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ADD: Is this what's wrong with me?
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Registered User regular
Registered User regular
For years it's been a running joke with my friends that I probably have some degree of undiagnosed ADD. Lately, it's gotten a lot less funny as I seem incapable of getting a handle on all the things I absolutely need to do. My boyfriend thinks I should go see if I qualify for a formal diagnosis and I'm starting to think he's right. Last night I was doing some research for a psych paper and I did what every first year psych student with access to a DSM for the first time does. I started diagnosing myself with things. Most of it was in fun but when I did get around to the ADHD section, the inattention criteria was like reading my own biography. You need to have shown 6/8 symptoms for the past 6 months. I'm pretty sure I score 8/8.
List of symptoms, spoilered for long:
This has become a huge problem lately because I just got accepted into my dream university program. It starts in third year, meaning that I've done 2 years already. Most of that was my music diploma which was easier for me because one of the only things I can actually concentrate on for as long as I need to is music. I still missed deadlines and neglected chunks of work but it was more manageable, grades-wise. Now I'm finishing up the rest of the prerequisites (I'm allowed to have a couple dragging) and it's all falling down around me. I have 3 papers due in a 2 week span. One I got in on time by sheer force of will, pulling an all nighter to do so and proving to myself that I am too old for that shit. One is presently half done and 3 days overdue. The third is half researched with a draft due for peer revision in 2 hours (so not happening) and the final version due on Thursday.
I don't know what to do or how to fix this. I don't know how my life will change if this is actually ADD and I do manage to get a diagnosis. Will I be medicated? Is that good idea? How will it affect my outlook? How will I afford it (unemployed and no extended insurance, though thankfully I'm Canadian so at least seeing whatever doctor I need to see should be covered)?
I'm not sure exactly what I'm expecting here by way of answers. I just want to know what to do. I've been reluctant to see a doctor because I know ADD has been totally overdiagnosed and I'm afraid that maybe I'm just lazy. Any thoughts or similar experiences?
List of symptoms, spoilered for long:
(a) often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities.
Check. So many marks missed for tiny little things I just didn't read/ignored.
(b) often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities
Check. I need to break my work sessions up into short bursts or I will spend more surfing Wikipedia or some other such nonsense than actually writing my paper or whatever else needs doing.
(c) often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
Check. My gaze wanders constantly, leading people to think I'm not paying attention to them or bored by what they're saying when that truly isn't the case (most of the time)
(d) often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish school work, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior
or failure to understand instructions)
Oh goodness, check. I'll sit in front of my computer, research open, paper plotted out (maybe) and marvel at myself as I find hour after hour of reasons to just not do it. It's the most frustrating thing in the world, I know it needs to be done and I just sit there fucking around on the internet or playing video games.
(e) often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities
Check. Without sustained effort, my house looks like a bomb exploded. My notebooks are no better. I can make schedules but I can't make myself stick to them.
(f) often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework)
Check. See (d)
(g) often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g ., toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools)
Check. Just... just check. Everything is lost everywhere.
(h) is often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli
Check. If something is flashing, making noise, or moving anywhere in the room, my productivity is so low
(i) is often forgetful in daily activities
Check. Last week my flute student had her first recital. It was a big deal. I needed to be there for 6:00. I remembered at 5:15 and I'm really lucky I made it in time. This kind of shit happens all the time, except I don't always remember before it's too late
Check. So many marks missed for tiny little things I just didn't read/ignored.
(b) often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities
Check. I need to break my work sessions up into short bursts or I will spend more surfing Wikipedia or some other such nonsense than actually writing my paper or whatever else needs doing.
(c) often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
Check. My gaze wanders constantly, leading people to think I'm not paying attention to them or bored by what they're saying when that truly isn't the case (most of the time)
(d) often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish school work, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior
or failure to understand instructions)
Oh goodness, check. I'll sit in front of my computer, research open, paper plotted out (maybe) and marvel at myself as I find hour after hour of reasons to just not do it. It's the most frustrating thing in the world, I know it needs to be done and I just sit there fucking around on the internet or playing video games.
(e) often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities
Check. Without sustained effort, my house looks like a bomb exploded. My notebooks are no better. I can make schedules but I can't make myself stick to them.
(f) often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework)
Check. See (d)
(g) often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g ., toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools)
Check. Just... just check. Everything is lost everywhere.
(h) is often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli
Check. If something is flashing, making noise, or moving anywhere in the room, my productivity is so low
(i) is often forgetful in daily activities
Check. Last week my flute student had her first recital. It was a big deal. I needed to be there for 6:00. I remembered at 5:15 and I'm really lucky I made it in time. This kind of shit happens all the time, except I don't always remember before it's too late
This has become a huge problem lately because I just got accepted into my dream university program. It starts in third year, meaning that I've done 2 years already. Most of that was my music diploma which was easier for me because one of the only things I can actually concentrate on for as long as I need to is music. I still missed deadlines and neglected chunks of work but it was more manageable, grades-wise. Now I'm finishing up the rest of the prerequisites (I'm allowed to have a couple dragging) and it's all falling down around me. I have 3 papers due in a 2 week span. One I got in on time by sheer force of will, pulling an all nighter to do so and proving to myself that I am too old for that shit. One is presently half done and 3 days overdue. The third is half researched with a draft due for peer revision in 2 hours (so not happening) and the final version due on Thursday.
I don't know what to do or how to fix this. I don't know how my life will change if this is actually ADD and I do manage to get a diagnosis. Will I be medicated? Is that good idea? How will it affect my outlook? How will I afford it (unemployed and no extended insurance, though thankfully I'm Canadian so at least seeing whatever doctor I need to see should be covered)?
I'm not sure exactly what I'm expecting here by way of answers. I just want to know what to do. I've been reluctant to see a doctor because I know ADD has been totally overdiagnosed and I'm afraid that maybe I'm just lazy. Any thoughts or similar experiences?
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but they're listening to every word I say
You should really go see a doctor.
Yeah, I think it sounds like a classic case, but there's a reason my Abnormal Psych prof (bless that man) had us stand up and recite an oath that we would never diagnose ourselves or someone else.
You should be seeing a GP (who in turn may refer you to a psychiatrist or equivalent) not because a bunch of quasi-knowledgeable people on the internet validated your suspicions, but because you already know this:
Your questions such as "Will I be medicated?", "is that a good idea?", and "How will this affect my outlook?" are not questions that we should be answering in any good conscience. I could give you my off the cuff experiences with Dexedrine and Concerta and the like, but in my personal opinion, that's not really what you need right now. Much more important you get a professional opinion first and then fire off extraneous questions on this thread later, when you've got the important questions answered first.
Chop chop!
There's never a reason not to. Even if you're like "I'm not really sure, but maybe I have this or maybe I'm overreacting..." just ask the doctor, they'll know better than you. And if they put you on medication and you don't end up liking it, you can just tell them you don't want to take it. There's not really a downside here to just making an appointment and talking to someone, especially if you believe it can really help you.
ADD is a rough thing to struggle with, as I have all my life. It's absolutely the case that ADHD-pi is easy to confuse with laziness, and this seriously influenced my self-esteem for a long time. Medication has helped me an immense amount, but it also introduces problems into your life too due to side-effects, tolerance, or psychological dependence. I suggest it, but I also suggest being very careful that you make sure you're using other strategies to manage your ADD as well.
But, yeah, no reason not see a doctor.