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What do I do next with this girl I like from class?

john392john392 Registered User regular
Ok so I met this pretty girl in class. One class she kept giving me the eyes, so I started talking to her after class and then walking to her next one. Yesterday I asked her to eat lunch with on campus today, she said yes and got her #.

She showed up right on time and well, it went about as average as it could have possibly gone. After the somewhat awkward 'find a seat, part ways to get food', we had a fairly good conversation. Nothing too mundane, told her she looked nice, tried to keep it as fun as I could and got her to talk about herself, and she seemed like she was having a good time, She said it was good seeing me, and I said we should do it again soon, smiled and we both said bye. Still never mentioned a bf, so she is most likely single.

So what's the next best thing to do? I'm seeing her in class tomorrow and I really like her, smart, cute, nice. I just don't know what to ask her to do, and how to ask it? Would a hockey game I have tickets for (2hrs away...) be too much? Or interesting? Even though I can have a conversation with someone pretty easy, I always end up getting friendzoned or worse because I can't get past this particular stage.

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    WildEEPWildEEP Registered User regular
    Take a breath... She said lets do it again.

    So now you can invite her out to something entertaining - hockey tickets if shes into hockey...fully acceptable date.
    Try to move this past the random lunch stage and make it an actual date.

    Talk...find out about each other..see if you're interested in more than just her looks and brain.

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    bsjezzbsjezz Registered User regular
    edited September 2013
    there's no such thing as a friend zone. if both parties are actually attracted to each other, good friends make even better lovers

    a hockey game is a great idea, but two hours is too far away for a first date. i'd invite her to something closer to home, maybe involving a few other people - a low key BBQ or a movie. i'd say you need to make sure she's comfortable in the 'this is a friend outside of the school walls' category before you leap too far ahead. as long as you're sure of that, well, why not? go see the hockey eh

    bsjezz on
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    NijaNija Registered User regular
    Ask her what is best in life.

    The only answer should start with Destroying her enemies...

    What type of school is this: College/Uni or High School? This will also fill in possible age ranges.

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    naporeonnaporeon Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    While a hockey game could be a great activity at this stage, I would avoid jumping directly to something requiring a 2-hour drive at this point.

    Figure out something fun to do together, and ask her to do that. Things are going just fine at this point -- have confidence and enjoy yourself, and things will almost certainly turn out great.

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    noir_bloodnoir_blood Registered User regular
    You ask her out on a date.

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    JuliusJulius Captain of Serenity on my shipRegistered User regular
    john392 wrote: »

    So what's the next best thing to do?

    Obsess over her for weeks and barely exchange a word with her. Alternate between pretending she doesn't exist and acting like she's the only thing in the world. Then write a poem in your own blood dedicated to her.


    Wait...wait... no don't do that. Maybe a hockey game isn't the best idea but you can find out her taste in music and ask her to go to a concert-thing near you or something else or whatever. Just ask her out on a date basically. If she's interested she'll respond.

    Also don't say thing like "friendzoned".

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    MentalExerciseMentalExercise Indefenestrable Registered User regular
    edited September 2013
    Bowling. The answer is always bowling.

    I've never had a bad date bowling, even though that sounds questionable.

    It gives you something to do if there's a lull in the conversation, and time to collect your thoughts.

    It can be silly if she's silly.

    It can be competitive if she's competitive.

    And no one takes it too seriously.

    MentalExercise on
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    --LeVar Burton
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    RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    Just whatever you do, don't forget to initiate romance. And by that I mean: Make it clear you're on a date. Compliment her appearance, more than once throughout the night.
    Touch her arm/hand if you're walking close together after the halfway mark or if you're sitting across from each other at a table.
    If she leans in close to your face, smooch her.

    Trust me, those four things are pretty much all you need to add if you're already good at talking to girls without being a jerk. Just never say friendzone again.

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    davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Bowling. The answer is always bowling.

    I've never had a bad date bowling, even though that sounds questionable.

    It gives you something to do if there's a lull in the conversation, and time to collect your thoughts.

    It can be silly if she's silly.

    It can be competitive if she's competitive.

    And no one takes it too seriously.

    This. I came here to say this and it was already said.

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    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    The whole idea of friendzoning is stupid. Eliminate that word from your vocabulary, and any of the thoughts that go along with it from your head.

