I want to get something significant out before the thread closes. This isn't my official thank-you post for my recent donation drive, that's going to be its own deal.
The last year has been a low point in working past my issues. There's been some backtracking, and a bunch of time normally reserved for what are solely my problems had been rededicated to working on my relationship with Rebecca. It was a conscious choice, because a small (and wise) part of my brain recognized that my relationship with her is significant, and is worth overcoming some deep shit involving my family's method of interaction. My temper has been under check for the most part, but turns out it exudes itself out in other ways which still end up hurting Rebecca.
On my professional side, school has been a struggle when it's been grinding against my anxiety and depression waves. I want to go back to my work ethic from two years ago, before I let my problems get the better of me. My therapist is excellent, my relationship with Rebecca is stable, and I have super-awesome friends both on and offline. These people reinforce my belief in kindness and open-mindedness being the pinnacle of human traits.
Going forward, I'm going to be reigning in my anger more, and working harder to make the life Rebecca and I share better. In just over two months I'm going to be meeting a significant life goal, and I want that particular date to be a symbol of how much better I can do. No beating myself down, my ability to learn from my mistakes is not improved through self-loathing.
I love you guys, and I want ALL of you here to be well. Several of you are in the midst of some insanely difficult circumstances, and I want you know that I'm behind you in spirit. Low-points can make you feel like that hope has died, but you and I both know that every tomorrow can bring just a little more change. Just do what you can, and do your best to not hate yourself.
Doobh on
Miss me? Find me on:
Twitch (I stream most days of the week) Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
+8
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MetalbourneInside a cluster b personalityRegistered Userregular
I want to write a story where I get swept off my feet by a hetero guy
And he's all in love with me but doesn't like my dick.
So there's all this stuff going on
And at the end of the story he kisses me and the magic happens.
He turns into a trans girl too
+5
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
@Vivixenne good luck with your surgery! (if you even read this before going under)
And I'll miss Borderlands for awhile because my computer is having it's own brain problems! Graphics card just died, bleh ...
Steam
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
I will look forward to the next brain thread in a few months, and hearing about the progress people have made.
If anyone ever wants to chat, hit me up on Steam or something. I can't guarantee I will have useful advice but I can lend an empathetic ear at least.
+2
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AthenorBattle Hardened OptimistThe Skies of HiigaraRegistered Userregular
edited July 2013
It's 4:40 AM. I can't sleep. After a week of staying up till 1 AM and waking at 7 and barely getting to work on time, my body is having trouble with such an abrupt shift, and not falling asleep cleanly thanks to my bro yelling at his L4D2 partners doesn't help.
But I just realized that this isn't necessarily a bad thing. After all.. all last week, I kept telling myself I'd get to bed early and I'd wake up early, and it'd let me get over to the lab to get my bloodwork done. So today... I can get my bloodwork done. And that's a good, positive thing. I need to focus more on those, which is why I've tried to be as optimistic as possible in these threads.
@I Win Swordfights, thanks for proving that love conquers all. I have no frakking idea what you are talking about half the time, but damn if I'm not glad to see you pull through.
@Tonkka, work through the thought process of why you feel whatever is going on is stupid. Try reframing it, see it from another angle.. and ask someone else to see it from their angle.
@Metalbourne: If you need a copy editor, proofreader, or even an editor, let me know. At some point in my life I'll finally reach the point where I'll tell my stories... and you have cemented that I'm going to have someone transgendered in them, and I'm going to be as accurate as possible to the experience - the highs and the lows. I owe it to you, this community, and my old friend that I don't talk to anymore... Hm. Maybe I should reach out to her for my therapist's homework...
@Vivixenne, good luck on your surgery! Your prodding and pushing in this and other threads has gone a long way to help get me where I am today.
@k-maps, next time I notice the Brain Problems thread I'll be sure to draw your attention to it, so you can get in on the ground floor.
@Gandalf_The_Crazed, you did something that I don't think I'd have the strength to do.. and you are a better person for the experience. Plus, you brought joy and happiness to your friend. I'm wishing for all the best, as is everyone else. But whatever happens, be sure to keep talking, keep being there, and don't run in fear. It's okay to be scared.. Hell, I'd be scared too. But don't run. Remember that there are a ton of people here to talk to, even without a thread.
