Non Romantic Flower

Kyougu

With Valentine Day coming up, I thought it would be a nice gesture of me to give a flower to some of my close female friends. I'm having trouble thinking of one I could go with, since the only single stem flowers that come to mind is roses, and that seems too much. Any ideas?

Aside, is this a weird idea? I don't think any of my friends would be creeped out by it (hence also why I'm avoiding roses) but I still wouldn't want to do it if it seems odd.

darqness

As odd as it sounds to me, only you can gauge whether or not it would be too much, or inappropriate to give them a flower on V day. You could do a bouquet of Daisies and split it up.
Maybe do something more along the lines of those cheesy stuffed bears or some Valentine candy hearts?

Or go straight up elementary school and get some Spongebob Valentine's Day cards.

LostNinja

I think as long as you are getting them all one, and they know that you gave them all one, it won't be construed as weird and your intentions won't be misinterpreted.

As far as an up romantic flower, the above posters idea of daisies would probably be pretty safe.

wonderpug

Traditionally, yellow roses indicate friendship without romantic subtext.

As for weirdness, you're probably the only one who can know. Thinking of my own nonromantic female friends, some of the single ones would definitely appreciate a platonic Valentine's flower from me, some of the married/dating ones would appreciate the gesture, and some of the married/dating ones would either feel awkward or have their boyfriend/husband feel awkward in some way.

see317

Roses can have different meanings depending on the color, according to most sites I found a yellow rose can be used for friends. Though, if the recipient doesn't know that, it might still be taken wrong.
More information: http://www.rkdn.org/roses/colors.asp, http://www.proflowers.com/guide/rose-colors-and-meanings

Alternatively, maybe small potted plants/flowers? They tend to live longer (as long as some modicum of care is given), and don't tend to have the same romantic connotations as giving flowers on Valentine's day.

Kyougu

Thanks guys. Looks like yellow daisies or roses might be the way to go.

One of our friends is holding an Valentine/Anti Valentine Day party, so I was planning on handing them out there, since a lot of my female friends will be there. I figure if they see that I'm giving them to multiple people that may ease any potential awkwardness.

_J_

If it were me, I would not rely upon socially constructed color-meanings and hope my friends did not misinterpret.

Instead, I would attach a little card to each flower that read, "I don't want to screw you. I just wanted to do something nice."

That way you avoid misinterpretation, make them laugh, and clearly state your intent.

win win win.

CelestialBadger

Personally I'd be confused if a male friend had done this when I was single.

Daisies are cute though.

Magic Pink

Kyougu wrote: »

Thanks guys. Looks like yellow daisies or roses might be the way to go.

One of our friends is holding an Valentine/Anti Valentine Day party, so I was planning on handing them out there, since a lot of my female friends will be there. I figure if they see that I'm giving them to multiple people that may ease any potential awkwardness.

Why not just give daisies to all your friends there instead of just the females? Otherwise it'll come across as weird no matter what.

Hahnsoo1

When I was single, I gave all of my female friends a yellow rose, just as a nice gesture on Valentine's Day. They seemed to like it and thought it was "sweet". As far as I know, there were no connotations of romance or anything. But that's my situation, and may be different from yours.

Darkewolfe

I've only done this in the context of getting romantic flowers for one person, and non-romantic flowers to others so they don't feel left out. In that case I used tulips.

kaliyama

Unless this is de rigeur in texas, this is so weird, and people are going to be confused by it. What does it get you? Take that money and spend it on the next date you have, or a body pillow, or whatever.

Or, if you want to show your friends they're appreciated, and they are also single, go to a bar with them and buy them drinks. If they're not single, see body pillow suggestion above.

naporeon

If there is genuinely nothing romantic about this gesture, do you plan on doing anything for your guy friends as well? If not, I'm curious as to why you think that isn't appropriate.

ceres

Magic Pink wrote: »

Kyougu wrote: »

Thanks guys. Looks like yellow daisies or roses might be the way to go.

One of our friends is holding an Valentine/Anti Valentine Day party, so I was planning on handing them out there, since a lot of my female friends will be there. I figure if they see that I'm giving them to multiple people that may ease any potential awkwardness.

Why not just give daisies to all your friends there instead of just the females? Otherwise it'll come across as weird no matter what.

