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Parents divorcing, I'm an adult but dependent, I need material and information help
harvest
By birthright,a stupendous badass.Registered User regular
By birthright,a stupendous badass.Registered User regular
Facts about me:
I'm 32, live with my parents, and am disabled. I suffer from a variety of mental health disorders (bipolar II, ADHD, major depression w/psychosis, anxiety and panic disorders). I am also morbidly obese, and these problems fuel each other a great deal. I live in Benton City, WA, which is close the
I receive $550 a month from Social Security Disability, after overpayment and proscription drug plan deductions. Pre-deduction amount is $889. I receive $100 a month in food stamps from the state.
I pay $25 a month for an AT&T GoPhone, ~$35 a month on my credit card, and $100 a month in 'rent' to my parents, because the Washington State Department of Social and Health Services encouraged me to pay them rent so I could get better benefits.
A lot of the rest of the money goes to drug copays, therapy and drug maintenance office visits, physician (and sometimes dental) visits, and obviously stuff like gas and entertainment.
I don't own anything except for some furniture and this computer.
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(this part is really hard to write so sorry if it's hard to read)
Nov 9 my parents announced their divorce. This is a thing I've been casually mentally preparing myself for for years, but now it's happening for real and I don't know what I need to do to keep myself alive and housed. I need to move out. I have lived with my parents my whole life, except for when I was a missionary (and that was a tightly controlled experience). I went to local community college, I worked really close to home. When I started having serious mental problems and had to quit work and school I was assured I'd be able to live here. Apparently shit happens though and things are about change rapidly.
I've never had to take care of all of my own needs, and I lack a lot of important skills. Critically, I lack the money to feed and house myself, not to mention the skills and knowledge required to do those things. I've never lived on my own, I've never been responsible for anything like rent or utility bills. I'm basically a manchild, but not in a derogatory way, but from inexperience and ignorance.
So far I've reduced my expenses by $60/mo. I've applied for and received food aid from the state. I have learned a little about government assisted housing but it doesn't seem like anyone involved knows the whole story. Gov't websites are crap, local offices won't answer any questions unless you're already a client, the application I got from somewhere is difficult and confusing. This is really, really difficult for me to deal with because of the emerging situation, but also cos of my mental troubles.
This shit is a lot like when I first had to get mental health help from DSHS and later the SSA. Nobody knows how the system works, there's nobody to take your hand and guide you through it. You don't get any feedback from the work you put in. Tons of people and offices want information, nobody communicates with each other. Then they send you threats or notices about shit you're not sure you have or need, it's overwhelming.
I'm scared and angry and frustrated, and this seems really urgent but I don't know what to do.
I'm 32, live with my parents, and am disabled. I suffer from a variety of mental health disorders (bipolar II, ADHD, major depression w/psychosis, anxiety and panic disorders). I am also morbidly obese, and these problems fuel each other a great deal. I live in Benton City, WA, which is close the
I receive $550 a month from Social Security Disability, after overpayment and proscription drug plan deductions. Pre-deduction amount is $889. I receive $100 a month in food stamps from the state.
I pay $25 a month for an AT&T GoPhone, ~$35 a month on my credit card, and $100 a month in 'rent' to my parents, because the Washington State Department of Social and Health Services encouraged me to pay them rent so I could get better benefits.
A lot of the rest of the money goes to drug copays, therapy and drug maintenance office visits, physician (and sometimes dental) visits, and obviously stuff like gas and entertainment.
I don't own anything except for some furniture and this computer.
---
(this part is really hard to write so sorry if it's hard to read)
Nov 9 my parents announced their divorce. This is a thing I've been casually mentally preparing myself for for years, but now it's happening for real and I don't know what I need to do to keep myself alive and housed. I need to move out. I have lived with my parents my whole life, except for when I was a missionary (and that was a tightly controlled experience). I went to local community college, I worked really close to home. When I started having serious mental problems and had to quit work and school I was assured I'd be able to live here. Apparently shit happens though and things are about change rapidly.
I've never had to take care of all of my own needs, and I lack a lot of important skills. Critically, I lack the money to feed and house myself, not to mention the skills and knowledge required to do those things. I've never lived on my own, I've never been responsible for anything like rent or utility bills. I'm basically a manchild, but not in a derogatory way, but from inexperience and ignorance.
