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An Artist's Life: How Do You Deal With Rejection?
Hearthsinger
Actor/WriterNYCRegistered User regular
Actor/WriterNYCRegistered User regular
So I'm not a visual artist, but I'm an actor and I know that no matter what our medium, we are constantly putting ourselves on the line for jobs and opportunities we may not get in the end.
Obviously I know that the rejection is a part of my chosen path but every once in a while losing out on one opportunity in particular will bum me out especially or I'll start feeling that green-eyed monster of jealousy creeping up inside of me. When that happens, I like to check in with folks and see how they "wipe the slate clean" so to speak and just let things go. Lately I've been experiencing crippling anxiety following auditions and I can't stop talking about how it went or replaying it in my head. I just look at the phone in the evening hoping it will ring. I can't sleep. It's getting ridiculous and this didn't used to be such a problem. I think a lot of this is from the fact that I've lost over 100 lbs in the past year and the roles I'm going in for now are just so different from what I would have been called in for before. Maybe I'm just still struggling with accepting the new me? Blerg. I have anxiety over that BEFORE the audition even happens a lot of the time. IT'S ANNOYING and I want to just let it go but it's like this persistent mounting pressure and self doubt.
Do you have any relevant rituals or advice for enduring the wait and possible rejection after auditions/job interviews to share?
Obviously I know that the rejection is a part of my chosen path but every once in a while losing out on one opportunity in particular will bum me out especially or I'll start feeling that green-eyed monster of jealousy creeping up inside of me. When that happens, I like to check in with folks and see how they "wipe the slate clean" so to speak and just let things go. Lately I've been experiencing crippling anxiety following auditions and I can't stop talking about how it went or replaying it in my head. I just look at the phone in the evening hoping it will ring. I can't sleep. It's getting ridiculous and this didn't used to be such a problem. I think a lot of this is from the fact that I've lost over 100 lbs in the past year and the roles I'm going in for now are just so different from what I would have been called in for before. Maybe I'm just still struggling with accepting the new me? Blerg. I have anxiety over that BEFORE the audition even happens a lot of the time. IT'S ANNOYING and I want to just let it go but it's like this persistent mounting pressure and self doubt.
Do you have any relevant rituals or advice for enduring the wait and possible rejection after auditions/job interviews to share?
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I'd think an audition is basically a job interview. You cannot affect the outcome of the interview you did by worrying; perhaps follow up in a few days, but that's it. Once the interview is done, move on to the next thing. If you get a rejection you may wish to ask them why you were rejected (so you can work on that), though likely they will give you a non-answer or a boilerplate answer to avoid liability, but sometimes you can get some constructive criticism. To keep you fresh for the next interview you cannot be stewing about how it is going to go. Best thing you can do is maybe practice (with someone else, if you have a propensity to worry then practicing by yourself is likely to throw you into a worry hole) and when you're done with that do something completely unrelated to the upcoming audition.
Here's the start of that conversation in the chat thread: http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/187776/want-chat-liberation/p13
I sort of imagine that its a little different for actors than for visual artists, as acting projects are collaborative efforts almost by default, and some of the pressure you face as a visual artist is trying to draw every second of every day. Part of the conversation that was going on in the chat thread is how its important to remember that you are allowed to think about other shit, care about other passions, and do things that aren't just art. It seems like a no brainier, but when you are hungry for the next job you can make your self sick over how much you are demanding from your time.
Its easy to add constraints and expectations on yourself that add to your stress, like "I need to look for a job all day today" or "I need to get x type of audition before the end of the year" but we often spend little time on our mental health. It sounds like you spent some time on your physical health (congratulations on losing weight) so take the time to figure out some things you can do to give your mind the same sort of breaks and improvements. Crippling anxiety is a good reason to seek out some professional help, just to get some better ideas of how to deal with it, and spend some needed time talking to someone about your stress.
For me, reducing stress is about targeting the area that provides the most discomfort and molding that to better fit your needs. One of my problems was facebook, and it was way worse than I realized until I reduced my usage of it. Reading a few dozen posts about friends of friends getting jobs here or there really weighed heavy on my mind, So I reduced my news feed down to about 10 close friends and unfollowed (But not un-friended) maybe 90% of my facebook friends. The result was a sort of physical reminder to myself to stop constantly comparing myself to others, and it helped me do some mental rewiring in general. That is completely anecdotal, and may not effect you at all, but I do think small improvements on problem areas can make a big difference.
