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Help me ragequit living with my parents
The Anonymous
Uh, uh, uhhhhhh...Uh, uh.Registered User regular
Uh, uh, uhhhhhh...Uh, uh.Registered User regular
Gonna put this in spoilers because it's long. Long and ramble-y.
Sorry if none of this really makes sense, it's close to 1:30AM and I'm struggling to form a coherent train of thought.
For the past four years since I finished HS, I've been living with my parents and, for much of that time, not really doing anything to earn an income. I'm not even remotely proud to admit it, but there you go. In that time, I've slowly come to realise that we really should not be under the same roof together (like I really needed a clue :rotate:); I drive them nuts at times, and they drive me nuts at times. Recently, though, I feel that it's reached the point where I just can't bear to live with them any longer, and I really, really need to just get out, for all of our sakes. Of course, there are a few small barriers preventing me from just walking through the front door (besides the possibility of being mugged, murdered or worse), namely:
tl;dr I'm Australian, I made myself almost broke, I fucked up my life, I want to unfuck it a little by moving out and living by myself, and I need help and advice on what to do.- Money. Another thing entirely on me is that I have been...less than responsible with my personal funds. Particularly with regard to the machinations of a certain Gabriel Newell, if you catch my drift. Over the course of four years, I've gone from having $2000 to around $200. I've pretty much stopped buying things now, but the damage is done.
- As for employment, I was employed for a while after finishing school. I worked at a fast food shop that had opened around the same time - easiest job in the world, right? Apparently not, because I was eventually fired for...I guess incompetence? I was basically told as much by my employer, in front of the other employees, and then he didn't even have the guts to tell me I was fired. He just stopped giving me shifts entirely. "He", by the way, is my father. Anyway, it wasn't a fun experience for me, and it convinced me that if I couldn't do the easiest job right, or the most basic tasks right, there wasn't any point in trying at all. So I didn't. I've been nagged once in a while to look for a job, or go join the ADF (why yes, useless weak stick figure me joining the military is a wonderful idea), and I was even asked if I didn't want my old job back (of course I don't, what the shit), but I haven't really felt, I guess "ready" for anything like that.
- Education. I did so badly in HS I'm not even sure if I technically finished it. I've always had a lot of trouble focusing on tasks assigned to me (even from myself!), sometimes to the point of outright not caring about them. All throughout primary school I was handing in assignments literally months overdue. In secondary I actually did hand stuff in on time, because it was a private school and there were actual consequences for not doing so. But it was still all thrown together at the last minute, and I guess the faculty took notice, because in my senior years they identified me as some "special needs" student or some shit (officially for a different reason I won't go into) and offered me assignment extensions and a licence to skip the QCS exams (which I only agreed to because I felt that I didn't actually have a choice, despite being told otherwise). In spite of that, my work continued to suffer and I ended up with a bunch of failing grades (I managed to fail Maths A. Maths A).
- Actually, I don't have a fucking clue where to go. I just know that I have to be on my own. I don't have any friends whatsoever, and moving in with any relatives would just be a substitution, not a fresh start.
Sorry if none of this really makes sense, it's close to 1:30AM and I'm struggling to form a coherent train of thought.
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Get a job. Any job. So what if the last one didn't work out? Keep trying. Some people find a job that fits and they stick with it. Others have to go through several to find one that they can tolerate/enjoy and excel at.
If the number one thing that prevents you from doing this is any past failures then I would suggest a life coach/therapy to get over that mountain. But of course they're going to want you to pay them if your parents won't foot the bill.
Step one is to get your head on straight. High school is over. It is in the past. Change what you can change. I did poorly in high school. Then I did much better in college. But you aren't even close to college right now. A job is step one.
You need money. You can't just live on your own magically. Money is the only thing that can make that happen. So you need a job. You got fired from your last one, probably because you are young and depressed and treated it like goof off time, or because you were working with family and personal crap got in the way. That is in the past though.
Get a new job. A fresh start. Show up a bit early to your shifts. Follow the dress code, look clean, clothing and personally. Try your best to do the task any hand. Take it seriously even if it is just fast food. Be polite to your coworkers.
You worry about making friends. Most people find new friends out of coworkers. Just be polite, and chat with people a bit about whatever. Maybe invite them places occadoinally, but not constantly. Noting puts people off like desperation. And don't go on and on about whatever your personal hobby is.Most people don't want to talk about war hammer for any amount of time. Some people may talk about steam games. Just don't go on and on about it constantly. People don't like cardboard cutouts. One dimensional people who just talk about a single thing.
