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25 Virgin Male It's Destroying My Life.

MadManNoviceMadManNovice Registered User new member
Welp it's as the title says and it's just killing me. I feel completely left behind in development. There are 14 year olds with more luck. I missed out on young love my youth was wasted. I feel if a girl did interest she would just be settling and doesn't feel she could do better.

I can't let a potential partner find out about it. Last year I attempted suicide over it, as far as my friends and family are concerned it was a car accident. I just can't see a light at the end of the tunnel any help please!

Posts

  • RadiationRadiation Registered User regular
    edited November 2013
    I know it sucks. I didn't loose mine until it was 20.
    Your youth wasn't wasted.
    It might be a good idea to worry more about finding a good partner, and then deal with the sex part when it comes up. Court the hell out of someone. Build a relationship. Then as it progresses, be open with them. It's easy to be embarrassed by it (though it is very likely that you will be way more stressed out about it than needed. They might not even care.), but most people would prefer the honesty up front to the sexual awkwardness that might come after.

    Radiation on
    PSN: jfrofl
  • Mad JazzMad Jazz Registered User regular
    There's something deeper at work here than insecurity over virginity, I think. First thing's first, get yourself in to see a therapist.

    Now, as far as being "left behind" in development or whatever, not at all. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 25, or at 35 or whatever age. Having sex isn't a requirement for being a well rounded, healthy, functioning human in society, and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of it. I was a virgin until 21, the last girl I dated was (and still is) a virgin at 25; hell, I was her first boyfriend. When you do find yourself in a relationship, your partner won't care if you've put your penis inside of someone else, and if she does, she's got her priorities out of whack also.

    Now, that said, make sure you get your own head right before you start dating someone. You seem to have a lot going on that needs to be sorted out before you can really be in a healthy relationship with someone else.

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  • MadManNoviceMadManNovice Registered User new member
    edited November 2013
    Its just the feeling of " your my last choice, since the others didnt work out I was younger". That and society tells you that must be a horrible person or a freak. Sorry I'm babbling.

    MadManNovice on
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    You need to see a doctor, because you are way too hung up on that if you are making suicide attempts over it. There's a deeper problem here.

    And I say this as 29-year-old virgin, which I am pretty sure means I outrank you.

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  • Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    I was a vigin until 32 and I'm fucking awesome. There isn't a time limit to when you need to screw someone by. Think for yourself, don't let society do it for you. It's VERY easy to fall into that mindset.

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  • alltheolivealltheolive Registered User regular
    I'm not going to rehash Mad Jazz's point in detail, but it's important for you to talk to a mental health professional. Crashing a car over not having a sexual relationship is much more serious than not having a sexual relationship. Being a 25-year-old virgin is not a big deal to other people.

    On another point- good news! It's not your problem or your business to worry about whether a girl is "settling." Don't reject yourself on her behalf, it's her privilege to do that if she wants to. Worry about whether you like her and what you can do to make both of your lives better.

    Keep your chin up; it's never too late to get on the sex-and-relationships train. I don't even want to emphasize that 25 isn't particularly old (it's not particularly old), because if you were 19 or 45 you'd get just about the same advice.

  • Typhoid MannyTyphoid Manny Registered User regular
    Before you do anything, see a therapist. If you tried to commit suicide over this it's a distinct possibility that you're clinically depressed which is a thing they have medication for. That's your first step.

    Once you've done that, you have two options here. You can hire a call girl to sleep with you just to get your first time out of the way, which you might end up regretting or you might not; I've seen it go both ways. Or you can work on taking it easy and not letting the amount of sex you're not having define your life. The truth of the matter is that the more you obsess over it, the harder it's gonna be to find a girl who wants to sleep with you because people can smell desperation a mile away and it's maybe the most unattractive vibe you can give off this side of being a literal Nazi.

    So first thing's first. You have to psych yourself out to where it's not that big a deal. I understand this is easier said than done, it's not like flipping a switch, but you won't get anywhere if you don't do anything but let not having sex fester in your head. What do you enjoy doing? Do those things. Do everything you can to put the idea out of your head that you're worthless if you're not getting laid.