@ the mods and Tube, I don't thank you guys enough. From the individual conversations to the threads and to the forums as a whole, as I've matured I've come to realize how special this place is on the internet. I couldn't survive in a place like 4chan or Something Awful, and yet I don't think I want to be part of a small community or an echo chamber. This place feels like a small town.. a small town where you may not know everyone, but everyone is invited to just have fun. Except the silly geese. They get put outside the electrified, hedgehog-guarded fence.
@ Everyone: You're more awesome than you realize. And I'm crying now just thinking how special you all are to me, and how I never want this to end.. yet I know it will someday. I'll try not to focus on that. Instead, some day, some where, I'll be in a financial, physical, and mental condition to go to PAX or PAX East.. and when I do, I'll give each and every one of you a hug.. You know, if you are cool with that.
Hi Brain Problems thread! This might be coming to a close but I would also like to put my PM inbox out there, because I am a pretty good listener (you can ask @Hullis but he is a butt)
But thanks everyone for listening. It's been a Good Thread™
I am having the biggest meltdown over my finances and I want to quit everything. Like, literally everything. I told my friend yesterday that I wouldn't be able to make her wedding, which makes me feel so incredibly awful. I'm supposed to be playing a D&D campaign with friends online and I told them to go ahead without me because I'm a snot-nosed crying mess. Today I'm going to cancel my gym membership, and the only thing keeping me from quitting my job is the fact that I'm tied to a lease that ain't payin' for itself.
Ughhhhh what is wrong with me.
Finances are the worst.
You know that if you wanted to stay home this weekend instead of coming to see us that it would be okay, right? I don't want you freaking out about gas and dinner if you're already stressed.
I'm not always a very good listener, but if you want a personalized motto or inspirational, for you or a friend, I am always at service. Satisfaction guaranteed!
I too would like to say something before the thread closes
I have been getting really bored again and three times at work I have become so bored I become despondent that ever so fun abyss of bordem I seem to fall into
It's not fun to fall into that and then deal with it for days where nothing seems all that fun or enjoyable
I usually don't post in these threads, but having fought and conquered demons of my own (in no small part thanks to some of the people here), I know how much difference it can make to have someone to talk to.
So if any of you want to talk about anything, anytime, feel free to shoot me a pm, I'd love to listen and offer any support I can.
I'm pretty awful at getting back to people in any kind of timely matter, but I'm putting my PM inbox out there as well. I missed basically the entire middle of this thread, and it's killing me that's it's going away so soon. Best wishes to all of you.
@Brainleech
I think we might have the same thing going on. I know I had a good seven hours to myself yesterday and couldn't do much but eat and screw around online. Last I checked I really wanted to play some video games or anything. At some point I got myself to watch Animaniacs on YouTube and I'm calling that a win. I've lost plenty of entire days to this sort of thing. I really wish I used my downtime better enjoying the things that I'm supposed to enjoy.
