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State of the Union 2015: Address to an Ungrateful Nation

StericaSterica YesRegistered User, Moderator mod
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Whoa dogs, it's another State of the Union! Wait, you don't know what that is? Well, it's when the President of the United States of America gets pretty much all of our legislature and judicial branches and talks at them for 60-90 minutes. This is supposed to be a status update on how the country is doing, but the answer is always "DANDY!" because a president admitting the country is doing poorly would be tantamount to demanding your approval rating drop 15 points. It's really really goofy, but the speech is important in that it lays out the president's agenda for the year and also gives us some kind of plan to judge him by. Oh, and the opposition party will also give a smaller speech afterwards rebutting some of the president's points and offering their own plan. Buuuuut, the opposition speech will be given by the Republicans, so it's mostly a way to get a quick laugh. Can they possibly top 2014's "inequality Godzilla?" Tune in to find out!

Wait, those people are in charge of both houses of Congress. Wow, we're really fucked.

Oh, and because this is a special thread, here are some equally special rules.
  1. This thread is temporary. It will be locked at an undisclosed time after the address is over. Do not take it upon yourself to make a new thread: this is a one-time deal.
  2. People exist out there with opinions different from yours. This is unfortunate, but such is life. It is difficult to have a manageable discussion if people are yelling back and forth at each other, so please keep a calm head when engaging with people. Spirited debate is fine, but posts full of catty insults and huge posts that dissect another's person post with 50 quote tags makes for a thread that is almost impossible to read for all but a handful of people.
  3. Do not engage with assholes. If someone is spouting off shitty rhetoric (racism, sexism, transphobia, etc.), then report them. Replying to their nonsense just derails the thread and, honestly, they're most likely shitty trolls with no interest in discourse. Don't waste your time on them.
Tonight's Players
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Barack "Thanks" Obama
State of the Union

The man of the night. Obama is now starting to really enter those lame duck years where he's going to basically say "fuck it" and push the envelope a bit more since he doesn't have an election to worry about. Which will be useful since he now has to face a Republican House and Senate looking to drop a bunch of bullshit laws on his desk. Chances are he'll pay some lip service about working together with the new Congress and some standard fluff about bipartisanship. At the same time, he could flip them all a finger and state in no uncertain terms that he'll veto anything threatening some of his pet issues like the Affordable Care Act. Well, at least in my exciting new fanfiction he does.

Expected Topics: Tax increases for the rich is already being talked about, and Obama is also pushing for a way to give Americans with passing grades a free ride for community college. He'll probably also make a statement about the Charlie Hebdo shooting, if only because people are upset that he didn't fly to Paris to stand in a cleared-out street for a phony photo shoot with other world leaders.

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Joni Ernst
Republican Response

These days everyone wants to take a shot at that uppity black man snooty president, but the Real Deal Republican Response will be given by Ernst. This is yet another feeble attempt by the Republicans to pretend they care about women, but it might not be a idea seeing as how last year's response-giver Rodgers didn't crash and burn like so many before her. It remains to be seen as to whether or not she'll be surrounded by members of the military and a token minority to further cement that phony "we care" message. You should expect the usual fare, as Ernst is a pretty standard Republican, hating fun things like marijuana, gay sex, abortion, and not dying of gunshot wounds.

Expected Topics: Taxes are bad, terrorism is bad, government is bad.

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Curt "Air Ball" Clawson
Tea Party "Response"

If today is a media circus, then Clawson will be speaking on behalf of the clowns. He's a tea party guy, so you can expect nothing but a stream of far-right fringe ideas. Shit, the only thing I know about this guy is that he mistook American officials for Indian ones, and start talking about US/India relations with them. It's going to be a real knee slapper until you realize these people have obtain positions of political power. Keep the liquor cabinet stocked.

Expected Topics: A possible Mecha Inequality Godzilla

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Kshama "Solidarity" Sawant
Socialist Alternative Response

Hey, Obama isn't the only person from last year we'll be seeing tonight! Hers being perhaps the only response that's really worth a damn, Sawant did a response last year that people really, really liked. Last time it wasn't broadcasted live, so I'll try to post it ASAP. She is not a fan of Obama, so if you want to hear criticism of him that isn't a bunch of tilting at windmills, then this is the response for you. She will probably cover more important topics in her >10 minute speech than any one other response happening tonight. Highly recommended.

