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Do I have autism (nope, solved)
Alt-Zilla
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So I think I may have autism or some other developmental disorder. I'm not exactly sure why I think I do but I've been noticing that I don't exactly work like other people. I'll put all the examples behind a spoiler tag so it's not a massive text wall.
Anyway, does any of this jump out as a type of autism (or other metal problem) or am I just a terrible person who's not putting enough effort into life? Lets say I am autistic, what happens next? There's not cure or anything so I guess being diagnosed wouldn't really do anything other than possibly make people feel bad for me, or give me an excuse to be a bigger dick then I already am. *sigh* I don't even know what I expect people to say here… maybe I just needed to vent.
First off, I'm not very social, actually I'm not social at all and I've been becoming less social as I'm getting older. I currently have 5 friends, I used to have more but I've lost touch with them because I stopped putting in any effort with them. I generally don't hang out with my friends and when they make plans I don't really want to go, it's not that I don't like my friends I just don't want to go out. Even if I make plans with them I will instantly start thinking about excuses to not go. When I'm talking to people, at work or whatever, I generally can't wait for the conversation to be over so I can go back to my desk and be alone. Oh, and I'm terrified to call people, in fact I haven't made an out going phone call in over 2 weeks. Back when I worked in sales we had to make follow up calls, in the 3 years I worked there I don't think I made a single follow up phone call.
I have some obsessive compulsive tendencies. I don't like when my bank accounts have an amount that isn't an even 100, so for example if I have 5,123.99 in my account I will deposit another 76.01 to bring it up to an even 5,200. I don't generally remember numbers very well, but I remember the the movement of my hand to type that number… so for example my old pin for work was 78898 which i only remember because I hit left middle middle right left on the bottom row of the keypad. I don't like people touching me… I can't stand it when people reach out to touch my arm, pat me on the back, put their hand on me to move me if I'm standing in their way… in fact the only person (including family) who has free reign to touch me is my wife. I have a friend that I've known for 15 years and I've only touched him twice, once at my wedding and once in the back seat of a car when our knees touched by accident.
I have issues with light and sound. I have very sensitive hearing so some sounds drive me INSANE. Most animal sounds such as birds or crickets will irk me to no end, as will clocks ticking… one time I slept over someones house and they had a wall clock in their kitchen and I took the batteries out in the middle of the night because the ticking was bothering me even though I was a floor away. In my bedroom I've blocked out all points of light, there is electrical tape and cardboard blocking the lights on my TV, air conditioner, radio, I have my black out curtains taped to the wall around my window so light won't come in that away and I throw my pants across the bottom of the door so light from the hallway won't come in.
I have some obsessive compulsive tendencies. I don't like when my bank accounts have an amount that isn't an even 100, so for example if I have 5,123.99 in my account I will deposit another 76.01 to bring it up to an even 5,200. I don't generally remember numbers very well, but I remember the the movement of my hand to type that number… so for example my old pin for work was 78898 which i only remember because I hit left middle middle right left on the bottom row of the keypad. I don't like people touching me… I can't stand it when people reach out to touch my arm, pat me on the back, put their hand on me to move me if I'm standing in their way… in fact the only person (including family) who has free reign to touch me is my wife. I have a friend that I've known for 15 years and I've only touched him twice, once at my wedding and once in the back seat of a car when our knees touched by accident.
I have issues with light and sound. I have very sensitive hearing so some sounds drive me INSANE. Most animal sounds such as birds or crickets will irk me to no end, as will clocks ticking… one time I slept over someones house and they had a wall clock in their kitchen and I took the batteries out in the middle of the night because the ticking was bothering me even though I was a floor away. In my bedroom I've blocked out all points of light, there is electrical tape and cardboard blocking the lights on my TV, air conditioner, radio, I have my black out curtains taped to the wall around my window so light won't come in that away and I throw my pants across the bottom of the door so light from the hallway won't come in.