Surprisingly I am ok, which is a new thing since usually when he contacts me I get all weird and closed off for a while, but for the first time I'm having a genuine "you have no power over me" moment except that David Bowie isn't here in obscenely clingy grey tights
So again, thank you therapy, thank you brain problems thread, thank you mes amis, for helping me to be a better and more healthy me than I was
Surprisingly I am ok, which is a new thing since usually when he contacts me I get all weird and closed off for a while, but for the first time I'm having a genuine "you have no power over me" moment except that David Bowie isn't here in obscenely clingy grey tights
So again, thank you therapy, thank you brain problems thread, thank you mes amis, for helping me to be a better and more healthy me than I was
told her last night i was gonna go to the movies today at noon, she said sure that's fine, she needed to get my dad's name removed from the car title but she could go do that first thing in the morning
i got up early to take care of everything that could conceivably need taken care of. She did not go and do the thing first thing in the morning. She realized that she was gonna be running late but said it'd be fine to leave my dad for a while since he's been doing well and it wouldn't hurt anything if we were both gone for an hour or two
11:20 rolls around, 10 minutes before I was planning to leave, and she says that she's just not comfortable with leaving him alone and can I stay while she goes to the tax office and go to a later showing. My tickets are bought and paid for and they say right on them "no refunds or exchanges" but sure fuck it whatever vehicle stuff and my dad are more important
she asks me to look up the address for the county tax office, I do and we're both confused because the directions to get there are way more complicated than we remember them being. I hunt around and find the city tax department, which looks like it's in more or less the same place that we went to the last time we had to change the cars' titles, so I give her those directions. I ask her if she's sure that that's where she's supposed to go, since I'm pretty sure we went to the county tax office before, but she's positive because like me she remembers the street names involved in the directions. She leaves and I start calling the theater and can't get ahold of anyone other than whatever doofy teenager is running the box office and she basically says "maybe?" when I ask her about exchanging the tickets for the 3 PM showing
Now I get a call from her and she's angry that I told her to go to the city tax department because it's the wrong place and it's in the middle of nowhere and why would i send her to God Knows Where when the county tax office is on the other side of town and she's not listening to me tell her that I fucking double-checked with her about which location she wanted directions to and this is the one she fucking picked. Evidently the tax office has moved locations since last year. I'm trying to calmly explain to her the directions to get to the county tax office but she keeps cutting me off because her phone is telling her she has to take a highway she's uncomfortable taking because of heavy traffic and construction and I keep trying to tell her that I have directions that avoid that highway but then she cuts me off again when I say to "head northwest" because "how the hell am I supposed to know which way west is?!?!?" and she just bitches and moans some more about how she's completely lost and her day is completely shot (she is under the impression that the workday ends at like fucking 1 PM for reasons I will never understand) and how she didn't go and do anything she needed to get done and neither did I (which is straight-up bullshit). So now she's angry at me and angry in general and I'm probably gonna miss the movie all together and be out my 15 bucks
Like, we have a stressful life. I get it. Because I also experience it. But every fucking god damn day she finds something new and asinine to be in a bad mood about and I'm just fucking sick of it. She completely ignores anything good that happens and dwells on all the shit and sadness and yes yes sure sure our situation is sad and all but for fuck's sake I am sick of hearing the "poor me boo hoo" schtick after 3 fucking years of it. Quit bitching about being lost the device that you are bitching at me with has a fucking GPS in it and you are in a major city being lost is not possible.
oh by some miracle she made it to the county tax office and called me back for a good old racist tirade about how the place is swamped with illegal immigrants and she's never going to get through the line and all the immigrant buses have taken up all the parking spaces so she had to walk "ten miles" to the door
"Can you GUARANTEE that if I wait in this bigass line going out the door that this is going to be where I need to go?"
"No. I can't. All I can tell you is that the woman at city hall said this was the right location. That's all I can tell you. Take it or leave it."
EDIT: And now she called me back and told me to call the tax office and confirm that it's the right place! She called me to ask me to call someone for her. Jesus Christ.
@pixelmonkey: the people you know sound like the worst. I'd never really thought about how big Perth was but if you have to live there with your shockingly mean mother and can easily encounter high school assholes that physically attacked you uh, maybe leaving Perth isn't such a bad idea.
You said you want to go into advertising? That is a good chance to go to school outside of Perth. If you are alright with not getting a degree you can look at Portfolio Schools. Yeah, they are real things, all about putting together portfolios for advertising jobs. The real meat is the networking and internship opportunities. It was something I myself was thinking of possibly doing in the future. You wouldn't even have to stay in Australia since there are good portfolio schools in other countries. The biggest barrier is probably cost and possibly relocation (in the US there are only a few portfolio schools that grant degrees and are thus eligible for federal aid)
Well I have already enrolled at a uni for this semester so post grad studies have just started. As for money problems, because of the current situation I have to study in Perth. If I get enough money together I could try looking for work over in the eastern states.
But mum and that guy both have their points. I mean for example mom constantly nagging about the girl thing is correct. I've missed my headline and statically guys with my age and inexperience are screwed if those studies from the uni's are correct.