Just try to get along with your parents. Sometimes it is best just to keep quiet if you can't get along. I'm sure things will be easier with them if they see you are getting your shit together. Then, once you have some money, a few months rent, a job, and a security deposit savedup you can move out.
Remember, all that other stuff is in the past. Unchangeable. You choose what to do about tomorrow. Change what you can, don't worry about what you can't.
but they're listening to every word I say
Start researching how much rent is around you and how much utilities are. You'll also need to calculate necessary expenses, such as groceries, gasoline, car insurance/health insurance and savings.
These are the absolute minimum you'd need to pay in order to live a stress-free life. The sum of all these items is the cost of your freedom.
For the love of God, save your money. You'll learn how to live without it soon enough, and it will come in handy when you have to buy important things like medicine, tires for your car or things like that.
Stick it out with your parents for a year, or till you save up enough to have a sustainable life.
The mining sector has been doing some serious cooling off over the last couple of years. True, back when I was a teenager if you knew the right people you could walk into a job paying double the national average straight out of high school, but those days are long gone.
Plus, if you have trouble focusing at work you're going to be viewed as a safety hazard and kicked off site VERY quickly.
I think your best bet will be trying for jobs with little responsibility first so you can grow into the correct mindset to make you a valuable worker. The iob market is a little saturated with applicants at the moment what with the school year wrapping up now and a shitload of students wanting summer jobs, but if you can get into something like nightfill in a supermarket to start with, that's a fairly stable job that doesn't require a huge amount of mental strain and if you mess up you're not likely to kill too many people.
You can start a savings plan that should be easy to follow with your regular paycheques and even put some money towards taking some classes in subjects you're interested in during the day/on weekends.
I wouldn't really think about anything at this point beyond how you're going to get a job, because that is the only important thing for you to be doing.
While you're doing that, it may be beneficial to read through everything pertaining to your "special needs" diagnosis. It's not something to be ashamed of, and if anything figuring out what exactly your problem with academics was can help you get your shit together now. I don't know how Australia deals with Special Education, but I'd expect that you had to be tested in some respect before they could formally diagnose you with anything. Find out what they diagnosed you with, read through whatever tests they gave you, and learn about how your brain works.
And don't feel like shit about it either. This is about learning how to make your brain work most effectively, because that's what's going to help you stay organized, get a job, and do good work at your job. That's what will get you out of your parent's house.
(Also, I'll bet if you approach your parents in a calm, pleasant manner about the situation they'll support your desire on at least an emotional level.)
Working fast food, or working retail is also one of the most soul draining experiences. You need to figure out how to hold down a job, but don't think that fast food is like some aptitude test for life. Losing one job doesn't mark you as a failure.
If you have trouble finding work, I would also look into volunteering. You need to get out and meet people, and acquire new skills. Like eating veggies? Volunteer at a farm share. Like animals? Animal shelter. Like to read? Public Library. Try and find something you actually care about, and just be ready to do the hard work. Opportunities will start to find you if you are putting yourself out there.
if you want a good way of spending your last $200 - assuming you've already got a few nice shirts and ties - look into getting your responsible service of alcohol certificate. even if you don't especially want to work a bar, it opens up a huge sector that's in no risk of slowing down, and at the very least it looks good on your resume - a professional qualification that shows you mean business and can be gotten in half a day.
Your plan is correct. Get a job and move out. You are in high danger of becoming a life-long shut-in.
You need to take a few risks to convince yourself you can do things for yourself. Do something that scares you. Whether you succeed or not, it'll show that you can do something. If you succeed, you know you can succeed. If you fail, you know that failure is nothing to be scared of, which is actually more valuable.
Just to chime in on this bit, most people aren't physically fit to be in the military when they join. A major part of recruit training is to get people in better shape. It's fine if you have other apprehensions about joining the military but thinking you're not strong enough shouldn't be one of them.
True story, and actually most of the dudes that are smaller builds have an easier time with the PT tests (for USAF at least). Talk to a recruiter. Try and land a technical job or something that holds some level of interest for you, the military isn't all about lifting rucksacks and marching everywhere. Planes need to be maintained, computers need fixing, people need to manage a payment system. (I just got out of the Air Force, and as much shit as I gave it, I think where it took me and the skills it gave me was the best thing that happened for me)
Also, your Dad being your boss possibly screwed over your mindset of how horrible a worker you actually are. He may have been a lot more critical of any errors you may have made vs other employees.
