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Home Invasions

24

Posts

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    Mr FuzzbuttMr Fuzzbutt Registered User regular
    Who needs weapons?

    Just use your claws and teeth like mother nature intended.

    broken image link
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    tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    geth ... do you have claws?

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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    Who needs weapons?

    Just use your claws and teeth like mother nature intended.

    Just damage their oxygen hose or puncture their suit.

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




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    DedwrekkaDedwrekka Metal Hell adjacentRegistered User regular
    edited July 2014
    The true self-defense weapon for nerds:
    86acecac-a888-4d75-ba6c-c038320eefc9_zps8dd7b16b.jpg

    308c9042-14f9-4f65-8ce8-b6389c58553a_zps49d8e1f0.jpg

    Dedwrekka on
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    SolarSolar Registered User regular
    I find that having a searing plasma corona with a temperature of several million Kelvin deals with interlopers into my domain satisfactorily

    That said it does make dinner parties somewhat tricky! hahahaha!
    I'm so alone

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    DedwrekkaDedwrekka Metal Hell adjacentRegistered User regular
    Solar wrote: »
    I find that having a searing plasma corona with a temperature of several million Kelvin deals with interlopers into my domain satisfactorily

    That said it does make dinner parties somewhat tricky! hahahaha!
    I'm so alone

    You have 8 planets several belts and a lot of icy bodies to keep you company, plus the entirety of humanity, and possibly all of life, revolving around your every move.

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    altlat55altlat55 Registered User regular
    edited July 2014
    I had a 21 oz 19 inch dead-on hickory handle hammer and that thing would make a deadly weapon. I actually wished that I had a baseball bat because I was afraid there was no way I could effectively use this hammer as a weapon without good odds of killing someone. I grabbed it because I needed something to make myself more intimidating, and I would have used it if necessary, but I think a bat would have accomplished the same thing without such a high chance of death.

    amazon.com/Dead-On-DO21C-19-Inch-Hickory/dp/B0009301C0

    I also had a Benchmade Nimravus Tanto that the Marines gave us for this building we made them, but it's smaller and I thought it might actually escalate the situation.

    altlat55 on
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    Indie WinterIndie Winter die Krähe Rudi Hurzlmeier (German, b. 1952)Registered User regular
    Pfft, this is the only weapon you need

    http://youtu.be/0F-VVjqarZE

    wY6K6Jb.gif
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    SolarSolar Registered User regular
    Dedwrekka wrote: »
    Solar wrote: »
    I find that having a searing plasma corona with a temperature of several million Kelvin deals with interlopers into my domain satisfactorily

    That said it does make dinner parties somewhat tricky! hahahaha!
    I'm so alone

    You have 8 planets several belts and a lot of icy bodies to keep you company, plus the entirety of humanity, and possibly all of life, revolving around your every move.

    This sounds like the opening trailer line for a movie when the sun goes to earth in the form of rob schneider

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    LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    Solar wrote: »
    Okay so a friend of mine gets back to his house where he lives with a couple of guys

    it's late, the front door is open. In the front hall, the wall has a big bloody smear on it. He calls out for the two dudes who live there and neither answers.

    So my mate, rather than calling the police or anything, decides to sneak into his own house and find out if someone has attached his housemates or whatever (he's a big guy and can handle himself so I guess maybe his is why he thought that?)

    He goes up into one of my friends room and finds a massive bloodstain on the carpet. So he picks up a baseball bat and keeps going. Remember it's night time and dark.

    Anyway so what had happened was that his house-mate (another friend of mine) had managed to fuck up making a space marine miniature (of all things) and stabbed himself in the hand with a modelling knife. It had bled really profusely and he'd gone to the hospital, the other house-mate had stayed at home to watch the house. Of course they had left the front door open and not cleaned up, the pair of twats.

    So the guy at home, he's sitting at his PC listening to music on the headphones. So he doesn't know the guy is back. He gets up and walks out of his room into the dark hallway and sees someone sneaking around in the darkness with a baseball bat. So he attacks the guy.

    Cue the pair of them grappling over a baseball bat in the landing for a while before they recognise each other. And that is the story of how my friend home invaded his own house.

    This is fantastic.

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    TubularLuggageTubularLuggage Registered User regular
    edited July 2014
    I've never had anything too bad happen, though I have had someone go through my car in the middle of the night. Like, I go to drive to work in the morning, and the glovebox is open, with everything that had been inside of it sitting on the passenger seat. The car had been unlocked, so at least there were no smashed windows. Nothing was missing, not even a bit of change for the bridge that was sitting in a very visible compartment on the dash (like, probably at least ten bucks). It happened to a few other cars on the street as well, and was probably just some kids being dickheads and doing it for kicks or whatever.
    It's a good neighborhood, with this sort of thing almost never happening. While nothing was missing and no one had been in danger, it's still unsettling to know that some strange person was in your personal space like that.

