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Fellow Groomsmen using casual anti-gay hate speech

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Posts

  • BotznoyBotznoy Registered User regular
    Creagan wrote: »
    Lucid wrote: »
    Creagan wrote:
    At the moment, the OP's primary obligation isn't towards anybody this one other guy in the wedding party might meet and insult later on in life.

    I disagree. A person in a position of privilege (in this case being hetero) is responsible for speaking up against this kind of language because it can be harmful down the line. The potential stress levels of his likewise privileged friends at their wedding is not as important as the potential emotional harm that could be endured by the less privileged if this behaviour continues in the future.

    Okay, as a disabled woman, I'm going to stop you right here- it is NOT the responsibility of people in a position of privilege to speak up against this sort of thing. Because they don't know what's going on with the underprivileged people, and it's entirely possible that maybe they DON'T want to get into the whole standing up for the minority/underprivileged group fight at the moment. Maybe having a privileged person speak for them pisses them off or makes them feel like shit for not having the energy to speak up themselves.

    If anything, people in positions of power need to be extra careful when speaking up for the disadvantaged to make sure that they're saying the correct things and not speaking over the group they're trying to support.

    I'm also very worried about doing this and getting something wrong in how I try and communicate. Both in this context and in general.

    IZF2byN.jpg

    Want to play co-op games? Feel free to hit me up!
    CreaganMagic Pink
  • CreaganCreagan Registered User regular
    edited March 2015
    I'm awesome-ing because you're being careful and trying to do the right thing which deserves recognition. Not because of the situation or you worrying.

    Creagan on
    ceresMagic Pinkchrishallett83
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    edited March 2015
    Creagan wrote: »
    Lucid wrote: »
    Creagan wrote:
    At the moment, the OP's primary obligation isn't towards anybody this one other guy in the wedding party might meet and insult later on in life.

    I disagree. A person in a position of privilege (in this case being hetero) is responsible for speaking up against this kind of language because it can be harmful down the line. The potential stress levels of his likewise privileged friends at their wedding is not as important as the potential emotional harm that could be endured by the less privileged if this behaviour continues in the future.

    Okay, as a disabled woman, I'm going to stop you right here- it is NOT the responsibility of people in a position of privilege to speak up against this sort of thing. Because they don't know what's going on with the underprivileged people, and it's entirely possible that maybe they DON'T want to get into the whole standing up for the minority/underprivileged group fight at the moment. Maybe having a privileged person speak for them pisses them off or makes them feel like shit for not having the energy to speak up themselves.

    If anything, people in positions of power need to be extra careful when speaking up for the disadvantaged to make sure that they're saying the correct things and not speaking over the group they're trying to support.

    Well, I mean, you can't speak for every person in an underprivileged position. I'm not disabled, but I am a woman, and I have been in plenty of "typically male" pursuits where the guys routinely said gross things about ladies in general, and man I would have loved it if even just one of those dudes had said "geez, cut it out, man." Might I have experienced embarrassment because of it? Might I have felt shamed that I didn't have the guts to say it myself? Maybe! But maybe also the dumb jokes that made me feel like less of a person would have stopped. And maybe guys having heard that when they were young would have matured with the lesson and other people in the world would have benefited from it. "I might feel mildly embarrassed in the moment" seems pretty shallow reasoning when weighed against "this could be the tiny drop in the ocean that begins the wave of change." You don't know what causes someone to change their mind about something, because no one does. I know that what changed my mind about certain things wasn't personal experience, but just words. Words, and nothing else. And those words began with people telling me things that I thought were full of shit, that I laughed off and rolled my eyes to.

    Though I guess I do agree with this in your message - if you're going to say to someone "please don't say that", then don't make like you're asking it because of some other person. You're asking for yourself. It's yourself that's damaged by homophobia, racism, sexism, etc, because everyone is damaged by them.

    I would think of it as similar to asking someone not to smoke in front of you. The odds that you'll get cancer from just this one time are minimal, the amount of damage to your own lungs is minimal. That doesn't make it any less reasonable that you don't want to be around cigarette smoke. The damage is tiny, ok; it's still damage.

    Cambiata on
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    I think at this point we're pretty far afield of the original question, and other parts of the forum are more suited to this discussion. Thanks for keeping it civil.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
    bowenmysticjuicer
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This discussion has been closed.