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Return of the Awkward Thread: Fremdschämen's Revenge

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    I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    leaving your home is overrated tbh

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    CorporateRedCorporateRed Wooooooo! Registered User regular
    This past fall I was in the supermarket with my kids when we ran into a woman from my work. My son was in his soccer gear, having played a game earlier that day.

    While my coworker and I exchanged pleasantries, she looked at him and asked if he had a game that morning.

    My lovely offspring replied "Yeah, but we were late because daddy pooped forEVER before we went!".

    Steam ID: Corporate Red
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    cabsycabsy the fattest rainbow unicorn Registered User regular
    memories that will haunt me forever

    that time I was like 13 and went to a water park on a 4H trip and one of the chaperones had to take me aside to let me know that the bottom half of my swimsuit had slid sideways and was just lettin my vulva hang out in the wind, wild and free

    there have been and will be many awkward moments in my life but that's the one that's just right at the front of my mind right now

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    GvzbgulGvzbgul Registered User regular
    edited February 2015
    Oh, no, memories.

    What designer was it that thought, 'yes, I know what a pair of trunks needs, a fly!'

    Gvzbgul on
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    BYToadyBYToady Registered User regular
    Going out to the lake with family, and realizing that your aunt and uncle are totally fucking each other in the lake. Pretty awkward.

    Battletag BYToady#1454
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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    One of my more awkward childhood moments was my first real major crush on a girl.

    I was at sleepover camp just before 6th grade, or just after, or something.. and no one had ever told me that girls could like girls, but I did. There was this girl.. her name was Renee. She was beautiful, and I just wanted to hold hands with her and maybe kiss her all the time.

    But we were both girls and I didn't have context for that.

    I asked her one day if I could talk to her. And she said "sure, I guess."

    And I looked her right in the eyes and asked her, "can we be... friends?"

    She looked at me like that was the weirdest thing in the word. "Sure.. I guess? Aren't we?"

    And I said "but like really.. friends." And she was like sure, yeah, we're friends.

    But that's not what I wanted. I wanted to hold her hand and kiss her and I didn't know how to convey that to her.

    Instead I ended up with my first real kiss being this really awkward thing with this boy I was supposed to like that same summer.

    I just had no context to support the idea that girls could like girls that way. I hope to do better for my kids.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    ceres wrote: »
    Let me tell you about awkward

    Awkward is knowing exactly who cheated with whom on whom in a room full of these people and trying to keep to yourself

    No way, I'm sorry

    I didn't mean awkward, I meant cripplingly lonely

    Awkward is being the Other Woman in a room with your fuck buddy and his oblivious girlfriend when she decides to ask him "Hey, X, is there actually any difference in feeling between different vaginas? I mean once you're right in there and really going at it."

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    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    tynic wrote: »
    ceres wrote: »
    Let me tell you about awkward

    Awkward is knowing exactly who cheated with whom on whom in a room full of these people and trying to keep to yourself

    No way, I'm sorry

    I didn't mean awkward, I meant cripplingly lonely

    Awkward is being the Other Woman in a room with your fuck buddy and his oblivious girlfriend when she decides to ask him "Hey, X, is there actually any difference in feeling between different vaginas? I mean once you're right in there and really going at it."

    OMsw1.gif

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    CreaganCreagan Registered User regular
    Or when you overhear your mother accidentally walking in on your brother's best friend having sex with some girl in your basement.

    Twice.

    That was an interesting evening.

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    miscellaneousinsanitymiscellaneousinsanity grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother, i hurt peopleRegistered User regular
    Z1eIyh.jpg

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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    tynic wrote: »
    ceres wrote: »
    Let me tell you about awkward

    Awkward is knowing exactly who cheated with whom on whom in a room full of these people and trying to keep to yourself

    No way, I'm sorry

    I didn't mean awkward, I meant cripplingly lonely

    Awkward is being the Other Woman in a room with your fuck buddy and his oblivious girlfriend when she decides to ask him "Hey, X, is there actually any difference in feeling between different vaginas? I mean once you're right in there and really going at it."

    Oh ho boy yes you had me at the first part. I know that awkward.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    Dis'Dis' Registered User regular
    Awkward is going to a party with the woman you're seeing and have everyone talk to you like they've already met you, then an hour later her ex turns up and you see he's basically a slightly shorter and rounder duplicate of you.

    Awkward for all the people who didn't realise I wasn't him as well.

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    pimentopimento she/they/pim Registered User regular
    Did you talk to them as if you already knew something secret and awkward about them?

