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Return of the Awkward Thread: Fremdschämen's Revenge

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    NocrenNocren Lt Futz, Back in Action North CarolinaRegistered User regular
    Here's a personal flashback for me.

    I used to be a really shy kid. Like really shy and awkward. I also had trouble expressing certain feelings. This resulted in unhealthy behavior in my pre-/teen years. Luckily I'm mostly better now.

    Somehow, I manage to convince my mom and baby sitter to let me go to a school dance. A 3rd grade dance. So already it's kinda awkward. Anyway as expected, there's a few brave kids dancing, but it's mostly Its just clusters of kids hanging around each other, and me off by myself.

    Anyway, so there I am nicely dressed and sitting on the bleachers when a girl comes up to me and asks if I would like to dance with her friend.

    I freak the fuck out. I calmly say "no" and promptly leave, but my mind 8 year old mind is screaming about what I should have/be doing besides speed-walking to my babysitter's house. And I never did apologize to the girl because I didn't know who she was.

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    PetesalzlPetesalzl vorpal blade in hand Registered User regular
    when you go over to a friends house and use the restroom. while in there you notice that the toilet paper roll is placed in the improper underhand fashion, and you silently wonder to yourself how your could be friends with someone who is clearly an inhuman monster.

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    CalicaCalica Registered User regular
    Oh gosh I remembered one

    I was 17, in the car with my mom and sister (15), trying to describe my relationship with my high school boyfriend. What I meant to say was that we'd started as friends, and we were still friends, just dating now.

    What actually came out of my mouth was, "We're like friends, just with benefits."

    My sister made this weird noise somewhere between a gasp and a laugh. I realized what I'd said a moment too late to correct myself without making it even more awkward (or so it seemed to teenage me), so I spent the rest of the ride in mortified silence.

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    ASimPersonASimPerson Cold... and hard.Registered User regular
    DaMoonRulz wrote: »
    Well I guess I put my pants on backward today.

    Throwback Thursday! Kris Kross'll make you jump, jump, and put pants on backwards!

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    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    On a delivery tonight, in the elevator, it's taking forever, I'm starting to get mad , finally doors open, I look up, "what, I'm still on the main floor"

    It's not til the guy entering the elevator reached over and hit a button, that I realized " oh ya I guess I gotta do that..."

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    Back in the early 90s, during the infancy of the Internet as we know it, my Dad was having a conversation in which he was debating whether or not to hook the house online.

    But he couldn't remember the name of the device used to hook the computer to the World Wide Web through the phone line.

    Wanting to be helpful, I suggested, "A condom!"

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    PetesalzlPetesalzl vorpal blade in hand Registered User regular
    Riding on the bus and a fella gets on and has his pant sagging down, not as common these days, but it still happens.
    Unfortunately this person was not wearing underwear. I saw things...
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    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    Figured this could go here also
    I suppose this could just as easily go in the Awkward thread , I'll probably crosspost it. But this is reminding me of the one and only time I ever tried to "drive" a standard

    Was about 16-17, driving with a buddy, he's speeding real good, sirens light up, he panics , has a ton of strikes on license, begs me to switch seats, and I'm an idiot so I do.

    Manage to talk cop down to a warning, but then he motions me to leave and that's when I notice, hey , this is a standard, I have no idea what I'm doing!

    I stalled it about 9 times trying to get back on the road, it was awful, I'm amazed he let us go.

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
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    godmodegodmode Southeast JapanRegistered User regular
    I'm amazed that you two were able to easily switch seats over a stick shift AND the cop didn't see it.

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    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    godmode wrote: »
    I'm amazed that you two were able to easily switch seats over a stick shift AND the cop didn't see it.

    That was mostly having a sharp corner to turn before pulling over

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    He was probably too busy laughing and telling the other guys on the radio what happened

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    Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    Petesalzl wrote: »
    when you go over to a friends house and use the restroom. while in there you notice that the toilet paper roll is placed in the improper underhand fashion, and you silently wonder to yourself how your could be friends with someone who is clearly an inhuman monster.

    Ever have a cat? Cats live for the overhand fashion.

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    FalxFalx Registered User regular
    I thought I told this story here, but I guess not.

    So I was in Japan in 2013 for six weeks. Great fun, but after the first three weeks I had to travel from Yokohama to Osaka, which is quite a distance with a lot of walking through train stations. Now I'd heard there was a luggage delivery service in Japan that was incredibly reliable and also affordable. But I figured, nah. It's just a few trains, I'll carry my 30kg's of luggage by hand.

    By the time I got to the first train station after leaving my friend's house, 700m down the road. I already knew I made a mistake. For some reason, I decided I should continue. It was hard, holy shit was it hard. Dragging that canvas bag (yep of course I got the one with no wheels I can just carry shit I'm a man) for five hours of traveling up and down staircases while pretending nobody was staring at me was hell.