Anyway, does any of this jump out as a type of autism (or other metal problem) or am I just a terrible person who's not putting enough effort into life? Lets say I am autistic, what happens next? There's not cure or anything so I guess being diagnosed wouldn't really do anything other than possibly make people feel bad for me, or give me an excuse to be a bigger dick then I already am. *sigh* I don't even know what I expect people to say here… maybe I just needed to vent.
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As far as your symptoms go, I'm not going to touch them because I'm not a professional.
And I have all those issue, except the bank account, round numbers are nice, but bill paying takes precedence, and I'm not autistic. I actually think most of those issues are fairly common.
Edit: yeah, I've been diagnosed with general and social anxiety so it does sound related, but I'm not a professional and despite the lucrative nature of web diagnosing I'm not in that business.
^ This ^
Don't rely on self-diagnosis; if you think you have a mental illness, go get a proper examination from a doctor.
Now, you need to think about what you want to do about the issues you described. Are you generally happy, and satisfied with the state of things, or do you want to change- make more friends, stop shying away from physical contact, and lessen your irritation to small noises? Changing those things would mean seeking out a mental health professional, and probably numerous sessions of Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It's entirely possible for you to see a psychologist without receiving a professional diagnosis.
But you may chose to take some diagnostic tests, and receive a professional diagnosis. Before you do that, though, you should know that getting diagnosed with a mental illness can mean you have a "preexisting condition" on your insurance. It can limit your access to firearms. And it's not uncommon for people to treat you differently when they find out about your diagnosis.
So I'd say think about what you want to do, and then proceed. Definitely do not attempt self-diagnosis and treatment. But think about what a diagnosis would entail before going through with the whole thing.
it's also a fallacy to think that even if you are on the far end of the autism spectrum, that you're incurable and there's nothing you can do to change your brain habits. autism's not 'curable' in the sense that you can't give someone a pill and their brain structure will change overnight, but there are treatments that can significantly help and they're always getting better. there's a related illness** called receptive/expressive language disorder, and a huge part of my job as a teacher is to identify students - some research indicates one in every class - and make sure my teaching is explicit and care is taken to communicate clearly and directly so they don't get frustrated. it's just a longer, slower, harder path to language mastery, much like autism sufferers have a very long and hard path to social abilities and communication.
if these elements of your life are problematic, be grateful that you're aware, and that you have the faculties to express this to someone who can help you through it. other than that, welcome to the human brain. it's weird as shit. get comfy.
* and ** - according to some of the research i read last year, anyway. certainly not demonstrated conclusively yet, though.
It sounds like you are - what? Late teens, early / mid 20's? For most people who aren't actively trying and putting lots of energy into their social circle it's normal once you get out of school / college to only have a small group of friends. It's also normal to - as people work, start relationships, marry / have kids, etc to gradually drift away and lose touch. People often think something is 'wrong' when this happens or feel guilt, but it's really just part of growing up (for many people).
If you are introverted and your interests are things you can do individually, it's perfectly normal once you become an adult and have the freedom (and money) to do the things you want to do to not want to things OTHER people want to do. Not feeling that need for social interaction, or finding it online instead of in person, means a lot of people have trouble coming up with the energy to leave the house and do 'things'. Hell, my wife and I are both homebodies, other than family and people involved with our daughter, we probably only see our circle of friends once every few months (normally for kids birthday parties). Outside of 'work friends', and my wife's friend's husbands, I literally don't have any 'real-life' friends that I interact with on any regular basis.
That's not autism. Neither is liking round numbers, or being bothered by unwanted physical contact or annoying noises.
What is normal is feeling like something is 'wrong' with you, and looking for an easy answer. Almost everyone feels that way at times / points in their life. Having that easy answer - oh, I'm autistic / have Aspergers. That's why I'm the way I am. It wraps everything up into a nice neat package. There are A LOT of people who are self-diagnosed autistic / Aspergers and use it to justify doing the things they want to do when...really...they don't need that justification. Unfortunately (or fortunately, really) that's usually not the case, and it's just a matter of figuring out what it is you want and how to get there.