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    Dis'Dis' Registered User regular
    I just thought they were being super friendly! I just small talked back at them :<

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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    I went to a party a friend was having with my emotionally abusive ex and someone who didn't actually know me very well called him my ex's name.

    That was the end of that evening, and I couldn't see them again for the duration of the relationship.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    JarsJars Registered User regular
    some of the kids at school haven't quite mastered going to the bathroom. it's never not awkward

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    Desert LeviathanDesert Leviathan Registered User regular
    My Blind Date wasn't actually that awkward at all. I mean, I don't think there's a second date on the horizon, but we came to that conclusion without any particularly cringeworthy behavior.

    So I guess talking it up so much, then failing to deliver, is pretty awkward in itself?

    Realizing lately that I don't really trust or respect basically any of the moderators here. So, good luck with life, friends! Hit me up on Twitter @DesertLeviathan
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    SassoriSassori Registered User regular
    lostwords wrote: »
    Me and my girlfriend were at California Adventures last week, and we're on the Tower of terror. Short line, sweet! So we get in line behind a nice looking couple that looks to be our age. The guy was in front of us, and I stood in line behind, with my gf behind me. We get let in and are seated at a 4 chair row, and me and the random dude are in the middle seats. Woo, this'll be good. They go through the whole video, and the ride starts moving up, very slowly. Finally! I was kinda half talking to my gf and not paying attention and was not prepared for the first drop, whereupon I grab my gf's thigh with my left hand in a reflexive grab. I also grab the random dude's thigh with my right hand. Whoops. I dare not look over to him, and after the ride, I rush us out of there, not even looking at the picture, then told my gf what I did after we got out. She laughed so hard.

    I came to find this thread just because your girlfriend told me this story yesterday and I died.

    I heart you @lostwords

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    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    Have a nice flight

    thanks you too (shit!)

    Enjoy your meal

    thanks you too (god DAMMIT)

    As a Delivery Driver..

    "Drive Safe!'

    "You Too...(shit)"

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
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    CalicaCalica Registered User regular
    Mistaking a guy who was hanging out near the door of a restaurant for a host

    that was the second most ashamed I've ever felt, and it still makes me cringe

    because the guy was Asian and it was a moment of thoughtless racism on my part

    it made me aware of that particular subconscious bias, so I guess that's good? but man, I wanted the floor to swallow me right then

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    mcpmcp Registered User regular
    Houk wrote: »
    godmode wrote: »
    I went on a date with a woman from okcupid last month. I was nervous as heck, first date in a long while. All day I was wondering to myself, "Handshake or hug? Handshake or hug?" So I'm standing by the bar, trying to get some gin in my system to calm down, and she says from behind me, "Hey, Tony?" I spin around, say "Hey," and then moment of truth: I decide to play it safe and go for the handshake. Unfortunately, as my brain came to that conclusion, she was already reaching to my shoulder for a hug. I freeze, hand half-extended, as my eyes widen in terror and I scream in my head "OH FUCK" and I don't move to adjust for a hug, and she realizes and then she freezes, stops, and pulls back and shakes my hand. It was the single worst human interaction I've experienced in years, since my awful three-fingered handshake with @Keith

    always friendly hug

    i struggled with the same thing till i just decided to always go for the hug, and it's always served me well
    I didn't even realize this was something to worry about

    thanks assholes

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    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    "How ya doing?"
    "You too!

    ...

    Fuck!"

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    wrong_buttonwrong_button Registered User regular
    I get home from work, pull into the garage, walk to the elevator, checking my email and generally having my head up my bum. No one on the elevator, I hit my floor, and away we go. I get a message from a coworker that I'm responding to as the elevator dings and opens and off I go down the hall to my place, angrily tap-tap-tapping him a bunch of instructions I had already explained twice. I get to my door, and the key is stuck. Lock won't budge. So I do what any complete idiot would do: turn harder and give the door a good hard shake and maybe swear at it a little bit - for good measure.

    Then I take my key out of the lock to see if maybe I had the wrong key or upside down or WHY IS THIS DOOR OPENING NOW I LIVE ALONE

    Yep. Right key, wrong door. I got off on the wrong floor, and the building looks nearly identical floor to floor, plus I had my head in my phone/up my butt. I went on autopilot and accidentally scared the pants off some old retired couple a few floors below me. I apologized like crazy and brought them cookies later, but I'm pretty sure they're now convinced I'm nuts. Especially the lady.

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    mcpmcp Registered User regular
    Years ago when I was living downtown I was doing laundry, and got off at the wrong floor when I was headed back to my apartment.

    I hadn't locked my door, so I just opened it. This door was unlocked too.

    I walked in, and right down the hallway was some fat guy in a recliner wearing only dirty white underwear.

