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I hate myself and I have no idea what to do with my life.

JskripJskrip Registered User new member
I’m in my mid twenties and I’m currently in the Navy, I wasn’t doing anything productive so I enlisted for the G.I. benefits. In two years I’ll be a civilian again and I’m not the least bit confident in my abilities, nor do I have any passions that could drive me toward a potential career. I’m not good at anything, I forget to accomplish simple tasks, I struggle to pay attention, I drag my feet at work, and I’m generally pretty miserable.

I can’t see myself doing anything with my life that isn’t a shitty and menial job. I’m not good at math, so every stable profession is pretty much out of the question. My step-brother recently graduated with a major in computer science and landed a great job. I’m happy for him, but a little jealous.

I suck at everything; I suck at being an adult.

Posts

  • silence1186silence1186 Character shields down! As a wingmanRegistered User regular
    I think you should talk to someone professionally about this; I assume you have health insurance since you're in the Navy. You might even want to go to a psychiatrist over a psychologist, because from the way you describe it, some medication might help you overcome some of your difficulties.

    Alternatively, perhaps see your GP about attention issues, maybe he could prescribe something to help you focus when you really need to.

    Also, there are plenty of stable jobs you can get even if you're not good at math. Honestly, being able to write/communicate is extremely important in today's world.

  • Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    You're listing off a lot of the symptoms of depression. At any rate, talk to a professional. I'd suggest the opposite of the post above me, and try a psychologist first.

  • The EnderThe Ender Registered User regular
    You're listing off a lot of the symptoms of depression.

    ...Also, perhaps PTSD.

    Definitely, definitely talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist. They can give you a proper diagnosis.


    Also, do not worry if you're dragging your feet at the moment, or ever. It happens. We can't be productive 100% of our lives. Don't worry if you don't know that you'll be able to adapt to civilian life - most civilians can't adapt to civilian life. :P

    What are your passions? Do you have a specific career you think you'd be interested in but aren't trained for? If so, maybe you should look into going to school to get into that career.

    With Love and Courage
  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    You don't need to be good at maths to get a computer job. For instance, you can do a computer degree and spend your whole life doing databases or web and not have to do any maths at all. I do programming as a career and need maths more complex than "5+6=11" about once a year. Only the hotshot science or computer graphics jobs need serious maths. Just don't take any maths modules while studying (check before you enroll that this is possible.)

  • JW_IIIJW_III Registered User regular
    edited September 2013
    As far as work, have you tried talking to your Command Career Counselor about finding work that's rewarding, and possibly to cross-rate?

    For the larger issue, I agree that it sounds like you're suffering from PTSD and/or depression, which is ok. I'd make an appointment with your doc to get a referral, or if your command has a mental health clinic even better. If you are, you could possibly be put on 6 months Limited Duty. I worked with LIMDU for about 4 years and I've seen a lot of people turn around, but it's important that you keep regular appointments and talk to your doctor (if, hypothetically, that's where you go).

    It's good to seek help, so talk to a professional. It may not always seem like it, but it's going to be ok.

    Edit: It's easier if you're already on shore duty, but I've seen a lot of LIMDU sailors use their time to go to school, but it depends on your limitations. I'd also suggest talking to your Chief, or the Chaplain.

    JW_III on
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  • JskripJskrip Registered User new member
    This has been an issue for a long time, before I joined the service. I spend a lot of time day dreaming, like, entirely too much. I’m generally living in some kind of fantasy throughout the day. I miss steps in procedures because of it. I forget tasks that were assigned to me, etc.

    My current job is very technical, I don’t like it, but that’s mostly because of the antiquated crap I work with.

    I like working with computers, so computer science was a consideration. I’m really interested in Bioinformatics, but I don’t know if I have the aptitude for it.

  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    I'm a big daydreamer and computers are a good job for me, because no-one can tell whether you are woolgathering or mulling over a difficult code problem.

  • MadpoetMadpoet Registered User regular
    I am not great at math, and managed to get through a CS degree. Actual computer classes aren't bad, but calculus and physics were monsters for me. After those, it's clear sailing.

