The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
I'm an uptight jerkwad
UncleChet
N00bLancaster, PARegistered User regular
N00bLancaster, PARegistered User regular
This may sound weird, so please, bear with me. Generally speaking, I'm a mostly easy going person, loving to laugh, and spend time with friends. Then there's the Other side. My partner and I go to the club about once a month, and I fairly instantly become a super uptight, almost grumpy jerkface. My partner has actually called me his "Stripper pole" as I stand rigidly there, as he dances at/around me. I'm usually a fun and outgoing person, except when we go to the club, and then I just want to be invisible until we go home. I haven't always been this way, I used to have fun at the clubs/bars but well, not anymore. I can't say any one thing sets me off, but it's nearly instant after walking in to the club. I don't drink much at all, maybe 1 alcoholic drink per trip. So, my request for help/advice is: how can I learn to let go, to unwind, even a little and increase the fun factory for my favorite person?
I'm sometimes grumpy and random, feel free to overlook the strange man in the corner.
0
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
If its something your partner really wants/needs to do, can you give them permission to go with someone else? Or is this about you being there with them?
I dont take my boyfriend to hip-hop concerts or hockey games because its just not his bag. Its fine to have a thing that you like to do that your partner doesn't. Granted, the club is a little different because going to a club by yourself and dancing with strangers is not necessarily an "Im in a monogamous relationship" activity. You'll need to talk out what you are both comfortable with, and what the rules are, and then let go and let your partner have fun.
It could be that he does not want to go without you, which is also fine. I Would then try to figure out what you don't like about the particular bars/clubs you go to. I'm more of a pool/darts person than a dancing person. Maybe if its more about the dancing for your partner, you could take a class together and tango in a less high volume environment. Maybe its about the whole atmosphere, but you could be there and hang back at the and watch him dance with someone else.
I'm just throwing things out there though. The point is, you need to talk to him about it.
A suggestion could be that you could host a dance party of your own, making the atmosphere something you like all the while your partner gets that club vibe too? Just an idea.
Also, my main point of posting follows. It is mostly a joke but after thinking about it a bit, it might not be a bad idea. Anyways:
Otherwise approach any less than ideal task as an active exercise in mindfulness: I might not prefer to be here, but I am here. I will quickly grieve for my other options and then look at taking enjoyment from this moment as a puzzle to be solved
I host a podcast about movies.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
OP said the club was important b/c they have no gay friends up there, so it's a way to socialize w/other gay peeps, which is a very nice thing to do even if you have breeder friends, which OP does by implication.