chiasaur11Never doubt a raccoon.Do you think it's trademarked?Registered Userregular
edited January 2015
I've already got a victory speech ready.
"It has come to my attention that some have lately called me a collaborator, as if such a term were shameful. I ask you, what greater endeavor exists than that of collaboration? In our current unparalleled enterprise, refusal to collaborate is simply a refusal to grow--an insistence on suicide, if you will.
Did the lungfish refuse to breathe air? It did not. It crept forth boldly while its brethren remained in the blackest ocean abyss, with lidless eyes forever staring at the dark, ignorant and doomed despite their eternal vigilance. Would we model ourselves on the trilobite? Are all the accomplishments of humanity fated to be nothing more than a layer of broken plastic shards thinly strewn across a fossil bed, sandwiched between the Burgess shale and an eon's worth of mud?
In order to be true to our nature, and our destiny, we must aspire to greater things. We have outgrown our cradle. It is futile to cry for mother's milk, when our true sustenance awaits us among the stars. And only the universal union that small minds call 'The Combine' can carry us there.
Therefore I say, yes, I am a collaborator. We must all collaborate, willingly, eagerly, if we expect to reap the benefits of unification. And reap we shall."
FandaHang a shining starupon the highest boughRegistered Userregular
So it turns out I bungled the budgeting for January, and MechMantis's Interceptor cannon had to be sold to help make up the shortfall. In its place, I've installed our last Stingray launcher.
Just, uh, try not to fire any of the missiles. They're expensive.
0
FandaHang a shining starupon the highest boughRegistered Userregular
A couple of uneventful days pass at Haus Von Trapp. On the Dark Continent, things are evidently less tranquil:
I task Elvenshae with patrolling South Africa in the Skyranger. Refuelling breaks are covered by MechMantis in Interceptor-2. But after a week of constant overflight, they have nothing to report except the mournful drone of vuvuzelas below.
January 7 is a red letter day for the X-Com project. We expand into Asia ...
... and North America.
The combined cost of breaking ground in these locations is $1,550,000. We have enough left over to begin construction on a single hangar in each new base.
At 1 am the following morning, Baske picks up our first radar contact over the North Sea.
Even as we give chase, it's obvious that this is a lost cause; the UFO is on the edge of our detection radius and heading away from us at maximum speed. It passes out of radar range a few minutes later, and when some desultory patrolling around the Arctic Circle turns up nothing, I order the pursuit called off.
Having mulled over the nature of directed energy weapons for a week, the research team makes a breakthrough. What if we could aim a laser at the enemy using a handheld targeting device, with an integrated trigger mechanism to active the beam? They are tentatively calling this concept the "pistol". More research to follow.
January 10, the wee hours. After a long patrol, Elvenshae is heading home to refuel. And then, as the Skyranger banks north, a blip appears on the edge of its radar range:
EvmaAlsar screams south in the Dakkajet immediately. Meanwhile, the Skyranger maintains a radar lock on UFO-2 as both head north. All three aircraft converge over the Congo.
Suddenly, the UFO doglegs east and doubles its speed. Maybe the close proximity of multiple X-Com craft spooked it. It puts some distance between us while EvmaAlsar struggles to match its new course.
But this time we will not be denied.
By the time our Skyranger can refuel and make it back to the crash site, night will have fallen, so the recovery mission is postponed until the following morning.
I had this line about kicking ass and chewing bubblegum and not having any bubblegum and it looks like that pink guy is made of hubba bubba bubblegum...
"Hello, ladies and gentlemen of X-COM, and welcome aboard ElvenAir flight 1, with nonstop service to the Nkotakhota Wildlife Reserve, just north of beautiful Lilongwe, Malawi. If your travel plans today do not include Malawi, please press the call button located above your crash couch. I am your Captain, Elvenshae, and on behalf of ElvenAir I’d like to thank all of you for choosing us. We know you have multiple options when it comes to your travel plans, and we hope you continue to select us. The weather at our destination is a balmy 19 Centigrade, which is about 66 in real temperature; the humidity is unseasonably low today, at only 94%, so I hope you all brought your gills. There’s a 30% chance of precipitation and a 92% chance of fiery plasma. Our estimated time of arrival is 0900 local, so please sit back and enjoy the flight."
