Had a dude knocking at my door at 2 a.m. one time. I try to ignore it and go back to sleep only it doesn't stop. It is just this constant knocking that someone is not going away until that door gets opened which freaks me out to begin with. Then when I open the door there is this skinny dude standing outside saying he wants to come in and I am some weird ass mixture of scared/angry from being woken up that I yell at him that he doesn't live here and he needs to go away and leave me alone. Close the door and try to settle down only for the knocking to start up again. I think I yelled at him one more time and eventually he goes away. Luckily he didn't try to strong arm his way in or anything, I think it might have just been some drunk guy when got lost or something. But at the time I was really scared.
one time i home invaded when i got off the wrong level of my apartment block and wandered into the (identical) home of the people living two floors down. i got a funny look before i turned and wandered out again but i was carrying two steaming pizzas at the time so i'm not sure i was an overly threatening visage
one time i home invaded when i got off the wrong level of my apartment block and wandered into the (identical) home of the people living two floors down. i got a funny look before i turned and wandered out again but i was carrying two steaming pizzas at the time so i'm not sure i was an overly threatening visage
I miss the bro button
In my apartment complex the halls are more or less perfectly symmetrical, so one evening (real late at night) I left my door unlocked as I went off to do something. I forget what it was. Doesn't matter. We live in a corner apartment so it has a particular feel to it in the hallway.
So I come back, and I'm tired, and I've lived in this apartment for like a week so the whole thign isn't really overly familiar to me yet but I walk back to the door and I open it and I step in
And freeze, because it's pitch black and I specifically left the light on, and also @SilverWind was awake when I left?
I stand there for a second, adjust to the dark, and I notice that there are some shoes next to the door.
That's not my shoe mat, I think to myself.
I look at the opposite wall, which is blank.
That's not our mirror.
It is at that time I realize I have walked into someone else's apartment. Someone who is very probably dead asleep.
I spent thirty solid seconds exiting that apartment as carefully and as quietly as I could, and then I sprinted my monkey ass back down to my own door, actually reading the apartment numbers that time. I don't thinjk I ever told anyone about it until just now.
Here's the thing--I like parking next to identical cars. Like, if I see a car that matches mine, my brain goes "yo wouldn't it be hilarious if you parked next to that car, and then they came out and got SUPER CONFUSED?"
This is much funnier in my head, I assure you.
Well, one time I did this when wife and I were getting dinner. We ate, we paid, we left, I unlocked my car, we got in... and I looked around, and realized these are not my things. This is not my car.
I quietly closed the strangers car, dove into mine, and sped off into the night.
Here's the thing--I like parking next to identical cars. Like, if I see a car that matches mine, my brain goes "yo wouldn't it be hilarious if you parked next to that car, and then they came out and got SUPER CONFUSED?"
This is much funnier in my head, I assure you.
Well, one time I did this when wife and I were getting dinner. We ate, we paid, we left, I unlocked my car, we got in... and I looked around, and realized these are not my things. This is not my car.
I quietly closed the strangers car, dove into mine, and sped off into the night.
During my student teaching one of the other student teachers had an identical car to one of the teachers. Same color and everything. Also the same key. The teacher realized this when they got in the wrong car, started it with their own key, and started to back out when the radio was on some completely different station.
We didn't tell the other student teacher, just randomly moved his car to different parts of the parking lot each day.
He once commented to me about how he kept forgetting where he parked. I just told him it must be the pressure.
My first line of home defense is of course the noble Katana, ancient and honorable weapon of the legendary Samurai knights of Nihon, backed up by my relentless Bushido and self-belief
the first line of defense after I've run out of ammunition, I mean
fuck all this noise about machetes and baseball bats and shovels, if I wanted to knifefight a crackhead I'd go shilling Cutco in Detroit
I've heard pepper spray, preferable a big ol' can of bear spray, is great for home defense. I think it's a great idea if only for the reason that you don't have to really aim and you don't need to hesitate because the effects aren't permanent. You can accidentally pepper spray your girlfriend in a confused semi-awake state and the only thing that will happen is she will hate you forever.
UnbrokenEvaHIGH ON THE WIREBUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered Userregular
I feel fairly safe with ~150lbs of dog in the house
I have a bat around here somewhere but I can't imagine needing it, the three of them barking would probably warn off just about anybody.
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UnbrokenEvaHIGH ON THE WIREBUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered Userregular
not that I'd ever want the dogs to fight for me, and aside from Arwen I'm not sure if they even would and I'm happier not knowing. They just make a big toothy watchful deterrent.
not that I'd ever want the dogs to fight for me, and aside from Arwen I'm not sure if they even would and I'm happier not knowing. They just make a big toothy watchful deterrent.
Big toothy watchful deterrent is my nickname!
