair curves away. In the second panel of the second page there has to be direct light from 2 different directions for the effect to be at such a radically different angle on the chick than the guy. It is jarring.

    shiny-hair.jpg

    If we take something from a more asian animation style you'll see that even the reflections on their hair is irregular. The way you're doing it is detracting away from the quality of your work more than it is contributing. You'd be better off just dropping it.

    cute+purple+hair+anime+boy+_6_.jpg

    Last thing from me, the first panel of the second page looks as if you drew it, needed it to be bigger and stretched it, though it could just be an optical illusion because of where the right arm is heading, either he's a hulk, is suuuuuuper tall, or it looks like you stretched it.

    ninjai on
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    JessieKJessieK EnglandRegistered User regular
    francium wrote: »
    Art Looks good! The backgrounds that you didn't draw look out of place. And your lack or words leave me wondering.
    I'm sure you mean to stretch out the introduction, but I'd suggest trying to be a little more stimulating with future material. Maybe even some narration?
    Keep it up :)

    Thanks for the feedback I will be sure to post up the next pages when they are done as things speed up fairly quickly in those, and I will probably start drawing all my backgrounds now, as yeah that effect has not worked out
    ninjai wrote: »
    Snip

    Thanks very much, the sort of feedback is always welcome and it gives me something to work on, lighting has always been a hard thing for me to deal with but I am working on sorting out that effect in the coming pages, as this is an ongoing project.
    as for the first panel of the second page it isn't stretched I assure you, though I can see what you mean by the weird angle and him standing up it does tend to make him look very odd in the way that it is framed.
    But thanks very much for the feedback, this is all a learning process for me so the more feedback I get the better

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    JessieKJessieK EnglandRegistered User regular
    ninjai wrote: »
    Snip Again

    Hey I tried to emulate the sort of thing you had left here, what do you think:

    dEDxCqH.jpg

    (note this is unfinished and was right next to an unfinished panel so I blacked that out)

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    McDMcD Registered User regular
    Hullo, first off I just wanted to say that the storytelling on these pages is nice and clear, which is probably the most important thing in comics. However, I didn't actually notice the character in the last panel of the first page until looking back over it again. Although, that could just be me, it might be helpful at the inking stage to try and be conscious of how the foreground and background elements are separated and whether or not they read clearly. Klaus Janson writes about this in The DC Comics Guide to Inking, which is less about the technical side of inking and more about what you should be conscious of while working. It's a pretty useful book, despite its crap name and dreadful cover!

    As far as the figures go, there's a tendency for them to feel a bit stiff. I would suggest trying out some quick gestural drawings when you're thumb-nailing the pages to get some spontaneity into the poses and to also loosen up a bit when you're pencilling. Finally, a very quick point about the lettering, just in terms of how it flows from panel to panel. For example, on the third panel of the second page, I read the "you better" line before I read Hira's dialogue. This is because the second panel is directly above it, so that's the first balloon your eye hits. It's pretty minor, but just something to think about with future pages!

    You've got the right attitude when it comes to feedback, so it'll be really interesting to see how your stuff develops!

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    JessieKJessieK EnglandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2013
    McD wrote: »
    Hullo, first off I just wanted to say that the storytelling on these pages is nice and clear, which is probably the most important thing in comics. However, I didn't actually notice the character in the last panel of the first page until looking back over it again. Although, that could just be me, it might be helpful at the inking stage to try and be conscious of how the foreground and background elements are separated and whether or not they read clearly. Klaus Janson writes about this in The DC Comics Guide to Inking, which is less about the technical side of inking and more about what you should be conscious of while working. It's a pretty useful book, despite its crap name and dreadful cover!

    As far as the figures go, there's a tendency for them to feel a bit stiff. I would suggest trying out some quick gestural drawings when you're thumb-nailing the pages to get some spontaneity into the poses and to also loosen up a bit when you're pencilling. Finally, a very quick point about the lettering, just in terms of how it flows from panel to panel. For example, on the third panel of the second page, I read the "you better" line before I read Hira's dialogue. This is because the second panel is directly above it, so that's the first balloon your eye hits. It's pretty minor, but just something to think about with future pages!

    You've got the right attitude when it comes to feedback, so it'll be really interesting to see how your stuff develops!

    Thanks very much I will keep that in mind for when I work on future pages, it has taken a bit for me to get used to planning where speak bubbles will go on the page, so sometimes I forget or I want to add something and end up putting them in odd places, such as the "you better" but from what I hear if I just put the "you better" lower than what Hira said then it wouldn't be confusing, so I will keep that in mind.