  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    We didn't do calculus and physics in my degree. There was one hard maths class which I failed, but since I passed everything else great, it didn't ultimately matter. I failed because I did all the assignments by programming my computer to do them, and was completely lost in the paper-based test. :)

  • Mike DangerMike Danger "Diane..." a place both wonderful and strangeRegistered User regular
    edited September 2013
    I'll add my voice to the chorus of "you don't need to be good at math to get a CS degree". My school had 3 required math courses: one was the easiest A I've ever had in a math class in my life, and the other 2 weren't that much harder.

    Mike Danger on
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  • Bliss 101Bliss 101 Registered User regular
    Jskrip wrote: »
    I’m really interested in Bioinformatics, but I don’t know if I have the aptitude for it.

    Give it a try? Bioinformatics doesn't require you to be terribly good at math either, although in most cases you do need to understand statistics. It is also a suitable field for a constant daydreamer (I speak from experience). Mostly it's about figuring out how to describe a complex biological problem or phenomenon in a kind of quasi-mathematical form that can be turned into code. The implementation part is usually pretty simple. You can get into the field from many different backgrounds. Our research group has three bioinformaticians, two from a CS background and one (me) who is a biologist. I would say that having a background in biology or biochemistry makes the job a lot easier, but a CS degree would probably give you more and better options in the job market (biologists have a tendency to end up in academic research, which can be pretty rewarding but not in a financial sense).

    Don't get disheartened just because you're not sure what you want to do, yet, or what you're good at. Mid-twenties isn't too late for anything. Hell, mid-thirties isn't too late for anything. These days people can have multiple careers in their lifetime. Also, I would see a psychologist if I were you. Focusing on tasks is a skill that they can help you learn. And they can probably refer you to a psychiatrist if it looks like you're depressed and medication would help.

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  • JskripJskrip Registered User new member
    What’s the industry like? Is it super competitive? Does it look like it will continue growing?

  • Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Bliss 101 wrote: »
    Don't get disheartened just because you're not sure what you want to do, yet, or what you're good at. Mid-twenties isn't too late for anything. Hell, mid-thirties isn't too late for anything. These days people can have multiple careers in their lifetime.

    I've heard the average is four. Four different careers in one working lifetime.

  • MentalExerciseMentalExercise Indefenestrable Registered User regular
    edited September 2013
    Sheeyit, I'm a chef-bartender-helicopter pilot who's halfway through a computer science degree.

    Not sure a career is a good one for you? Just make sure you don't take on a load of debt trying it out.

    If all you lose is time you haven't lost anything.

    MentalExercise on
    "More fish for Kunta!"

    --LeVar Burton
  • SpaffySpaffy Fuck the Zero Registered User regular
    All I can say to you is that a good command of the written and spoken word will get you further than almost anything else in your formative years of a career. I won't comment on what others above have re: possible depression, but the post you just wrote was more literate than 90% of the cover letters and CVs I receive. That says a lot to me, including that if your numeracy isn't great, then fuck that.

    ALRIGHT FINE I GOT AN AVATAR
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  • HandgimpHandgimp R+L=J Family PhotoRegistered User regular
    Jskrip, you should take advantage of the FFSC to talk things through, they usually have some really good people. Also, make sure you get TAP on your way out. You should be given TAD to attend at 1 year out, and again ~6 months prior (assuming you're separating from a shore command; if you're on a submarine it's harder to get, even though you're still entitled to it).

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  • LilnoobsLilnoobs Alpha Queue Registered User regular
    Bliss 101 wrote: »
    Don't get disheartened just because you're not sure what you want to do, yet, or what you're good at. Mid-twenties isn't too late for anything. Hell, mid-thirties isn't too late for anything. These days people can have multiple careers in their lifetime.

    I've heard the average is four. Four different careers in one working lifetime.

    I don't know what the difference between careers and jobs are, but people are citing millennials will average about 15-20 jobs in their lifetime.

  • ANTVGM64ANTVGM64 Registered User regular
    I'd just like to point out that a few years ago I made a post similar to this every now and then and eventually got over the hump and contacted a professional like....two weeks ago. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. While I don't know your specifics, the only thing I can tell you is that the hardest part of getting help is admitting you need help. Once you make that first step, while again I can't speak for you, it only gets easier.