1. Figure out what I did NOT like about school.
2. Apply to small local colleges that would allow me to avoid as much as I could of what I did not like.
3. Get into college and attend every class.
4. Get a part time job to begin building income
5. Graduate college with Honors
6. Get a real, post college job
7. Get my own place
I know that it doesn't look like much, but it gave me direction and a purpose that I could focus on. Each step that I could cross off was another success in my life, and something that I could use to boost my self-esteem. The more specific and detailed list you get, the easier it will be to see that you are constantly moving forward to being on your own and living a life. Find your goals, make a plan to get there, and then follow through.
So it is worth considering carefully why you got diagnosed even if it is incorrect and go get re-diagnosed , therapy, and, if appropriate, a prescription for anxiety or add medication.
I am sure you are upset with yourself, but don't feel like because the last few years have been a waste that you can't turn your life around now. 22 or whatever feels old now but it really isn't. People beat lives of criminality, extreme poverty or mental illness at all ages. The only thing that can keep you from improving yourself is your own laziness and fear of change.
Computer games are a nice substitute for life because they don't judge and they offer the difficulty you require and the illusion of success and progress. So if you are an introvert with problems, they tend to fill up the empty spaces in your life.
One easy way getting from being a video game shut-in to a more social person is to join an RPG, LARP or boardgame club. You are in your comfort zone, but learning how to interact with others.
Yeah, and one of the reasons MMOd have such appeal is that they offer responsibility, hierarchy and a sense of belonging in a world where people are increasingly thrust into a life of permanent debt-serfdom and fungible mcjobs. I always recommend that people volunteer at nonprofits or at kiwanis-like organizations for the same sense of being valued in an organizational structure and working towards a shared goal.
So item number one on the agenda is write up a list of things you like, things you hate, things you would like to do more.
From there, think about how some of things might end up helping with a job. For example, maybe you like working with your hands? Well you could look I to a trade. Maybe you want to do more out door stuff, interact with more people? The ADF might force you into doing more of that, even giving you some discipline which you need.
You might use it to leverage yourself into IT related roles - they'll train you.
Basically, with no higher degree and no trade under your belt you have no prospects; get your thinking cap on and work out how you can apply your skills or interests into solving this issue.
Step 1.1 - Find out if you graduated high school. I don't know a lot about getting jobs in Australia, but in Canada a lot of places will require you to at least have high school, if not post secondary.
Step 1.2 - If you didn't graduate college, find a way to take the required courses to get your pass.
Step 1.3 - Get a job anywhere. If you are taking classes to graduate, get a part time job so that you can still focus on your classes. The longer you've been unemployed, the harder it is to get employed. It's a catch 22, but it's real. So find any job you can, and do it well. Even if it sucks.
Step 1.4 - Make a short term plan with short term goals. How long before you are financially stable enough to have your own place? Two months? Six months? One year? Decide when you WANT to move out. If you haven't graduated, decide when you want to graduate. Write these down. Having your goals written down is a good motivator. So write them down. We'll come back to them in Step 4.
Step 2 - Talk to your parents. Let them know you realize that you all have been feeling tension about this situation. Take responsibility for your part in this. Let them know your plans for the immediate future (getting a job, and graduating), which will lead to you eventually getting financially stable enough to get your own place. This will hopefully ease some of the tension you are all feeling, and allow you to focus on Step 1 without hating the place you have to live for the time being.
Step 3 - Assuming you have followed Steps 1 & 2, you are ready to see what else there is for you. Are you interested in a post secondary education? Not everyone is, and not everyone needs to be. Do you have any inherent skills that you think you would like to hone into a career? Are you good at sales? Do you like math and numbers? Are you computer savvy? Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy, that will help you in a professional setting? These are the things you need to look at in yourself, and decide if a post secondary education is for you.
