Options

Return of the Awkward Thread: Fremdschämen's Revenge

1678911

Posts

  • Options
    NocrenNocren Lt Futz, Back in Action North CarolinaRegistered User regular
    Falx wrote: »
    Man there's a place here in Cape Town which proudly proclaims it is both a Sushi restaurant AND a massage parlour. I'm almost certain it's "that" kind too but somehow the combination of cheap raw fish being served by the waitresses who are also the massage therapists kills a whole range of appetites in me.

    I'm sure most of them wash their hands.

    newSig.jpg
  • Options
    tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2015
    On subtlety and commerce..there is this place in my hometown called the BackBoys and it's a sauna. The front door is barred and there is a sign that reads "Enter by the backdoor".

    oh god this is probably thread-apropos now I think about it

    When I lived in Germany, I became fairly good friends with my best friend/occasional fuck-buddy's boss. Apart from being a professor of South American literature, this guy was a keen amateur musician, whose big claim to fame was he once got a song in the top-100 of one of the regional broadcasters back in the 90s.

    Eventually I got invited to join his 'band', which was actually just a bunch of his friends/colleagues/ex-students who hung out for slightly amateurish jam sessions every so often. So I toddled along, and towards the end of the afternoon he started to play some of his older songs, including the one that shot him to very mild stardom many years ago. It was a heartfelt love ballad, which he sang with complete sincerity, called "Straight through the back door, and into your heart."
    When I stopped laughing I said "Willy, I love your song but I'm not sure it's anatomically possible." That's when I discovered that nobody had every brought up the connotations before. Now a good chunk of the department were native English speakers so I cornered my friend on it, he said "Of course it's hilarious, but he's our boss! We didn't want to say anything! " -pause - "... mind you watching him sing that in a crowded pub in Belfast one night was fairly amazing."

    Oh and apparently I "ruined the song for him".

    tynic on
  • Options
    Bad-BeatBad-Beat Registered User regular
    Was speaking to a lady last weekend and she mentioned that she has family dotted about across different countries.

    After a brief pause in the conversation, I asked a follow up question: "So... how far do you spread?"

    Kill me now.

  • Options
    JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    I mean if I thought my medical massage clinic was a secret brothel Id be a little worried

    I bet there are medical benefits to getting regular handies, but these prudes keep denying my research grants.

    Pft. Handys are what you settle for when you aren't getting anything else. It's what bible thumping teens do to convince themselves it isn't sex. The only time the HJ is good is when it is the build up to something else.

    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
    but they're listening to every word I say
  • Options
    DixonDixon Screwed...possibly doomed CanadaRegistered User regular
    Bad-Beat wrote: »
    Was speaking to a lady last weekend and she mentioned that she has family dotted about across different countries.

    After a brief pause in the conversation, I asked a follow up question: "So... how far do you spread?"

    Kill me now.

    Did you find out? In either manner?

  • Options
    Bad-BeatBad-Beat Registered User regular
    Nope. I died of shame 10 seconds later and they cremated me shortly afterwards.

  • Options
    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    more like creamated

  • Options
    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    awful post. i regret nothing.

  • Options
    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    I mean if I thought my medical massage clinic was a secret brothel Id be a little worried

    I bet there are medical benefits to getting regular handies, but these prudes keep denying my research grants.

    I immediately read this in Krieger's voice

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
  • Options
    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    I mean if I thought my medical massage clinic was a secret brothel Id be a little worried

    I bet there are medical benefits to getting regular handies, but these prudes keep denying my research grants.

    Regular ejaculation is important for prostate health.

  • Options
    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    pimento wrote: »
    Well shit. Everyone in here's been busier than a stump full of ants.

    Yep, flat out like a lizard drinking.

    As busy as a one-armed carpenter in Smackeroo

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
  • Options
    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    I mean if I thought my medical massage clinic was a secret brothel Id be a little worried

    I bet there are medical benefits to getting regular handies, but these prudes keep denying my research grants.

    Regular ejaculation is important for prostate health.

