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Return of the Awkward Thread: Fremdschämen's Revenge

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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    Tef wrote: »
    the cheat wrote: »
    jeeesus.

    Does it make it better or worse that you made this post, Cheat?

    Better. Because I could just hit agree and let him take the heat for posting.

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




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    the cheatthe cheat Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Tef wrote: »
    the cheat wrote: »
    jeeesus.

    Does it make it better or worse that you made this post, Cheat?

    Jesus-and-the-cheat_zpsqcexlsws.jpg

    tKfL2Yd.png?1
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    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    the cheat wrote: »
    Tef wrote: »
    the cheat wrote: »
    jeeesus.

    Does it make it better or worse that you made this post, Cheat?

    Jesus-and-the-cheat_zpsqcexlsws.jpg

    Together, They Fight Crime

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
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    TefTef Registered User regular
    That's the most cleverly disguised goatse book I've seen in a while

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
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    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    No ring on the finger!

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    MadEddyMadEddy Creepy house watching youRegistered User regular
    He took it off because he's trying to be the cheat in the title.

    ruby-red-sig.jpg
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    CreaganCreagan Registered User regular
    So somebody I was talking to earlier today just reached over and grabbed a fist full of my hair to look at it closer.

    That was pretty awkward.

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    VeeveeVeevee WisconsinRegistered User regular
    edited April 2015
    Just found this thread, and reading through it I was reminded of a rather embarrasing/awkward family game night from the summer of '94 on a family vacation to Galveston. That vacation has gone down in my family history underneath 3 nicknames, the Vacation of Soup, the Vacation of the Adam's Apple, and because of the second nickname the Vacation of [Brother and Uncle's first name (yes, they have the same first name [it's a family tradition{us kids are gonna break it}]) goes here]s Apple. This is the story of Adam's Apple.

    One evening the family decides they want to play a game and instead of their usual copy of a 15 year old version of trivial pursuit, my grandmother decided she wanted to play the new game that had just been released earlier that year, Catch Phrase, so "the kids can have a chance."

    We were several rounds in and the adults were also several a handful of drinks in while us kids were sitting calmly and drinking our sodas. The round starts and I'm the third in line for the word device, but somehow it got to me between the first beep and the second beep, I push the button on the device to make it give me a new word and it spits out Adam's Apple.

    I have no idea what that was. This is before I'd even heard of the internet, before I had any opportunity to learn about it in school or at home. We were raised in a surprisingly religion free manner* so I had no clue about the biblical aspect either. I just stood there frozen trying to figure out what the hell Adam's Apple was, or how I could get my team to say those 2 words together at the same time.

    I. Was. Screwed

    After the next beep my team starts to get anxious and start playing 20 questions. I get out that it's 2 words, but I my mind freezes again while trying to figure out just who the hell Adam is and what his apple has to do with anything. I failed to answer that question when the next beep came up and it started to go a little faster. 1 Minute down, 4 to go. I start trying to say I don't know what this is, but what ends up coming out is "wait, be quiet so I can think." The beeping is now even faster. At this point I start to panic and little 11 year old me makes a decision.

    I decided that Adam's Apple was a euphemism for your balls. I proceeded to then point at my crotch and say "This!" Everyone just looks stunned. No one moves, no one says anything. Everyone is a statue.

    Another point at the crotch "Its this part!"

    "B... balls?" my dad asked. My grandmother busts out in one of the loudest belly laughs you'll ever hear, and the beeping starts beeping as fast as it'll go, 30 more seconds.

    The next 30 seconds is spent with me continually pointing at my crotch and half my family in various stages of nearly wetting their pants in laughter and the other half shouting every euphemism they could think of for testicles at 11 year old me.

    Buzz.

    I had over the word thingy to my grandmother, she reads it and can't stop laughing for what had to be an eternity. Eventually she calms down enough to actually get the words out and everyone joins in the laughter and merriment at my expense was had by all.

    Worst part though, because I was a kid I was allowed to skip any word I didn't know. It never occured to me to just skip the word until I knew it. But I didn't, I just kept pointing at my balls

    *3 children gather around a table to play a game on saturday. One's from a secular family, one's from a devout mennonite family, and the last is from a devout seventh-day adventist family. What game do they play?

    Well, that's a story for another time.

    Veevee on
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    KwoaruKwoaru Confident Smirk Flawless Golden PecsRegistered User regular
    Creagan wrote: »
    So somebody I was talking to earlier today just reached over and grabbed a fist full of my hair to look at it closer.

