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In a real bad way
Sagroth
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Semi-Brief breakdown:
My wife has been having increasing mental issues. She has always had Borderline Personality Disorder since I met her(we have been together 10 years nearly), but in the last few months things have gotten really bad. In August she tried to kill herself. I and the local police got to her in time, and she was hospitalized for a time as a result. She got out and was okay for about a week, and then things got bad again. This time, it started with overwhelming anxiety like she had never had before, much of the time triggered by going to work. And once that got under control with Xanax from the doc, huge depression set in. At the start of this month, she felt overwhelmingly suicidal, and this time willingly entered hospitalization again.
She is once again out, and under new meds. However, some of the pattern already seems to be repeating again. She also quit one of her part time jobs last night, which hurts us financially quite a bit. On the upside, we probably make little enough that she can get help from the state in paying for therapy bills and meds, which may take off a bit of the strain. We are doing everything we can to get her therapy and the right meds, especially since I have no idea how we could afford another stay and a mental hospital(we can't even pay for the stays she's had this far).
My fears are multifold: will another brief hospital stay even do any good? Does she need an extended ward-of-the-state style stay? Is outpatient therapy pointless? What do I do if she decides she isn't capable of working?
I want to do everything I can to support her, but I'm terrified and don't know where to look for help.
My wife has been having increasing mental issues. She has always had Borderline Personality Disorder since I met her(we have been together 10 years nearly), but in the last few months things have gotten really bad. In August she tried to kill herself. I and the local police got to her in time, and she was hospitalized for a time as a result. She got out and was okay for about a week, and then things got bad again. This time, it started with overwhelming anxiety like she had never had before, much of the time triggered by going to work. And once that got under control with Xanax from the doc, huge depression set in. At the start of this month, she felt overwhelmingly suicidal, and this time willingly entered hospitalization again.
She is once again out, and under new meds. However, some of the pattern already seems to be repeating again. She also quit one of her part time jobs last night, which hurts us financially quite a bit. On the upside, we probably make little enough that she can get help from the state in paying for therapy bills and meds, which may take off a bit of the strain. We are doing everything we can to get her therapy and the right meds, especially since I have no idea how we could afford another stay and a mental hospital(we can't even pay for the stays she's had this far).
My fears are multifold: will another brief hospital stay even do any good? Does she need an extended ward-of-the-state style stay? Is outpatient therapy pointless? What do I do if she decides she isn't capable of working?
I want to do everything I can to support her, but I'm terrified and don't know where to look for help.
3DS Code: 5155-3087-0800
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We can't possibly know the answer to most of your questions, unfortunately. What I would recommend doing (not sure what state you're in or how it works there) is finding either a state or NPO advocate for her (and for you) to help you navigate the healthcare concerns as well as the accompanying paperwork, and find out about any benefits that may be available. There is often help out there, but the average person has no idea how to find it and could easily be buried under the mountain of paperwork you'd need to fill out to get it.
Here is something you have to consider though: No "decides" about it, she may not be capable of working. She sounds very badly off, and the strain of trying to hold down those jobs, even if she likes them or they seem easy to you, may actually be too much for her. I'm not really sure what you're asking, if you're asking if you should give up and leave her or just about how to cope financially. If you don't want to leave her (and I don't think you should unless you are finished) you may need to come to terms with the fact that you will need to be the sole provider in your household indefinitely or permanently, whether that means taking your lifestyle down a few notches, getting a better job, or getting another job.
If she truly cannot work there may be some disability benefits available to her, and again you need to speak to someone who knows how to advocate for her and for you. If you control the money because she can't, you may need to get power of attorney in order to use what she might get to help take care of her... again, that's something that someone who does this all the time could tell you.
Also, keep in mind what this is doing to you; you have a lot on your plate and it might help you tremendously to find a therapist and/or support group for yourself to help you cope. It's hard to support another person the way you are supporting her, and I'm not going to tell you that it's admirable or you're a hero because this is someone you love and who would do less than their best? But you need to be healthy and present in order to be of any use - make sure in all of this you are taking the best care of yourself that you can. My husband has a friend who didn't even try to do this part until far too late, and he just... hates his wife now. He is pretty awful to her because there is so much resentment there, and part of that is because he refused to ask for help. Please, for both your sakes, don't end up like that guy. I'm not sure I've ever met anyone more miserable.
Finally, and about the above point, try to take a step back and look at this from the other direction: be honest with yourself about what you can handle. Make use of your own support network and resources, and don't be afraid to ask for help from the people you know who are supportive of you. Borderline is a very difficult thing to deal with both for the person with it and those who love them. Get what support you can so that you can deal with things as they come up.