Step 4 - Make a budget. I cannot stress this enough. Especially to someone moving out on their own for the first time. You need to know how much you are making, and how much you can afford to spend per month. You should always leave a portion of your monthly income aside, in savings, for what I like to call "holy shit" moments. These are moments when everything goes wrong, and you NEED extra cash. It is also important to budget a small portion for fun. Trust me on this. Even if it's $20 a week, it'll make things a whole lot nicer for you. Remember Step 1.4? This is where you go back to your short term plan and goals, and see if you can make it work. If your goals and your budget are going to coincide already, that's amazing! If they don't, and you have to revise the plan, that's awesome too! Because you now have a way to track your goals, which leads to an amazing feeling of accomplishment when you achieve them!
Step 5 - After you have saved three months of rent, you can start looking for places to live. Three months rent. In Canada, most places you rent will require that you put down first and last month's rent. You also may want to keep a third month's rent handy. This is for things that you won't expect having to pay for. The first time I moved out of my parents house, there were so many things that I didn't think about needing to buy. Like a shower curtain. It just slipped my mind. I had never, ever had to think about buying a shower curtain in my life. This is just one small thing that will occur to you.
Step 6 - If you have followed all of the other steps, you should be in a better place, both financially, and mentally. But the work isn't over yet. This is the step where you think more about Step 3. Assuming that you didn't fall into a job right out of the gate that will allow you to move up the ladder, and advance into the higher ranks of the company (and if you did, there is a small, jealous part of me that secretly hates you for it), you will eventually need to find employment that will be there for you in the long haul. This doesn't mean that you have to get a job in an office, but you should seriously consider all of your options. This is where you fall back to Step 3. Want to open up a surfing school? Great! Maybe take some business classes at a local community college! Want to work with computers? I'm sure there is a place SOMEWHERE in Australia that will put you on the right path. You had mentioned losing interest in schooling. I had the same thing. I could not pay any attention in school. It was terrible. I was diagnosed ADD/ADHD and dyslexic. But I was never really interested in what they teach in elementary/secondary school. When I finished and went to college, I had decided the classes I wanted to take. I graduated on the dean's list. I only mention this, because when you are learning about things you are interested in, you will find it WAY easier to pay attention. Don't let that stop you, or be a crutch for failure before you start.
Good luck man! Hope everything works out for you!
Make lists of the things you need to do every day and DO THEM.
Get to your nearest centerlink office and go on support. They'll make you apply to 10 jobs a fortnight or they'll cut you off.
I don't want to sound like I'm ripping you a new one, but facts are facts. You need to get into the habit of getting shit done. Get a job, Woolworths, KFC or as a garbage man, it doesn't matter. You only get better at working by working, and only if you pay attention and TRY to be better.
I have also had miserable times getting things done, it just comes down to closing the game and putting pen to paper, making these to do lists and writing out the possibilities for each day, where could you work, who to call, where to after that?
EDIT: Someone else mentioned this, and I agree. Any job pays pretty well in Australia. I'm getting $400 a week at least stacking shelves at a supermarket, and it's hardly the most tiring or frustrating of jobs.
Lets be hard but honest here. The problem is in your attitude and with you, not with your parents. The fact that your father gave you a job probably means you werent looking for work on your own, and when it was clear you didnt care about actually doing work he did the correct thing instead of screwing over his hard working employees by getting you out of the business.
You wont find a world willing to go as far as your parents have to help you survive. You won't find a place to plug in your steambox when your living in a cardboard box. Your parents have given you the benefit of the doubt that one day you will actually be able to leave the home on your own, and your father probably stopped giving you work because he realized as long as you thought you were the bosses son, you could just coast and collect a paycheck.
The world and your parents dont have to change. You do. You need to focus on actually giving a shit about this and this may mean you have to do things that are hard, or dirty, or both.
Take your computer and give it to your parents to put away. tell them not to give it back until you have a job.
Get some therapy. You're not a bad person, you're not a failure, you're just having a really rough time, and I don't think you have any social network to help you through it.
Learning disability and nearly 4 years living with your parents post school with no plan, no job, no direction? That is all stuff that can be easily fixed and corrected. You're what, 21, 22? You have a ton of life ahead of you--my life didn't really begin until I was in my late 20s.
I expect you just need a regular schedule where you share & discuss your feelings, trends, and habits with a professional. You clearly have some really bad habits, and some self-esteem issues.
Not all jobs are for everyone. People who go on to become VPs and CEOs have been fired from their first job. Our Bishop quit his first post as a priest after 8 months of his 3 year contract--he quit his next post at year 1. Being a parish priest wasn't for him at the time. His third job as a priest worked really well, and now he's a bishop; one (or even two) bad jobs does not define your future.