    That was pretty awkward.

    no I don't think that is awkward so much pretty fucked up and an example of your incredible restraint assuming you didn't deck 'em

    2x39jD4.jpg
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    MalReynoldsMalReynolds The Hunter S Thompson of incredibly mild medicines Registered User regular
    A few months back, I was very drunk and decided to interfere in a potential fight where two ne're do wells were chasing down a person and yelling various things about his ethnicity that I did not agree with. I wanted to slow them up and give the dude a chance to get away, so I reached out to try and stop the guys to talk. They brushed past, I grabbed one of their shirts on instinct, dodged a punch, tried to throw one, got thrown to the ground and stood on for a bit before headlights scared the guy off.

    I was hanging out with my friend a few weeks later after most of the scarring had healed up, and I was talking about how there was still a bump on the inside of my lip that felt like a piece of gravel that the skin had healed around.

    Without thinking, they reached out, put their fingers in my mouth, and felt the lump.

    "Definitely gravel," they said.

    "Uhhhh."

    We have fun.

    "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
    "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
    My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
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    Desert LeviathanDesert Leviathan Registered User regular
    edited April 2015
    Creagan wrote: »
    So somebody I was talking to earlier today just reached over and grabbed a fist full of my hair to look at it closer.

    That was pretty awkward.

    I awesomed that, because I assume by your continuing to post that you didn't cauterize all their face holes shut with a welding torch. In which case, your restraint is admirable!

    Desert Leviathan on
    Realizing lately that I don't really trust or respect basically any of the moderators here. So, good luck with life, friends! Hit me up on Twitter @DesertLeviathan
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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    That's a hell of a draft

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




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    Desert LeviathanDesert Leviathan Registered User regular
    DaMoonRulz wrote: »
    That's a hell of a draft

    It was a case of starting to write it, and the memory making me kind of queasy, and deciding "you know what, no, there's no possible upside to sharing this."

    Realizing lately that I don't really trust or respect basically any of the moderators here. So, good luck with life, friends! Hit me up on Twitter @DesertLeviathan
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    So I work IT for the Dept. of Corrections. We have inmates here at headquarters and they do our janitorial and maintenance work and all that jazz.
    Anyway we have a few frequent flyer type users who seem to have about 6 issues per day that are "OH GOD ASAP SOMEONE FIX NOW OR ELSE"
    Being the only guy on helpdesk right now, it took me a while to get to some folks. One of them is apparently one of said frequent flyers who I have actually never dealt with yet.
    I come in and say hi and introduce myself and she says "FINALLY! YOU IT GUYS TAKE FOREVER! HOPEFULLY YOU'RE MORE COMPETENT THAN THE OTHER ONES"
    I have my cell phone in my hand for... some reason. Anyway I smile at the lady and say "don't worry! I've got this taken care of!" and move to put my phone in my shirt pocket.
    This shirt doesn't have a pocket.
    So basically I walk in all confident and look like the world's biggest fucking idiot.

    The inmate who was cleaning her office had to leave the room he was laughing so hard.

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    TrippyJingTrippyJing Moses supposes his toeses are roses. But Moses supposes erroneously.Registered User regular
    I once made a Your Mom joke on a friend's Xanga page in high school, completely forgetting that his mom died only a few months earlier.

    b1ehrMM.gif
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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    TrippyJing wrote: »
    I once made a Your Mom joke on a friend's Xanga page in high school, completely forgetting that his mom died only a few months earlier.

    Oh my gosh, Xanga?

    You're right, that is awkward

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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    So I work IT for the Dept. of Corrections. We have inmates here at headquarters and they do our janitorial and maintenance work and all that jazz.
    Anyway we have a few frequent flyer type users who seem to have about 6 issues per day that are "OH GOD ASAP SOMEONE FIX NOW OR ELSE"
    Being the only guy on helpdesk right now, it took me a while to get to some folks. One of them is apparently one of said frequent flyers who I have actually never dealt with yet.
    I come in and say hi and introduce myself and she says "FINALLY! YOU IT GUYS TAKE FOREVER! HOPEFULLY YOU'RE MORE COMPETENT THAN THE OTHER ONES"
    I have my cell phone in my hand for... some reason. Anyway I smile at the lady and say "don't worry! I've got this taken care of!" and move to put my phone in my shirt pocket.
    This shirt doesn't have a pocket.
    So basically I walk in all confident and look like the world's biggest fucking idiot.

    The inmate who was cleaning her office had to leave the room he was laughing so hard.