...
"Did you know they actually have an animal there called the dik-dik? I shit you not."
So it looks like we are allowed lasers, but presumably not armor since that would involve researching alien alloys. I don't know whether I'm disappointed or not; on the one hand this is going to be a lot more winnable with lasers allowed (also FUCK YEAH LASERS WOO), but on the other hand I was picturing a late-game squad equipped entirely with rocket launchers and Auto-cannons and that thought amuses me.
no, I think Fanda is all about ballistics and cattle prods. He's just letting the scientists spin their wheels on research so they are ready for when we make captures.
I'm expecting Vahlen to speak up the moment someone throws a grenade.
+4
FaranguI am a beardy manWith a beardy planRegistered Userregular
"Man, I can't believe I got stuck on this chickenshit outfit. I'm just glad I'm not one of the first ones out there, I heard there's some high...uh...turnover here. Yea, turnover."
"You mean you didn't volunteer for this, Rookie...Gu? The hell kind of name is that?"
"You weren't there, so you don't get to ask. And hell NO I didn't volunteer for this. I'm a Navy SEAL, man. Best of the best. I eat nails and shit houses. The lightning rides me. I got posted here, and as much as I don't care for it, orders is orders."
"Hey, I'm a Marine, man. I know what it's like out there. I still volunteered. This is protecting all of Earth from alien attack."
"Semper Fi."
"The only easy day was yesterday. But let's put aside that fact for right now. If you didn't volunteer for this, how did you get posted here?"
no, I think Fanda is all about ballistics and cattle prods. He's just letting the scientists spin their wheels on research so they are ready for when we make captures.
Quite so. I need to keep Vahlen off my back somehow. As for armor, it's like this:
Name it after one of the states in order to create a 'Who's on first' situation when the aliens discuss base attacks. Bonus points for naming it a state it's not in.
Inb4 naming it 'area 51' or 'welcome to earf'. We have standards, people.
Horrible standards that will get most of you killed.
no, I think Fanda is all about ballistics and cattle prods. He's just letting the scientists spin their wheels on research so they are ready for when we make captures.
Quite so. I need to keep Vahlen off my back somehow. As for armor, it's like this:
The guys get shirts.
Not personal armor. Not power suits. SHIRTS.
I've seen enough "Rambo" movies to know that's a mistake.
To be fair, we have no idea whether conventional kevlar body armor would have any effect at all on alien weapons, so its quite possible that giving our boys armor would just make them slower targets. Honestly, we were lucky to get the jump-suits, they could have sent us into battle sky-clad.
<tangent> This is explicitly stated to be the rationale behind the "standard body armor" in Xenonauts, which is a shirt, pants, boots and a cheap helmet as the only concession to protection over mobility. You can research "Jackal" armor as soon as you get hold of a plasma weapon, which is basically just SWAT armor with the ballistic plates swapped with heat-resistant ceramics.
+2
FandaHang a shining starupon the highest boughRegistered Userregular
When the ramp drops, an_alt is face to face with the enemy. Any attempt to disembark will provoke reaction fire.
She has excellent accuracy for a rookie, so I decide to attempt the shot.
Oh. Apparently there's an airplane in the way.
Plan B: we drop smoke grenades on the ramp and inside the Skyranger, while Elvenshae lobs a proximity mine out near the Floater. Maybe the smoke will reduce its vision enough that it has to move forward to get a shot.
OR MAYBE NOT
The stare-down continues. A wisp of blonde hair has escaped an_alt's ponytail; she is otherwise - somehow - completely unperturbed. Hopefully the same can't be said of the Floater. In any case, they know exactly where we are. We need to break out of this LZ immediately.
This hideous, hideous LZ.
Talus9952 crouches by the landing gear and takes aim at the airborne Floater to the southeast.
Two steps off the ramp and Sumanai spots another. With her last time units, from behind the landing gear and through the foliage, Talus brings it down with a snap shot. Meanwhile, Elvenshae obliterates the nearby Floater with high explosive autocannon shells.