I think it would be really helpful for you to go to a therapist of some sort and work through these issues. It is an unrelentingly negative reaction you had to being fired, and there is a reason for that, which you can probably work out in therapy. A good therapist will help you address and correct those negative reactions.
Once you have a therapist, talk to them about your parents and your relationship to them. They probably are stressed out that their child has no friends, no plans, and no life on his own. You going to therapy and working on some of these feelings and thoughts may really crack the ice between you and them--talk to your therapist about a way to reconnect with them and understand the anxiety they must be feeling about you and your future.
Good luck. I hope I
This is the cold truth, and you should go to therapy because it's going to take you awhile in therapy to realize that this is the foundation of your problems.
You say your dad offered you your old job back. Don't just refuse out of pride. Ask him to give you honest feedback on your pro's and con's as an employee. You have a marked lack of personal insight. You take the easy way out by labeling yourself as a "failure" without really knowing whether you failed or not, or if you did, how to improve.
First, it sounds like your ideas about money are a tad naive. $200 with no income IS broke for anyone not living with their parents. $2000 with no income is pretty much broke for anyone not living with their parents. Before you can do anything, you need income - if you've got steady pay coming in, you can move out (in many cases) with nothing in your pocket - maybe first / last month rent. However, even if you've got a decent amount of cash, it's foolish to move out of free housing without some income.
On the other hand - you seem like you are relatively frugal. Spending $1800 over the course of four years is pretty good if you aren't using your parent's money for almost all of your activities. Being able to entertain yourself cheaply is something many people find very difficult.
Second, you are unemployed and need a job if you could ever hope to move out. Nobody wants to have to go to work - if we wanted to do it, they wouldn't pay us for it. You have to find enjoyment where you can, even if it's tallying up the money you make or finding something you enjoy in your free time. This may be a place to talk to your doctor about anti-anxiety meds or ADD. You may not be good at some jobs, but there are lots of different kinds of jobs out there to try - nobody is good at everything.
On the other hand - it sounds like your dad was willing to give you a shot once. Talk to him seriously and ask for him to give you another shot, and help you succeed. The important part is HELP you, not do it for you. You are still going to have to work hard to learn and succeed. If he's not willing to do this, or you aren't doing well, ask him for help finding another job that better fits your skills.
Third, you don't have any skills or experience. This is a place where you have lots of options. Take classes, even just in things that interest you. Most gamers have some basic technical amplitude, so consider getting some IT experience / certifications. Try a few different core classes, and ask for help if you're struggling. Again, this is a place to talk to your doctor about therapy, anti-anxiety meds, ADD, etc. You indicated your problem was procrastinating and either not doing assignments, or doing them at the last minute. You've got to focus and make yourself do better.
Finally, the big thing is you need to start taking accountability for your own life. In your OP, you're projecting almost all of your decisions onto others. You admit your work suffered because you were lazy, but you put the decision to maybe not graduate on your school not making you feel like you had a choice. Your father may be a different situation, but if he has a business to run, he's going to run his business and provide for his family at home - he can't jeopardize his job / business.
The big positive is that you are 22. You're at most four years behind your peers, and honestly when you consider things like student loans / debt probably not even that. Joining the ADF might not be a bad idea, but just getting out and getting some experience (and / or school) is what you need to do. Make friends at work, and go from there. Just don't be afraid to ask for help and every day find a small way to reward yourself for working hard and focusing on what you need to do.
Baffled by this advice here, as OP's entire post details how he screwed up and doesn't blame anybody else. see, e.g. "tl;dr I'm Australian, I made myself almost broke, I fucked up my life, I want to unfuck it a little by moving out and living by myself, and I need help and advice on what to do."
Jobcorps
http://www.jobcorps.gov/home.aspx
The first part of "unfucking" your life is going to be learning how to do something... anything. I know a lot of people who have gone through with these kind of programs. Learning a trade is going to get you farther then you can imagine. Plus it will really help with any emotional issues you may have rumbling around in the old skull. The biggest upside to a program like this is, little to no cost, and immediate job placement. Hell some of these programs even have apartments you an live in while attending classes.
If you don't feel like that's a good fit for you, maybe look into something like peacecorp, or any other volunteer program like an Australian version of habit for humanity. They don't care if you are currently "useless" they want to be able to teach you!