I've done a lot of acting & a lot of direct, door to door cold call canvassing (the skills here are pretty transferable). Some piecemeal advice:
1) 'Impact routines' - that's the name I've most heard used - are essential in the morning. Every morning. Just a really silly activity in the morning that gets you ready to interact with people & embarrass yourself while laughing about it. Something that puts you into 'who gives a shit?' mode. This is such an individual thing that it's hard for me to cite a specific activity to do, but if you know what I mean by it then you'll know what you should be doing for yourself. Anecdotally, I would literally kick open my door every morning, stomp down my stairs and ask the first random person I saw, "Are you ready? Because I'm ready," (Most people just chose to pretend I wasn't there and walked away at that point, of course - which is the whole idea. 'Who gives a shit?')
My canvassing office also had a great group warm-up activity where we basically just screamed each other's names and invented cute nicknames on the fly, but you kind of need an office for that.
2) It's a pretty feast or famine routine, and droughts happen. You have to be physically, mentally and financially prepared for those droughts, because they can happen even when you're at the top of your game. You need to keep-up the 'who gives a shit?' routines, even when you can't seem to land a gig. So you're running into people that don't find you interesting right now? Well, those aren't the people you want to meet anyway, so fuck 'em and keep looking for new gigs.
3) A good way of confronting a build-up of negativity before you get buried in it is just to ask yourself, "Am I good at entertaining people or not? Am I a professional at this job or am I just flapping in the wind?" and then go watch some of your past performances to show yourself that, yes, you are a professional and yes, you do know how to put on a show.
If you feel that you're at the point where you've built yourself a nice little chapel of self-loathing and are going there to pray every evening, then I'd strongly recommend reaching out for some external support.
4) External support is really, really important. Knowing that you're a good actor involves a lot of externalized self-image, so it's the rare person who can carry that kind of career all on their own.
5) Get regular check-ups with a therapist. This is a huge regret I now have; I didn't recognize the symptoms of clinical depression, and if I had, I probably could've saved myself years of trouble with some simply medication. Make sure that your problem isn't clinical.
6) It's fine to suck sometimes. I know, you hear that all the time, but it's true and it can't be said enough. Don't beat yourself up over bad performances or taking a low brow gig; just like any job, you can't deliver a 5 star performance every time and you can't always get exactly the position you want. If a shitty performance happens, just acknowledge that it happened, make peace with it, and move on to the next one.
Sorry if the advice isn't really focused; that's just stuff off of the top of my head.
I'm a bit confused about this part:
...Have you been working with an agent, or did you build-up any rapport with local theater groups, or... what has your career path been? I find it unusual that in a year's time you'd be dramatically shifting from one role type to another, even if you've lost weight (congratulations on that, by the way).
My career path has been mostly independent theater companies in NYC. Some indie films and web series. Some off broadway. Lots of workshops and development of new musicals.
100 lbs is quite the difference. I'm not lucky enough to have secured an agent, but I played every gypsy, every butch lesbian, and every brassy mother in woe before. Now that I'm smaller, I get typed out for what I used to do. Appearance wise, I'm not quite an ingenue and not quite a character actress anymore. Here in NYC, you walk into an open call and you can get typed out before you even open your mouth to perform. The companies I've worked with in the past don't know what to do with me and neither do new possible employers. I try to stay on the lookout for new roles that fit my description but where I am physically makes it hard. The roles I'd play for Shakespeare have shifted dramatically and musical theater is the same. It's just a frustrating situation because my body type has shifted so dramatically that it has created a situation where when I go in with my resume, people are all, "But how? How were cast in any of these roles?" And its sort of wiped the slate clean. I can pass for a teenager now and when I was heavier, I played a LOT older. I know it seems odd but I don't even look like the same person. I can't use my film reel either. It's ridiculous and I feel like I'm trying to build everything from the ground up again.
I'm in a similar situation, artistically, because I have put off my professional development (organizing my portfolio, narrowing down what field or fields I would want to work in, specializing my skill sets in specific ways....) for so long that it's been sort of paralyzing my development as an artist. So I, about to embark on my third decade, have an emptier portfolio than a college kid who doesn't do his homework on time, but if I want this, I'm going to have to white-knuckle it a little bit and bust my ass making work I love well enough to put it in front of an AD and be totally okay with them just... hating the fuck out of all of my hard work. It is a hell of a position we creative types have to put ourselves in, especially when, like with acting, it's something where it's hard not to perceive the rejection as being about you as a person.
I'd say see if you can round up a few friends who can help you put together a reel that best highlights your abilities, within your old work (really, just one or two bits to represent the strengths of your abilities) and possibly have them stage some sketches with you which highlight your current abilities post weight changes.
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