    He lifted his beer up, and said hi.

    I quickly backed out and closed the door.

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    cabsycabsy the fattest rainbow unicorn Registered User regular
    oh yes mistaken identities

    when I was 24 I went back to college at Indiana University, where I was accepted as an incoming freshman with no transfer credits so despite my ~advanced age~ I had to go to new student orientation. I had hot pink hair split down the middle into two braids and as I walked up to join the line one of the student employees who was working at orientation said, "Oh are you a parent of an incoming student? Come this way!"

    that was a good start to a day where I was older than literally everyone else at orientation

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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    cabsy wrote: »
    oh yes mistaken identities

    when I was 24 I went back to college at Indiana University, where I was accepted as an incoming freshman with no transfer credits so despite my ~advanced age~ I had to go to new student orientation. I had hot pink hair split down the middle into two braids and as I walked up to join the line one of the student employees who was working at orientation said, "Oh are you a parent of an incoming student? Come this way!"

    that was a good start to a day where I was older than literally everyone else at orientation

    @cabsy I didn't know you were a Hoosier!

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




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    XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    When my son was 3, he went to a daycare near my house. (it was a great daycare and he loved it). February is, as everyone knows, black history month. So they taught him about Rosa Parks and MLK Jr. and things like that.

    So, we're in the grocery store and my son whispers his usual insanely loud whisper 'DAD! ..... IS THAT LADY ROSA PARKS'

    oh, hmmmm

    well, no.

    The lady fortunately found it pretty hilarious.

    ....

    Also, according to him, the neighbors house was briefly the Underground Railroad.

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    SanderJKSanderJK Crocodylus Pontifex Sinterklasicus Madrid, 3000 ADRegistered User regular
    edited February 2015
    Back in my student housing days a girl who lived at the end of the had picked up a dude at some party.
    At like 6 in the morning this guy had to go to the bathroom at the other end of the hall, went, turned around, forgot where he had come from and tried every single door between him and the correct door.

    He was the drunken version of quiet and subtle and woke up 7 people in this process.

    SanderJK on
    Steam: SanderJK Origin: SanderJK
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    cabsycabsy the fattest rainbow unicorn Registered User regular
    DaMoonRulz wrote: »
    cabsy wrote: »
    oh yes mistaken identities

    when I was 24 I went back to college at Indiana University, where I was accepted as an incoming freshman with no transfer credits so despite my ~advanced age~ I had to go to new student orientation. I had hot pink hair split down the middle into two braids and as I walked up to join the line one of the student employees who was working at orientation said, "Oh are you a parent of an incoming student? Come this way!"

    that was a good start to a day where I was older than literally everyone else at orientation

    @cabsy I didn't know you were a Hoosier!

    Not anymore but I was for a few years! I lived in Bloomington for, uhhhhh, two or three years? Something like that. I live in NY again now, I've lived in NY > KY > PA > NY > KY > IN > KY > SC > CO > KY > NY, mostly what I took from Indiana was a deep appreciation of the Colts and Peyton Manning

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    MadEddyMadEddy Creepy house watching youRegistered User regular
    Where at in SC, if you don't mind me asking?

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    Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    Usagi wrote: »
    Today on my commute home an old man in a pickup truck in the lane next to me caught me rocking out to Taylor Swift at a stoplight

    He just shook his head slowly and then rolled through the green

    Oh this reminds me of one!

    Last summer my car was in the shop for hail damage so I had a rental for a few days, and the only thing available that day was one of the brand new Dodge Challengers, which, I can absolutely see why guys who own one of these think they are the king of the fucking block because holy shit was this car fun to drive

    Anyway I decide to go all out with this and I spend an afternoon cruising around town in aviators and a cutoff t-shirt playing the loudest trashiest rock I can
    And I'm sitting at a red light playing Talk Dirty To Me (Poison, not Jason Derulo) and in the lane next to me is this very pretty blond girl, very prim and proper and made up. And I catch her eye, do the old upward nod and say 'sup, girl?

    And she looks away, makes a very audible "UGH" sound and drives off

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    ArtreusArtreus I'm a wizard And that looks fucked upRegistered User regular
    DaMoonRulz wrote: »
    cabsy wrote: »
    oh yes mistaken identities

    when I was 24 I went back to college at Indiana University, where I was accepted as an incoming freshman with no transfer credits so despite my ~advanced age~ I had to go to new student orientation. I had hot pink hair split down the middle into two braids and as I walked up to join the line one of the student employees who was working at orientation said, "Oh are you a parent of an incoming student? Come this way!"

    that was a good start to a day where I was older than literally everyone else at orientation

    @cabsy I didn't know you were a Hoosier!

