I Win Swordfights wrote: »
you gotta figure out his name first!
DirtyDirtyVagrant wrote: »
@Geth what are you gonna do?
come at me bro
DHS Odium wrote: »
I just broke up with my girlfriend, and absolutely broke her heart. I had the same gut feeling I did in the last 2 years of my marriage that this wasn’t going to work, and I ignored it then. This time I decided to heed my intuition.
There’s a number of factors here, chief among them me being a state away. I never wanted a long distance relationship, she didn’t either. And truth be told it could be worse, it’s only a 7 hour drive, which we alternate every two weeks. Originally I thought it was only going to be 6 months. I’m here for work. Things never go to plan though, and I’ll be here an additional 12 months on top of that when my lease ends in October. I don’t even know what will happen after that, maybe I won’t even return to Florida?
I don’t think I can handle it, I tend to lose interest in people and friends when I’m not near them enough. I don’t even talk to my highschool friends anymore and it’s only been a few years, and we were as close as I could think possible.
While that’s the final straw, there’s a number of factors, some very minor - none that by themselves would be a dealbreaker but that all of them together means I’ve been unable to shake my doubt that it isn’t worth it.
I know she’ll read this, as she knows my forum name. I’m being honest about what follows and I don’t want you to take any of this as poorly as I suspect you might.
Personality-wise, you’re perfect. With the same gross sense of humor, and thought processes that are so in-tune with each other you’d think we were twins.
Issues crop up when you get to health and money. I know these are really sore spots for you. I know you feel like shit because of them, and I feel like shit for feeling this way. It’s not a defense; I’m just not mature enough or devoted enough to stand by and watch you being constantly in pain, and in debt because of that pain. I wanted a simple relationship, something not too serious, something stagnant that both parties were happy with the way things were, no worries for future plans. I did all of that planning in my marriage and it went to shit, and it’s taken me a long time to stop caring so much what the future holds, and go with whatever I’m given.
We are close in politics but you have certain viewpoints I can’t get behind. It’s not an issue now, but we’re both stubborn and I can see this as something we’re constantly at odds with.
You never fail to remind me when I’m not being attentive enough emotionally, and you’re absolutely right. I can blame it on the medication (Lexipro), but that only enhances what already lies below - threadbare scraps of emotion. You’re so devoted to me, and I can’t return that same level of devotion. I can feel guilty about it though, and I do.
There were times, less now, but before when my lack of a sexual appetite frustrated you, and it continues to do so. So much so that your pushing it on me made me feel almost like being raped. I don’t know if that’s the right phrase because of how charged it is, and by the end of it I said it was okay, but those times I really did feel bad. I still don’t know what was right and what wasn’t.
There’s the other “baggage” I touched upon above - and that’s a really shitty term but I’m still drunk enough (I had to take 4 shots of Vodka before I could even call) that I can’t think of anything else. I’m sorry. Due to the health and resultant debt I know you won’t be in a healthy place financially in years. You don’t rely on me now, and I’m thankful for that, but I had to deal with debt and that strain with my ex-wife for years, and I don’t think I can continue to do so. The words “It will get better with time” echo in my head but I don’t believe them, I did before, and as a result I certainly don’t now.
I’ve already had to deal with your death, you know the moment I’m talking about. That, and everything that was involved is something I haven’t been able to shake. I wish you hadn’t shown me the pictures, but I’m not sure it wouldn't have changed this outcome if you didn’t. I don’t want you beating yourself up over that.
I know your ex damaged you, I know most of the men in your life have - and I don’t even know why you still tolerate us. I know if I even mention porn, even if it’s something we can share, you break down into hysterics. There are other subjects you’re so vulnerable with regarding self-image that I’m not the best person to help with. In fact, I’m terrible when it comes to helping anyone with anything emotionally.
Your family is something else I’d have to deal with. There will never be a time I’m okay with your Dad, you know this, and I don’t know how sometimes you can defend the things he does. The unfortunate circumstances with your Mom constantly affect you, and in turn, me. I don’t even want to get started on your sister.
Other minor things are shared interests. There’s a lot to like and enjoy doing together, but the things most important to me are something you’ve never been behind 100%. And maybe you don’t have to, maybe it’s unhealthy to expect you to, but it’s still something I want.
Again, any and all issues I have aren’t deal breakers - when taken by themselves. As an aggregate though, I don’t think it’s worth it to try and keep us together.
I think I might be rambling, but the takeaway is this: I know you’re willing to put in the time and effort for me. I want to take the coward’s way out because I don’t think I can do the same. I’m too selfish (it’s what happens when you’re a fan of Ayn Rand). I’m not even 30 years old, and I don’t want to think about another marriage, living with someone, sharing what I have, children and the horrors that can occur when things don’t go right.
You are one of the strongest people I’ve met - in terms of what you can endure. I know saying you’ll get over me, and find someone better than you sounds like bullshit right now, but I believe it. I know you will hate me. My friends probably will too, because they adore you.
The last bit is something I sidestepped over the phone. You asked if there was someone else. I said there wasn’t. This is true. I feel guilty as hell though to say I wish it wasn’t true. Just with talking to other people at work, and people in general, makes me feel like I still don’t want to settle down. You’re the 3rd real relationship I’ve had, and only the 2nd one I’d consider as significant. I don’t think I’ve yet found what I’m looking for, and I might never, but I still want to look.
I’m sorry I’m crushing you, and I told you I would think on this, and I will do you that favor. Who knows, maybe after reading all this you won’t even care whether I reconsider or not. My gut says it’s over, and I’m inclined to listen.
Grey Ghost wrote: »
Oh my god