So far I've reduced my expenses by $60/mo. I've applied for and received food aid from the state. I have learned a little about government assisted housing but it doesn't seem like anyone involved knows the whole story. Gov't websites are crap, local offices won't answer any questions unless you're already a client, the application I got from somewhere is difficult and confusing. This is really, really difficult for me to deal with because of the emerging situation, but also cos of my mental troubles.
This shit is a lot like when I first had to get mental health help from DSHS and later the SSA. Nobody knows how the system works, there's nobody to take your hand and guide you through it. You don't get any feedback from the work you put in. Tons of people and offices want information, nobody communicates with each other. Then they send you threats or notices about shit you're not sure you have or need, it's overwhelming.
I'm scared and angry and frustrated, and this seems really urgent but I don't know what to do.
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I have a seriously mentally disabled little brother in his 20s, my mom divorced our step-dad and he just stayed with her. There was never any question it would be any other way and the money he gets form the state goes to her to help pay rent and whatever. Admittedly he isn’t' on a lot of medication (read: none) so he doesn't have a lot of expenses but after the split the state reevaluated how much he was getting and how much my mom needed. It's in CO so I don't know how much is state by state and so on.
All that said, I relay don't know what to tell you about not getting feedback from the state except to be as persistent as you can. Persistent and insistent without being rude and yelling. Remember also, there's always someone above the person you’re talking to as well and if you’re not getting help, just ask to speak to a supervisor. It works in just about anything from health care to tech support.
Second, talk to your parents to find out what their plans are so you can prepare for how this will impact you. Find out if staying with either of them is an option. Most likely, even if one of them moves out immediately, there will be a transition period that will give you time to make plans / adjust. You need their support, but it's also possible that they will need your support through this too.
Third, if you aren't getting help from the social workers in your area about housing options, try finding people who are in the system already and can guide you or point to someone that can help. A support group, group home, or work program in your area might be a good place to find assistance or other resources. Another option would be to find someone who can use a roommate, and rent a room from them. You aren't receiving a lot of money, but it's steady and doesn't sound like you are at risk of having it cut off suddenly.
Forth, while living alone probably seems daunting, most of it is simply getting into a routine. You probably don't know how to do lots of things, but there are plenty of places that offer guides on living alone. YouTube has videos that will show you how to do everything from laundry to cook. There are pages that will help you create a budget and pay your bills. If you really need help, you've always got H&A and plenty of people who are willing to give you any help you need.
Fifth, no matter what, stay on your meds. Even if it's expensive, going off them isn't something you can afford.
Finally, parents getting divorced is something difficult, but it doesn't mean that they don't love you and want to help you succeed. Talk to them and ask them for help, let them know where you are struggling. Don't be afraid to tell them if you are getting in over your head or can't handle something. Most of the time, asking for help early on will save far more time / trouble / money / headache down the line.
but they're listening to every word I say
It may sound a bit selfish to go up to them at this challenging time and go "but what about me?" but frankly, that is just the nature of your situation as a dependant adult, and your welfare isn't something that should just fall through the cracks.
Speak to your folks and say you need to know what your living situation is going to be, because if you can't stay with them you need to know sooner rather than later so you can apply for alternatives.
I mean, the system is complex, but there are plenty of NGOs who help people navigate the system.
http://bfcac.org/home-base/legal-service - the first two plus northwestjusticeproject would be on point, looking at the NWJP's info provides a link to http://www.washingtonlawhelp.org/, also looks useful and has discrete sections on public benefits and housing,
the power of google!
Talk to your parents. They care about you and want you to do well, and will want to explore options with you. Be aware that their financials will probably be significantly strained by this, which is an unfortunately extra stress factor in an emotional time. It may not always be pleasant but in 99% of the cases talking beats nontalking.
Talk to the people already helping you, chances are they know other people who have gone through similar experiences and can give advice, or know people with advice to give.
Look for a charity that can help you navigate 'The System.' Be open and honest when you approach them, the first few people you talk to may know not enough to help you, but they probably do know where to send you instead. It sucks having to tell strangers your problems, but dire times may require it.