    I woulda just leaned right into it

    "Excellent, now...you say you're having a computer problem? Do you use Apple, or Mac? Most of my experience is with Gameboys, so this should be a breeze"

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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    Houk wrote: »
    So I work IT for the Dept. of Corrections. We have inmates here at headquarters and they do our janitorial and maintenance work and all that jazz.
    Anyway we have a few frequent flyer type users who seem to have about 6 issues per day that are "OH GOD ASAP SOMEONE FIX NOW OR ELSE"
    Being the only guy on helpdesk right now, it took me a while to get to some folks. One of them is apparently one of said frequent flyers who I have actually never dealt with yet.
    I come in and say hi and introduce myself and she says "FINALLY! YOU IT GUYS TAKE FOREVER! HOPEFULLY YOU'RE MORE COMPETENT THAN THE OTHER ONES"
    I have my cell phone in my hand for... some reason. Anyway I smile at the lady and say "don't worry! I've got this taken care of!" and move to put my phone in my shirt pocket.
    This shirt doesn't have a pocket.
    So basically I walk in all confident and look like the world's biggest fucking idiot.

    The inmate who was cleaning her office had to leave the room he was laughing so hard.

    I woulda just leaned right into it

    "Excellent, now...you say you're having a computer problem? Do you use Apple, or Mac? Most of my experience is with Gameboys, so this should be a breeze"

    "A computer problem, eh? What is it?

    ...

    No, a computer; what is it?"

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




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    TrippyJingTrippyJing Moses supposes his toeses are roses. But Moses supposes erroneously.Registered User regular
    Straightzi wrote: »
    TrippyJing wrote: »
    I once made a Your Mom joke on a friend's Xanga page in high school, completely forgetting that his mom died only a few months earlier.

    Oh my gosh, Xanga?

    You're right, that is awkward

    It was in 2003!

    b1ehrMM.gif
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    CreaganCreagan Registered User regular
    Kwoaru wrote: »
    Creagan wrote: »
    So somebody I was talking to earlier today just reached over and grabbed a fist full of my hair to look at it closer.

    That was pretty awkward.

    no I don't think that is awkward so much pretty fucked up and an example of your incredible restraint assuming you didn't deck 'em

    The woman in question was working with my mom on a project, so I couldn't slap her like I wanted to. I did flinch visibly though. (I hate having strangers touch my hair, and I really hate being touched by other women. So this was like, double awful.)

    The woman didn't seem to notice, or care. She just kept holding onto my hair and gushing about how "pretty" it is.

    I wonder what she'd have done if I told her it hadn't been washed in the last three days.

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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    Creagan wrote: »
    Kwoaru wrote: »
    Creagan wrote: »
    So somebody I was talking to earlier today just reached over and grabbed a fist full of my hair to look at it closer.

    That was pretty awkward.

    no I don't think that is awkward so much pretty fucked up and an example of your incredible restraint assuming you didn't deck 'em

    The woman in question was working with my mom on a project, so I couldn't slap her like I wanted to. I did flinch visibly though. (I hate having strangers touch my hair, and I really hate being touched by other women. So this was like, double awful.)

    The woman didn't seem to notice, or care. She just kept holding onto my hair and gushing about how "pretty" it is.

    I wonder what she'd have done if I told her it hadn't been washed in the last three days.

    Pretty sure a witch is about to cast a spell to steal your hair

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




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    JihadJesusJihadJesus Registered User regular
    TrippyJing wrote: »
    I once made a Your Mom joke on a friend's Xanga page in high school, completely forgetting that his mom died only a few months earlier.
    As someone whose mother died as a young adult, I just put on your best deadpan voice and say "My mom's dead."

    And then if you really want to be a dick, you turn on your heel and walk away.

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    CreaganCreagan Registered User regular
    I have another one for you guys I don't think I've shared yet.

    Several years ago, when my sister "Gwen" was in the 5th or 6th grade, she, my mom and I were sitting at the kitchen table. It was snack time. My sister had her hair tucked behind her ears. My mom quietly reflected on just how much my sister's ears resemble my father's.

    That's when "Gwen" suddenly cried, "What?" and smacked herself in the head.

    Of course, my mom was surprised, and kind of upset by this. My sister, seeing my mom's reaction, only got more panicked, and began hitting herself in the head. Mom was too shocked to say anything, and visibly horrified. So "Gwen" ran upstairs to her room, screaming and smacking herself in the face.

    Mom quickly hurried after "Gwen," calmed her down and got her to explain what had just happened.