Expected Topics: Scary things like a high minimum wage, taxes on our precious job creators, that hoax global warming, and why atheism should be law.

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Rand "Eat the Poor" Paul
His Own Ego

Paul is doing his own response on his YouTube channel tonight. Consider it a back-up comedy option in case the Tea Party fails to deliver.

Expected Topics: Bullshit

WHERE TO WATCH?

https://www.youtube.com
http://www.whitehouse.gov/sotu
Literally Every News Site on the Internet
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DarkPrimusSlacker71
«13

Posts

  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    fuck the something something

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    WhippySkylarkSlacker71
  • rhylithrhylith Death Rabbits HoustonRegistered User regular
    You left out that Carlos Curbelo of Florida will give Joni Ernst's rebuttal in Spanish.

    Not his own rebuttal. Hers. Translated.

    So a Hispanic Republican congressman who supports a path to citizenship will have to read a direct Spanish translation of the exact speech that Joni Ernst gives, which will likely have a passage opposing a path to citizenship.

    Good job GOP.

  • MarathonMarathon Registered User regular
    As an Iowa resident, I apologize for Joni Ernst. I still can't believe she won. I hope her response is such a shit-show that people start to realize that she's terrible.

    EtchwartsDarkPrimuswrong_button
  • CptKemzikCptKemzik Registered User regular
    edited January 2015
    I dig Sawant, and it's great to see an organized (socialist!) third-party political presence in Seattle, but I thought her response from last year was a mixed bag. The lionizing of Snowden was unnecessary (and eye-roll-inducing), while the "Obama is spying on you through Angry Birds!" line was addressing a particular tech/surveillance issue inaccurately for the sake of a sound bite; I say these things as a critic of the NSA's role in the larger military-industrial complex. Once she was finally talking about Socialist Alternative's success in Seattle and the minimum wage her speech gained some steam.

    I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm looking forward to seeing her response this time, and hopefully there is some more substance without the throw-away "both parties are the same" warm-up.
    rhylith wrote: »
    You left out that Carlos Curbelo of Florida will give Joni Ernst's rebuttal in Spanish.

    Not his own rebuttal. Hers. Translated.

    So a Hispanic Republican congressman who supports a path to citizenship will have to read a direct Spanish translation of the exact speech that Joni Ernst gives, which will likely have a passage opposing a path to citizenship.

    Good job GOP.

    Where's the hail hydra button when you need it?

    edit - also loving that smug-as-hell Obama portrait in the OP.

    CptKemzik on
    GethSkylarkSlacker71nuka
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    Politics in america is depressing enough currently, I don't want to hear the president detail another agenda that sounds good and also will never be put into practice

  • JasconiusJasconius sword criminal mad onlineRegistered User regular
    i'll catch the rerun

    i hate fucking rebuttal speeches and they need to stop

    when has there EVER been a good one, or even a non-disaster one

  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    It's really weird because I think they all want to do their own rebuttals so they can become the next GOP superstar when responses have typically been the place where political careers go to die.

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  • GvzbgulGvzbgul Registered User regular
    Good rebuttals tend to come at least a day after the SotUA. Most of the rebuttals will really speeches written before the SotUA, so their not really rebuttals so much as speeches from people who disagree with the President as a person.

    SkylarkSlacker71
  • BarcardiBarcardi All the Wizards Under A Rock: AfganistanRegistered User regular
    But what does the situation room think? Has Wolf Blitzer eaten all of his young yet?

  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    Showtime

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  • Goose!Goose! That's me, honey Show me the way home, honeyRegistered User regular
    Suck it, Boehner, no hand shake for you

  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    CLAP, CLAP YOU DOGS

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  • ph blakeph blake Registered User regular
    Oooo, nice graphs on the youtube stream.

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  • Goose!Goose! That's me, honey Show me the way home, honeyRegistered User regular
    Boehner does not stand for having a strong union

  • Goose!Goose! That's me, honey Show me the way home, honeyRegistered User regular
    Did Uncle Joe just nudge him??

  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    Husband wasn't invited. The ultimate snub.