Is it safe to disembark yet?
NO. NO, IT IS NOT.
We relay a proximity grenade to the doorstep of the UFO, so at least that approach is covered. From inside the Skyranger, cB557, wilting, and theSquid all pepper the northeastern Floater with rifle fire, but it will not die.
Elvenshae takes the last shot we'll have this turn.
Smoking purple giblets hit the jungle floor.
The Floater near the UFO is at ground level and screened by a tangle of plants. Direct fire is not an option, so Heatwave lobs a grenade over, and an_alt withdraws into our smoke cloud.
End turn.
Explosion.
Death cry.
+31
KoopahTroopahThe koopas, the troopas.Philadelphia, PARegistered Userregular
I'm really really confused, but that might be the drunk talking.
i think we're gonna all the help we can get here so !sign up as expendable meat shield! throw me at the enemy and let me bask in the glow of their plasma fire.
FandaHang a shining starupon the highest boughRegistered Userregular
...
...
...
Oh, go on.
What?
Just say it. You know you want to.
I don't know what you mean.
Nothing about destroying alien artifacts? How the use of explosives denies us valuable research opportunities?
Quite the contrary, Commander. I was going to point out that a high-explosive charge could have killed the Floater near the Skyranger ramp on turn one with no risk to an_alt.
... I didn't even consider that.
And as a result, one of our operatives nearly died.
But I honestly thought the smoke and proximity grenade combination would work!
I ... I guess I didn't account for line of sight across the height differential, and how the Skyranger fuselage would channel the smoke on level 2.
I doubt your regret would have brought any consolation to an_alt's next of kin.
Man. Now I feel like a complete heel.
You misunderstand me, Commander. I'm congratulating you.
What??
Your disregard for the safety of those under your command shows admirable scientific dispassion. You clearly have your priorities in order.
...
Keep up the fine work, Commander. Vahlen out.
Alien brain, alien brain, wherever you may be: take this scientist of mine far away from me!
Where'd you learn that rubbish? It doesn't even start with "I wish."
Posts
"It has come to my attention that some have lately called me a collaborator, as if such a term were shameful. I ask you, what greater endeavor exists than that of collaboration? In our current unparalleled enterprise, refusal to collaborate is simply a refusal to grow--an insistence on suicide, if you will.
Did the lungfish refuse to breathe air? It did not. It crept forth boldly while its brethren remained in the blackest ocean abyss, with lidless eyes forever staring at the dark, ignorant and doomed despite their eternal vigilance. Would we model ourselves on the trilobite? Are all the accomplishments of humanity fated to be nothing more than a layer of broken plastic shards thinly strewn across a fossil bed, sandwiched between the Burgess shale and an eon's worth of mud?
In order to be true to our nature, and our destiny, we must aspire to greater things. We have outgrown our cradle. It is futile to cry for mother's milk, when our true sustenance awaits us among the stars. And only the universal union that small minds call 'The Combine' can carry us there.
Therefore I say, yes, I am a collaborator. We must all collaborate, willingly, eagerly, if we expect to reap the benefits of unification. And reap we shall."
Why I fear the ocean.
edit: Uhh @chiasaur11 is scaring me - that's a little too eloquent for our species demise
Not at all!
Also, you guys crack me up.
And quick, spectacular, highly explosive and/or gruesome death.
Steam profile - Twitch - YouTube
Switch: SM-6352-8553-6516
For some ground pounding action.
Just, uh, try not to fire any of the missiles. They're expensive.
I task Elvenshae with patrolling South Africa in the Skyranger. Refuelling breaks are covered by MechMantis in Interceptor-2. But after a week of constant overflight, they have nothing to report except the mournful drone of vuvuzelas below.
January 7 is a red letter day for the X-Com project. We expand into Asia ...
... and North America.
The combined cost of breaking ground in these locations is $1,550,000. We have enough left over to begin construction on a single hangar in each new base.
At 1 am the following morning, Baske picks up our first radar contact over the North Sea.