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Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
edited July 2014
When I move back to Seattle I'm probably gonna buy a little 20 gauge or a 410 pump. I don't care if the dude is seven feet tall and four hundred pounds, you hear a pump racking a shell and your bowels WILL loosen.
Edit: or I'll buy my step-dads .22 magnum lever action Henry off of him! Levers make a nice loud clattery-type gun sound too. And a .22 mag is strong enough to make someone REALLY not willing to try anything funny, but typically not the kinda round that'll go through your house and murder your neighbor
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Raijin QuickfootI'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPAregular
There was another time when we heard or neighbors window break in the middle of the night when my roommates and I had all been heavily drinking.
We look out and see three guys in ski masks getting shit out of their house.
We call the police but we lived outside of town so we knew it would take ten minutes or so and by then these dudes will have stolen all of our neighbors stuff.
We need some weaponry so my friend goes into his room and pulls out a katana and a crossbow, tosses the crossbow to me and says something along the lines of let's get those fuckers. I have no ammo for the crossbow.
My other roommate comes out of his room with a broom and grabs a trash can lid to use as a makeshift shield.
We throw open the back door and charge at the house. Remember, we're very drunk. My roommate with the katana trips and falls immediately. My roommate with the broom and trash can lid starts banging then together and telling. I run halfway, point the empty crossbow at them and yell something like, stop or in gonna fuck shoot you with this crossbow.
Fortunately for us, this is enough to scare the dudes and they get in their car and bolt.
My roommate with the sword is crying behind me. I go check on him and he's got a katana stuck in his foot.
We dubbed ourselves the Crime Squad after that night.
There was another time when we heard or neighbors window break in the middle of the night when my roommates and I had all been heavily drinking.
We look out and see three guys in ski masks getting shit out of their house.
We call the police but we lived outside of town so we knew it would take ten minutes or so and by then these dudes will have stolen all of our neighbors stuff.
We need some weaponry so my friend goes into his room and pulls out a katana and a crossbow, tosses the crossbow to me and says something along the lines of let's get those fuckers. I have no ammo for the crossbow.
My other roommate comes out of his room with a broom and grabs a trash can lid to use as a makeshift shield.
We throw open the back door and charge at the house. Remember, we're very drunk. My roommate with the katana trips and falls immediately. My roommate with the broom and trash can lid starts banging then together and telling. I run halfway, point the empty crossbow at them and yell something like, stop or in gonna fuck shoot you with this crossbow.
Fortunately for us, this is enough to scare the dudes and they get in their car and bolt.
My roommate with the sword is crying behind me. I go check on him and he's got a katana stuck in his foot.
We dubbed ourselves the Crime Squad after that night.
'Stop or in gonna fuck shoot you with this crossbow' is making me lose it at work
Please tell me none of that was a typo when you were posting it, and that quote is verbatim
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
Not yet
Who's Jonathan
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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Raijin QuickfootI'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPAregular
It was something like that. I was really drunk. The in was a typo of I'm but that's it.
I've heard pepper spray, preferable a big ol' can of bear spray, is great for home defense. I think it's a great idea if only for the reason that you don't have to really aim and you don't need to hesitate because the effects aren't permanent. You can accidentally pepper spray your girlfriend in a confused semi-awake state and the only thing that will happen is she will hate you forever.
My imported Evangelion Body Pillow isn't especially vulnerable to gunfire
I've never had anything too bad happen, though I have had someone go through my car in the middle of the night. Like, I go to drive to work in the morning, and the glovebox is open, with everything that had been inside of it sitting on the passenger seat. The car had been unlocked, so at least there were no smashed windows. Nothing was missing, not even a bit of change for the bridge that was sitting in a very visible compartment on the dash (like, probably at least ten bucks). It happened to a few other cars on the street as well, and was probably just some kids being dickheads and doing it for kicks or whatever.
It's a good neighborhood, with this sort of thing almost never happening. While nothing was missing and no one had been in danger, it's still unsettling to know that some strange person was in your personal space like that.
This EXACT fucking thing happened to me! You don't live in Boston, do you? Someone went into my car, opened up every single little compartment in the dashboard, but didn't take anything. This happened like last year.
I am in the business of saving lives.
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Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
Once ages ago when I lived in a dorm room I had a friend stay over. We had community bathroom and he woke up in the night and used it then in a drunken stupor went into the wrong room and slept on the couch. He said some guy tossed him a blanket. It must have been one of the shut ins because I never did find out whose room he was in.
Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
Hell yeah dude. It's still a super effective cudgel, and with all its weight at the business end you can really whip it around. It's like choking up on a bat to swing faster, yeah?
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knitdanIn ur baseKillin ur guysRegistered Userregular
Also a lot easier to conceal than a full size bat.