    Sure, that's a good excuse

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




  • Options
    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    There's a difference between regular and non-stop

  • Options
    DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    Is there research into non-stop? Because I'd... uh... like to know for a friend.

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
  • Options
    ProlegomenaProlegomena Frictionless Spinning The VoidRegistered User regular
    My brother tells me one of his friends was trying to say... something and came out with "You can lead a cow up the stairs, but you can't lead it back down again".

  • Options
    VeeveeVeevee WisconsinRegistered User regular
    My brother tells me one of his friends was trying to say... something and came out with "You can lead a cow up the stairs, but you can't lead it back down again".

    But this is true? Like, cows can go up stairs but actually can't go back down.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrRx9zNkoQU

    Oh, maybe my family just had stupid cows

  • Options
    pimentopimento she/they/pim Registered User regular
    No there is some truth to that. Horses too, as I understand.

  • Options
    TefTef Registered User regular
    emus and kangaroos can't walk backwards, that's why they're on our coat of arms; moving ever forward :biggrin:

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
  • Options
    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    Tef wrote: »
    emus and kangaroos can't walk backwards, that's why they're on our coat of arms; moving ever forward :biggrin:

    I'm pretty sure it's just cause you can't get rid of the fuckers

  • Options
    pimentopimento she/they/pim Registered User regular
    edited May 2015
    Tef wrote: »
    emus and kangaroos can't walk backwards, that's why they're on our coat of arms; moving ever forward toward utter ruination :biggrin:

    Also they're delicious.

    Also FTFY.

    pimento on
  • Options
    TefTef Registered User regular
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    Tef wrote: »
    emus and kangaroos can't walk backwards, that's why they're on our coat of arms; moving ever forward :biggrin:

    I'm pretty sure it's just cause you can't get rid of the fuckers

    That's definitely true, but we're giving it a red hot go!

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
  • Options
    VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    I mean if I thought my medical massage clinic was a secret brothel Id be a little worried

    I bet there are medical benefits to getting regular handies, but these prudes keep denying my research grants.

    Regular ejaculation is important for prostate health.

    I wonder how many people masturbated immediately after reading this post

    XBOX: NOVADELPHINI | DISCORD: NOVADELPHINI #7387 | TWITTER
  • Options
    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Vivixenne wrote: »
    TheStig wrote: »
    I mean if I thought my medical massage clinic was a secret brothel Id be a little worried

    I bet there are medical benefits to getting regular handies, but these prudes keep denying my research grants.

    Regular ejaculation is important for prostate health.

    I wonder how many people masturbated immediately after reading this post

    If they didn't, they should have! Everybody go and have a wank! It's good for you! Uh, use discretion and your better judgement though, ending up in jail for public indecency is definitely not so good for your health.

  • Options
    JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    Vivixenne wrote: »
    TheStig wrote: »
    I mean if I thought my medical massage clinic was a secret brothel Id be a little worried

    I bet there are medical benefits to getting regular handies, but these prudes keep denying my research grants.

    Regular ejaculation is important for prostate health.

    I wonder how many people masturbated immediately after reading this post

    If they didn't, they should have! Everybody go and have a wank! It's good for you! Uh, use discretion and your better judgement though, ending up in jail for public indecency is definitely not so good for your health.

    I used to work at the University library. You see
    ... it was not against the rules to watch porn there. It was only against the rules to get friendly with yourself. As a result we had a wall with pictures of men from the community who we were supposed to call campus police on if they entered the library.

    it happened not too infrequently.

    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
    but they're listening to every word I say
  • Options
    TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    My newly-divorced manager has been trying to get back on the proverbial horse recently in terms of flirting and whatnot so when a young woman at the Taco Bell drive through complimented him on his zebra print seat covers he attempted to counter with "thank you, you have a pretty smile".

    Instead he blurted out "Thanks, you've got a pretty mouth!" :V

  • Options
    GizzyGizzy i am a cat PhoenixRegistered User regular
    Tonight was one of those nights ..