Lastly, and I hesitate to mention this, missionary work, I personally am not a particularly religious person but I have seen the effects it has on people with faith. It might be worth looking into if its up your alley!
I think it's because there's a difference between saying, "I'm in a shitty position" and "I recognize why I'm in a shitty position." The OP reads much like someone who couldn't be bothered to care about most things outside of video games. Maybe it's due to some sort of mental illness, maybe it's not, but it's vital that the OP realizes that any change will require them being involved in their own life (I mean, not knowing if you graduated high school? Really?) and actually putting forth a real and sustained effort to address and change the underlying problems, chief of which seems to be paying attention (ADD?).
So, yeah, they should likely be tested for a mental disability. But, beyond that, they need to shift their attitude. No more relying on others to do what you can/should do yourself, because the real world doesn't give a shit if you're disabled or not (speaking as someone that's wheelchair bound).
One thing that I would add which might help you with the getting another job part is to see if your dad is willing to help you to get your life back together by claiming that you still worked at his fast food place for the past 4 years. Having a long spell of unemployment just looks bad. If you can tell a little lie on your C.V / Resume and claim that you were gainfully employed, and have your dad back you up as a reference if needed, then it will look better.
Note that I said a little lie. Don't go and claim that you were an assistant manager or something (even if your dad will back you up), because BS can be easily sniffed out in a job interview. Stick with whatever work you actually did there, and if they ask why you left just say that you want to make your own way in life and not have your career handed to you on a silver platter.
ever
"ragequit"
anything to do with your parents
Unless they're just plain toxic people, always do whatever you can/must in order to maintain a positive relationship with them. You want them in your life to support you, if you can have them. Especially until you've been living on your own for a while.
My father once said to me, "Honestly, until you're 30, you've only technically moved out of your parents house."
There is a certain frustration that comes from having a child that's not taking any responsibility for themselves - not expending any effort in school (as another poster said - not knowing if you even graduated - four years after high school is BAD). They've supported OP for four years of...well, I wouldn't even call it drifting as drifting implies you're kinda going somewhere in life. I'd assume the OP took the same work ethic to the job his father gave him previously, which makes it understandable why he had the problems he had.
I have a hard time coming down on his parents at all, as it sounds like his father is even giving him another chance and offering him a job at his business. They've supported him for four years, put a roof over his head, paid for his food, probably given him money and paid for almost everything - $450 / year isn't much at all, especially after you take a cut for Steam.
I don't feel like OP has even described any reason his parents are 'making him nuts'. He's implied it's a two way street with the 'we make each other nuts', but that doesn't indicate a toxic environment or something that he would just need to 'quit'. If his parents are just pestering him to stop wasting time doing nothing and free-loading on them, well...he's 22 - as a grown ass man, there is an expectation that he should take some charge of his life. If it's making him nuts, he needs to take charge and do something about it.
Therapy or a life coach or any of a bunch of different things are good ideas, but unless OP takes charge of his own life, he's going to keep drifting and doing nothing with his life. Unless he starts spending effort, he'll either end up some 40 year old man-child living off his parent's, or they will boot him out on his ass and he'll HAVE to figure out real quick what he needs to do with his life.
Recognizing the problem is the first step, it counts for nothing if you don't actually do something about it.
It must be awkwardly silent at the house for family meals.
OP, just take a step back and try to remove yourself and your family from this picture.
You know a friend, they dropped out of high school. They can't or won't find a job, and sit at home all day playing video games and masturbating and what have you. Eventually eating dinner and calling it a night after some more video games. They're 22 years old, have no job, have no money, have no ambition to do anything.
How would you feel about that friend? How would you feel about the parent's reactions to them? That's how we're all seeing you.
First things first, get a job. Do anything, anywhere. It sucks, it's hard, but once you do it you'll start feeling better about yourself. Once you've got a job you realize "hey I always wanted to get a pizza, but my parents wouldn't let me... but I'm a grown ass man and can do whatever the hell I want."
And that's the best part about being an adult, you get to choose what you do, how you do it, and when you do it.
Want some fast food at midnight? Knock yourself out. Want to buy a new PC? Go for it. The lack of drive you have bothers me. What is it you want to do with your life? Start with small goals. Where do you want to be a year from now? Do you want to have a job? Okay. So do it. Keep the job, do what your boss tells you to do. 5 years from now? Want to be moved out? Okay great! You should have a steady job and some saved income. 10 years from now? You want to be married or in a meaningful relationship? Go ahead! That's hard to do living at home though, and doubly hard without a job and money.