    Personally I recently diagnosed with ADHD. I had always suspected but was never really in a position to explore it due to job issues and a family that wasn't particularly mental-health friendly, abhorring the idea of medication for mental health issues. Eventually I realized it was something I had to do or I'd spent the rest of my life continuing to hate myself for not being able to focus or . While it's only been a little while for me, I can tell you my thoughts are more clear, I can focus, and nothing seems out of reach if I'm willing to put the effort in, and more importantly, I WANT to put the effort in, versus finding reasons and asking a lot of "well what if" questions that would ultimately stymy my dreams and goals.

    to reiterate, I can't speak for you or anyone else, only myself, and the myself I'm speaking for has never been so clear minded in his life.

  • CptKemzikCptKemzik Registered User regular
    edited September 2013
    Sheeyit, I'm a chef-bartender-helicopter pilot who's halfway through a computer science degree.

    Not sure a career is a good one for you? Just make sure you don't take on a load of debt trying it out.

    If all you lose is time you haven't lost anything.

    I'm going to second this sentiment. I am currently in the beginning stages of a masters program, which I am lucky enough to have non-loan funding for during this first year. Having worked for two years after undergrad, I jettisoned quite a few previous grad school ideas of mine (particularly trying to get into PhD programs), and was sure that the MA programs I applied to over the course of last year were precisely where I wanted to go next (it helped that I visited the departments in question too).

    Fast forward to the conclusion of the first day of classes (two weeks ago), and I feel like crap and I'm on the phone with my mom, girlfriend, and chatting with a friend online, that I hadn't reached out to in years, wondering if I made the right choice - to elaborate it didn't help that on this day I had to do a test of translating a written foreign language passage into english (didn't pass which means i have to do some prepping for it in the spring semester now, blergh), and didn't have a part time job to earn scratch (which is rectified now thankfully), which meant a daunting amount of free time.

    Things are looking a little bit rosier now that the semester is really starting to roll, but the lesson I learned from that feeling, and those conversations, on the first day is that I don't need to feel like I need to actually complete this program. I am not obligated to do it. I've already set the deadline for the end of spring semester - if I'm not in good standing with the program, and don't feel I'm in a healthy enough position to carry on with year 2 (especially in financial terms) then it's just time to pack the bags for home and get on with applying to jerbs again. Heck if (*knock on wood* deities forbid) I do poorly this first semester, I'm just gonna help my housemates find a sublet-er and step aside while the going is still good.

    Basically my takeaway is to reiterate what MentalExercise wrote. As long as whatever you're doing isn't saddling you with unhealthy amounts of debt (which is getting increasingly difficult for folks due to various institutional problems, but since you've been in the navy I assume you'll have some benefits to take advantage of), don't chain yourself to feeling like it's something you're obligated to complete to the bitter end - you'll end up in a much worse position than if you quit on your own terms; knowing to pick your battles and such.

    Also I'll second everyone who has said to go see a professional. Also also that being able to read/write/communicate effectively, especially in a team setting, is vastly more important than being a whiz-kid at math. You could function like a supercomputer with numbers and still squander it all by communicating like a dunderhead to folks.

    CptKemzik on
  • GenlyAiGenlyAi Registered User regular
    Jskrip wrote: »
    What’s the industry like? Is it super competitive? Does it look like it will continue growing?

    I am in it, so I'll take a stab at this.

    IMO bioinformatics is highly likely to continue growing, as there has been a revolution in data generation in the past few years that we are still trying to get a handle on. However, it is still non-trivial to find a job. In the right area of the country (ie Boston) there is a decent amount of demand -- though also a decent supply -- and eventually it is likely that one will end up employed. My impression from the recruiters I hear from is that BS/MS scientists are in a bit more demand than PhDs.

    As for what the job's like: there are basically two things people call bioinformatics. In a "tool" company, a bioinformaticist is usually programming large projects and developing new algorithms for analysis. They may program in compiled languages and create pretty UIs. Whatever you make will then be applied (by you or by your customers) to analyze someone else's data. In a pharma or biotech company, a bioinformaticist is likely to be a problem solver who is part of a team (or a number of teams) trying to address specific problems. You may be the primary analyst trying to make sense of a complex data set. This may involve programming your own tools -- but they are often tactical one-offs -- or it may involve using established methods. In this role, you are more of a scientist, in the first, you are more of a developer.