    I live near the grocery store, so a lot of the time I don't bother with making sure I'm presentable just to run in and grab a few things. Just throw on some pants and go.
    Today was baggy dinosaur christmas t-shirt, no bra, haven't bothered to brush my hair or look at my face today ... did take a shower but didn't use eye makeup remover so could have zombie eyes.
    Then it happens .. I see a co-worker. Then I'm mowing down strangers to escape to a different aisle to hide! And oh god it's the baby diaper aisle, what if they recognized me, what conclusions are they drawing from this!

    Switch Animal Crossing Friend Code: SW-5107-9276-1030
    Island Name: Felinefine
  • Options
    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    TankHammer wrote: »
    My newly-divorced manager has been trying to get back on the proverbial horse recently in terms of flirting and whatnot so when a young woman at the Taco Bell drive through complimented him on his zebra print seat covers he attempted to counter with "thank you, you have a pretty smile".

    Instead he blurted out "Thanks, you've got a pretty mouth!" :V

    Least now he can learn to play Banjo

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
  • Options
    KwoaruKwoaru Confident Smirk Flawless Golden PecsRegistered User regular
    This morning on my drive into work there was a sweaty muscley jogger guy bouncing up and down on the corner sans-shirt while he waited for the light to change I guess

    Felt pretty awkward swerving to stay in my lane after I got distracted watching him adjust his shorts

    Sexy joggers please stay home, you are a danger to society

    2x39jD4.jpg
  • Options
    FalxFalx Registered User regular
    Man, some people don't have much self-awareness. I noticed in Tokyo especially, guys too but far more girls would wait right until they were at the top of the escalator to adjust their underwear.

    Most of them wearing skirts. It was awkward for me at least.

  • Options
    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    Well stop staring at their butts and you won't see them messing with their underwear

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




  • Options
    CalicaCalica Registered User regular
    edited May 2015
    JebusUD wrote: »
    Vivixenne wrote: »
    TheStig wrote: »
    I mean if I thought my medical massage clinic was a secret brothel Id be a little worried

    I bet there are medical benefits to getting regular handies, but these prudes keep denying my research grants.

    Regular ejaculation is important for prostate health.

    I wonder how many people masturbated immediately after reading this post

    If they didn't, they should have! Everybody go and have a wank! It's good for you! Uh, use discretion and your better judgement though, ending up in jail for public indecency is definitely not so good for your health.

    I used to work at the University library. You see
    ... it was not against the rules to watch porn there. It was only against the rules to get friendly with yourself. As a result we had a wall with pictures of men from the community who we were supposed to call campus police on if they entered the library.

    it happened not too infrequently.

    Why would someone watch porn in a public place? That just seems like going grocery shopping when you're hungry; you already know what's going to happen :P

    fake edit: or so I've been led to believe; the male brain is a mystery to me

    Calica on
  • Options
    NijaNija Registered User regular
    My best friend works for the Los Angeles County Library system. His main library is in West Hollywood. The easiest part of his day is making sure people are not "getting friendly" with themselves.

    Priest lvl 110 Warlock lvl 9x DK lvl 110 Paladin lvl 9x Rogue lvl 8x

    Steam Me
  • Options
    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Nija wrote: »
    My best friend works for the Los Angeles County Library system. His main library is in West Hollywood. The easiest part of his day is making sure people are not "getting friendly" with themselves.

    "How do you tell if they're just browsing regular sites?"

    "It's not hard."

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
  • Options
    DixonDixon Screwed...possibly doomed CanadaRegistered User regular
    I laughed pretty hard, especially reading it with your DP's voice

  • Options
    MalReynoldsMalReynolds The Hunter S Thompson of incredibly mild medicines Registered User regular
    I have a phrase that I made up and I forgot I made it up and said it in front of people who were all confused until I realized that it wasn't actually a thing people said.

    "Close enough for Christmas."

    Meaning, "A little too early, but acceptable."

    I think my thinking behind it was, Christmas music starts playing before Thanksgiving now, which is a little too early, but kind of accepted by people.

