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should I move away or stay
ro63926
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm in a situation that I really don't know how to deal with. I'm a very indecisive and very sensitive person so it's very difficult for me to make certain decisions.
I'm been staying at my sister's house for a little over half a year, my nephews and I are very close. They look up to me as a big brother and I think think of them as siblings as well a little over a month ago I was laid off nad have had so much trouble trying to get ah old of another job. I've applied to so many places with no luck. After many failed attempts my sister called my parents who are living in another country saying that I have not been trying to get a job that I just lay around the house and another negative things that just weren't true. My parents know how hard I've tried to get a job and suggested that I move in with my uncle and that I could go work with him until I can get a hold of a better job. Unfortunately he lives in another state but just the thought of leaving my nephews makes me feel so guilty for considering the option of leaving. we are so close, I have always been with them since they were born. My uncle has offered to help me move to his place this week just as I got offered a job near where I'm currently residing. Even though my sister was very rude and was dropping hints that she didn't want me living in her house anymore, should I try and convince her to let me stay now that I got offered a job nearby or is it better to move with my uncle, to people that are lending me a hand to get my life together? The only real reason why I don't want to leave is because I don't want to leave my nephews. My sister has made it clear that me being able to visit them will be very unlikely. What should I do? please help
I'm been staying at my sister's house for a little over half a year, my nephews and I are very close. They look up to me as a big brother and I think think of them as siblings as well a little over a month ago I was laid off nad have had so much trouble trying to get ah old of another job. I've applied to so many places with no luck. After many failed attempts my sister called my parents who are living in another country saying that I have not been trying to get a job that I just lay around the house and another negative things that just weren't true. My parents know how hard I've tried to get a job and suggested that I move in with my uncle and that I could go work with him until I can get a hold of a better job. Unfortunately he lives in another state but just the thought of leaving my nephews makes me feel so guilty for considering the option of leaving. we are so close, I have always been with them since they were born. My uncle has offered to help me move to his place this week just as I got offered a job near where I'm currently residing. Even though my sister was very rude and was dropping hints that she didn't want me living in her house anymore, should I try and convince her to let me stay now that I got offered a job nearby or is it better to move with my uncle, to people that are lending me a hand to get my life together? The only real reason why I don't want to leave is because I don't want to leave my nephews. My sister has made it clear that me being able to visit them will be very unlikely. What should I do? please help
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Unless you're really willing to step up to the plate and participate in helping your sister cook, clean, pay the bills, and truly participate as a member of the household instead of just hanging out with the kids, I tell you now that you'll need to leave. Even if you are willing, after six months I don't blame your sister for wanting you gone. I wouldn't want any of my siblings staying with me for a month, let alone six.
The statement that your nephews look up to you as a big brother, not an uncle, speaks to me about your maturity level. What's the age range that we're dealing with here, for you, your sister, and your nephews?
Given the circumstances, it sounds to me like your sister wants you gone, and until you're gone she's going to keep making things more uncomfortable for you to stay.
While your nephews sound like great kids, setting an example for them by getting your own life under control and moving to your uncle's so that you can get your own place and life started faster is going to be the right way to go. Hopefully your sister will back off a bit once she doesn't have the stress of you living with her and you're able to demonstrate independence, and she'll let you spend some more time with them(especially if you can manage to move back to the area.)
But don't fret, your sister will almost certainly chill out once she's got some space and let you come back to visit the kids. Family(siblings especially) tend to work better when there's a bit of distance to lower friction.
Especially if the nephews are on your side. I guarantee that'll help.
unfortunately, you can't really factor your nephews into your decision if your sister wants you gone. it sucks, but thems the breaks at the moment. i would hope your sister would chill out once you are out of her place.
Of course, benefits and higher pay are hard to turn down, but in general it is better not to work with family, unless it is a true family business that you might take over one day.
This is actually not good advice.
Example: My friend works for his dad, in the business that he started. My friend is COO of this company now, and looking to be CEO when his father retires. Whatever your feelings on nepotism, this is a fantastic opportunity that has launched his career ahead at least a decade or more. If he were to interview elsewhere, COO looks pretty damn good.
My advice: Life isn't fair. Take what advantages you can get. If working for your uncle gives you benefits, pay and above all at this point stability then take it and be proud of it. Chances are the title you end up with will be reasonably impressive for your next job.
Unless he puts 'Worked for my uncle' in his resume, there's no need for other potential employees to know it's his uncle.
That is not at all what I would call a career job. A career job is one that you expect to have for the long term and grow and be promoted in the organization. What you're describing I would call a stepping-stone job. Unless your career is getting new jobs, in that case we're on the same page.
0431-6094-6446-7088
If that's so, I have known very few people with "career jobs." I've known plenty of people with *careers*, but that has mostly involved company hopping in the same or related industry, getting more salary and responsibility over time. Jobs like you describe are more common in things like government work.
On second thoughts, my advice may have been bad (in the general case.) If you can ride the nepotism gravy train for life, lucky lucky you!
But I get the impression that the OP is having difficulty breaking away from his family and making an independent life. Working from his uncle may get him out of his sister's hair, and improve relations with her, but it won't teach independence, especially if he is living with his uncle too.
1) I don't understand your obsession over nepotism, whether it's important, and whether a job offer from an uncle qualifies as such. For all you know OP is eminently qualified for this job and his uncle would rather hire someone he knows over someone he doesn't.
2) This thread isn't asking for advice about how to grow up and "be independent". I don't know where you get off assuming that he needs to be taught such a thing.
Look, whatever your hangup is here, it's not helping.
What will help the OP is some regular paychecks and some work experience he can put on his CV.
And a place to stay where the landlady doesn't despise him and call his parents to tell them that.
He can work on his emotional independence when he's got a place to sleep and some money in the bank.
It's good that you and your sister have patched up your relationship. Make her a nice little gift, even if you just bake a cake or something.
Then move out and take that damb job so that your relationship with her stays good, and you can save some money and have something on your CV.
And I might add: after a long time being broke, god damb it feels good to have some money again. It's Augest now. Aint that long till it'll be winter. Being broke when it's winter is not great.
Take the fuckin' job. You can visit your nephews. You can apply for jobs in the area if you want to move there, but it'll be a lot easier once you have some related work experience and the money to live on your own. Take. The. Fuckin'. Job.
0431-6094-6446-7088
No hangup. I am just of the opinion that this guy is having problems cutting the ol' apron strings and leaving the warm bosom of his family for scary adult life. TychoChelchuuu (what a name) put it better than I could.
Whatever, TypoCelchuuu.
You have no idea what you're talking about. Life is tough, take what you can get where you can get it. Make money. Fuck what anyone else thinks.
Think about it this way - should the tables turn and they or your sister ever end up in a situation like yours, you want to be in a situation to do for them what they have done for you. You can't do that if you aren't even self-sufficient. This is clearly one of those cases where you need to help yourself before you can help others.
Your uncle is giving you a tremendous opportunity. Take advantage of it.
If it helps, I have been in a similar situation with my nephew and niece. And while it's hard to say goodbye, children are amazingly resilient. The important thing for them is to know that you still love them and want to be in their lives, which is still 100% possible even if you live on another continent. You should not let your feelings of guilt prevent you from moving forward with your own life.