There's nothing wrong with being introverted and doing the things you want. You don't need to be 'fixed' if you don't want to go out and do things, and prefer to stay in / home playing video games, reading, etc.
Now, I'm not going to say there isn't a good reason to go talk to a therapist / psychologist about your concerns. They may help you navigate through some of the tougher times in life, they may be able to give you some strategies to help you feel better about yourself and realize you are normal. They may even encourage you to find social interaction that you find more engaging and exciting. Social interaction can be good. It's also normal to feel lonely even if you prefer being alone.
But you're not autistic. Nobody becomes a functioning autistic adult without knowing they are autistic.
In general I'm pretty happy being at home alone/with my wife. I don't really care about going out and doing things but there are occasions when I will go out with my friends. I've been getting the feeling that my friends are getting a little irritated with my lack of activity but that's their problem, I've know them for years they should know I'm not active. None of my quirks bother me they just seem to bother other people around me, but I don't really care. So I guess it's not really a problem.
As for a social (or general) anxiety, I'm sure I have that. I had a very rough childhood so I didn't have any friends till I was 10 or so, I suppose that has a big effect on me and my interaction with others. I also have my bouts with panic attacks and insomnia. I suppose I could always speak with a professional but... Ehh knowing me I won't do that unless I'm actually forced to.
As someone who has dealt with similar issues as you: Setup an appointment with a Psychiatrist. And while there, get a referral for a Psychologist.
I myself went through a period of trying to self-diagnose myself and it wasn't helpful. Your anxious mind will try and come up with all the worst possible things you can be, when you're probably just suffering from generalized anxiety disorder. Even if you are suffering from something worse, a doctor is going to be a bigger help than us.
At a minimum, medication helped me with the panic attacks and insomnia. It's nice not starting at the ceiling at 1am in the morning, having trouble breathing because you're panicking from an incident of solipsistic disassociation and the accompanying existential crisis.
You're falling into the trap of trying to use autism as a cover for being disrespectful of other people's feelings.
Edit:
http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2832
Assburger's Syndrome: The belief that a self-diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome entitles you to be an asshole.
No offense dude, but no one here is going to force you to do anything. If you don't want to actually find out what may be the matter and look to address it, the thread is essentially pointless.
If you just think something's wrong with you but are unwilling to talk with professionals, that means you have hypochondria. If you're spending a lot of time online and are self-diagnosing, you are diagnosing yourself with cyberchondria.
It's not really productive to worry about whether your feelings are the same as others, since you'll never experience their emotions (you can only experience your own life). Are you looking for normalcy? If you feel abnormal and different from others, you will probably get further by trying to be nice and pleasant than by trying to self-diagnose yourself with anti-social disorders.
It doesn't sound, if you'll pardon my saying so, like you know much about abnormal psychology. Please don't burn more time and emotional energy trying to perform on yourself a job you're not qualified for. Find someone who is qualified. Especially because your attitude about yourself makes me a little worried that you may be depressed, which in itself, and separate from any other quirks of your personality, would absolutely need to be addressed professionally.
Steam: badger2d
Generalized anxiety and panic attacks don't make it sound like you're happy.
uh not that I think our OP here has an autism spectrum disorder but it is absolutely possible to, as you put it, reach the stage where you have a job and a bank account without being diagnosed. Dan Harmon, for example, didn't find out he had ASD until he was researching Abed, and I'd say a guy in his mid-30s who is show writing for NBC definitely passes the "job and a bank account" test. ASAN is entirely run by autistic adults.
