Howdy again, I find myself in yet another situation where my general lack of mental health-friendly cohorts has led to this here board to seek advice.
A few weeks ago I posted here about going to the psychiatrist for the first time. The appointment went well and I got a lot of stuff off my chest I had always wanted too, and it turned out I had...something. What I don't know. What I do know is I was given a prescription for Lamictal which is a seizure medication that seems to help bi-polar folks. So I guess I'm Bi-Polar.
What I also *now* know is that Lamictal can cause a 'severe and life threatening' skin rash. I know this because I got it, and now, about a day into being able to think straight again, I've managed to rack up about 400 dollars in Emergency Room bills, medications to combat the skin rash, and am now back at square one, mental health wise.
Thus:
1. Do I have any sort of like, money-related recourse here? If a medicine I'm prescribed almost kills me, is there some way to get some of the money I had to spend to, uh, not die, re-reimbursed to me? If I do contact my Health Insurance company I'm not going to get my psychiatrist person in trouble, am I?
2. Do *all* anti-depressants have these kinds of affects? Are they common? I was given Prednazone for the rash, and the Doctor told me in no uncertain terms that if I had ANY suicidal or homicidal thoughts to make my way to an ER emergency. Considering at the time my skin was on fire and it felt like my legs were crawling with giant evil hungry fleas, I said I would, but to be honest not a moment had passed since the rash started where I *hadn't* thought about at least chopping my legs off.
3. What's considered 'normal' in regards to mental health? I know that's a tough and long and complicated question, but I guess in my head, the idea of what I 'should' be is that I can get up most days, work out, take a shower, go to work, focus, and then be able to come home from work and be somewhat productive. For example, right now, I can't sit down and read a book if I tried, and I do try.
4. I have been pretty much lying to my parents about what caused this rash. When I told them I was on Adderall for ADHD about a year ago you'd think I told my mom I was moving away to Idaho to marry a Potato Farm. She was furious and concerned and baffled that 'after all I had done' that I think I'd 'want to be on medication'. She's still insanely weary of that, and the idea of bringing up any kind of 'depression' related problem, especially in regards to the rash this Lamictal gave me would be a problem.
I've tried bringing up that there are more relatives dangling off my dad's side of the family tree by their own hand then there are ones currently living on it to her before, but it fell on deaf ears. Maybe it's the Boston Irish Catholic in her.
TL;DR - 1) Am I screwed (money wise?) due to this medicine that almost killed me? 2) Do all medicines for mental health cause your physical body to try and eat itself? 3) Is there some 'normalcy' state or something I can read about to help me figure out where I fall from it? 4) How do I tell un-hippie mom about my new-age hippie belief that mental help and health is better than, well, hating myself?
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1) Your health insurance will cover the ER visit to the extent they'll cover any ER visit. It won't get your psychiatrist in trouble.
2) Not normal. Consult with a doctor to find something that works for you. Most medications take time to work and it will likely take a while to find a medication that works well for you.
3) As far as what feels normal, I think that's a difficult thing to answer. I think "Normal" is different for everybody and in more ways than just mental health or state of mind. But I also think just about everybody has a right to be happy, so you should continue to seek mental health if you find yourself thinking you're less happy than you'd like to be.
4) You know your mom better than any of us do, and other people will probably have better advice. I would just tell your mom what you said, "I'm trying not to hate myself. It is difficult for me to do things that I think normal people should be able to do. Please help/support me while I try to become a happier person." I might also try to bring up that your mental health really is a health issue, in many of the same ways as other health issues. Treatments can help. It may not improve without treatment. There are likely real chemical problems with your body, and medicine may simply restore your body to what is more normal.
5) Hang in there! It is possible to get better and feel better. You've already taken a big step in seeking out help, good on you!!
1) All medications have potential side effects/bad reactions. If the system was built so that a doctor was liable for a bad reaction to medication, it would make things even more litigious and expensive than they already are (assuming from the fact that you're worrying about the cost that you're in the US, where healthcare is a for-profit system). As far as I know, unless the doctor prescribed a drug to you that they should have known would react badly to a medication that the doctor was aware you were taking, there probably isn't going to be any recourse other than whatever your insurance already covers.
2) Definitely not, but again, pretty much all medications of any kind do run the risk of side effects/allergic reactions. You should decide with your doctor what course to take now. And, it doesn't sound like you are doing this, but: don't let the fact that you had a bad reaction to one medication sour you about either your doctor's abilities, or the usefulness of all medications. Maybe the next medication works flawlessly, maybe you and your doctor decide that alternate forms of therapy can be sufficient in place of any further attempts at medication, but whatever it is will certainly be an ongoing process.
3) Your idea of good mental health sounds basically like what I think of as standard-level mental health. If you are capable of functioning in your preferred lifestyle, feel generally at least medium-to-pretty-good, and don't have extreme mood swings for no apparent reason–that, to me, seems pretty good. But I think you can definitely bring up the idea of goals with your therapist, and see if you can come up with some that make sense for you.
4) Your private medical situation doesn't actually have to be any of your mother's business, so if you think telling her would negatively affect your mental health or create unnecessary friction... just don't. I especially wouldn't tell her about the rash being tied to this, because that is giving her a lot of bullshitty fuel to argue against you doing what is best for you. If you DO decide to tell her about seeking help, just know that you can never MAKE other people understand things. You can tell her that you're doing X, that it's working for you, and you're taking care of it, but you should be VERY clear about setting boundaries of what you are and are not interested in hearing from her about it. I recommend reading this advice column; it might not be totally relevant to your entire situation, but it does address setting very clear boundaries for parents about discussing mental health issues/not letting them saddle you with their bullshit.
2) Tell your shrink IMMEDIATELY. They put you on meds for a reason, and since you have stopped taking these (I hope) you need to switch to something else. One of the reasons there are so many different meds is so they can tailor the dose to your body chemistry.
Yes, each one comes with different side effects which occur at different incident rates. The trick is finding the one you react to the best. Ideally, the only reaction is that it alters your brain chemistry in the way you want and nothing else.
Be aware that finding the right one will take time, and even once you are on the right one it might take months for it to show any sign of working. You are altering the chemical levels in an organ that isn't really understood. Trial and error is happening, and sadly that means you could well go through half a dozen different combinations before you find the right one. Stick with it.
Also, once you find one that works, there is always the chance it will stop working, because your body adapts to the change in chemical makeup. That's why you need to keep taking the meds and have frequent appointments with the doctor.
3) There isn't one. Stop looking for it. What you just described is pretty regular. Some days I can blitz through things easy, and others I find myself too restless to focus. That seems to be pretty normal for everyone, and the best way to cope when you can't get your "normal" routine going is to take a break from it. That's probably your brain telling you to get out of the rut before it gets so bored it leaves via your ear in the middle of the night to fulfil it's Broadway dream.
4) This one you have to deal with yourself. Some people just don't deal well with mental problems, because the idea is that you control your brain. Nope. If you told her the meds were for a liver problem you would get sympathy, but a brain problem gets fear. And there may be no way around this unless you can either just tell her everything and get it out there, or drip feed the idea slowly.
Maybe have her come to one of the appointments and the doctor can explain it. But really, saying it's a chemical imbalance in an organ is the only way I know to show just how little difference there is.
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