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Constructive Crit

JobafettJobafett Registered User regular
[img][/img]20q185w.jpg

So I just started doing digital cartoon"ing", but I was wanting to get some constructive criticism on my characters for my web comic. I will upload the second character this week. Feel free to rip and tear, Im wanting to make something that's worth reading and I know rarely do you ever get it right the first time.

Thanks Guys,
Jorb

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    NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    Looks like there's a lot of compression artifacts. How are you saving this for the Web?

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    sharky tsharky t LondonRegistered User regular
    edited July 2013
    Could do with some variation in the line weight, might give the drawings more energy. But you might wanna keep it the way it is as part of the style?

    sharky t on
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    JobafettJobafett Registered User regular
    edited July 2013
    Well unfortunately nibcrom its a compressed jpg. I agree with your statement that there should be more line weight variation, sharky t. Thanks guys! I try to get criticisms from other sites but all I tend to get is things like "more cowbell". So, that being said I appreciate whats been given.

    Jobafett on
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    NakedZerglingNakedZergling A more apocalyptic post apocalypse Portland OregonRegistered User regular
    The nose is very distracting. The tangents from the moustach to the nostrils are stabbing me in the eyes. Otherwise, its just sorta your average dude. The overall drawing isn't BAD but it's also not "good". Just kinda uninspired, to me both in design, and style. Please don't take this as a slam, just being honest.

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    JobafettJobafett Registered User regular
    The nose is very distracting. The tangents from the moustach to the nostrils are stabbing me in the eyes. Otherwise, its just sorta your average dude. The overall drawing isn't BAD but it's also not "good". Just kinda uninspired, to me both in design, and style. Please don't take this as a slam, just being honest.

    No worries, I didnt post my stuff to make friends. I honestly just want to get better. And, although I appreciate you pointing out places in which I could improve, do you have any suggestions for changes.

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    m3nacem3nace Registered User regular
    Start with the basic, he could use a stronger silhouette.

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    brokecrackerbrokecracker Registered User regular
    edited July 2013
    The beard/mouth/nose creates a lot of tangents. Stolen from @squidbunny A great thing on tangents.

    Here is a quick and dirty example, the red dots are the tangents.
    iGtw7sd.jpg

    brokecracker on
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    GristoGristo Registered User regular
    You say you want it to be worth reading, but right now we're just talking about the art. It might be nice to see the characters in scene, how it all clicks, and read your dialogue -- even if it's just sketches. Forest for the trees, ya know?

    Also, rather than "you won't get it right the first time," you might want to think about "it might not be right in the beginning." My webcomic's changed a lot since the early stages, but I never would've started if I was picky about the way it launched. Now it's kind of neat: you can see progression if you click through from the beginning.

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    JobafettJobafett Registered User regular
    The beard/mouth/nose creates a lot of tangents. Stolen from @squidbunny A great thing on tangents.

    Thanks for the link im going to try and do a few remakes keeping this in mind.

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    JobafettJobafett Registered User regular
    edited July 2013
    Gristo wrote: »
    You say you want it to be worth reading, but right now we're just talking about the art. It might be nice to see the characters in scene, how it all clicks, and read your dialogue -- even if it's just sketches. Forest for the trees, ya know?

    Also, rather than "you won't get it right the first time," you might want to think about "it might not be right in the beginning." My webcomic's changed a lot since the early stages, but I never would've started if I was picky about the way it launched. Now it's kind of neat: you can see progression if you click through from the beginning.

    I definitely agree that you shouldn't let your inexperience keep you from making work. But like I mentioned briefly, I am extremely new to being, or attempting to be, a cartoonist. I'll probably post a new thread soon on what kind of content Is appropriate for web comics. So I guess im just looking for critique on character design. But I will try and post some rough sketches and panels this week.

    P.s. forgive my ignorance but can you explain directional and panel to panel tangents. I didnt quite understand what was going on in his examples.

    Jobafett on
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    JobafettJobafett Registered User regular
    Thanks again guys this means alot!

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    NakedZerglingNakedZergling A more apocalyptic post apocalypse Portland OregonRegistered User regular
    Where the lines of the moustache meet the nostrils of the nose everything comes to a point. It looks like the moustache is going into the nose. I assume the idea is to show that the tip of the nose is OVER the moustache. This would happen mostly if someones head was angled DOWN. But even then you wouldn't want to draw the lines going to exactly where the nostrils meet the nose. So you have this intersecting point where nostrils, nose tip, and moustache line all meet. Those are the top two red dots highlighted by brokecracker. This is the WORST of the tangents you have going on, because it causes visual confustion. the nose gets lost, and it looks....wonky.
    In the other red dot sections you have lines that are "bumping, kissing, overlapping" whatever you want to call it. This also confuses the eye. The bottom lip line blends onto the top beard line, and they fight the eye for attention...but not in a good way.

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    MyGfsDogMyGfsDog Registered User regular
    The one thing that stands out to me is that the figure is leaning to the right. Or maybe that's supposed to be intentional? If so, I apologize. If it's accidental, try flipping your canvas every so often as you draw so you can see a mirror image of it. This will be like looking at it for the very first time and it'll really help you find the flaws.

    Aside from that, I think it's a pretty good design. Could use a little more "umph" but it's certainly has a lot of potential. But I do agree with the above comments about the nose and facial hair.

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