Girlfriend abandoned by parents and likely to be deported back to China

dexter

Hi guys, I'm not sure there's much advice that can be given here, though any suggestions are very welcome, I mostly just need to talk.

I met this girl at university and we've been dating for a little over a year now. She's 25, an international student from China here in Australia and she has been here since high school. Her relationship with her parents is poor, they are divorced and the father has a family of his own now. Both are living in China (exact addresses unknown). The father has been paying for her tuition semester to semester and the mother has been giving her money for rent. As of about a month ago they started ignoring her even though she let them know tuition was due soon. The due date for tuition passed last week and my girlfriend had to submit an application for late payment - fortunately the university gave her another 3 months before they will cancel her student visa.

She has spoken with her mother a few times where the mother said "talk to your father, he has plenty of money" - and then the father has said he gave the mother money for the next 2 years to support my girlfriend - "so go and speak with her". After this they ignore her texts, emails and phone calls. She has a somewhat distant cousin living here who she occasionally has dinner with, he has his own family too and has now been thrown into the position of being her carer. I'm not sure how long he can keep this up for.

I am also a student earning very little money. I'll try my best to help her out but there's not a lot I can do. My parents have let me know she can stay here if she needs to but that doesn't help if she gets deported. The worst part is she has nowhere to go if she goes back to China. She doesn't have family there that she knows of or knows how to get in touch with and she has very little money left. I might have a full time job soon in which case I will try my best to send her money but it looks as though she may become homeless soon.

She is studying actuarial studies with mathematics and has great marks, all D's and HD's and she's up to 3rd year of the undergraduate. She has no work experience yet and I'm not sure if she'll be able to get a job without completing her degree even if she is academically brilliant. Would she have any options for work in China?

I feel physically ill about this and I can't imagine how scared and alone she must feel. I'm going to speak with my university tomorrow but I don't know if there's anything that can be done other than be persistent in getting in touch with her parents. I just don't know what to do.

Thanks a lot for listening, everyone.

Donovan Puppyfucker

She's going to have to tell her parents to grow up. If their immaturity results in her getting kicked out of uni and Australia, there's a big pile of their money down the toilet. And of course she's boned getting back into Australia for a few years at least to finish off her degree on her own.

tynic

I'ts worth talking to student services and/or the international student office about the situation, there may be scholarship opportunities available. That said, she's in a shitty position.

She should be able to get into uni in China to finish her degree, australian universities are well-regarded there. But of course this doesn't help her living situation - I would say if she can't get her visa renewed, she should try and organize somewhere to live in China before the question of deportation comes up. That way she at least won't have trouble coming back if and when it's possible.

CelestialBadger

Sounds like she is in the middle of a shitty divorce, poor girl. Probably neither of them believe that she is really going to be deported. Mom thinks that the magic dad-wallet will open before it comes to that. And Dad thinks that Mom will "find" the money she has squirrelled away before the deportation happens.

She needs to make it clear to them that she is coming home with no degree if they do not pony up some money. Perhaps she should phone both of them and start talking as if it is a done deal that she is coming home. She should ask about staying in spare rooms, and tell them she needs them to book a plane ticket home. Ask them whether they think the local universities will accept her foreign credits or whether she will have to restart her degree. If there's any money to be had, that sort of talk will open wallets. They won't want to waste the money they already spent. Perhaps the cousin could make that phone call, since he will be more impartial.

But it is possible that both parents are broke. In which case she will need loans or scholarships.

If you are planning to pop the question anyway, you could do so early, and get a visa for her that way. But marriage after only a year is foolish. So I wouldn't recommend it. But I know a guy who married a Chinese girl in this very situation and they are still together 40+ years later, so who knows?

kaliyama

Go speak to an immigration attorney.

Inquisitor77

kaliyama wrote: »

Go speak to an immigration attorney.

Right now.

Holler

I don't know how exactly it works in Australia, and my education was bargain basement, minimal-funding-necessary so I have little expertise in this, but... is there a reason she can't get a student loan? You don't even mention it in your post, so I have no idea what that situation might be or if that is just a dumb suggestion.

Her parents are definitely awful babies, and pulling the rug out from under their daughter is fucking inexcusable, but I just feel like there has got to be some way for a 25 year old woman to make this work. Does she have any colleagues in her program who are attending on a visa but without parental money? Do they have any resources or tips on how she might get funding to finish out her degree?

Also seconding her telling her parents that their childish behavior is going to translate into their daughter being deported and failing to finish school, if she hasn't already laid out just exactly what their behavior is directly condemning her to. I just can't even believe how shitty they must be to let that fact register and then still continue to just leave her stranded.

Morblitz

I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure the only form of student loan we can get in Australia is HECS, which is from the government. Basically, instead of giving us money, the government pays our college tuition every semester, but we are given that debt, and it comes out of our pay, like tax, once we start earning a certain amount of money. International students cannot apply for HECS payments and have to pay fees in full. That's why Universities in Australia love international students, they're a goldmine.

Pantshandshake

I didn't read anything besides this (http://www.australia.edu/admissions/educate-yourself-about-student-loans.html) but it suggests private institutions do in fact give out student loans.

I don't know if your parents are comfortable being co signors on this sort of thing, but maybe you should have a talk with a bank, then your parents, then the girl. Or not in that order.

DevoutlyApathetic

Pantshandshake wrote: »

I don't know if your parents are comfortable being co signors on this sort of thing, but maybe you should have a talk with a bank, then your parents, then the girl. Or not in that order.

That sounds like a fantastic way to utterly warp his relationship with this girl and his parents.

Edit: So I guess some advice would be better.

Taking that she has no other family that she is aware of to act as in person intermediary I would consider doing something that is harder to ignore than texts/phone calls. There has to be some sort of "Certified Mail" equivalent that will require their signatures. Get ready to send two of those out, one to each parent.

Dear Mom/Dad.

For Non-Payment of Tuition my Student Visa will expire on day x. I will be deported on day y. As I can not provide for my own transport I am told they will do <z> with me.

Please help your child with advice on how I should handle this situation.

Perhaps enclose official looking documents from her school and possibly an immigration lawyer or government. <z> would be whatever the deportation process is for people without any means to provide for their own transport.

I'd also check to see what responsibilities the parents have for her when she gets back to China. She may be too old but checking shouldn't be too hard.

Pantshandshake

DevoutlyApathetic wrote: »

That sounds like a fantastic way to utterly warp his relationship with this girl and his parents.

They said she could live with them, maybe they like her enough to possibly be on the hook at some point in the future for an amount of money. Who knows?
Also, that was partially based on CelestialBadger talking about marriage, I didn't realize the OP hadn't brought that up himself.

spaboolly

That's a terrible situation all around. I know what it's like dealing with parents who act more like spoiled children, and it's a position you just can't imagine until you've been faced with it. There are very few legal avenues available for something like that (in the US, the government considers you dependent on your parents until 24, but an independent adult at 18, which really gets messy with divorces). I agree she needs to step up and force her parents to deal with the situation rather than ignore it, however that can be done. Is there some type of advocacy group or some type of counselor at the university where she can get legal advice/aid? Can she talk to someone from the embassy or whatever government organization over there handles deportation proceedings? (Sorry, I don't know a lot about that part of it.)