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    BlankZoeGoose!EvigilantBucketman
  • Goose!Goose! That's me, honey Show me the way home, honeyRegistered User regular
    Seriously. I thought he was going to reveal the husband being dead. He's probably on one of those long job road trips

    ph blakeBucketman
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited January 2015
    For a brief moment I thought she was married to the woman next to her (that isn't Michelle) and was going to lose my shit

    Sterica on
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  • MugginsMuggins Registered User regular
    You'll be able to see Sawant's response here fyi: http://seattlechannel.org/event-live

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    hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post |
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    Boehner very upset about a stronger economy.

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  • MugginsMuggins Registered User regular
    This is good news, people *WINK*

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    hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post |
  • MachwingMachwing It looks like a harmless old computer, doesn't it? Left in this cave to rot ... or to flower!Registered User regular
    we need to all play by the rules. Poor people and poorer people alike! The rich and the ultra rich! They get a different set of rules, of course, but it should be the same for all of them!

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    Skylark
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    Haha angry white dudes not clapping to that

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  • bombardierbombardier Moderator mod
    Boehner needs some paid sick leave.

    Skylark
  • ph blakeph blake Registered User regular
    Hearing about all these things that have a literal zero percent chance of getting through this congress is kind of depressing actually

    Thanks Obama!

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    Clint Eastwood
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    bombardier wrote: »
    Boehner needs some paid sick leave.
    That's not jaundice; he just tans a lot.

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  • Goose!Goose! That's me, honey Show me the way home, honeyRegistered User regular
    edited January 2015
    Tesla shout out!

    Goose! on
  • a5ehrena5ehren AtlantaRegistered User regular
    ph blake wrote: »
    Hearing about all these things that have a literal zero percent chance of getting through this congress is kind of depressing actually

    Thanks Obama!

    Yeah, pretty much. None of this stuff is even going to make it to a vote.

  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    OBAMA WANTS TO BUILD A CYBORG ARMY

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    tynic
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    OBAMA WANTS TO CREATE A SPACE EMPIRE WITH HIS CYBORG ARMY

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  • Goose!Goose! That's me, honey Show me the way home, honeyRegistered User regular
    "Make sure to Instagram it" just was said in the SOTU address.

  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    Goose! wrote: »
    "Make sure to Instagram it" just was said in the SOTU address.
    And the Speaker of the House tried to condemn Obama's college plan via Taylor Swift gifs

    Democracy is truly dead

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    BroloSkylark
  • FyndirFyndir Registered User regular
    I am choosing to believe every single thing said about the speech in this thread instead of watching it for myself.

    Especially things that are directly contradictory.

    KadithCaulk Bite 6EtchwartsCimmeriiMortal SkyBucketmanToxStraightziSkylarkSeriouslyDesert LeviathantynicSlacker71Lord_Asmodeus
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited January 2015
    Fyndir wrote: »
    I am choosing to believe every single thing said about the speech in this thread instead of watching it for myself.

    Especially things that are directly contradictory.
    Obama has just challenged Boehner to a duel to the death.

    Boehner has chosen sais as his weapon.

    Sterica on
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  • ph blakeph blake Registered User regular
    Fyndir wrote: »
    I am choosing to believe every single thing said about the speech in this thread instead of watching it for myself.

    Especially things that are directly contradictory.
    Obama has just challenged Boehner to a duel to the death.

    Boehner has chosen sais as his weapon.

    Personally I thought this was way out of line.

    Sais are a low weapon, a senator should only duel with the finest pistolas.

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  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    Obama has vowed to punish those who DDoS his games of LoL.

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    eddizhere
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    Obama acknowledged that trans people exist!

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    Slacker71nuka
  • MugginsMuggins Registered User regular
    Now for the part of the SOTU where Obama's mom breaks out the family photo album

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    hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post |
    BlankZoeBucketman
  • BlankZoeBlankZoe Registered User regular
    ahahaha shit, Obama getting snarky

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    Getheddizhere
  • eddizhereeddizhere Scrubber Than A Sponge Scrubtown, USARegistered User regular
    "I have no more campaigns to run."
    Applause
    "I know, because I won both of them."

    2015 Obama dgaf.

    League of Legends: Plutoniumwombat
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    qwer12Caulk Bite 6EtchwartsTrippyJingMarathonNiryaJimothyEncToxQuickSnapvalhalla130SkylarkJoeUserSlacker71nukaDonovan PuppyfuckerLord_Asmodeus
This discussion has been closed.