    If you're unsure of how to proceed, ask her on a date. Now, I don't mean to jump straight into formal dinner date where you get all dressed up and hit up a fancy restaurant.

    I mean ask her if she wants to go grab a slice/a coffee/go to the candy store after class and go for a walk. And talk to her. About everything. Find out about her, what she likes, her hobbies, friends, all that sort of stuff.

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    k-mapsk-maps I wish I could find the Karnaugh map for love. 2^<3Registered User regular
    The whole idea of friendzoning is stupid. Eliminate that word from your vocabulary, and any of the thoughts that go along with it from your head.

    If you're unsure of how to proceed, ask her on a date. Now, I don't mean to jump straight into formal dinner date where you get all dressed up and hit up a fancy restaurant.

    I mean ask her if she wants to go grab a slice/a coffee/go to the candy store after class and go for a walk. And talk to her. About everything. Find out about her, what she likes, her hobbies, friends, all that sort of stuff.

    As a side-note, I really have a hard time reconciling your advice with the Bender avatar.

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    cookiekrushcookiekrush Registered User regular
    As long as you're making it clear that you're interested on being something more than friends, then the friendzone is lessen.

    Don't be like let's hang out, quite literally, ask her out. Ask to take her out. It drove me up the wall when guys would ask me to hang out, because hanging out means being friends. If you don't want to ask about a date, then ask to get a cup of coffee to chat and get to know each other. But please, don't say hang out. But that could be my own personal annoyance.

    If she had a boyfriend, I think she would have mentioned it, to make it clear that you two would just be friends at the first "talk". The hockey game seems a bit far for a first date. Somewhere closer would be better.

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    CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    How about a date at a nice coffee shop in the evening? Low-key, so you can both leave early if it doesn't go well, but if it goes well you can hang out for as long as you like.

    A walk in the park is also good, especially if there is something going on like a festival.

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    john392john392 Registered User regular
    Hey thanks for the replies so far. Yeah the hockey game probably isn't the best idea, just coincidental my friend gave me the tickets only a few days ago, so it was tempting to ask.

    I guess when I meant 'friendzone' I more meant 'don't really get taken serious often' rather than something ignorant or stupid.

    Yeah I'll just try to see how she acts around me the next time I talk to her. I mean in barely a week I got her name, number, and ate with her alone but in a very public atmosphere (campus dining hall). So I guess that's good? If she feels comfortable around me I'll try to ask if she wants to go do something. Still would have no clue if she is interested, if I can get her to do something else should I escalate then?

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    GizzyGizzy i am a cat PhoenixRegistered User regular
    Don't be like let's hang out, quite literally, ask her out. Ask to take her out. It drove me up the wall when guys would ask me to hang out, because hanging out means being friends.

    Yes! I've been on a couple of accidental dates due to this confusion.

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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    No. You want to date her. Next time you see her, ask her.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    ShogunShogun Hair long; money long; me and broke wizards we don't get along Registered User regular
    What kind of facilities does your university offer? Mine has these sweet botanical gardens and I would either ask a girl to go through the walk-thru or go sit at the duck pond and feed ducks. Stuff that is low pressure and cheap to boot.

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    MentalExerciseMentalExercise Indefenestrable Registered User regular
    ceres wrote: »
    No. You want to date her. Next time you see her, ask her.

    This.

    The thing to remember is that she clearly likes you. So either she says yes and you get a date, or you're a good guy that was up fromt asked her out.

    Either way you'll be ahead of the curve.

    "More fish for Kunta!"

    --LeVar Burton
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    john392john392 Registered User regular
    I just done goofed hard. In class she was sitting in front of me and I was getting a few glances back, and the whole time I was thinking of cooking that up into a line to be flirty/ask her out after class. Well, then class hit, and we had to work in partners, naturally she was mine, but it completely killed what I was thinking of. And seemed tense at first.

    We were talking about school (math specifically), and when we left class we kinda kept talking about class/school/tests. I walked her to her class again, but the conversation was kind of killed. I tried changing the conversation to what she was up to later, work, etc. but it felt forced. I'm going to be out of town this weekend so I didn't know how to ask, and still hadn't thought of what to actually do. So she said 'I guess I'll see you Tuesday (next class), I said yeah I'm leaving tomorrow, but I'll send you a picture (of where I'm going), bye/bye'

    I feel stupid. So stupid. Did I mess up? I feel like I missed a great opportunity

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    DjeetDjeet Registered User regular
    You were overthinking it then and you're overthinking it now. That makes you nervous. Being somewhat nervous is understandable, but you have to get the question out "want to go get a coffee?" or somesuch. Don't think, just ask. If she is interested she won't care that you're nervous.