    TubularLuggage on
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    alternatingAberrationalternatingAberration I am the milk man My milk is deliciousRegistered User regular
    I do not understand the scenario.

    One should simply assimilate this "intruder". There will be perfect understanding within the folds of your body.

    xI8QS1g.jpg?1
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    TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    edited July 2014
    Neutrino Wands are dangerous tools and should never be used on a living target. For ectoplasmic entities, however, accept no substitute.

    For human targets a blast of positively-charged slime from your slime-blower will at-first render your attacker disoriented. After they come back to their senses they will feel "like a million bucks" (1.9 million USD adjusted for inflation since 1989) and will no-longer be a threat.

    TankHammer on
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    SolarSolar Registered User regular
    Liiya wrote: »
    Solar wrote: »
    Okay so a friend of mine gets back to his house where he lives with a couple of guys

    it's late, the front door is open. In the front hall, the wall has a big bloody smear on it. He calls out for the two dudes who live there and neither answers.

    So my mate, rather than calling the police or anything, decides to sneak into his own house and find out if someone has attached his housemates or whatever (he's a big guy and can handle himself so I guess maybe his is why he thought that?)

    He goes up into one of my friends room and finds a massive bloodstain on the carpet. So he picks up a baseball bat and keeps going. Remember it's night time and dark.

    Anyway so what had happened was that his house-mate (another friend of mine) had managed to fuck up making a space marine miniature (of all things) and stabbed himself in the hand with a modelling knife. It had bled really profusely and he'd gone to the hospital, the other house-mate had stayed at home to watch the house. Of course they had left the front door open and not cleaned up, the pair of twats.

    So the guy at home, he's sitting at his PC listening to music on the headphones. So he doesn't know the guy is back. He gets up and walks out of his room into the dark hallway and sees someone sneaking around in the darkness with a baseball bat. So he attacks the guy.

    Cue the pair of them grappling over a baseball bat in the landing for a while before they recognise each other. And that is the story of how my friend home invaded his own house.

    This is fantastic.

    When I came up shortly after this happened, just popping round for a cup of tea really, it was a bit weird

    They let me in, and there's blood on the wall, one of them has a split lip, and when I asked what happened they burst into hysterical laughter

    I was like "ahahahahaa yeah but guys

    guys what happened"

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    FeriluceFeriluce Adrift on the morning star. Aberdeen, WARegistered User regular
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    Personally I think a Machete is better than a baseball bat, for the intimidation factor alone.

    Its why I sleep with one next to my bed.

    DannyTrejoMachetePhotocall67thVeniceEEtuWh-Z3Acl_zps583fa6be.jpg

    XBox Live= LordFeriluce
    Steam: Feriluce
    Battle.net: Feriluce#1995
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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    Spoiler your shock images please

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    TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    Fearghaill wrote: »
    One time we had someone come by the door asking for money at like, 2am. My wife answered the door, and being the wonderfully trusting and naive small town girl that she is, said that we didn't have any money to give, but if he was hungry she could get him some granola bars to eat.

    Now, our apartment at the time was the bottom floor of a duplex. there was an outer door that wasn't locked, a second door inside that that was locked, and opened into a stairwell between our apartment and and the one upstairs. When she returned with the food, the man tried to force his way in through the second door, only to be greeted by this:

    30184_10150185118580055_4359444_n.jpg

    only looking considerably less relaxed and happy than pictured above. He backed off in a hurry, and my wife closed and locked both doors.
    Good dag.

    steam_sig.png
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    JoeUserJoeUser Forum Santa Registered User regular
    Nerd weapons?

    996f90.jpg

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    TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    Buttcleft wrote: »
    Personally I think a Machete is better than a baseball bat, for the intimidation factor alone.

    Its why I sleep with one next to my bed.
    A friend of mine had a guy break into his apartment while he happened to be up playing Halo at about 1 AM. For some reason he also happened to have his machete sitting by his within arm's reach.

    The dude left in a hurry.

    steam_sig.png
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    TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    I don't know if it counts or not but did I just ghost JoeUser?

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    ArtreusArtreus I'm a wizard And that looks fucked upRegistered User regular
    I used to live in the country and as such I never understood why people lock their doors when they're home. I still almost don't, being in a rich suburb area.