    By the time I got to the final station, I was ready for death to take me. Even more so when I realized I'd been walking for five minutes in the wrong direction. But a kind old man took pity on me and explained where the hotel was exactly and I was on the home stretch. Now I'd started carrying this bag across my shoulders, because my arms were flappy noodles at this point that couldn't carry a thing. And this was pushing my neck down so I couldn't really see very far ahead of me.

    Which is why I walked straight into a tree branch, which hooked the 30kg bag off my shoulder, swinging it off and across my back and twisting my knee in the process, and finally clobbering a high school girl off of her bike. She shrieked at the top of her lungs and started apologizing in the "please don't hurt me way" and I panicked and my tired brain could only muster apologies in Afrikaans... which isn't even my first language. She scampered off, I was trying not to make eye contact with anyone, when I saw another cyclist. It was the kind old man from before, who'd followed me to make sure I didn't get lost.

    He gave me this "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed," look and led my utterly destroyed carcass all the way to the hotel in complete silence.

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    ArtreusArtreus I'm a wizard And that looks fucked upRegistered User regular
    Petesalzl wrote: »
    when you go over to a friends house and use the restroom. while in there you notice that the toilet paper roll is placed in the improper underhand fashion, and you silently wonder to yourself how your could be friends with someone who is clearly an inhuman monster.

    misery.gif

    http://atlanticus.tumblr.com/ PSN: Atlanticus 3DS: 1590-4692-3954 Steam: Artreus
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    FaranguFarangu I am a beardy man With a beardy planRegistered User regular
    I remember one that doesn't end well for me.

    Senior year of high school, it's Spring time so everyone is running down the clock til graduation, no effort anywhere. I'm sitting in an English-type class, and the teacher is actually a childhood friend of my mom. This is the cherry on top.

    The activity that day is to group up by gender, and come up with questions regarding the other gender that you have always wondered about or some such malarkey. We figure it's just some more time-killing, and comply. After that, we are told to converse with our group and pick a representative of the other sex to answer some of the questions.

    At this point, I think to myself uh-oh, and glance around the room. I see a number of sporty, very popular guys in the room. I breathe a sigh of relief internally, as I am very shy at this point in my life and get flustered easily.

    The girls pose their questions, I can't even remember what they were. Then they say they want me to answer them. I then proceed to have a stupid and poorly timed internal monologue:

    "Uh..."

    You should say the guys got jipped, that'll be an ice-breaker.

    "Man, the guys really got j-"

    WAIT EMERGENCY STOP DONT SAY THAT SAY SCREWED

    "-ewed!"

    Oh no.

    My friend sitting next to me turns to me, super slow, eyes wide. The teacher's mouth drops a little. Silence fills the room. I am in full on panic mode, but somehow keep a repentant face on.

    After about 30 seconds of silence, I ask the teacher, "Do...do you still want me to answer the questions?"

    Her look becomes iron. "Yes. Yes I do."

    Well played.

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    ProlegomenaProlegomena Frictionless Spinning The VoidRegistered User regular
    A lad I lived with in uni was once watching a game of football in a bar in Brixton. Lauren Robert had missed an easy chance and he leapt up in disgust, unable to settle on whether to call him a donkey, or a muppet. The result was he shouted out "Come on Robert you fucking monkey", which resulted in just about everyone in the bar turning towards him in various combinations of horror and rage.

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    FaranguFarangu I am a beardy man With a beardy planRegistered User regular
    A lad I lived with in uni was once watching a game of football in a bar in Brixton. Lauren Robert had missed an easy chance and he leapt up in disgust, unable to settle on whether to call him a donkey, or a muppet. The result was he shouted out "Come on Robert you fucking monkey", which resulted in just about everyone in the bar turning towards him in various combinations of horror and rage.

    Words are hard sometimes

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    I once tried to refer to a guy as "a long streak of piss" but between my brain and my mouth it turned into "a tall drink of water".

    A lot of issues to unpick in that one

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    ArangArang HUEY LEWISRegistered User regular
    Petesalzl wrote: »
    when you go over to a friends house and use the restroom. while in there you notice that the toilet paper roll is placed in the improper underhand fashion, and you silently wonder to yourself how your could be friends with someone who is clearly an inhuman monster.

    I know a guy who genuinely has no preference. He puts a new roll on the thing and whichever way it ends up facing, that's it

    there isn't much that scares me, but sometimes I wonder about him

    thenews.jpg
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    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    Arang wrote: »
    Petesalzl wrote: »
    when you go over to a friends house and use the restroom. while in there you notice that the toilet paper roll is placed in the improper underhand fashion, and you silently wonder to yourself how your could be friends with someone who is clearly an inhuman monster.