But you are correct she can be very mean at times.
the best part is i remember that i was the one stuck with this job last year and when I had similar problems with the byzantine bureaucratic process you have to go through to get anything official done I was constantly chided for being lazy and unambitious and I was just stalling the process because if I didn't update my ID info I couldn't get a job
funny how no matter what position I'm in with this errand I am one way or another the person responsible for any and all failures
incidentally when I called the tax office they advised that their computer system was malfunctioning and they were going to be down for at least an hour so she gave up and is coming home
and now I can go out and do all the errands that weren't urgent or pressing in the slightest until she got mad and needed an excuse to call me lazy
AthenorBattle Hardened OptimistThe Skies of HiigaraRegistered Userregular
@Speed Racer, it sounds like you are in a pretty standard caregiver dilemma. You care, obviously, but you aren't trained to be a caregiver.. and neither is your mother. And it's only going to get worse as she's unable to care for herself, and thus you get to bear the brunt of her lashing out.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to get help.. whatever help you can. A caregiver, a counselor, whatever. You owe it to yourself.
What's really annoying my brothers who constantly say I have no right to feel like I'm screwed. Lets see they got the height, they got the looks, they got the intelligence myself I got screwed.
They are a constant reminder that no matter what I do I'm a failure for my age. And that sucks. As for the whole bullying thing it's definitely the reason why I took up Eskrima (with some Muay Thai on the side) and just recently Wing Chun. Weirdly enough it has definitely helped with confidence against bigger guys if they're giving me hard time.
Posts
This will be here until I receive an apology or Weedlordvegeta get any consequences for being a bully
My pm box is always open and even though my time zone stinks for must of you, I will do my best to be there if you need me.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
I read that as "hands" on first glance
and then I wondered what you would need the extra hands for
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
plus, you're going to have a cleaner exchange of information so why not
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
Also a lot of mods are surprisingly approachable.
well, yeah
(but that's a secret shhhhhh)
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
The last year has been a low point in working past my issues. There's been some backtracking, and a bunch of time normally reserved for what are solely my problems had been rededicated to working on my relationship with Rebecca. It was a conscious choice, because a small (and wise) part of my brain recognized that my relationship with her is significant, and is worth overcoming some deep shit involving my family's method of interaction. My temper has been under check for the most part, but turns out it exudes itself out in other ways which still end up hurting Rebecca.
On my professional side, school has been a struggle when it's been grinding against my anxiety and depression waves. I want to go back to my work ethic from two years ago, before I let my problems get the better of me. My therapist is excellent, my relationship with Rebecca is stable, and I have super-awesome friends both on and offline. These people reinforce my belief in kindness and open-mindedness being the pinnacle of human traits.
Going forward, I'm going to be reigning in my anger more, and working harder to make the life Rebecca and I share better. In just over two months I'm going to be meeting a significant life goal, and I want that particular date to be a symbol of how much better I can do. No beating myself down, my ability to learn from my mistakes is not improved through self-loathing.
I love you guys, and I want ALL of you here to be well. Several of you are in the midst of some insanely difficult circumstances, and I want you know that I'm behind you in spirit. Low-points can make you feel like that hope has died, but you and I both know that every tomorrow can bring just a little more change. Just do what you can, and do your best to not hate yourself.
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
And he's all in love with me but doesn't like my dick.
So there's all this stuff going on
And at the end of the story he kisses me and the magic happens.
He turns into a trans girl too
But I have read every single post in this thread. And let me just say - everyone: You are awesome and things will get better.
And I'll miss Borderlands for awhile because my computer is having it's own brain problems! Graphics card just died, bleh ...
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
If anyone ever wants to chat, hit me up on Steam or something. I can't guarantee I will have useful advice but I can lend an empathetic ear at least.
But I just realized that this isn't necessarily a bad thing. After all.. all last week, I kept telling myself I'd get to bed early and I'd wake up early, and it'd let me get over to the lab to get my bloodwork done. So today... I can get my bloodwork done. And that's a good, positive thing. I need to focus more on those, which is why I've tried to be as optimistic as possible in these threads.
@usagi, thank you for the thread.
@Joshofalltrades, seriously, keep updating your blog.
