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The Awkward Thread
Darric
Santa MonicaRegistered User regular
Santa MonicaRegistered User regular
So it's 8:45 and I'm at home. I've just finished setting up my PS4 for a work related test that's starting at 9:00. I haven't eaten and don't feel like making something, so I think, "I can totally make it to the nearest take-out place and back." I drive there, and I'm in and out in a breeze. Then I get cocky.
I can get Starbucks and be home in time, right? I walk in, and there's a couple in front of me finishing up at the counter. I order my coffee, and while I'm waiting, they come up to me and ask if I could help jump start their car. Now they seem nice enough, nothing dodgy about them, but it's around 8:55 at this point. Anxiety takes over. Any other time, I'd have gladly helped out, but I don't really want to have to awkwardly explain that I have to be at home in front of my PlayStation in five minutes ... so I make a judgement call.
I lie. I say, "I'm so sorry, but I walked here." There's guilt, sure, but I'm in a rush for time, and rational me realises they're in a busy parking lot by a Starbucks; these guys aren't going to have any trouble getting someone to help. Sure enough, not long after, they're heading out with someone who's a much better person than I am. A minute later, I grab my coffee and walk out the store.
I take a few steps. Across the lot, I catch the eye of the guy getting his car fixed. Directly. Opposite. Mine. I look around, giving my best "what was I doing?" impression ... and then I turn on my heels and walk home, rather than deal with the crippling embarrassment that would be driving my car in front of them.
An hour later, I changed my T-shirt and went back for it.
Hello! I'm Neilan, and I've been making poor decisions as a result of awkwardness since 1986. Do you?
I can get Starbucks and be home in time, right? I walk in, and there's a couple in front of me finishing up at the counter. I order my coffee, and while I'm waiting, they come up to me and ask if I could help jump start their car. Now they seem nice enough, nothing dodgy about them, but it's around 8:55 at this point. Anxiety takes over. Any other time, I'd have gladly helped out, but I don't really want to have to awkwardly explain that I have to be at home in front of my PlayStation in five minutes ... so I make a judgement call.
I lie. I say, "I'm so sorry, but I walked here." There's guilt, sure, but I'm in a rush for time, and rational me realises they're in a busy parking lot by a Starbucks; these guys aren't going to have any trouble getting someone to help. Sure enough, not long after, they're heading out with someone who's a much better person than I am. A minute later, I grab my coffee and walk out the store.
I take a few steps. Across the lot, I catch the eye of the guy getting his car fixed. Directly. Opposite. Mine. I look around, giving my best "what was I doing?" impression ... and then I turn on my heels and walk home, rather than deal with the crippling embarrassment that would be driving my car in front of them.
An hour later, I changed my T-shirt and went back for it.
Hello! I'm Neilan, and I've been making poor decisions as a result of awkwardness since 1986. Do you?
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Steam ID - VeldrinD | SS Post | Wishlist
Well, he had long since finished cleaning the restroom, but as I walked down the hallway toward the back of the store I started muttering to myself at a level you'd be able to hear if you were within 2 feet of me "I have a pooping emergency, I have a pooping emergency, i have a pooping emergency" Swung around the corner, BOOM face to face with a coworker. I have a pooping emergency :shock:
I'm American, so, that was, uh, swell.
But after class in the hall one of my boys came up behind me and gave me a hug and told me that he missed me and that also I was his boyfriend now.
So I guess that means that we're cool.
Why didn't you just say you gotta do a work thing?
I mean I'm pretty sure if a prostitute was in the same situation she would say, I gotta go to work, not, sorry lady, those dicks don't screw themselves.
Satans..... hints.....
Answering this would suggest I'm adequately equipped to explain why I do the things I do. I'm not!