    Worst case she says no, or otherwise lets you down. Worrying about it is a lot worse then just being said no to.

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    CalicaCalica Registered User regular
    So you call her and say, "Hey, I'm going to be gone this weekend, but would you like to go on a date when I get back?"

    Have a plan for an actual date, so you have something to say if she says yes and you're not all like, Cool, so... what do you wanna do?

    (And if she says no, you say, "Oh, ok, thanks anyway," or similar, and end the conversation.)

    Don't worry too much about what you did or didn't say earlier. I promise, unless a) you were a huge jerk (you weren't), or b) she has unreasonable expectations of how a guy should behave, then it's fine.

    Caveat: While I am female and am describing the way I like to be approached, I'm also fairly socially awkward myself, and I prefer directness. YMMV.

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    LoveIsUnityLoveIsUnity Registered User regular
    Calica wrote: »
    So you call her and say, "Hey, I'm going to be gone this weekend, but would you like to go on a date when I get back?"

    Have a plan for an actual date, so you have something to say if she says yes and you're not all like, Cool, so... what do you wanna do?

    (And if she says no, you say, "Oh, ok, thanks anyway," or similar, and end the conversation.)

    Don't worry too much about what you did or didn't say earlier. I promise, unless a) you were a huge jerk (you weren't), or b) she has unreasonable expectations of how a guy should behave, then it's fine.

    Caveat: While I am female and am describing the way I like to be approached, I'm also fairly socially awkward myself, and I prefer directness. YMMV.

    Do exactly this.

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    Jam WarriorJam Warrior Registered User regular
    If you get nervous talking in person or on the phone, asking her via a text is perfectly reasonable at this point in your established communication level. Just do exactly as Calica said above but in the written form.

    If she says yes then hopefully that gives you the confidence to call her for reals! If she says no then again follow Calica's advice by text, If she doesn't reply, give it a few days and then assume that means no and follow Calica's advice by text.

    Calica knows what's up.

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    CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    john392 wrote: »
    I feel stupid. So stupid. Did I mess up? I feel like I missed a great opportunity

    No, this is how romance works. 1,000 romantic comedies rely on bashful guys working up the courage to ask a girl out. :) Keep trying!

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    zagdrobzagdrob Registered User regular
    You did fine.

    A call / text with a simple 'Oh, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out for <insert specific thing here, like coffee / walk / etc> when I get back next week' is all you need.

    The subtext will communicate that you were nervous about asking her - which can be a good thing, because if she's interested in you she was probably nervous too. Don't make a big 'haha, look at socially awkward me, couldn't ask you out' deal out of it, but she still gets the message.

    One tip, and easier said than done - don't worry about cooking up a line. Never worry about cooking up lines. Think about what you want to do, and talk to her as a person - a person that you like - not a puzzle or challenge that needs to be done 'just right' or you fail.

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    john392john392 Registered User regular
    Well thanks for all the tips and pointers over the past few days. They helped me mentally, but all for naught. Started texting her today, and asked her if she would like to go downtown with me and get a bite and a drink. After 6 hours of no response, I got a no thanks. Awesome right? Oh well thanks again for everyone helping out, maybe next time

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    Jam WarriorJam Warrior Registered User regular
    It's all part of the process. You took positive action and it didn't turn out, but that's got to be better than moping along unsure of where/if things are going anywhere. Next time asking out someone else will be that little bit easier.

    The thing to do now of course is see where you want to go next. If you are happy being friends then keep it light and airy with a text back along the lines of 'no worries' and just carry on with the friendly text thing.

    If you think by continuing to hang out with her you'll keep pining after her and hoping to turn from friend to something more, still give the polite friendly text back, but maybe try and think about withdrawing from seeing her so much for the immediate.

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    noir_bloodnoir_blood Registered User regular
    Sorry it didn't go the way you wanted it to go, but at least now you KNOW. Do a quick search on the forums and you'll see tons of threads here about people that end up being burden with uncertainty, mostly because they couldn't do what you did.

    And follow Jam's advice.

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