    I know a guy who genuinely has no preference. He puts a new roll on the thing and whichever way it ends up facing, that's it

    there isn't much that scares me, but sometimes I wonder about him

    This is me. I don't care at all which side it's on and I have no idea why people do

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    SorceSorce Not ThereRegistered User regular
    Javen wrote: »
    Arang wrote: »
    Petesalzl wrote: »
    when you go over to a friends house and use the restroom. while in there you notice that the toilet paper roll is placed in the improper underhand fashion, and you silently wonder to yourself how your could be friends with someone who is clearly an inhuman monster.

    I know a guy who genuinely has no preference. He puts a new roll on the thing and whichever way it ends up facing, that's it

    there isn't much that scares me, but sometimes I wonder about him

    This is me. I don't care at all which side it's on and I have no idea why people do
    Internet.

    sig.gif
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    ArangArang HUEY LEWISRegistered User regular
    Javen wrote: »
    Arang wrote: »
    Petesalzl wrote: »
    when you go over to a friends house and use the restroom. while in there you notice that the toilet paper roll is placed in the improper underhand fashion, and you silently wonder to yourself how your could be friends with someone who is clearly an inhuman monster.

    I know a guy who genuinely has no preference. He puts a new roll on the thing and whichever way it ends up facing, that's it

    there isn't much that scares me, but sometimes I wonder about him

    This is me. I don't care at all which side it's on and I have no idea why people do

    Personally, it's muscle memory. Having it the other way around involves a whole new way of doing it.

    Try, I don't know, switching your knife and fork to the opposite hand. It's not impossible, just weird and uncomfortable

    thenews.jpg
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    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    I mean, there's a very decent chance that I do, purely on instinct, put it one way over another. It's just nothing I literally never, ever notice, from myself or others

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    crwthcrwth THAT'S IT Registered User regular
    you guys still use tp?

    EzUAYcn.png
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    tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Not all of us have the fused flipper-like hands necessary to wipe clean sans paper, Crwth.

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    crwthcrwth THAT'S IT Registered User regular
    tynic wrote: »
    Not all of us have the fused flipper-like hands necessary to wipe clean sans paper, Crwth.

    well what's the holdup

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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    We have a counter top right next to the toilet so the wife and I just place the roll on top of the counter right next to the toilet.

    I'm going to tell you that we do it to avoid the whole over/under dilemma, but the truth is we're too lazy to bother putting it on the dispenser

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




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    Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    my toilet paper holder is poorly designed - it is too small for a roll to fit properly so when you put a roll in, it gets compressed. Which means when you go to take some tp; instead of however much you wanted to get, you get only 1 square because it won't spin and the tp just rips.

    I don't even use it. I just set the roll on the counter next to the toilet. I actually get annoyed when people put the roll in there.

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    King RiptorKing Riptor Registered User regular
    edited April 2015
    I use a high pressure bidet.

    Never goin back.

    King Riptor on
    I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
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    BogeyBogey I'm back, baby! Santa Monica, CAModerator Mod Emeritus
    I use the 3 seashells.

    Fitocracy: Join us in the SE++ group!
    XBox LIVE: Bogestrom | Destiny
    PSN: Bogestrom
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    XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    In 2032 we'll be seeing arguments about this on the internet

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    King RiptorKing Riptor Registered User regular
    90% of people in undermexico just wanted to stop getting anal cuts after a crap

    I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
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    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    Ok, here's one I still feel a little guilty about.

    In a convenience store with an Ex, and well stomach's a gurgling, violently, I know what's about to happen , it's unstoppable.

    And on queue, just the loudest wettest fart comes springing loose from my insides.

    I immediately look at ex, wave hand in front of nose and go " Oh Honey,.. eww"

    Entire store looks at her , not me.

    Couch was comfy that night.

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    Ok, here's one I still feel a little guilty about.

    In a convenience store with an Ex, and well stomach's a gurgling, violently, I know what's about to happen , it's unstoppable.

    And on queue, just the loudest wettest fart comes springing loose from my insides.

    I immediately look at ex, wave hand in front of nose and go " Oh Honey,.. eww"

    Entire store looks at her , not me.

    Couch was comfy that night.

    Was she an Ex at the time, or was that the wet fart that broke the camel's back?

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




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    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    DaMoonRulz wrote: »
    Ok, here's one I still feel a little guilty about.

    In a convenience store with an Ex, and well stomach's a gurgling, violently, I know what's about to happen , it's unstoppable.

    And on queue, just the loudest wettest fart comes springing loose from my insides.

    I immediately look at ex, wave hand in front of nose and go " Oh Honey,.. eww"

    Entire store looks at her , not me.

    Couch was comfy that night.

    Was she an Ex at the time, or was that the wet fart that broke the camel's back?

    sadly nope, it was her rampant cheating and my son not being my son in the end.

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
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    the cheatthe cheat Registered User, ClubPA regular
    jeeesus.

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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    Well I guess there's really no better place for that exchange than the Awkward thread

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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    In that case you shouldn't feel bad about the fart thing.

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    TefTef Registered User regular
    the cheat wrote: »
    jeeesus.

    Does it make it better or worse that you made this post, Cheat?

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
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