    I do keep a crowbar by my door though. Also had a roommate who had a collection of kukris

    http://atlanticus.tumblr.com/ PSN: Atlanticus 3DS: 1590-4692-3954 Steam: Artreus
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    Baroque And RollBaroque And Roll Every spark of friendship and love Will die without a homeRegistered User regular
    Well I mean

    It was the one kukri

    The rest was pocket knives, butterfly knives, I think he got a switchblade at one point?

    2dtr87s.png
    SteamID: Baroque And Roll
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    I went to school in Middlebury, VT, and I don't think I bothered to lock my dorm room once. I loved that place so much.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    ArtreusArtreus I'm a wizard And that looks fucked upRegistered User regular
    I could have sworn he got another kukri at some point

    http://atlanticus.tumblr.com/ PSN: Atlanticus 3DS: 1590-4692-3954 Steam: Artreus
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    SegSeg Registered User regular
    Within the first couple of years of me moving to Washington my wife and I were sitting at our computers playing Asheron's Call or City of Heroes with the lights out in the living room while her grand daughter watched a movie, while trying to sleep. (My wife is older then I by a significant amount and her daughter had given birth just before we met.) I could hear a car engine outside and then suddenly the sound of something slashing through our blinds, I got up to check it out and turned on the lights in the living room, that is when I heard a car door slam and then heard a car drive away pretty quickly.

    We discovered a rock on the couch near the kid and a broken window. Luckily she didn't get hurt, just scared. We called the police about it but there wasn't much they could do. After chatting with a neighbor about the incident he suggested that it might have been someone checking to see if people were home, if I hadn't turned on the light when I did it is likely someone would have come through the front door next.

    It has been 10 years or so since then and I haven't experienced anything as scary as that since.

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    UnbrokenEvaUnbrokenEva HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered User regular
    Fearghaill wrote: »
    One time we had someone come by the door asking for money at like, 2am. My wife answered the door, and being the wonderfully trusting and naive small town girl that she is, said that we didn't have any money to give, but if he was hungry she could get him some granola bars to eat.

    Now, our apartment at the time was the bottom floor of a duplex. there was an outer door that wasn't locked, a second door inside that that was locked, and opened into a stairwell between our apartment and and the one upstairs. When she returned with the food, the man tried to force his way in through the second door, only to be greeted by this:

    30184_10150185118580055_4359444_n.jpg

    only looking considerably less relaxed and happy than pictured above. He backed off in a hurry, and my wife closed and locked both doors.
    Good dag.

    this is the face of a killer

    3318_190085870054_5742158_n.jpg

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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    We had two kids that went to school with my brother break in to our house when we were in like middile school.

    They took our gamecube and other game stuff and a bunch of VHS tapes some of my mom's jewelry and clothes for some reason...

    Anywho they got caught like 2 hours later shortly after I got home from school (I walked home early as I tended to do) and found a cop outside my door asking me if this is where I lived.

    The neighbor behind us saw the kids climb in through our bedroom window, ended up freaking my brother out way worse than me because he had hell to go through in school, being bullied.

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    Geebs61Geebs61 Ruiner PortlandRegistered User regular
    Threads like this are the reason Mori thinks I am an internet tough guy.

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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    We used to keep a baseball bat in our current house, but it disappeared a while ago.

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    ButtcleftButtcleft Registered User regular
    Someone stupid enough to break into a home and hopped up on adrenaline is probably going to look at a baseball bat and measure his chances of surviving/dodging the first blow then get at you.

    Machete makes them realize that even if they block or they're still getting hacked up. Also it doesn't take as much of your body behind it to do massive damage, so you can attack faster with it.

    Only thing more intimidating and fear inducing in an invader is the sound of a pump action shotgun being racked.

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    JoeUserJoeUser Forum Santa Registered User regular
    Buttcleft wrote: »

    Only thing more intimidating and fear inducing in an invader is the sound of a pump action shotgun being racked.

    Seems like a good phone app

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    WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    All of this weapon talk

    Fittingly to my motif, I keep a broken oar handle next to my door. Handle end is good for smacking, broken end is nice and pointy.

    I didn't go out and buy it or have it left over from a row boat or anything.

    I went outside one morning, really early, and it was just there, jammed into the flower bed with numbers carved into it.

    It is the Excalibur of pointy sticks.

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    JoeUserJoeUser Forum Santa Registered User regular
    Weaver wrote: »
    All of this weapon talk

    Fittingly to my motif, I keep a broken oar handle next to my door. Handle end is good for smacking, broken end is nice and pointy.

    I didn't go out and buy it or have it left over from a row boat or anything.