This was my exact first thought.

wonderpug

naporeon wrote: »

If there is genuinely nothing romantic about this gesture, do you plan on doing anything for your guy friends as well? If not, I'm curious as to why you think that isn't appropriate.

There are plenty nonromantic 'gentlemanly' actions (for lack of a better word) that are for cultural reasons awkward or strange for straight men to do for each other, even if both men have no prejudice against homesexuality. While I think most all of my female friends would take a yellow flower from me with "aw, thanks!" my male friends would most likely take it as a joke.

I'm drawing blanks trying to think of another example. Oh I know: I can offer to walk a female classmate or coworker to her car without any romantic subtext. It's taken as a gentlemanly safety thing to do, not as an "I'm hitting on you" thing. With a male classmate or coworker, the same offer would seem really really weird unless there was some kind of imminent danger afoot.

spaboolly

Carnations? Those are pretty non-romantic, friendly gesture type flowers if I remember right. I do agree it's a little odd, but you would know your friends better than we would.

Iruka

In our trendster climate, If you attach a really cheesy elementary school valentine to every one, I think that the message is understood immediately. Buy like a bunch of them and give them with flower to the girls and no flower to the boys. Everyone wins via candy, everyone understands your drift via non serious Ninja Turtle Valentine, you win via socially appropriate niceness. Essentially, its a party favor, which are totally fine (though usually the hosts job) but you shouldn't single out a sex by giving the dudes nothing.

naporeon

wonderpug wrote: »

naporeon wrote: »

If there is genuinely nothing romantic about this gesture, do you plan on doing anything for your guy friends as well? If not, I'm curious as to why you think that isn't appropriate.

There are plenty nonromantic 'gentlemanly' actions (for lack of a better word) that are for cultural reasons awkward or strange for straight men to do for each other, even if both men have no prejudice against homesexuality. While I think most all of my female friends would take a yellow flower from me with "aw, thanks!" my male friends would most likely take it as a joke.

I'm drawing blanks trying to think of another example. Oh I know: I can offer to walk a female classmate or coworker to her car without any romantic subtext. It's taken as a gentlemanly safety thing to do, not as an "I'm hitting on you" thing. With a male classmate or coworker, the same offer would seem really really weird unless there was some kind of imminent danger afoot.

Plenty of women I know find affected "gentlemanly" behavior to be somewhat "nice guy" at best, and off-putting and insulting at worst. If the OP knows his friends enough to be confident they wouldn't feel this way, then fine...although his asking whether this is weird or not makes me suspect that he does not.

But take a look at the women who have responded in this thread, both through posts and "agrees". Seems that many -- if not most of them -- find this an odd thing to be doing. I'd take my cue from that, personally.

I'm not trying to be hurtful, but the OP's intentions here are almost completely meaningless. This is 100% about how comfortable his friends will be with this sort of gesture.

noir_blood

I think it's a little bit weird.

Plus then you kinda put the person on the spot. They have to take the flower or look like a jerk, and then what? They hang on to the flower all night? Put all of them in a base?

Like I don't get why you're wanting to do this if like you say, there's no romantic intentions behind it. Females are perfectly able to survive Valentines day without needing flowers.

I think it would be funnier if you give the GUYS flowers, along with that "I don't want to screw" message suggested above. At least that's something different.

Kyougu

kaliyama wrote: »

Unless this is de rigeur in texas, this is so weird, and people are going to be confused by it. What does it get you? Take that money and spend it on the next date you have, or a body pillow, or whatever.

Or, if you want to show your friends they're appreciated, and they are also single, go to a bar with them and buy them drinks. If they're not single, see body pillow suggestion above.

Really? Was that needed?

Anyways, thanks all! I'll take everything that was said into consideration and figure out if I'll do or not, and if so what I'll do. As most of you said, I know my friends best so I should know how they'll react.

wonderpug

naporeon wrote: »

wonderpug wrote: »

naporeon wrote: »

If there is genuinely nothing romantic about this gesture, do you plan on doing anything for your guy friends as well? If not, I'm curious as to why you think that isn't appropriate.

There are plenty nonromantic 'gentlemanly' actions (for lack of a better word) that are for cultural reasons awkward or strange for straight men to do for each other, even if both men have no prejudice against homesexuality. While I think most all of my female friends would take a yellow flower from me with "aw, thanks!" my male friends would most likely take it as a joke.

