Whoa dogs, it's another State of the Union! Wait, you don't know what that is?
Well, it's when the President of the United States of America gets pretty much all of our legislature and judicial branches and talks at them for 60-90 minutes. This is supposed to be a status update on how the country is doing, but the answer is always "DANDY!" because a president admitting the country is doing poorly would be tantamount to demanding your approval rating drop 15 points. It's really really goofy, but the speech is important in that it lays out the president's agenda for the year and also gives us some kind of plan to judge him by. Oh, and the opposition party will also give a smaller speech afterwards rebutting some of the president's points and offering their own plan. Buuuuut, the opposition speech will be given by the Republicans, so it's mostly a way to get a quick laugh. Can they possibly top 2014's "inequality Godzilla?" Tune in to find out!
Wait, those people are in charge of both houses of Congress. Wow, we're really
Oh, and because this is a special thread, here are some equally special rules.
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Barack "Thanks" ObamaState of the Union
The man of the night. Obama is now starting to really enter those lame duck years where he's going to basically say "fuck it" and push the envelope a bit more since he doesn't have an election to worry about. Which will be useful since he now has to face a Republican House and Senate looking to drop a bunch of bullshit laws on his desk. Chances are he'll pay some lip service about working together with the new Congress and some standard fluff about bipartisanship. At the same time, he could flip them all a finger and state in no uncertain terms that he'll veto anything threatening some of his pet issues like the Affordable Care Act. Well, at least in my exciting new fanfiction he does.Expected Topics:
Tax increases for the rich is already being talked about, and Obama is also pushing for a way to give Americans with passing grades a free ride for community college. He'll probably also make a statement about the Charlie Hebdo shooting, if only because people are upset that he didn't fly to Paris to stand in a cleared-out street for a phony photo shoot with other world leaders.Joni ErnstRepublican Response
These days everyone wants to take a shot at that uppity black man
snooty president, but the Real Deal Republican Response will be given by Ernst. This is yet another feeble attempt by the Republicans to pretend they care about women, but it might not be a idea seeing as how last year's response-giver Rodgers didn't crash and burn like so many before her. It remains to be seen as to whether or not she'll be surrounded by members of the military and a token minority to further cement that phony "we care" message. You should expect the usual fare, as Ernst is a pretty standard Republican, hating fun things like marijuana, gay sex, abortion, and not dying of gunshot wounds.Expected Topics:
Taxes are bad, terrorism is bad, government is bad.Curt "Air Ball" ClawsonTea Party "Response"
If today is a media circus, then Clawson will be speaking on behalf of the clowns. He's a tea party guy, so you can expect nothing but a stream of far-right fringe ideas. Shit, the only thing I know about this guy is that he mistook American officials for Indian ones, and start talking about US/India relations with them. It's going to be a real knee slapper until you realize these people have obtain positions of political power. Keep the liquor cabinet stocked.Expected Topics:
A possible Mecha Inequality GodzillaKshama "Solidarity" SawantSocialist Alternative Response
Hey, Obama isn't the only person from last year we'll be seeing tonight! Hers being perhaps the only response that's really worth a damn, Sawant did a response last year that people really, really liked. Last time it wasn't broadcasted live, so I'll try to post it ASAP. She is not a fan of Obama, so if you want to hear criticism of him that isn't a bunch of tilting at windmills, then this is the response for you. She will probably cover more important topics in her >10 minute speech than any one other response happening tonight. Highly recommended.Expected Topics:
Scary things like a high minimum wage, taxes on our precious job creators, that hoax global warming, and why atheism should be law.Rand "Eat the Poor" PaulHis Own Ego
Paul is doing his own response on his YouTube channel tonight. Consider it a back-up comedy option in case the Tea Party fails to deliver.Expected Topics:
BullshitWHERE TO WATCH?https://www.youtube.comhttp://www.whitehouse.gov/sotu
Literally Every News Site on the Internet