    It was 4:00pm in the afternoon and I was hanging out with my friends, and I poured myself a bourbon. One of them looked at me.

    "You're going to start drinking now?"

    I shrugged. "Eh. Close enough for Christmas."

    They've started saying it, which is neat.

    "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
    "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
    My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
  • Options
    NocrenNocren Lt Futz, Back in Action North CarolinaRegistered User regular
    I have a phrase that I made up and I forgot I made it up and said it in front of people who were all confused until I realized that it wasn't actually a thing people said.

    "Close enough for Christmas."

    Meaning, "A little too early, but acceptable."

    I think my thinking behind it was, Christmas music starts playing before Thanksgiving now, which is a little too early, but kind of accepted by people.

    It was 4:00pm in the afternoon and I was hanging out with my friends, and I poured myself a bourbon. One of them looked at me.

    "You're going to start drinking now?"

    I shrugged. "Eh. Close enough for Christmas."

    They've started saying it, which is neat.

    I prefer the "good enough for government work", which became the standard in the Navy.

    newSig.jpg
  • Options
    JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    Calica wrote: »
    JebusUD wrote: »
    Vivixenne wrote: »
    TheStig wrote: »
    I mean if I thought my medical massage clinic was a secret brothel Id be a little worried

    I bet there are medical benefits to getting regular handies, but these prudes keep denying my research grants.

    Regular ejaculation is important for prostate health.

    I wonder how many people masturbated immediately after reading this post

    If they didn't, they should have! Everybody go and have a wank! It's good for you! Uh, use discretion and your better judgement though, ending up in jail for public indecency is definitely not so good for your health.

    I used to work at the University library. You see
    ... it was not against the rules to watch porn there. It was only against the rules to get friendly with yourself. As a result we had a wall with pictures of men from the community who we were supposed to call campus police on if they entered the library.

    it happened not too infrequently.

    Why would someone watch porn in a public place? That just seems like going grocery shopping when you're hungry; you already know what's going to happen :P

    fake edit: or so I've been led to believe; the male brain is a mystery to me

    The reason it isn't against the rules is actually for research purposes. So you will see like... women's studies people watching it. Then some weirdo from up the street that doesn't have computer access at home.

    Gotta fill up the spank bank, I guess.

    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
    but they're listening to every word I say
  • Options
    CalicaCalica Registered User regular
    JebusUD wrote: »
    Calica wrote: »
    JebusUD wrote: »
    Vivixenne wrote: »
    TheStig wrote: »
    I mean if I thought my medical massage clinic was a secret brothel Id be a little worried

    I bet there are medical benefits to getting regular handies, but these prudes keep denying my research grants.

    Regular ejaculation is important for prostate health.

    I wonder how many people masturbated immediately after reading this post

    If they didn't, they should have! Everybody go and have a wank! It's good for you! Uh, use discretion and your better judgement though, ending up in jail for public indecency is definitely not so good for your health.

    I used to work at the University library. You see
    ... it was not against the rules to watch porn there. It was only against the rules to get friendly with yourself. As a result we had a wall with pictures of men from the community who we were supposed to call campus police on if they entered the library.

    it happened not too infrequently.

    Why would someone watch porn in a public place? That just seems like going grocery shopping when you're hungry; you already know what's going to happen :P

    fake edit: or so I've been led to believe; the male brain is a mystery to me

    The reason it isn't against the rules is actually for research purposes. So you will see like... women's studies people watching it. Then some weirdo from up the street that doesn't have computer access at home.

    Gotta fill up the spank bank, I guess.

    Ah, that makes sense.

  • Options
    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    edited May 2015
    According to my brother, the public city librarian, it sounds like you all are greatly underestimating some people's desires to masturbate in public

    EDIT: it's my brother's birthday today, so he's not going in to work. Happy birthday Scott!

    chromdom on
  • Options
    SkeithSkeith Registered User regular
    I work in a library, I can attest to finding ... things ... in the stacks.

    aTBDrQE.jpg
Sign In or Register to comment.