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How do you start dating, after a long relationship
EWom
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So.. I am 31, I've been with my wife since I was 21. She no decided that she didn't want to be with me anymore. That was a few months ago (mayish). Now I am looking for something new, but I've been out of this "game" for so long I don't even know where to begin, or what to do.
While being married I sort of lost touch with all my friends, and most of them left town anyway, cause this place sucks and there are no jobs. All of my other friends who I could still talk to, are actually her friends, and that's just not a possibility.
I've tried going to singles bars around here, but they are filled with young 20 somethings, which do not interest me at all.
My interests, are hard to meet people around. Most of them include being outdoors somewhere, where other people are not at; primarily hiking, camping, fishing, etc.
I have decided to move to a different town, which is quite a bit bigger. Mostly just to get away from this place, every single place I go here is full of memories with her; which just makes me very sad and depressed. I decided on SLC, UT. I've done some research there, and found that there is a hiking club, which I plan on joining, but from what I can tell, it's mostly 40+ couples, or single men in that club. Now I feel it will be even harder, as I have no idea where anything is, or what there is to do.
So; any ideas, any help? Anyone been down this road?
EDIT: And I guess one of the major issues, is I am having trouble just finding people my age with any sort of similar interests, let alone one to date. So step 1 I guess would be to figure out where people are and what they do.
While being married I sort of lost touch with all my friends, and most of them left town anyway, cause this place sucks and there are no jobs. All of my other friends who I could still talk to, are actually her friends, and that's just not a possibility.
I've tried going to singles bars around here, but they are filled with young 20 somethings, which do not interest me at all.
My interests, are hard to meet people around. Most of them include being outdoors somewhere, where other people are not at; primarily hiking, camping, fishing, etc.
I have decided to move to a different town, which is quite a bit bigger. Mostly just to get away from this place, every single place I go here is full of memories with her; which just makes me very sad and depressed. I decided on SLC, UT. I've done some research there, and found that there is a hiking club, which I plan on joining, but from what I can tell, it's mostly 40+ couples, or single men in that club. Now I feel it will be even harder, as I have no idea where anything is, or what there is to do.
So; any ideas, any help? Anyone been down this road?
EDIT: And I guess one of the major issues, is I am having trouble just finding people my age with any sort of similar interests, let alone one to date. So step 1 I guess would be to figure out where people are and what they do.
Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.
EWom on
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meetup is great for meeting new people with similar interests, as long as the groups are there in your area. Online dating can be hit or miss, but it takes little effort to at least give it shot and I highly recommend you at least try. Or ask someone at *You're favorite hobby here* specific store if there are any groups that get together. In your case, maybe a group that goes camping or hiking together. It took me a bit to figure it out, but the key is to just keep putting yourself out there because no one is going to go looking for you. They don't know you, so why would they?
If you enjoy trivia, see if there are any bars in your area that have a team trivia night then go. Spend the first night just getting an idea of the atmosphere and the teams involved and their dynamics as most teams are probably there every week, then the second time (or the first if you're the adventurous sort) just go up and ask a team if they'd like an extra brain. 99% of the time I guarantee a team will say yes, and if they're the type to turn down free and extra knowledge in a trivia game then you probably didn't want to hang with them anyway. If you and the group click you've probably just made 5-10 brand new friends, and if you don't then there's always another team to try next week.
Or hell, if you're comfortable with it tell us where you're at and I would be shocked if there isn't another forum member near by that wouldn't mind getting a new friend.
And thanks for those ideas, I didn't even realize Meetup was a thing. I just checked it out for Salt Lake and there are hundreds of "groups" or whatever they are listed, I should be able to find a couple I am interested in.
The first thing is that you need to get out and have a good time in the city you are moving to. Claim that space, make some memories and some good stories about the area so that when you meet someone, you will have something to talk about.
Your hobbies are good things as well, have fun finding those choice spots and end your non-work days with a few things of note accomplished. Along the way, you'll cross paths with men and women who will help you be more comfortable getting back out there.
I know how I felt after I started back out there, kind of like a starving man on a deserted island suddenly being dropped into a BBQ contest with a judge's badge. You've got some good qualities, improve on those and iron out your flaws and you'll find more phone numbers flying your way.
Just keep in mind that you are only 31, you don't have some massive countdown hounding you. Have a good time, smile from the depths of your heart at a great rock concert or a nice trail, or a great cup of coffee, that will get you the most tail out of anything else I could say.
We met through online dating, I was very sceptical about the whole thing but my work environment and hobby choices are VERY light on female participation, so gave it a shot and made a profile one night when I had a couple of beers in me.
Messaged a few people but she was the only one that clicked with me and after a few dates its looking promising.
So if your finding meeting people hard, give it a shot. Message people you think sound interesting and try and take it from there.
That said, while my split from my first wife was amicable, it still left me scarred with a lot of issues that required counseling to even begin to work out. Even if you think you're fine, I strongly recommend seeing a therapist after ending a long-term relationship.
Best of luck!
One other thing to be aware of since it's SLC - if you're not LDS (Mormon), dating might be awkward, but don't worry, there are a lot of really cool outdoorsy people nearby.
Best advice I can give is do things you enjoy and maybe you'll meet someone but don't try and force anything.