I guess I figured that saying, "I really don't have five minutes to spare", especially a work excuse at 9pm, would seem like too obvious a lie, and I didn't want to be that person who lies. So, instead, I lied.
there was a time where this combined with a bunch of other weird social behaviors i had actually caused me to like, bring it up to my psych like "dude am i like fuckin' autistic or something?" and he was like "nah, you have some kind of non-specified personality disorder that doesn't fit in the DSM but it's not autism" and i'm like "oh"
but like, the concept of second-hand embarrassment, or fremdschamen, or pena ajena? however you want to call it, I don't get it. Like I understand the concept on an intellectual level, in the sense that I can read about it and observe it in others and it's been explained to me but like
I have no ability to understand what it's like on an emotional level because that's not something I feel
shit's weird yo
brains are weird
As long as you hook the cables up correctly, it is 100% safe to jump-start a car, computers or not.
"No thanks, I don't give money or information to anybody on the street, I prefer more verified avenues for my charitable donations" is so easy to say in theory, but in practice, it's like "No thanks, I'm on my way to... a funeral?"
It wasn't Greenpeace, but every year at PAX there's some group that stands a few blocks away from the convention center and tries to talk to anyone that goes by.
My buddy and I were on our way to dinner and he actually starts talking to one of these people. He talked to them for like 20 minutes! I'm mostly convinced he did it to annoy me.
Like, even if it's something really mundane, I have to have some degree of planning on how I'm going to go into it, otherwise it's fucking MAYDAY MAYDAY ESCAPE SEEK EXIT.
If you just keep walking and don't make eye contact you can at least attempt to pretend you just didn't see them!
I have taken to finding perverse joy in little awkward moments though. Like, when the supermarket tellers ask me if I want to donate a dollar to fight Adult Tiny Bone Disorder or whatever I just look them dead in the eye and say 'nah, no thanks.'
Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
it was made for me
i have a bad habit of blundering through incredibly awkward situations totally unawares, then reflecting on it later and wishing i didn't exist
This will be here until I receive an apology or Weedlordvegeta get any consequences for being a bully
"You too!" - me
Every time
This will be here until I receive an apology or Weedlordvegeta get any consequences for being a bully
I deliver food so mine is as I'm leaving
Customer "Drive Safe"
Me " You too"...... silently "dammit"
The trick here being since that it is food from a Japanese combini that it is not actually the least bit hot at all. Gotta keep customers from buying it to maintain the illusion.
"Hello sir"
"Excuse me!?"
"......"
i have waved at someone waving only to realize they were waving at someone behind me
i have shat myself on a cub scout camping trip and had to bury my shame on the shore of a lake
for like a week after my dad visited, i kept almost calling my boss dad
of course i have also called my teachers dad or mom in the past
steam | xbox live: IGNORANT HARLOT | psn: MadRoll | nintendo network: spinach
3ds: 1504-5717-8252
I had long hair in high school (guy) and once had a waiter approach the table I was sitting at with my mother and sister and open with "So, what can I get you three ladies today?"
Reversing the situation, while ringing up a family of four the youngest, a girl of maybe 3 or whatever age they start being able to form coherent questions, once asked me why I "talked like a boy."
This fits really well in this thread too.
Hush now
I would rather be weird than creepy
You know what I think I told that story here before
So she drops me off at the hostel and gives me a great big hug and says something to the effect of "I love Nova Scotia, maybe I can stay at your place if I'm ever around?" to which I reply, instantaneously, "Oh well maybe not".
What? WHAT?! Why did I say that?! I didn't feel that, she was pretty awesome! It's not like that was how I actually felt and I just failed to filter it, I just said this completely incorrect and emotionally damaging thing with zero hesitation.
She looks simultaneously crushed and pissed. She heel turns towards the car, I stagger away from the scene wide eyed and shocked at the betrayal of myself, by myself. Never see or hear from her again. Every now and then I will think of this and bang my cranium on something, wherever I am.
And then I got depressed.
And in the throes of that depression, I hurt myself a lot.
Which was super awkward for everyone.