I'm drawing blanks trying to think of another example. Oh I know: I can offer to walk a female classmate or coworker to her car without any romantic subtext. It's taken as a gentlemanly safety thing to do, not as an "I'm hitting on you" thing. With a male classmate or coworker, the same offer would seem really really weird unless there was some kind of imminent danger afoot.

Plenty of women I know find affected "gentlemanly" behavior to be somewhat "nice guy" at best, and off-putting and insulting at worst. If the OP knows his friends enough to be confident they wouldn't feel this way, then fine...although his asking whether this is weird or not makes me suspect that he does not. But take a look at the women who have responded in this thread, both through posts and "agrees". Seems that many -- if not most of them -- find this an odd thing to be doing. I'd take my cue from that, personally.

It depends on the context of the situation, to be sure, but with my example Boston after dark was dangerous enough for my female friends to appreciate the offer even if they declined. I'm a bit of an odd duck though in that for most of my life I've had more close female friends (nonromantic) than close male friends. I even had a female friend as one of my groomsmen (groomslady?) in my wedding party.

But I think I agree with you that if you have to ask whether or not it would be appropriate, you probably don't know the friends well enough for it to be appropriate.

Djeet

Iruka wrote: »

In our trendster climate, If you attach a really cheesy elementary school valentine to every one, I think that the message is understood immediately. Buy like a bunch of them and give them with flower to the girls and no flower to the boys. Everyone wins via candy, everyone understands your drift via non serious Ninja Turtle Valentine, you win via socially appropriate niceness. Essentially, its a party favor, which are totally fine (though usually the hosts job) but you shouldn't single out a sex by giving the dudes nothing.

I choo choo choose you.

BillyIdle

Chocolate roses! Knocks out the candy & flower aspect in a 2 hit combo.

see317

Djeet wrote: »

Iruka wrote: »

In our trendster climate, If you attach a really cheesy elementary school valentine to every one, I think that the message is understood immediately. Buy like a bunch of them and give them with flower to the girls and no flower to the boys. Everyone wins via candy, everyone understands your drift via non serious Ninja Turtle Valentine, you win via socially appropriate niceness. Essentially, its a party favor, which are totally fine (though usually the hosts job) but you shouldn't single out a sex by giving the dudes nothing.

I choo choo choose you.

Let's bee friends

Lovely

I dunno, I liked the daisy idea myself. Sounded fun . *is female*

Comradebot

I'll be honest: if you're a dude, and you're just randomly handing out flowers to any large amount of your friends, I think it'd come off as weird.

I mean, you know your friends better than I do (given that I know them none). But if one of my friends who was a guy handed me a daisy this week and explained he was giving all of his friends daisies, I'd be a little weirded out. A female friend? Okay, that'd be fun in a whimsical sorta way.

And that, ladies and gents, is what we call a double standard.


But if you're gonna do it all at once, it's probably okay.

Darkewolfe

Just don't come back in a month and ask, "Why hasn't the girl I gave a friendly daisy to and helped with her assignments given me sex?"

Which is a snide way of saying, "Don't do something that is a purely friendly gesture specifically because what you WANT to make is a romantic gesture, but you don't have the wherewithal."

Wassermelone

I completely agree with Iruka. You ought to really really ham it up. Get the most ridiculously bad grade school valentines cards with Transformers/Nascar/Simpsons whatever

And give that and a flower to everyone (not just women).

Kyougu

Darkewolfe wrote: »

Just don't come back in a month and ask, "Why hasn't the girl I gave a friendly daisy to and helped with her assignments giving me sex?"

Which is a snide way of saying, "Don't do something that is a purely gesture specifically because what you WANT to make is a romantic gesture, but you don't have the wherewithal."

Considering that the title specifically mentions non romantic and that being the point of my question I'm not sure why that would be an issue.

Which is a snide way of saying "Your post wasn't very helpful "

Maguano

As someone who managed a florist for over 5 years, I'd say go with the kid's valentines card.

MichaelLC

_J_ wrote: »

If it were me, I would not rely upon socially constructed color-meanings and hope my friends did not misinterpret.

Instead, I would attach a little card to each flower that read, "I don't want to screw you. I just wanted to do something nice."

That way you avoid misinterpretation, make them laugh, and clearly state your intent.

win win win.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sharing my bed
Is not for you.

Corvus

Cactus.