@I Win Swordfights, thanks for proving that love conquers all. I have no frakking idea what you are talking about half the time, but damn if I'm not glad to see you pull through.
@Tonkka, work through the thought process of why you feel whatever is going on is stupid. Try reframing it, see it from another angle.. and ask someone else to see it from their angle.
@Metalbourne: If you need a copy editor, proofreader, or even an editor, let me know. At some point in my life I'll finally reach the point where I'll tell my stories... and you have cemented that I'm going to have someone transgendered in them, and I'm going to be as accurate as possible to the experience - the highs and the lows. I owe it to you, this community, and my old friend that I don't talk to anymore... Hm. Maybe I should reach out to her for my therapist's homework...
@Vivixenne, good luck on your surgery! Your prodding and pushing in this and other threads has gone a long way to help get me where I am today.
@k-maps, next time I notice the Brain Problems thread I'll be sure to draw your attention to it, so you can get in on the ground floor.
@Gandalf_The_Crazed, you did something that I don't think I'd have the strength to do.. and you are a better person for the experience. Plus, you brought joy and happiness to your friend. I'm wishing for all the best, as is everyone else. But whatever happens, be sure to keep talking, keep being there, and don't run in fear. It's okay to be scared.. Hell, I'd be scared too. But don't run. Remember that there are a ton of people here to talk to, even without a thread.
@ the mods and Tube, I don't thank you guys enough. From the individual conversations to the threads and to the forums as a whole, as I've matured I've come to realize how special this place is on the internet. I couldn't survive in a place like 4chan or Something Awful, and yet I don't think I want to be part of a small community or an echo chamber. This place feels like a small town.. a small town where you may not know everyone, but everyone is invited to just have fun. Except the silly geese. They get put outside the electrified, hedgehog-guarded fence.
@ Everyone: You're more awesome than you realize. And I'm crying now just thinking how special you all are to me, and how I never want this to end.. yet I know it will someday. I'll try not to focus on that. Instead, some day, some where, I'll be in a financial, physical, and mental condition to go to PAX or PAX East.. and when I do, I'll give each and every one of you a hug.. You know, if you are cool with that.
This will be here until I receive an apology or Weedlordvegeta get any consequences for being a bully
But thanks everyone for listening. It's been a Good Thread™
ineedmayo.com Eidolon Journal Updated
Finances are the worst.
You know that if you wanted to stay home this weekend instead of coming to see us that it would be okay, right? I don't want you freaking out about gas and dinner if you're already stressed.
We can always come back down for a visit later.
3DS: 2019-9671-8106 NNID: RamblinMushroom
Twitter/Tumblr
more nightmares
gettin kinda sick of the whole "cant leave, not even in your head" thing
im probably gonna lose my mind soon
I have been getting really bored again and three times at work I have become so bored I become despondent that ever so fun abyss of bordem I seem to fall into
It's not fun to fall into that and then deal with it for days where nothing seems all that fun or enjoyable
So if any of you want to talk about anything, anytime, feel free to shoot me a pm, I'd love to listen and offer any support I can.
@Brainleech
I think we might have the same thing going on. I know I had a good seven hours to myself yesterday and couldn't do much but eat and screw around online. Last I checked I really wanted to play some video games or anything. At some point I got myself to watch Animaniacs on YouTube and I'm calling that a win. I've lost plenty of entire days to this sort of thing. I really wish I used my downtime better enjoying the things that I'm supposed to enjoy.
Steam - Wildschwein | The Backlog
Grappling Hook Showdown - Tumblr
Surprisingly I am ok, which is a new thing since usually when he contacts me I get all weird and closed off for a while, but for the first time I'm having a genuine "you have no power over me" moment except that David Bowie isn't here in obscenely clingy grey tights
So again, thank you therapy, thank you brain problems thread, thank you mes amis, for helping me to be a better and more healthy me than I was
You kick ass.