    Fire Truck, Fugitive, Baroque and Roll, and Omegatofuninja and I were also all IU folks as well

    Most of us have since scattered to the winds though

    http://atlanticus.tumblr.com/ PSN: Atlanticus 3DS: 1590-4692-3954 Steam: Artreus
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    ArtreusArtreus I'm a wizard And that looks fucked upRegistered User regular
    Also working at a Bagel shop, sometimes I will go straight to the Target or Frys or what have you nearby after work, still wearing my uniform.

    Will often get asked where the whatever is and have to explain that I don't work there.

    http://atlanticus.tumblr.com/ PSN: Atlanticus 3DS: 1590-4692-3954 Steam: Artreus
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    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    So the other week I'm at the Tower of Terror, and we're getting on the ride , we get up to the first drop, and suddenly the person next to me just grabs my leg, and held on for the whole ride! it was Crazy!
    ( I'm sooooo sorry , @Lostwords , I couldn't resist)

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
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    DJ EebsDJ Eebs Moderator, Administrator admin
    I think I've told this story before, but here we go anyways:

    I'm at the McDonalds drive-thru, and I'm planning on ordering some McNuggets with some BBQ sauce. As you do. So I get up to the talk box thing, and I place my order. "I'd like a large number 11?"

    "Okay, sir, what would you like to drink?"

    "Barbeque sauce!"

    and then there's this pause

    "Uh...coke."

    She didn't ask if I wanted any sauce with that.

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    BYToadyBYToady Registered User regular
    My personal best when it comes to working drive-thru "What size medium diet coke would you like?"

    Look, the programming is very effective, I HAVE TO STAY ON SCRIPT!

    Battletag BYToady#1454
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    KochikensKochikens Registered User regular
    this morning i forgot my card at the train-station-snack-shop, and a lil old lady ran after me. Then on the tram i got caught in the doors as they closed on me.

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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    As a customer, I've learned to just let them do the spiel, then say "no thanks, I'd like (the thing Ive been thinking of ever since I got in the car).

    And then every once in a while that ends up being the same thing they're pushing on that particular day.

    Hi would you like to try the Ultimate Colon Blaster Burrito?

    No thanks I'd like an Ultimate...God dammit.

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    SanderJKSanderJK Crocodylus Pontifex Sinterklasicus Madrid, 3000 ADRegistered User regular
    Kochikens wrote: »
    this morning i forgot my card at the train-station-snack-shop, and a lil old lady ran after me. Then on the tram i got caught in the doors as they closed on me.

    Back in university we all had laptops on a lease program. This was 1999, laptops were big and heavy, and they came with a huge backpack. Put a few books in there and you look like your first day in high school, comically disproportionate.

    Now at rush hour, the busses to university were terribly full, and our building was the last stop. So it was basically "push for a spot or stand outside forever."
    One of my friends enters last, the doors close on him with his laptop on 1 strap, the bag stays on the outside, and the bus just takes off. It drove the half mile to the next stop with the laptop outside the bus and a lot of yelling through this bus.

    Steam: SanderJK Origin: SanderJK
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    CreaganCreagan Registered User regular
    edited February 2015
    SanderJK wrote: »
    Kochikens wrote: »
    this morning i forgot my card at the train-station-snack-shop, and a lil old lady ran after me. Then on the tram i got caught in the doors as they closed on me.

    Back in university we all had laptops on a lease program. This was 1999, laptops were big and heavy, and they came with a huge backpack. Put a few books in there and you look like your first day in high school, comically disproportionate.

    Now at rush hour, the busses to university were terribly full, and our building was the last stop. So it was basically "push for a spot or stand outside forever."
    One of my friends enters last, the doors close on him with his laptop on 1 strap, the bag stays on the outside, and the bus just takes off. It drove the half mile to the next stop with the laptop outside the bus and a lot of yelling through this bus.

    This reminded me of a story.

    So last year, I graduated from an university known as being the place "where fun goes to die." Which, as an alum of that place, I can tell you is a 100% accurate description of the school.

    And for some reason, the school administration thought it would be a great idea to arrange for some kind of bar night/bar crawl for the seniors as part of "senior week" or something like that. Basically, they made some deal with a bunch of bars in Chicago to let the seniors get in without waiting in lines, because apparently that's a thing?

    Half the guys brought their backpacks with them. Full sized backpacks. With textbooks. Now, I clearly do not know much about going to bars, but my understanding is that's something most people do.

    EDIT: We didn't have class that week, and only needed to bring our school ID, state ID, and money. There was no reason to bring a full backpack of stuff.

    Creagan on
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