Gaslight

Consider that even if you know that the flower you choose to give your female buddies has an "official" meaning which is strictly non-romantic in the "language of flowers" devised by people who care about these things, there is no guarantee that your female friends "speak flower." (I know this seems like a thing that all girls just know intuitively, but surprisingly that may not actually be the case.)

kaliyama

Kyougu wrote: »

kaliyama wrote: »

Unless this is de rigeur in texas, this is so weird, and people are going to be confused by it. What does it get you? Take that money and spend it on the next date you have, or a body pillow, or whatever.

Or, if you want to show your friends they're appreciated, and they are also single, go to a bar with them and buy them drinks. If they're not single, see body pillow suggestion above.

Really? Was that needed?

Anyways, thanks all! I'll take everything that was said into consideration and figure out if I'll do or not, and if so what I'll do. As most of you said, I know my friends best so I should know how they'll react.

I'm kidding re: the body pillow! What i'm trying to convey is that there is only downside risk here and almost any use of your money would be better-spent.

Modern context of flower-giving is that it's a romantic gesture. You are going to do something that will either be taken well as a token of friendship, or not taken well. I think it's likelier than not people will be weirded out by the gift, especially because valentines day is the day for giving romantic gifts, not for appreciating friends. There are a thousand things you can do to express your appreciation for someone's friendship that do not have any risk they will be misinterpreted as courtship.

Even if what you're doing is OK per historical rules of flower etiquette, nobody really knows those rules - @Gaslight just made that point, and doing it on valentine's day just guarantees it will be misconstrued. It's going to look even weirder if your friends compare notes and see that you only gave gifts to your female friends. That your plan is gendered suggests you recognize that it's a psuedo-romantic gesture.

One has to read H/A threads like an epistolary novel. My first thought was @Darkewolfe 's - that you are being pusillanimous and really want to ask somebody out. Taking your denial at face value, then the subtext I see is that you are bummed out because you are single (I know you had put up some OKC threads before, sorry those didn't go anywhere) and want to do something on v-day to approximate what couples do. So, if that's the case, that's not a good reason to get your friends flowers.

In any event, you said you thought it was a "nice gesture" - what exact sentiment are you trying to convey with your gesture? If you can define that better, we can offer you some suggestions that don't risk being misinterpreted.

Kyougu

There's really no other reason that I thought it would be a nice gesture. I have no romantic interest in any of my female friends and really don't mind being single (Super active social life and tons of friends keeps me busy enough).

The idea came about because a female friend had been complaining that she never got any flowers, even in her previous relationship (She's with someone right now who I'm pretty sure will get her flowers) and other friend's chimed in that it's always nice to get flowers, regardless of the occasion.

mcp

It's too close to the deadline, but depending on how much you want to spend something like this would probably be great:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/78249113/bright-mario-plants-fire-flower-or?ref=sr_gallery_37&ga_search_query=8+bit+flower&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all

edit: fine, won't let me hide that big ugly link.

kaliyama

Kyougu wrote: »

There's really no other reason that I thought it would be a nice gesture. I have no romantic interest in any of my female friends and really don't mind being single (Super active social life and tons of friends keeps me busy enough).

The idea came about because a female friend had been complaining that she never got any flowers, even in her previous relationship (She's with someone right now who I'm pretty sure will get her flowers) and other friend's chimed in that it's always nice to get flowers, regardless of the occasion.

Very likely what they meant is that they would like a boy who they like to give them flowers. Do an event with them.

Cryogen

I have a different viewpoint on this thread. Please correct me if I am mistaken, but haven't you made at least one thread in the past about having difficulty progressing from 'friends' to 'relationship'? (Or more or less to that effect)

I feel like giving flowers to all your female friends only muddies those waters further. How is a future potentially interested girl going to view this? In the sense that, she may find it difficult to figure out if you're actually interested in her, or just being your usual nice guy self. I'm not saying your idea is bad, or that you will be viewed negatively by the girls you are planning to give neutral flowers to, just consider that it may dilute the message towards someone you actually are interested in and make it less 'special' as it were.

If that wasn't you, obviously disregard my advice. Also, some guys can just easily pull off this sort of thing. Having read PA for years, despite me not posting very often I feel like you're a good dude whose heart is probably in the right place, so whatever you decide, good luck bro.

kaliyama

So what happened?