  • stilettoechoesstilettoechoes Registered User new member
    I would also recommend speaking to a professional after reading some of the phrases you used to describe how you're feeling and how you feel about yourself. I would caution going to a psychiatrist first as my experience has been they have you fill out forms, check off boxes, and then give you medication without really addressing any underlying, environmental or historical problems. Medication is great when it works, but part of what makes it work (and work better) is also addressing surrounding issues within a professional therapeutic relationship where you feel safe and comfortable. Don't feel you have to settle either. It's worth it to consult with a few counselors or psychologists until you find one that you feel comfortable with. Most counselors also do initial consult sessions for free.

    It's really difficult when you have negative self-talk or toxic scripts running in your head. Often times, we try to muster up the energy to seek evidence in the world (through tasks, careers, through relationships, etc.) that disprove those negative scripts, which puts a lot of pressure on those tasks or relationships. So when it doesn't work out, there's the evidence that those toxic thoughts/voices were right all along. There's that saying, if you look hard enough for something, you'll often find it. Well, that goes both ways...for negative stuff and positive stuff. So, what I would also suggest is to try to ease up on yourself and not get discouraged if something you're moving towards doesn't work out as you'd hoped or planned. We are innately setup to learn from our experiences and I would say that we learn and grow just as much, if not sometimes more, from negative experiences.

    And dreamers are awesome! Dreamers are the reason why we have all the various forms of art including music, dance, movies, TV, games, etc. They're the reason we have all the innovative, creative stuff that our society rests upon and seeks out. I hope you never lose your ability to daydream. If it's interfering with things you want to do and inhibiting your choices, then it's a matter of finding a way to manage it and make it work for you. But I feel it's inherently a good, good thing. It can even help you visualize/fantasize about potential solutions to life problems and difficult situations, perhaps including this spot you're going through...

  • Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Lilnoobs wrote: »
    Bliss 101 wrote: »
    Don't get disheartened just because you're not sure what you want to do, yet, or what you're good at. Mid-twenties isn't too late for anything. Hell, mid-thirties isn't too late for anything. These days people can have multiple careers in their lifetime.

    I've heard the average is four. Four different careers in one working lifetime.

    I don't know what the difference between careers and jobs are, but people are citing millennials will average about 15-20 jobs in their lifetime.

    A career is a progression of skills and experience collected towards mastery of a certain trade. For instance, you might work for 3 different restaurants over the course of an 8 year period, starting as a server, moving up through the ranks until you're a manager, then you start running your own restaurant.

    That's a career in the food service industry. There were multiple jobs involved in the building of that career.

  • PedroAsaniPedroAsani Brotherhood of the Squirrel [Prime]Registered User regular
    Jskrip wrote: »
    I’m in my mid twenties and I’m currently in the Navy, I wasn’t doing anything productive so I enlisted for the G.I. benefits. In two years I’ll be a civilian again and I’m not the least bit confident in my abilities, nor do I have any passions that could drive me toward a potential career. I’m not good at anything, I forget to accomplish simple tasks, I struggle to pay attention, I drag my feet at work, and I’m generally pretty miserable.

    I can’t see myself doing anything with my life that isn’t a shitty and menial job. I’m not good at math, so every stable profession is pretty much out of the question. My step-brother recently graduated with a major in computer science and landed a great job. I’m happy for him, but a little jealous.

    I suck at everything; I suck at being an adult.

    Did nobody hand you the Guide to Adulthood when you turned 18? You should have gotten a coupon for training on Talking to a Bank Manager, How to Wear a Suit, and Building a Fire: Your Hands Don't Stay There.

    Actually, nobody teaches you that stuff, and nobody even agrees that any of that makes an adult. The idea that you are meant to know what to do at any given point is ridiculous. Most people are tap-dancing on quicksand in a least one area of their life for their entire life.

    I'm 33 and only really got my career sorted 6 years ago. I still suck at other areas of life. $deity help whatever unfortunate thing ends up with me as a parent/guardian. "Oops, massive psychological trauma. How do I Ctrl-Z? What do you mean I can't? Well, shit."

    Everyone has already said to talk to a professional about your mental state. If the idea of that seems too...$something then spend the first visit explaining you don't know what job/career you want. It will be a good ice-breaker and get you comfortable with talking to this person about stuff when you don't know them.

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