    Make a list of things about yourself that you'd like to change that you have a decent chance of success at. Run a couple miles every morning, maybe hit the gym, learn another language, start writing stories. Maybe take a class on public speaking or pick up a musical instrument. What I'm getting at here is you need to build up a stockpile of attractive traits. You're not doing this because your goal is to get a woman to want to sleep with you, you're doing it because you think you're pretty cool and want to improve yourself.

    Seriously, see a therapist. Do what the therapist says. Then treat yourself like you're worth putting some effort into, rather than having the idea that you're some kind of mutant pariah.

    from each according to his ability, to each according to his need
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  • KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    31 here and still a virgin. Hell, I made a post about it recently (I'll dig it up, as there were tons of great responses that put things in perspectives).

    I agree with some of the previous comments, as there seems to be more to this issue, specially if you have attempted suicide over it.

    CambiataSirialis
  • MadManNoviceMadManNovice Registered User new member
    edited November 2013
    Once you've done that, you have two options here. You can hire a call girl to sleep with you just to get your first time out of the way,
    And cement the knowledge that I don't have chance with a girl without paying. Better off buying Helium and mask in comparision. Please don't be mad at me I'm trying to take this in I swear.
    which you might end up regretting or you might not; I've seen it go both ways. Or you can work on taking it easy and not letting the amount of sex you're not having define your life. The truth of the matter is that the more you obsess over it, the harder it's gonna be to find a girl who wants to sleep with you because people can smell desperation a mile away and it's maybe the most unattractive vibe you can give off .

    I know your trying to help my friend and I do appreciate it but alot women view guys as such myself as the word you used " a mutant" (I know you weren't referring to me as such but let me roll with this please).

    It kind of makes it hard to not be desperate when "Chad the Drug Dealer" managed it when he was 15. It also the idea of girl not viewing me as good enough but as they get desperate in older age and their bodies fall apart suddenly I would be "good enough for them" and I would be stupid enough to fall for it. And trust me most women in their thirties do have their bodies fall apart since they can't be bothered to do proper excercise. I'm a personal trainer by the way and there is no excuse for how alot of my female clients in the 30s age group are absolutely none.

    Basically they have they fun and I would be the chump they fall back on, even if I did like them the feeling wouldn't be mutual from their end. But with the desperation thing its like applying for a starter position that requires experience but I can't get the job without experience and I can't get experience cause visa versa. I must be a genetic failure why not remove myself and end my misery why should I have go through another 50 years of it.

    Sorry if this chunk of text isn't readable I'm slightly drunk, teary and the pooch won't leave me alone at the keyboard without demanding to be in my lap.

    MadManNovice on
  • LanchesterLanchester Registered User regular
    Society is a dumb bitch! All it is, is a sumation of everyone trying to be the "cool kid", so you end up with everyone saying stuff like "I had sex at 18". "Oh yeah, well I had sex at 16". "Well I can beat that, I had sex at 14 AND she orgasmed 17 times!". And you end up getting the end product that everyone is having sex so early therefore you should too or you're a loser. It's ridiculous and in no way should it make you feel or think you should or shouldn't do something (this goes for everything, not just sex).

    Everyone elses comments are spot on, I just want to add one thing.

    You should really start trying to look at being 25 and a virgin as a good thing and not a bad one. First, because of the whole society thing mentioned before. Second, when you do eventually meet someone (and don't worry, it will happen sometime), they're most likely going to prefer you be a virgin than someone that has multiple notches on their belt. That is, if you're looking for the right kind of girl (my opinion). To that kind of person, being a virgin means you're clean, you've saved yourself so you're not stupid, and now this other person gets to experience something amazing with you for the first time, something no one else will get which is pretty damn special.

    Start trying to look at it as a good thing and not that you're behind in development and wasted.

  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    You aren't ready to have sex, so whether you're sexually active isn't an issue. No one who has this much of their psyche tied up in sex has any business dating.

    I'm locking this thread because it contains the same (correct) advice that you never take.

    geth, close the thread.

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  • GethGeth Legion Perseus VeilRegistered User, Moderator, Penny Arcade Staff, Vanilla Staff vanilla
    Affirmative Tube. Closing thread...

This discussion has been closed.