Sort of like those souvenir bats they give out to little kids at ball games.
“I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
Posts
I miss the bro button
In my apartment complex the halls are more or less perfectly symmetrical, so one evening (real late at night) I left my door unlocked as I went off to do something. I forget what it was. Doesn't matter. We live in a corner apartment so it has a particular feel to it in the hallway.
So I come back, and I'm tired, and I've lived in this apartment for like a week so the whole thign isn't really overly familiar to me yet but I walk back to the door and I open it and I step in
And freeze, because it's pitch black and I specifically left the light on, and also @SilverWind was awake when I left?
I stand there for a second, adjust to the dark, and I notice that there are some shoes next to the door.
That's not my shoe mat, I think to myself.
I look at the opposite wall, which is blank.
That's not our mirror.
It is at that time I realize I have walked into someone else's apartment. Someone who is very probably dead asleep.
I spent thirty solid seconds exiting that apartment as carefully and as quietly as I could, and then I sprinted my monkey ass back down to my own door, actually reading the apartment numbers that time. I don't thinjk I ever told anyone about it until just now.
That is my story.
Here's the thing--I like parking next to identical cars. Like, if I see a car that matches mine, my brain goes "yo wouldn't it be hilarious if you parked next to that car, and then they came out and got SUPER CONFUSED?"
This is much funnier in my head, I assure you.
Well, one time I did this when wife and I were getting dinner. We ate, we paid, we left, I unlocked my car, we got in... and I looked around, and realized these are not my things. This is not my car.
I quietly closed the strangers car, dove into mine, and sped off into the night.
I guarantee you they will lock that down tighter than fort knox from now on
During my student teaching one of the other student teachers had an identical car to one of the teachers. Same color and everything. Also the same key. The teacher realized this when they got in the wrong car, started it with their own key, and started to back out when the radio was on some completely different station.
We didn't tell the other student teacher, just randomly moved his car to different parts of the parking lot each day.
He once commented to me about how he kept forgetting where he parked. I just told him it must be the pressure.
fuck all this noise about machetes and baseball bats and shovels, if I wanted to knifefight a crackhead I'd go shilling Cutco in Detroit
I have a bat around here somewhere but I can't imagine needing it, the three of them barking would probably warn off just about anybody.
Big toothy watchful deterrent is my nickname!
Edit: or I'll buy my step-dads .22 magnum lever action Henry off of him! Levers make a nice loud clattery-type gun sound too. And a .22 mag is strong enough to make someone REALLY not willing to try anything funny, but typically not the kinda round that'll go through your house and murder your neighbor
We look out and see three guys in ski masks getting shit out of their house.
We call the police but we lived outside of town so we knew it would take ten minutes or so and by then these dudes will have stolen all of our neighbors stuff.
We need some weaponry so my friend goes into his room and pulls out a katana and a crossbow, tosses the crossbow to me and says something along the lines of let's get those fuckers. I have no ammo for the crossbow.
My other roommate comes out of his room with a broom and grabs a trash can lid to use as a makeshift shield.
We throw open the back door and charge at the house. Remember, we're very drunk. My roommate with the katana trips and falls immediately. My roommate with the broom and trash can lid starts banging then together and telling. I run halfway, point the empty crossbow at them and yell something like, stop or in gonna fuck shoot you with this crossbow.
Fortunately for us, this is enough to scare the dudes and they get in their car and bolt.
My roommate with the sword is crying behind me. I go check on him and he's got a katana stuck in his foot.
We dubbed ourselves the Crime Squad after that night.
Violins I mean.
I wish.
'Stop or in gonna fuck shoot you with this crossbow' is making me lose it at work
Please tell me none of that was a typo when you were posting it, and that quote is verbatim
Who's Jonathan
No wait I'm Jonathan
Jonathan "Spartacus" Mcgee
I'm Jonathan
Wait does that make me Steve?
You wish
My imported Evangelion Body Pillow isn't especially vulnerable to gunfire
Rei-chan would forgive me anyway uwu
This EXACT fucking thing happened to me! You don't live in Boston, do you? Someone went into my car, opened up every single little compartment in the dashboard, but didn't take anything. This happened like last year.
First Google result is
http://www.advancedbackgroundchecks.com/d/wilfried-hamm/759895328
Three gangster looking dudes come in, eat, and leave without incident.
While cleaning up the dining room though we discover they left a sawed-off baseball bat in the booth.
We made a plaque for it and hung it in the back. The plaque read "The Subway Club"
I don't really think it's the same thing, though.
They didn't try to break in or cross the street or anything, but still.
Teenagers.
Get off my across-the-street, hoodlums!
Neat way to dispose of a piece of evidence from an assault case.
Sort of like those souvenir bats they give out to little kids at ball games.
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades