My 9-year-old son had a full-on existential crisis yesterday. He was very concerned that he would die someday and even more concerned that I would die. In the middle of blubbering tears, he was determined that we needed to find a way to get a wish granted so that neither one of us died.
I did my best to talk to him about it gently and tell him that it was a long ways off for both of us, and we talked about why people are supposed to die eventually, and also wishes being just a fantasy. But man, I wasn't prepared for the fear of death to overwhelm him this quickly.
I remember having that crisis when I was a kid! Middle of the night and there I was, blubbering away in the bathroom. good times, good times. :bro:
I just remember realizing "oh thank god there's a way out of all this". My parents got off easy.
0
NocrenLt Futz, Back in ActionNorth CarolinaRegistered Userregular
This is handy to know... Means if I have kids I can probably expect some kind of crisis around 7-10 age range.
So Rachel and I have decided to stay around here for the time being - having just finished school I *really* need experience in my job field, and outright moving to another place is just too damn risky, especially with two kids.
My dad is, in response, going to put an extension on the house, where he and my mom will move. It'll have a kitchen, little living area, and so on, and Rachel and I will get the rest of the house. Should be nice, once it happens.
+16
lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
my baby brother turns 30 tomorrow.
for his present, i sent him a green t-shirt that has two thumbs up on it (pointing to the wearer) that says "Trust me, I'm going to be an Uncle" (or something to that effect).
He apparently absolutely loved it and kinda got a wee bit teary (according to my mom). He's also apparently got a nickname for the baby (Jewese, pronounce Jew-ease, becuase the baby is Jewish on the inside and Chinese on the outside. also according to my mom).
He's a brat, obnoxious and needing to really take responsibility for his own life. He doesn't talk to me, won't add me on Facebook or anything like that. but I love the little fuckhead and I miss him quite a bit right now.
I Win Swordfightsall the traits of greatnessstarlight at my feetRegistered Userregular
asked my mom to try to quit smoking cigarettes now that she has a ton of downtime after losing her job and going on disability for her back/hips/legs and psych reasons for a little while before finding a new job cuz i feel like that’s the perfect time, when you can focus your energy on just trying to deal with the cravings and whatnot
I politely asked my Mother in Law to cut back on her chain smoking once the baby was born, since we share the house.
Her response? "I raised two kids while smoking, and they both turned out fine."
.... That was 35+ years ago, you nicotine stained bitch.
If someone said they were going to be smoking inside around my infant child - or my pregnant self, or my pregnant partner - I would do everything in my power to make that person regret that sentence for as long as it took them to stop
I politely asked my Mother in Law to cut back on her chain smoking once the baby was born, since we share the house.
Her response? "I raised two kids while smoking, and they both turned out fine."
.... That was 35+ years ago, you nicotine stained bitch.
If someone said they were going to be smoking inside around my infant child - or my pregnant self, or my pregnant partner - I would do everything in my power to make that person regret that sentence for the rest of their lives
My blood is boiling right now, just reading that
This about sums up my relationship with most of my mom's side of the family. She has environmental asthma and they don't care.
0
EncA Fool with CompassionPronouns: He, Him, HisRegistered Userregular
Sadly, it's her place, so her rules. And due to economics, if we move out, she won't be able to keep paying the mortgage. So, while it would be incredibly easy to move out, I would feel guilty. So I'm mitigating it, by getting some air filters and such. No easy way out of this one, unfortunately.
Sadly, it's her place, so her rules. And due to economics, if we move out, she won't be able to keep paying the mortgage. So, while it would be incredibly easy to move out, I would feel guilty. So I'm mitigating it, by getting some air filters and such. No easy way out of this one, unfortunately.
I mean you know your situation better than us, but if you're paying rent to her, I wouldn't say it's "her place, her rules". It sounds like she needs you more than you need her, so I don't think it'd be unreasonable for you to expect her to at least try to come to some kind of compromise.
Also you have absolutely no idea whether that's actually true; the cancer and other problems that can be caused by cigarettes can show up at any point. I know you'd feel bad if she couldn't pay the mortgage, legitimately so, but I would make an absolutely serious threat to do so if she won't cut back on the smoking, you owe that much at least to your kids.
+2
The GeekOh-Two Crew, OmeganautRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Family you're born to means dick. Family you choose is what's important.
BLM - ACAB
+21
Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
So just got a hell of an email from dad, who is apparently stressing a bit about upcoming hip surgery: Very short, just saying, "Workin on the will, thought you should consider taking power of attorney, lemme know, we can talk this weekend." The subtext being "mom ain't doin so well on the whole not drinking all the things at the smallest chance she gets, probably best if she didn't get all the money if I croak."
Oh lord, this will be a fun series of conversations and feelings about paternalism, self determination and other things. I already realize how bad it sounds, but mom will not stay with/work with any therapist we have tried and the best we have been able to do is protect her from herself. Dad has not been perfect, but has stuck with her through thick and thin to be there and help.
0
Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
So just got a hell of an email from dad, who is apparently stressing a bit about upcoming hip surgery: Very short, just saying, "Workin on the will, thought you should consider taking power of attorney, lemme know, we can talk this weekend." The subtext being "mom ain't doin so well on the whole not drinking all the things at the smallest chance she gets, probably best if she didn't get all the money if I croak."
Oh lord, this will be a fun series of conversations and feelings about paternalism, self determination and other things. I already realize how bad it sounds, but mom will not stay with/work with any therapist we have tried and the best we have been able to do is protect her from herself. Dad has not been perfect, but has stuck with her through thick and thin to be there and help.
Ooof, that's rough man. I hope things go as best as they can.
To those who don't know, I was living with my best friend and his gf until last year when they couldn't keep up their end of rent and we got evicted, and so I've been living with Mom for the past year.
I love my mother, but she has this habit sometimes of, when I have trouble with something, asking the dumbest possible question. The sort of question you might ask someone if they were a toddler.
The last time this happened was a while back when I was changing a really wide light bulb in the kitchen ceiling. It wasn't budging and Mom asks "Well are you turning it to the left?"
I'm like "mom, I know how to operate a light bulb!"
And she always responds to the effect of shrugging and "Well how do I know!?"
It wouldn't be so frustrating, if she didn't completely refuse to acknowledge how obnoxious these questions are.
I don't usually say much about it, because she's my Mom, but once in a while it really gets to me.
But today I was going to get the mail and there was a key inside which means there's a package for you in the larger mailbox that the key belongs to.
Buuut I couldn't get it to open. I always have trouble opening that box whenever something's in it.
I end up bringing the key in with the mail and she gives me this look and is all "Well which way did you turn it?"
"Mom, I know how to use a key!"
"Well I don't know!"
"Yeah well RABBLE RABBLE"
"RABBLE RABBLE"
and that about sums up the entire discussion we had.
I'm mad that she keeps insulting my intelligence, and she's mad that I get mad at her.
She flat out tells me I don't get to decide if she's insulting me, and then accuses me of refusing to listen.
So I just found out hours after the fact that today someone sent an anonymous threat to my brother over the internet featuring at the very least his real name.
I feel so fucking helpless about helping my brother with this.
All I want, all I've ever wanted my entire life was for him to be safe and happy and I've never felt like I could help him have those things.
So I just found out hours after the fact that today someone sent an anonymous threat to my brother over the internet featuring at the very least his real name.
I feel so fucking helpless about helping my brother with this.
All I want, all I've ever wanted my entire life was for him to be safe and happy and I've never felt like I could help him have those things.
That's pretty rough, sorry to hear you guys are having to deal with it.
If I may offer a small piece of advice, I would say contact any law enforcement who can help/have jurisdiction in the matter; depending on the severity of the threat, your brother might have recourse in a restraining order or possibly even criminal charges. If there's anything good to be had out of a post-9/11 world, death threats being taken seriously is high on the list.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
+8
FishmanPut your goddamned hand in the goddamned Box of Pain.Registered Userregular
My Nanna passed late Thursday night.
I had been to see her on the weekend with the family, when she could still sit and talk a little. I sat with her for a while, although even that much effort led her to drift off a few times.
I saw her again a few hours before she passed; although she could no longer speak and could barely see or hear, she could give a squeeze of her hand if you held it. But even as weak and helpless as that, she knew who people were and kept a sense of what was going on. We could update her as to what Kees was doing and how the pregnancy was going and she was so happy, she squeezed and smiled and lit up when we told her we had found out the gender of the baby Jen's having. There was no way she was going to make it to next year to see or hear or hold the baby, but at least she was able to hold on just long enough to find that out, and it made her so happy. I held up Kees as best I could where she might be able to see him, although he wriggled and writhed, and I think she was content. That she managed to keep that degree of lucidity, that she could hold on to big things like family and people and her great-grandchildren even as everything must have been so fractured and foggy was so lucky. Her mind was always so sharp in life, so brilliant, and I'm so glad she managed to keep a degree of that right to the end.
It's a bit of a mess at this end. Nanna was one of the only survivors of the last generation of the family who actually lived and worked in Hong Kong/Macau. It was an anchor back to that time and culture and sense of place that we have carried with us to our new countries. In many ways, we've not just lost an important part of the family, but also a link back to our past and heritage. My father is now without parents or siblings, and although he has cousins around the globe the closest is in Canberra, so in many ways his family now consists simply of my brother and I and our families. And of course there's just the enormous sense of loss that comes with no longer having Nanna herself in our lives.
Oh well, it's not anything that everyone else doesn't have to deal with at some point in their lives. I'm 36, with family of my own. In many ways I'm lucky that I got to have as much of a connection and time with her as I did. Just another way in which she has been able to give me a privileged life, I guess. May I be so lucky to perform as admirably myself.
Ugggh. One of my cousins posted something on Facebook about Black Lives Matter (or, more specifically, a criticism of the dumb "All Lives Matter" counter-campaign) and our Tea Partier uncle replied calling him ignorant and basically spouting Fox News talking points (which is now my go to instructional example of irony, btw). My cousin replied with some lengthy, well articulated explanations of what BLM is all about and why the All Lives Matter campaign misses the point and of course it's being met with straight up dismissals, insults, and racist rhetoric. Now I'm torn between wanting to like my cousin's comments for being really good and just burning Facebook down and being rid of it all. I'm leaning toward the latter because I really don't want to get involved.
Ugggh. One of my cousins posted something on Facebook about Black Lives Matter (or, more specifically, a criticism of the dumb "All Lives Matter" counter-campaign) and our Tea Partier uncle replied calling him ignorant and basically spouting Fox News talking points (which is now my go to instructional example of irony, btw). My cousin replied with some lengthy, well articulated explanations of what BLM is all about and why the All Lives Matter campaign misses the point and of course it's being met with straight up dismissals, insults, and racist rhetoric. Now I'm torn between wanting to like my cousin's comments for being really good and just burning Facebook down and being rid of it all. I'm leaning toward the latter because I really don't want to get involved.
do both, they're not mutually exclusive. just do the first one before the second.
Ugggh. One of my cousins posted something on Facebook about Black Lives Matter (or, more specifically, a criticism of the dumb "All Lives Matter" counter-campaign) and our Tea Partier uncle replied calling him ignorant and basically spouting Fox News talking points (which is now my go to instructional example of irony, btw). My cousin replied with some lengthy, well articulated explanations of what BLM is all about and why the All Lives Matter campaign misses the point and of course it's being met with straight up dismissals, insults, and racist rhetoric. Now I'm torn between wanting to like my cousin's comments for being really good and just burning Facebook down and being rid of it all. I'm leaning toward the latter because I really don't want to get involved.
Yeah I think everyone runs into that person at some point.
There's just nothing at all to be gained from having any sort of discourse with them.
Ugggh. One of my cousins posted something on Facebook about Black Lives Matter (or, more specifically, a criticism of the dumb "All Lives Matter" counter-campaign) and our Tea Partier uncle replied calling him ignorant and basically spouting Fox News talking points (which is now my go to instructional example of irony, btw). My cousin replied with some lengthy, well articulated explanations of what BLM is all about and why the All Lives Matter campaign misses the point and of course it's being met with straight up dismissals, insults, and racist rhetoric. Now I'm torn between wanting to like my cousin's comments for being really good and just burning Facebook down and being rid of it all. I'm leaning toward the latter because I really don't want to get involved.
Yeah I think everyone runs into that person at some point.
There's just nothing at all to be gained from having any sort of discourse with them.
Yeah, pretty much. It sucks though--he used to be cool. He gave me my first Game Boy!
At dinner tonight, me: "that was the night my friend Ben passed out on the couch at our costume party and-"
the room has gone silent
My parents say "Go. On."
Me, very quietly "...woke up to Prince Charming being fellated by a frog."
At a party when I was younger, we had all gotten drunk and passed out. I woke up to those friends holding a laptop with lemonparty on it (nsfw) inches from my face
Woooo gonna go see the folks thurs-tuesday? and help out since dad is back from getting a new hip. Call up to plan stuff and...yup, sounds like mom's already in his post-op pills! Man I can't fuckin' wait. Gonna be fun times.
On the downside of recent events, I was helping my mother go through my late stepfather's wallet and we had our suspicions confirmed that he was a shady sonofabitch at the best of times; we found a silver dollar from 1881 that belonged to my grandfather and had been in my stepdad's possession for almost two years. You have to be a special kind of dickbag to steal a century-old coin from an aged and infirm man.
On the plus side, Mom is letting me keep the coin as a memento.
Oh, I also got step-dick's knife collection and a 9mm Sig Sauer, P226. The pistol is nice and in pretty good condition, but some of these 'knives' are useless pieces of trash that only look cool but have zero-functionality.
Well, might as well share my current family drama.
My family on my dad's side has some pretty bad genetics in terms of cardiac stuff. He's always had blood pressure issues and always been stubborn and not always been the best at treating it. So, a few years ago while doing work overseas he had a stroke, nearly died and ended up having to retire because of it. He now lives back in the states in our old hometown which is a 2 hr drive and 1.5 hr boat ride from me.
This weekend his wife called to apologize for mailing my son's birthday card late. Apparently my dad had stopped taking his BP pills and was having dizzy spells. He went to the doctor, they found his heart beat was irregular and shipped him over to the mainland hospital, where he refused to let them admit him. His wife managed to get a stress test scheduled, but in the meantime he's gardening, shingling a garage and doing chimney work without help, just taking breaks as he feels he needs to. She's been in tears on the phone with me (not the first time) asking why we're so stubborn about getting help and getting to the doctor.
I just don't know what to do with myself now. I can't stop worrying. My initial response is to run out there and pretend I know how to help with some of the projects he's trying to do...but I also have a family. I have a son struggling in the shift to middle school, a wife taking on a new part-time commitment managing a kids sport's group, a part time live in niece who's living situation can change at a moment's notice and job responsibility. But if something happens and I could have gone out to help, I'd have a hard time forgiving myself. So...next week or the week after I'm going to take a 4 day mini-vacation to go out and see what I can do...but in the meantime I'm just dreading every ring of my cell phone in case it's something bad has happened.
TL;DR No worries, I'm just stressed and want to type it out.
Posts
I just remember realizing "oh thank god there's a way out of all this". My parents got off easy.
Should probably let my buddy know as well.
"I'm exhausted but I have to do dishes."
"Go take a nap before your doctor's appointment and I'll do the dishes while you're out and about with your mom."
"Mom won't like it."
"I'll buy dinner and she can deal; I don't get to spoil you with gifts all that often, but chores are an acceptable substitute on occasion."
"I love you, Mike."
...
...
...
Pay no attention to the warm fuzzies behind that curtain, nothing to see here, move along.
My dad is, in response, going to put an extension on the house, where he and my mom will move. It'll have a kitchen, little living area, and so on, and Rachel and I will get the rest of the house. Should be nice, once it happens.
for his present, i sent him a green t-shirt that has two thumbs up on it (pointing to the wearer) that says "Trust me, I'm going to be an Uncle" (or something to that effect).
He apparently absolutely loved it and kinda got a wee bit teary (according to my mom). He's also apparently got a nickname for the baby (Jewese, pronounce Jew-ease, becuase the baby is Jewish on the inside and Chinese on the outside. also according to my mom).
He's a brat, obnoxious and needing to really take responsibility for his own life. He doesn't talk to me, won't add me on Facebook or anything like that. but I love the little fuckhead and I miss him quite a bit right now.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
she got annoyed and said it was a terrible time
i started crying
i think it did the trick 8-)
Her response? "I raised two kids while smoking, and they both turned out fine."
.... That was 35+ years ago, you nicotine stained bitch.
WoW
Dear Satan.....
I've always loved that line
Ask her if she wants lead paint and asbestos everywhere too.
Just because things were done a stupid way doesn't mean it should continue
If someone said they were going to be smoking inside around my infant child - or my pregnant self, or my pregnant partner - I would do everything in my power to make that person regret that sentence for as long as it took them to stop
My blood is boiling right now, just reading that
This about sums up my relationship with most of my mom's side of the family. She has environmental asthma and they don't care.
WoW
Dear Satan.....
But I am still aghast that a person would say that
If it was my own mother I would bail, instantly, and her ability to pay the mortgage be damned
I mean you know your situation better than us, but if you're paying rent to her, I wouldn't say it's "her place, her rules". It sounds like she needs you more than you need her, so I don't think it'd be unreasonable for you to expect her to at least try to come to some kind of compromise.
Not to mention just because you lucked out doesn't mean you'll continue to. "I played Russian Roulette 5 times and I was fine."
"Our rent pays your mortgage, and we will NOT raise our child in a smoker's house. It's up to you."
Oh lord, this will be a fun series of conversations and feelings about paternalism, self determination and other things. I already realize how bad it sounds, but mom will not stay with/work with any therapist we have tried and the best we have been able to do is protect her from herself. Dad has not been perfect, but has stuck with her through thick and thin to be there and help.
Ooof, that's rough man. I hope things go as best as they can.
To those who don't know, I was living with my best friend and his gf until last year when they couldn't keep up their end of rent and we got evicted, and so I've been living with Mom for the past year.
I love my mother, but she has this habit sometimes of, when I have trouble with something, asking the dumbest possible question. The sort of question you might ask someone if they were a toddler.
The last time this happened was a while back when I was changing a really wide light bulb in the kitchen ceiling. It wasn't budging and Mom asks "Well are you turning it to the left?"
I'm like "mom, I know how to operate a light bulb!"
And she always responds to the effect of shrugging and "Well how do I know!?"
It wouldn't be so frustrating, if she didn't completely refuse to acknowledge how obnoxious these questions are.
I don't usually say much about it, because she's my Mom, but once in a while it really gets to me.
But today I was going to get the mail and there was a key inside which means there's a package for you in the larger mailbox that the key belongs to.
Buuut I couldn't get it to open. I always have trouble opening that box whenever something's in it.
I end up bringing the key in with the mail and she gives me this look and is all "Well which way did you turn it?"
"Mom, I know how to use a key!"
"Well I don't know!"
"Yeah well RABBLE RABBLE"
"RABBLE RABBLE"
and that about sums up the entire discussion we had.
I'm mad that she keeps insulting my intelligence, and she's mad that I get mad at her.
She flat out tells me I don't get to decide if she's insulting me, and then accuses me of refusing to listen.
I miss having an apartment.
I feel so fucking helpless about helping my brother with this.
All I want, all I've ever wanted my entire life was for him to be safe and happy and I've never felt like I could help him have those things.
That's pretty rough, sorry to hear you guys are having to deal with it.
If I may offer a small piece of advice, I would say contact any law enforcement who can help/have jurisdiction in the matter; depending on the severity of the threat, your brother might have recourse in a restraining order or possibly even criminal charges. If there's anything good to be had out of a post-9/11 world, death threats being taken seriously is high on the list.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
I had been to see her on the weekend with the family, when she could still sit and talk a little. I sat with her for a while, although even that much effort led her to drift off a few times.
I saw her again a few hours before she passed; although she could no longer speak and could barely see or hear, she could give a squeeze of her hand if you held it. But even as weak and helpless as that, she knew who people were and kept a sense of what was going on. We could update her as to what Kees was doing and how the pregnancy was going and she was so happy, she squeezed and smiled and lit up when we told her we had found out the gender of the baby Jen's having. There was no way she was going to make it to next year to see or hear or hold the baby, but at least she was able to hold on just long enough to find that out, and it made her so happy. I held up Kees as best I could where she might be able to see him, although he wriggled and writhed, and I think she was content. That she managed to keep that degree of lucidity, that she could hold on to big things like family and people and her great-grandchildren even as everything must have been so fractured and foggy was so lucky. Her mind was always so sharp in life, so brilliant, and I'm so glad she managed to keep a degree of that right to the end.
It's a bit of a mess at this end. Nanna was one of the only survivors of the last generation of the family who actually lived and worked in Hong Kong/Macau. It was an anchor back to that time and culture and sense of place that we have carried with us to our new countries. In many ways, we've not just lost an important part of the family, but also a link back to our past and heritage. My father is now without parents or siblings, and although he has cousins around the globe the closest is in Canberra, so in many ways his family now consists simply of my brother and I and our families. And of course there's just the enormous sense of loss that comes with no longer having Nanna herself in our lives.
Oh well, it's not anything that everyone else doesn't have to deal with at some point in their lives. I'm 36, with family of my own. In many ways I'm lucky that I got to have as much of a connection and time with her as I did. Just another way in which she has been able to give me a privileged life, I guess. May I be so lucky to perform as admirably myself.
@Darth Waiter says the caption for this is "He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!"
Bring a lint brush.
do both, they're not mutually exclusive. just do the first one before the second.
the room has gone silent
My parents say "Go. On."
Me, very quietly "...woke up to Prince Charming being fellated by a frog."
Yeah I think everyone runs into that person at some point.
There's just nothing at all to be gained from having any sort of discourse with them.
Yeah, pretty much. It sucks though--he used to be cool. He gave me my first Game Boy!
At a party when I was younger, we had all gotten drunk and passed out. I woke up to those friends holding a laptop with lemonparty on it (nsfw) inches from my face
On the plus side, Mom is letting me keep the coin as a memento.
Oh, I also got step-dick's knife collection and a 9mm Sig Sauer, P226. The pistol is nice and in pretty good condition, but some of these 'knives' are useless pieces of trash that only look cool but have zero-functionality.
Speaking of which ...
Hey, @Speed Racer do you have one of these?
It's kinda dusty, but you were the first person I thought of since I have only a passing interest in figurines; it still has both of the pistols!
I've been in the same boat for the last year and a half. It sucks.
My family on my dad's side has some pretty bad genetics in terms of cardiac stuff. He's always had blood pressure issues and always been stubborn and not always been the best at treating it. So, a few years ago while doing work overseas he had a stroke, nearly died and ended up having to retire because of it. He now lives back in the states in our old hometown which is a 2 hr drive and 1.5 hr boat ride from me.
This weekend his wife called to apologize for mailing my son's birthday card late. Apparently my dad had stopped taking his BP pills and was having dizzy spells. He went to the doctor, they found his heart beat was irregular and shipped him over to the mainland hospital, where he refused to let them admit him. His wife managed to get a stress test scheduled, but in the meantime he's gardening, shingling a garage and doing chimney work without help, just taking breaks as he feels he needs to. She's been in tears on the phone with me (not the first time) asking why we're so stubborn about getting help and getting to the doctor.
I just don't know what to do with myself now. I can't stop worrying. My initial response is to run out there and pretend I know how to help with some of the projects he's trying to do...but I also have a family. I have a son struggling in the shift to middle school, a wife taking on a new part-time commitment managing a kids sport's group, a part time live in niece who's living situation can change at a moment's notice and job responsibility. But if something happens and I could have gone out to help, I'd have a hard time forgiving myself. So...next week or the week after I'm going to take a 4 day mini-vacation to go out and see what I can do...but in the meantime I'm just dreading every ring of my cell phone in case it's something bad has happened.
TL;DR No worries, I'm just stressed and want to type it out.