Even as we give chase, it's obvious that this is a lost cause; the UFO is on the edge of our detection radius and heading away from us at maximum speed. It passes out of radar range a few minutes later, and when some desultory patrolling around the Arctic Circle turns up nothing, I order the pursuit called off.
Having mulled over the nature of directed energy weapons for a week, the research team makes a breakthrough. What if we could aim a laser at the enemy using a handheld targeting device, with an integrated trigger mechanism to active the beam? They are tentatively calling this concept the "pistol". More research to follow.
January 10, the wee hours. After a long patrol, Elvenshae is heading home to refuel. And then, as the Skyranger banks north, a blip appears on the edge of its radar range:
EvmaAlsar screams south in the Dakkajet immediately. Meanwhile, the Skyranger maintains a radar lock on UFO-2 as both head north. All three aircraft converge over the Congo.
Suddenly, the UFO doglegs east and doubles its speed. Maybe the close proximity of multiple X-Com craft spooked it. It puts some distance between us while EvmaAlsar struggles to match its new course.
But this time we will not be denied.
By the time our Skyranger can refuel and make it back to the crash site, night will have fallen, so the recovery mission is postponed until the following morning.
Steam profile.
Getting started with BATTLETECH: Part 1 / Part 2
I once had the head of the bus survive the whole game. No reloading.
Of course, plasma bent around her, so. Probably still hosed.
Why I fear the ocean.
That's a good thing, right?
I mean, a being with that sense of fashion couldn't possibly be hostile.
Steam - NotoriusBEN | Uplay - notoriusben | Xbox,Windows Live - ThatBEN
...
"Did you know they actually have an animal there called the dik-dik? I shit you not."
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
Elvenshae didn't say that at all.
Certainly implied it. But didn't say it outright.
So it looks like we are allowed lasers, but presumably not armor since that would involve researching alien alloys. I don't know whether I'm disappointed or not; on the one hand this is going to be a lot more winnable with lasers allowed (also FUCK YEAH LASERS WOO), but on the other hand I was picturing a late-game squad equipped entirely with rocket launchers and Auto-cannons and that thought amuses me.
no, I think Fanda is all about ballistics and cattle prods. He's just letting the scientists spin their wheels on research so they are ready for when we make captures.
Steam - NotoriusBEN | Uplay - notoriusben | Xbox,Windows Live - ThatBEN
"You mean you didn't volunteer for this, Rookie...Gu? The hell kind of name is that?"
"You weren't there, so you don't get to ask. And hell NO I didn't volunteer for this. I'm a Navy SEAL, man. Best of the best. I eat nails and shit houses. The lightning rides me. I got posted here, and as much as I don't care for it, orders is orders."
"Hey, I'm a Marine, man. I know what it's like out there. I still volunteered. This is protecting all of Earth from alien attack."
"Semper Fi."
"The only easy day was yesterday. But let's put aside that fact for right now. If you didn't volunteer for this, how did you get posted here?"
"Hmm...You know of an Admiral Archer?"
"Yea, heard he was a real tight-ass."
"Yup. You hear about his dog?"
"...Oh."
"Yup."
"He loved that beagle."
"Yes he did."
Chicago Megagame group
Watch me struggle to learn streaming! Point and laugh!
I need to buy a scarf after I'm done painting a little UFO on my dakkajet
Steam profile - Twitch - YouTube
Switch: SM-6352-8553-6516
Quite so. I need to keep Vahlen off my back somehow. As for armor, it's like this:
The guys get shirts.
Not personal armor. Not power suits. SHIRTS.
Don't make a f'n maniac out of me.
where's Joe?
Also, we need a name for our North American base.
Name it after one of the states in order to create a 'Who's on first' situation when the aliens discuss base attacks. Bonus points for naming it a state it's not in.
Inb4 naming it 'area 51' or 'welcome to earf'. We have standards, people.
Horrible standards that will get most of you killed.
But they're standards.
Steam profile - Twitch - YouTube
Switch: SM-6352-8553-6516
How about just calling it "Here lies..." and go from there.
American Base name should be Mt. Rushmore.
You're putting it in south dakota by where your cursor is on the screenshot.