Me too
So many smooches for ya come PAXtime
told her last night i was gonna go to the movies today at noon, she said sure that's fine, she needed to get my dad's name removed from the car title but she could go do that first thing in the morning
i got up early to take care of everything that could conceivably need taken care of. She did not go and do the thing first thing in the morning. She realized that she was gonna be running late but said it'd be fine to leave my dad for a while since he's been doing well and it wouldn't hurt anything if we were both gone for an hour or two
11:20 rolls around, 10 minutes before I was planning to leave, and she says that she's just not comfortable with leaving him alone and can I stay while she goes to the tax office and go to a later showing. My tickets are bought and paid for and they say right on them "no refunds or exchanges" but sure fuck it whatever vehicle stuff and my dad are more important
she asks me to look up the address for the county tax office, I do and we're both confused because the directions to get there are way more complicated than we remember them being. I hunt around and find the city tax department, which looks like it's in more or less the same place that we went to the last time we had to change the cars' titles, so I give her those directions. I ask her if she's sure that that's where she's supposed to go, since I'm pretty sure we went to the county tax office before, but she's positive because like me she remembers the street names involved in the directions. She leaves and I start calling the theater and can't get ahold of anyone other than whatever doofy teenager is running the box office and she basically says "maybe?" when I ask her about exchanging the tickets for the 3 PM showing
Now I get a call from her and she's angry that I told her to go to the city tax department because it's the wrong place and it's in the middle of nowhere and why would i send her to God Knows Where when the county tax office is on the other side of town and she's not listening to me tell her that I fucking double-checked with her about which location she wanted directions to and this is the one she fucking picked. Evidently the tax office has moved locations since last year. I'm trying to calmly explain to her the directions to get to the county tax office but she keeps cutting me off because her phone is telling her she has to take a highway she's uncomfortable taking because of heavy traffic and construction and I keep trying to tell her that I have directions that avoid that highway but then she cuts me off again when I say to "head northwest" because "how the hell am I supposed to know which way west is?!?!?" and she just bitches and moans some more about how she's completely lost and her day is completely shot (she is under the impression that the workday ends at like fucking 1 PM for reasons I will never understand) and how she didn't go and do anything she needed to get done and neither did I (which is straight-up bullshit). So now she's angry at me and angry in general and I'm probably gonna miss the movie all together and be out my 15 bucks
Like, we have a stressful life. I get it. Because I also experience it. But every fucking god damn day she finds something new and asinine to be in a bad mood about and I'm just fucking sick of it. She completely ignores anything good that happens and dwells on all the shit and sadness and yes yes sure sure our situation is sad and all but for fuck's sake I am sick of hearing the "poor me boo hoo" schtick after 3 fucking years of it. Quit bitching about being lost the device that you are bitching at me with has a fucking GPS in it and you are in a major city being lost is not possible.
http://www.audioentropy.com/
"Can you GUARANTEE that if I wait in this bigass line going out the door that this is going to be where I need to go?"
"No. I can't. All I can tell you is that the woman at city hall said this was the right location. That's all I can tell you. Take it or leave it."
EDIT: And now she called me back and told me to call the tax office and confirm that it's the right place! She called me to ask me to call someone for her. Jesus Christ.
http://www.audioentropy.com/
But mum and that guy both have their points. I mean for example mom constantly nagging about the girl thing is correct. I've missed my headline and statically guys with my age and inexperience are screwed if those studies from the uni's are correct.
But you are correct she can be very mean at times.
That sounds like the worst place you could be
Gimme a hug
ineedmayo.com Eidolon Journal Updated
funny how no matter what position I'm in with this errand I am one way or another the person responsible for any and all failures
incidentally when I called the tax office they advised that their computer system was malfunctioning and they were going to be down for at least an hour so she gave up and is coming home
and now I can go out and do all the errands that weren't urgent or pressing in the slightest until she got mad and needed an excuse to call me lazy
http://www.audioentropy.com/
I cannot stress enough how important it is to get help.. whatever help you can. A caregiver, a counselor, whatever. You owe it to yourself.
We're here for you, man.
They are a constant reminder that no matter what I do I'm a failure for my age. And that sucks. As for the whole bullying thing it's definitely the reason why I took up Eskrima (with some Muay Thai on the side) and just recently Wing Chun. Weirdly enough it has definitely helped with confidence against bigger guys if they're giving me hard time.
constant chest pain resulting from stress
especially since my heart rate and pulse and etc seems normal