    I went outside one morning, really early, and it was just there, jammed into the flower bed with numbers carved into it.

    It is the Excalibur of pointy sticks.

    What are the numbers?

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    ArtreusArtreus I'm a wizard And that looks fucked upRegistered User regular
    4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

    http://atlanticus.tumblr.com/ PSN: Atlanticus 3DS: 1590-4692-3954 Steam: Artreus
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    WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    JoeUser wrote: »
    Weaver wrote: »
    All of this weapon talk

    Fittingly to my motif, I keep a broken oar handle next to my door. Handle end is good for smacking, broken end is nice and pointy.

    I didn't go out and buy it or have it left over from a row boat or anything.

    I went outside one morning, really early, and it was just there, jammed into the flower bed with numbers carved into it.

    It is the Excalibur of pointy sticks.

    What are the numbers?

    HAMM 780-2175, 9204

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    JoeUserJoeUser Forum Santa Registered User regular
    I'm calling J. J. Abrams with both phones

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    CreaganCreagan Registered User regular
    So, I grew up in a suburb near Chicago, where it's not uncommon for people to pose as solicitors and walk around knocking on doors so they can figure out which houses are empty, sneak around to the back of the house, break in, and rob them. The suburb is really tiny, so it's fairly easy to tell who these people are. Standard protocol is to make yourself visible within the house, but refuse to open the door.

    One day, I'm baby-sitting four girls, ages two to nine. I've just put the two year old down for a nap, when the doorbell rings. So I race to the front of the house, and not only is it very, VERY obviously one of those fake solicitors, but the nine year old has not only beat me to the door, she's OPENED THE DOOR AND IS TELLING HIM HER MOMMY'S NOT HOME.

    I grabbed the kid, pulled her out of the doorway and explained, "My mom's not home yet, but she's coming home very, very soon. My parents don't like solicitors. We're not interested. Please go away." The guy clearly did not believe me, since I look absolutely nothing like the kids I was sitting for. (I have auburn, straight hair, and brown eyes. The kids have curly blond hair and blue eyes.) But he left, saying he'd be back in fifteen minutes.

    I'm extremely nervous at this point, and the kids are being horrible, demanding to play outside and insisting it's "totally okay" to open the door for strangers and tell them they're home alone with a baby-sitter. So I called my mom and had her drive over to the kid's house. The guy did come back, and my mom told him to go away or she'd call the police.

    Then, I had to explain to the kid's parents what had happened. And according to the kids, later that night the guy was in their backyard looking in their windows.

    It wasn't the worst baby-sitting experience I've ever had, or the scariest. But it was pretty bad.

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    WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    I transcribed that, it's burnt into the side with wood burner/soldering iron/engraving pen or something

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    FoolproofFoolproof thats what my hearts become in that place you dare not look staring back at youRegistered User regular
    edited July 2014
    Weaver wrote: »
    All of this weapon talk

    Fittingly to my motif, I keep a broken oar handle next to my door. Handle end is good for smacking, broken end is nice and pointy.

    I didn't go out and buy it or have it left over from a row boat or anything.

    I went outside one morning, really early, and it was just there, jammed into the flower bed with numbers carved into it.

    It is the Excalibur of pointy sticks.

    you know this story right? (from wiki)

    On April 13, 1612, Musashi (about age 30) fought his duel with Sasaki Kojirō, who was known as "The Demon of the Western Provinces" and who wielded a nodachi. Musashi came late and unkempt to the appointed place — the island of Funajima, in the Kanmon Straits separating Honshū and Kyūshū. The duel was short. Musashi killed his opponent with a bokken that legend says he had carved from an oar used on the boat that carried him to the island.
    JoeUser wrote: »
    Nerd weapons?
    996f90.jpg


    here are some of mine. shovel and pick, big nail, bokken, katana, wood burl maul, and magic wands.
    008.jpg

    Foolproof on
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    tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Weaver wrote: »
    JoeUser wrote: »
    Weaver wrote: »
    All of this weapon talk

    Fittingly to my motif, I keep a broken oar handle next to my door. Handle end is good for smacking, broken end is nice and pointy.

    I didn't go out and buy it or have it left over from a row boat or anything.

    I went outside one morning, really early, and it was just there, jammed into the flower bed with numbers carved into it.

    It is the Excalibur of pointy sticks.

    What are the numbers?

    HAMM 780-2175, 9204

    https://www.google.com/maps/place/Hamm,+Germany/@51.6612475,7.8360604,11z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m2!3m1!1s0x47b9715892e844d5:0x427f28131548770

    ??

    I once passed out drunk on a bench there.

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