    Though you are the first person to miss the character in the last panel of the first page, I tried to make him stand out as much as possible, outlining him and what not, I will check out the book you suggested though as its not one I have checked out before

    Thanks very much for the feedback, really helpful stuff, and its great to get it from someone who already produces comics.

    JessieK on
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    McDMcD Registered User regular
    No worries! Lettering's something I struggle with (I'm still building up the courage to hand-letter some pages), but it helps to plan the page while thinking about how it'll flow from panel to panel... I always forget to do that and it ends up as an after-thought. I was looking around for these images and finally found them! They're great lettering tips:

    http://d3j5vwomefv46c.cloudfront.net/photos/large/594894917.jpg?1339175569

    http://d3j5vwomefv46c.cloudfront.net/photos/large/594895900.jpg?1339175698

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    ninjaininjai Registered User regular
    JessieK wrote: »
    improvements

    Hey man, much more interesting to look at than before. Really glad to see someone who's open to critiques.

    I'll second the stiff figures critique. A great way to practice gesture is to get to a live studio, but if you can't pixel lovely is a great resource. Do a bunch of 30 second gestures. Fill pages and pages, don't bother looking at your paper, there isn't really much time in 30 seconds. Should help you to practice loosening up. And if you aren't, focus on drawing from the shoulder instead of wrist or elbow, you get much more free and expressive lines that way from my personal experience.

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    PeasPeas Registered User regular
    Hi there! You are a much better artist compared to me but I feel that it will be great if you can work a little more on the facial expressions for your characters

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    beckerskullsbeckerskulls Registered User regular
    I agree with McD about the character getting lost on the last panel of the first comic. But alll you'd need to do is lighten the mid-ground cityscape and tree foilage just a little (to separate them from the foreground) and it would pop right out. Otherwise, value structures seem pretty solid.

    Good work! Keep going!

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    bigrickcookbigrickcook Dord of Lance? OklahomaRegistered User regular
    I dunno, the shadowy figure in the last panel is the first thing I noticed when I got to it. But I do tend to see negative space first so you can probably just ignore me.

    http://panningforclouds.com
    Panning For Clouds, a writing blog dedicated to my fiction and writing columns! Updates at least twice a week.
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    JessieKJessieK EnglandRegistered User regular
    ninjai wrote: »
    JessieK wrote: »
    improvements

    Hey man, much more interesting to look at than before. Really glad to see someone who's open to critiques.

    I'll second the stiff figures critique. A great way to practice gesture is to get to a live studio, but if you can't pixel lovely is a great resource. Do a bunch of 30 second gestures. Fill pages and pages, don't bother looking at your paper, there isn't really much time in 30 seconds. Should help you to practice loosening up. And if you aren't, focus on drawing from the shoulder instead of wrist or elbow, you get much more free and expressive lines that way from my personal experience.

    Thanks very much I am always up for taking in what people tell me, otherwise I would never move forwards, I have been trying out a few thing recommended to me here and on other sites to allow me to get less stiff looking characters so hopefully with time I can improve on that as well.


    I actually have 2 more pages up if anyone is up for giving them a look and giving me some feedback that would be awesome:

    http://forgiveme.the-comic.org/comics/3/

    http://forgiveme.the-comic.org/comics/4/

    The 4th one is where I play with the lighting a little more.

    Thanks very much to everyone who has posted and to everyone else in advance

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    JessieKJessieK EnglandRegistered User regular
    ninjai wrote: »
    JessieK wrote: »
    improvements

    Hey man, much more interesting to look at than before. Really glad to see someone who's open to critiques.

    I'll second the stiff figures critique. A great way to practice gesture is to get to a live studio, but if you can't pixel lovely is a great resource. Do a bunch of 30 second gestures. Fill pages and pages, don't bother looking at your paper, there isn't really much time in 30 seconds. Should help you to practice loosening up. And if you aren't, focus on drawing from the shoulder instead of wrist or elbow, you get much more free and expressive lines that way from my personal experience.

    Thanks very much I am always up for taking in what people tell me, otherwise I would never move forwards, I have been trying out a few thing recommended to me here and on other sites to allow me to get less stiff looking characters so hopefully with time I can improve on that as well.


    I actually have 2 more pages up if anyone is up for giving them a look and giving me some feedback that would be awesome:

    http://forgiveme.the-comic.org/comics/3/

    http://forgiveme.the-comic.org/comics/4/

    The 4th one is where I play with the lighting a little more.

    Thanks very much to everyone who has posted and to everyone else in advance

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    JessieKJessieK EnglandRegistered User regular
    Opps for some reason it double posted, sorry about that only just noticed and I am unable to edit it now

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