Steam - NotoriusBEN | Uplay - notoriusben | Xbox,Windows Live - ThatBEN
I've seen enough "Rambo" movies to know that's a mistake.
Why I fear the ocean.
<tangent> This is explicitly stated to be the rationale behind the "standard body armor" in Xenonauts, which is a shirt, pants, boots and a cheap helmet as the only concession to protection over mobility. You can research "Jackal" armor as soon as you get hold of a plasma weapon, which is basically just SWAT armor with the ballistic plates swapped with heat-resistant ceramics.
X-Com Order of Battle:
@an_alt and @Talus9952
@Elvenshae and @Sumanai
@theSquid and @Heatwave
@cB557 and @wilting
@KoopahTroopah and @YerMum
When the ramp drops, an_alt is face to face with the enemy. Any attempt to disembark will provoke reaction fire.
She has excellent accuracy for a rookie, so I decide to attempt the shot.
Oh. Apparently there's an airplane in the way.
Plan B: we drop smoke grenades on the ramp and inside the Skyranger, while Elvenshae lobs a proximity mine out near the Floater. Maybe the smoke will reduce its vision enough that it has to move forward to get a shot.
OR MAYBE NOT
The stare-down continues. A wisp of blonde hair has escaped an_alt's ponytail; she is otherwise - somehow - completely unperturbed. Hopefully the same can't be said of the Floater. In any case, they know exactly where we are. We need to break out of this LZ immediately.
This hideous, hideous LZ.
Talus9952 crouches by the landing gear and takes aim at the airborne Floater to the southeast.
Two steps off the ramp and Sumanai spots another. With her last time units, from behind the landing gear and through the foliage, Talus brings it down with a snap shot. Meanwhile, Elvenshae obliterates the nearby Floater with high explosive autocannon shells.
Is it safe to disembark yet?
NO. NO, IT IS NOT.
We relay a proximity grenade to the doorstep of the UFO, so at least that approach is covered. From inside the Skyranger, cB557, wilting, and theSquid all pepper the northeastern Floater with rifle fire, but it will not die.
Elvenshae takes the last shot we'll have this turn.
Smoking purple giblets hit the jungle floor.
The Floater near the UFO is at ground level and screened by a tangle of plants. Direct fire is not an option, so Heatwave lobs a grenade over, and an_alt withdraws into our smoke cloud.
End turn.
Explosion.
Death cry.
Please continue, I am intrigued.
Twitch: KoopahTroopah - Steam: Koopah
Sometimes, the RNG bullshit is in your favor.
(Meanwhile, that Floater is cursing a blue streak. "90%" his surgically-removed ass.)
0-200%
It was quite possible, assuming high armor or bad luck, to just do no damage whatsoever when you shot something.
In this case, thanks to the armor plating on the coveralls, Alt had a nice, healthy 7.5% chance to just shrug off plasma.
And much higher odds to just be incinerated.
Why I fear the ocean.
For great justice
Victory is assured. Start measuring curtains for the alien homeworld headquarters.
Steam profile.
Getting started with BATTLETECH: Part 1 / Part 2
...
...
...
Oh, go on.
What?
Just say it. You know you want to.
I don't know what you mean.
Nothing about destroying alien artifacts? How the use of explosives denies us valuable research opportunities?
Quite the contrary, Commander. I was going to point out that a high-explosive charge could have killed the Floater near the Skyranger ramp on turn one with no risk to an_alt.
... I didn't even consider that.
And as a result, one of our operatives nearly died.
But I honestly thought the smoke and proximity grenade combination would work!
I ... I guess I didn't account for line of sight across the height differential, and how the Skyranger fuselage would channel the smoke on level 2.
I doubt your regret would have brought any consolation to an_alt's next of kin.
Man. Now I feel like a complete heel.
You misunderstand me, Commander. I'm congratulating you.
What??
Your disregard for the safety of those under your command shows admirable scientific dispassion. You clearly have your priorities in order.
...
Keep up the fine work, Commander. Vahlen out.
Alien brain, alien brain, wherever you may be: take this scientist of mine far away from me!
Where'd you learn that rubbish? It doesn't even start with "I wish."
God damn it.