    Apparently, "Gwen" noticed my mom staring at her ears, and thought there was a bug on her head. Which she tried to kill by hitting herself in the face. But when my mom looked upset, "Gwen" thought she had missed the bug, and it was crawling towards her mouth. Hence the shrieking and beating herself about the head as she fled the room.

    "Gwen" has always been a little high strung.

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    ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User regular
    Last weekend, my roommates & I hosted a party.

    One of my roommates invited a girl that him & I went to high-school with. He's been trying to date her, or at least do anything with her, to diminishing results.

    I've been pretty brutally honest around her, so during the party we had this conversation:
    Me: You know, in my own life, I'm probably the meanest person I know.
    Her: Oooh! I wish I could be like that!
    Me: What?
    Her: Teach me! Corrupt me! Corrupt me!!!
    Me: I have to go...

    And I left because I was being turned on too much.

    What is happening to me!?!

    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
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    ArtreusArtreus I'm a wizard And that looks fucked upRegistered User regular
    That sounds pretty zonugal to me

    http://atlanticus.tumblr.com/ PSN: Atlanticus 3DS: 1590-4692-3954 Steam: Artreus
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    MuzzmuzzMuzzmuzz Registered User regular
    So, when I first dated Mr. Muzz, he invited me over to his mother's place. While watching TV, a news clip came on about some Republican politician having yet another affair. So, our conversation veered towards fidelity, and I loudly proclaimed that I was okay with seeing other people with consent, swingers, polyamory, but deceptiveness? That was quite possibly the worst thing a person could do. It was cowardly, cruel, and just plain evil.

    Turns out the future mother-in-law had cheated on his dad several times before their divorce. Thankfully, she never brought the subject up again.

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    CreaganCreagan Registered User regular
    A little while ago my parents and I had dinner with my younger brother, "Shawn." He and my dad were talking about my brother's job prospects. "Shawn" had to drop his econ major and switch to classics after developing narcolepsy and sleep apnea a year ago, so things have been pretty hard for him.

    He explained how he'd tried applying for things, but at this point it was "kind of a bag of cats, you know?"

    We all stared at him. He repeated himself. Things were a "bag of cats" at the moment.

    My mother pointed out that "bag of cats" isn't an idiom.

    My brother didn't believe her, until somebody noted he was probably combining "the cat's out of the bag" and "a mixed bag."

    Then "Shawn" admitted he's been intentionally saying idioms wrong to mess with people at school, and that apparently in doing so he had forgotten how to use real idioms. Hence the "bag of cats."

    This sort of thing might be why he's having a hard time finding work.

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    GvzbgulGvzbgul Registered User regular
    That's a pretty good phrase.

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    CreaganCreagan Registered User regular
    Oh, my family has started using it since! Generally we use it to mean a situation where you're not really sure what's going to happen, but it's probably not going to be good!

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    TefTef Registered User regular
    The best piece of job hunting advice I ever received, Creagan, is that the early bird takes two to tango.

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
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    FyndirFyndir Registered User regular
    Now I want to dig out the boondock saints.

    Damnit.

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    GoldenSeducerGoldenSeducer AAAAAUGH!! Registered User regular
    People in glass houses sink ships. Am I right?

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    CreaganCreagan Registered User regular
    Oh no, what have I started?

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    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    Something wonderful.

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    King RiptorKing Riptor Registered User regular
    Zonugal wrote: »
    Last weekend, my roommates & I hosted a party.

    One of my roommates invited a girl that him & I went to high-school with. He's been trying to date her, or at least do anything with her, to diminishing results.

    I've been pretty brutally honest around her, so during the party we had this conversation:
    Me: You know, in my own life, I'm probably the meanest person I know.
    Her: Oooh! I wish I could be like that!
    Me: What?
    Her: Teach me! Corrupt me! Corrupt me!!!
    Me: I have to go...

    And I left because I was being turned on too much.

    What is happening to me!?!

    Well you're catholic that's for sure

    I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
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    JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    People in glass houses sink ships. Am I right?

    A gift horse in the hand is like looking two in the mouth?

    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
    but they're listening to every word I say
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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    never put a gift in a horse's mouth

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    TefTef Registered User regular
    JebusUD wrote: »
    People in glass houses sink ships. Am I right?

    A gift horse in the hand is like looking two in the mouth?

    Whoah now. Remember curiosity killed all the eggs in one basket

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
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    theSquidtheSquid Sydney, AustraliaRegistered User regular
    Stick that in your arse and smoke it

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    DeansDeans Registered User regular
    All of you make like a tree and get out of here.

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