Well there are a number of issues going on right now... Parents are having fairly sever health issues, I'm having some minor health issues and I'm on medication that "may cause anxiety", as well as my wife's parents are having health issues that cause a fair bit of stress. Over all, take away the stress inducing problems I'm very happy with my life right now. I have a really good job, I'm married to a great girl and as bad as my parents health issues are things are finally starting to improve after a year of steady decline. I'm not going to say things are perfect but things are infinitely better than they were a year ago.
If you know you're bothering others, if you can see their negative reactions, your social awareness seems relatively intact. That is, while there could be a lot of clinical or nonclinical problems at play, autism doesn't seem to be one of them. One of the rules of thumb that are used to talk down students with med student syndrome is that if you're aware of symptoms that make you suspect psychosis or autism, you don't have either.
As a person with autism, it's the sensory issues he mentioned that stand out to me here.
In any event, a professional evaluation is always the way to go if you have the resources.
This is correct. I was originally diagnosed at 12 as on the spectrum, but the diagnosis was ignored by my parents at the time and mostly forgotten.
By the time I was re-evaluated and diagnosed once more, I was living on my own, engaged, and employed.
Admittedly, I'm high functioning, though.
The key difference for the social issues is that for high-functioning autists, they're actively learned skills - kind of like acting. Very much like acting, actually, because that's not the natural state for them, like it is for your average person. It doesn't come natural; they very literally have to act it out, and that takes learned experience. (speaking in very broad terms here, mind you.)
I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until I was 25. By that time I had several friends with ASD, but never once did I think I'd have a similar diagnosis. The only reason people know that I have it is because I've told them and got the usual set of "But you don't act like Dustin Hoffman in Rainman!" responses. I've been accused of lying about my diagnosis "for attention" thanks to all the Self-Diagnosing Internet Kids.
In retrospect there were plenty of things in my childhood that pointed to ASD, but it wasn't until I was 25 that I ended up in positions where it became problematic, which finally lead to me getting this diagnosis.
Also, +1 on sensory issues.
Of course, just reading about your issues makes it hard to say anything - everyone has a different scale for how hard those issues are. See a professional to talk about it, to rule it out if nothing else.
I've been told by my therapist and my neurologist that I have a very high level of insight into both my autism issues and other comorbid disorders(though said insight sadly does not translate into easily fixing them, sadly).
For example, knowing that I am likely to misunderstand what people tell me due to phrasing/body language/word choice/etc still to this day does not stop me from taking things people say literally and at face value. Sometimes I stop and wonder but all it does is confuse me unless I can sit down for 15 minutes and use context but that doesn't work in the middle of a conversation.
Anyhow, more to the original point of the thread:
OP, why precisely is it that you want to know one way or the other? An autism spectrum diagnosis is a mixed bag, especially if you are in the states.
-Want benefits? Well, good luck getting anything at all past age 24.
-Want more societal acceptance of your difference? Again, good luck. There is so much disinformation out there on autism. Prepare to deal with people comparing you to Rain Man or Sheldon Cooper or Mitt Romney.
-Hoping to have a diagnosis to kinda hide behind? Probably not going to happen. For one thing, there's a lot of self-diagnosing jerkwad fakers out there, and especially online, prepare to be called a faker. Also, having the diagnosis is no excuse to stop bettering yourself anyways.
-Want to have the diagnosis for your own piece of mind/identity and want to use it as a jumping off point for self improvement? Then it is indeed a good idea. Having the diagnosis let me put a more effective critical eye on my own strengths and weaknesses and has helped me work on improving myself.
I've heard the same. Some people have actually been negative to me knowing so much about my own diagnosis. Why wouldn't i read up on it? There are tons of great books out there, now that there's actual research being done. Asperger's was "discovered" in the 40s, but it wasn't until the 80s that any major studies started taking place, and we're just now seeing serious results.
And +1 on the self-improvement part. One thing I keep saying when talking about it is that my diagnosis is used as an explanation for doing certain things, but never an excuse.
edit: a random book example: Look Me In The Eye, by a guy who got diagnosed in his 40s and his life before Asperger's was a thing that existed.