Maybe in 15 years you lose your job because of the economy in your country. But if you forsake your parents, you won't have a safety net. Don't ever forsake family unless they're abusive. Hounding you to get a job isn't abusive.
Wanting to move out is a good and positive thing. Motivation is the first step in making something of your life. My brother never cared whether he could move out or not, as long as he could play his video games, which is why he is still living at home at 35. The desire to move out is the only thing that separates the OP and my brother.
You and your parents are having increasing difficulty because
A. you've been living with each other for 22ish years, and people drive each other insane in that time frame
B. They're trying their best to be supportive and helpful to you while not outright yelling "GET JOB OR GET OUT", and are growing increasingly frustrated.
So, number one - get a job. To do this, you need to start by treating your days as a job. No games until you have completed 8 hours of job hunting and/or job training. You can maybe have a half hour at lunch, but that's it. You need to start taking work seriously. Is it hard to concentrate and do something you don't want to for that length of time? Yes. Tough shit, we all do it.
I would also sit down with your parents and try to plan out the "get me out of the house" plan. It's something you all want, so it should alleviate some stress to actually say "hey, I want to do this, let's plan how this will happen". Your path out from here will depend on you, as there's a lot of options in regards to schools, careers and whatnot. Don't be afraid of trying trades (electrician, plumbing etc.) as they're sometimes a better fit for people with attention issues. Also, Military is an option, as my completely ADD friend went career military in the states and it's been nothing but good for him.
I was 23 at that time.
Our situations are/were fundamentally different for a few reasons, but in January of 2011 I realized that I had never proven that I could really do anything. I did well in school, I was getting good grades, all of that stuff. But my job was pretty much unskilled, and I wasn't doing anything.
It was then that I realized that, if I wanted to be satisfied with myself, with my life, with what I had and with what I was going to have, that eventually I was actually going to have to put my nose to the grindstone. I am a fortunate person in that it didn't take much effort for me to get the things that I had (good grades, decent job for a student, etc), but as a result, I just kind of coasted. That January is when I stopped coasting and decided that I was going to be a force of goddamned nature in my own life.
For me, the realization that I would never really be proud of myself unless I sweated to make what I made was enough. But the point I'm trying to make here, and the point which you should take to heart (or have a therapist or something instill in you, if you find that you do not have it intrinsically), is that in order to take the wheel in your life, it's not just about wanting it.
It's about actually doing it.
Getting the motivation to actually do stuff is hard sometimes, but that's what you need. However you get it, that's going to be personal to you, but once you get it, things will absolutely start to fall into place.
Also, please, see a therapist. Anyone in a situation like yours would be at least a little depressed. Don't feel bad about being depressed, just do something about it! Have a sit down with mom or dad and explain that you want to help yourself out of this situation, and see how far they're willing to go to help. I'm sure they're already doing a lot of things to help in their own way. They probably need to know how to help you your way.
Does Australia have trade unions? Our electricians' union will take almost anyone as an apprentice. they pay you to finish out your school (as in they pay for the classes AND you're getting partial hourly pay while sitting in them), and advancement is on a non-political schedule based on finishing set milestones and not personality based.
You could also look at starting a small business - a lawn service, snow removal, or a basic housepainting service are two that are low startup. Then you make a website, make a few business cards, and bing you have a job while you look for a job. And hell, the business might actually work out.
I host a podcast about movies.
They're going that way for everything these days. Pretty much any trade is licensed and regulated in an effort to weed out the shady fuckers that install your fence and then the whole thing falls over next week type of scenario.
You definitely need to go out there and get a job. I second whoever said to go out and get your RSA and would even suggest getting your RCG. Means you can work anywhere there are pokies and given that most bars now have pokies, it's a no brainer. You can do both in one day and can cost as little as $150. It suddenly opens up many opportunities.
I am also going to assume that you don't have your drivers license as yet. Start the process of getting that. It might even help improve relations with your parents as your showing initiative to do something with yourself.
I think you will find that by doing these two simple things you and your parents wont be at each others necks as much. Heck, you might even realise that you can all live together and that you don't HAVE to move out like you currently think you do.
In all honestly I'd like to recommend the army but there is a chance you wouldn't even get accepted. I had a friend in a VERY similar position to you and they told him that he needed to get out and get some life experience first.