as someone who just finished a psych bachelor's and most of a social work bachelor's, I was surprised at how many of my classmates had a hard time understanding the idea that other people have feelings? and psych especially suffers from lots of people who want to study us weirdos who have brain problems because we're just so fascinating and weird! and we think we're people!
as someone who just finished a psych bachelor's and most of a social work bachelor's, I was surprised at how many of my classmates had a hard time understanding the idea that other people have feelings? and psych especially suffers from lots of people who want to study us weirdos who have brain problems because we're just so fascinating and weird! and we think we're people!
What.
I wrote a huge discourse about it a while back elsewhere, but basically I had so many classmates who were really incapable of empathy as far as understanding where another person with different experiences is coming from, or why they would do things differently, or why they would learn differently. I would try to hand wave it away with "well, college students are generally 18-22 which isn't fully formed brain yet" but it was professors and older classmates too. A notable example would be that time my professor and classmates discussed whether it was really that bad to use aversive shock collars to change the behavior of autistic people and most of them came to the conclusion it was probably "for their own good". And god forbid in either major you disclose a mental illness or learning difficulty, you immediately just became a diagnosis instead of a person.
I want to be clear that I think college can expose you to the best and worst of whatever field you're learning in, and that was definitely a worst, and if I didn't think it was a great field capable of doing great things I wouldn't stay in it
Haven't spoken to or seen my brother, sister in law and niece's for two months now since my brother uninvited me from my niece's first birthday party.
My parents have said they don't want to get involved which is fine considering me and my brother are adults. However it's quite clear my parents have been treating me and my wife as the aggressors in this situation (which they also did last year when my brother kicked off again).
It's a shame my parents have believed the lies my brother and sister in law are peddling about me and my wife.
We've put up with so much from my family including my parents not wanting to travel to our wedding in Dublin meaning we completely changed our wedding plans because of them. I'd have hoped we'd earned a little more respect but it seems my parents are more than willing to follow my brother's lead, probably because they've given my parents grandchildren.
A notable example would be that time my professor and classmates discussed whether it was really that bad to use aversive shock collars to change the behavior of autistic people and most of them came to the conclusion it was probably "for their own good".
I actually said "holy fuck" out loud.
It's actually pretty scary/sad to hear that some people who are supposed to be learning how to help others would lack the modicum of empathy required to realize how awful that is.
A notable example would be that time my professor and classmates discussed whether it was really that bad to use aversive shock collars to change the behavior of autistic people and most of them came to the conclusion it was probably "for their own good".
I actually said "holy fuck" out loud.
It's actually pretty scary/sad to hear that some people who are supposed to be learning how to help others would lack the modicum of empathy required to realize how awful that is.
yeah
"well but what if they hurt themselves"
as a person who is almost certainly on the spectrum, to sit there and listen to that, it's just very difficult to describe. I spent more than a little time in both majors feeling like some kind of animal who had somehow believed it was a person
I also had a child psych class where one of my classmates and I self-disclosed we had ADHD and then the professor kept referring to us as proof people with ADHD could be "pretty successful!"
I'm suspicious that a shock collar would even solve the problem.
The fucked up part is we know it does work. Yes, there are currently places you can send your autistic kid to be trained with a shock collar. It is every bit as fucked up and damaging as it sounds, but it does produce results. This causes a lot of people to shrug their shoulders and just move on. It causes me to get into extremely drawn out arguments with professors who absolutely hate me for making them sound like the monster they are. Mental health field is still full of shady fuckers who do not get what why human rights are a big deal.
as someone who just finished a psych bachelor's and most of a social work bachelor's, I was surprised at how many of my classmates had a hard time understanding the idea that other people have feelings? and psych especially suffers from lots of people who want to study us weirdos who have brain problems because we're just so fascinating and weird! and we think we're people!
What.
I wrote a huge discourse about it a while back elsewhere, but basically I had so many classmates who were really incapable of empathy as far as understanding where another person with different experiences is coming from, or why they would do things differently, or why they would learn differently. I would try to hand wave it away with "well, college students are generally 18-22 which isn't fully formed brain yet" but it was professors and older classmates too. A notable example would be that time my professor and classmates discussed whether it was really that bad to use aversive shock collars to change the behavior of autistic people and most of them came to the conclusion it was probably "for their own good". And god forbid in either major you disclose a mental illness or learning difficulty, you immediately just became a diagnosis instead of a person.
I want to be clear that I think college can expose you to the best and worst of whatever field you're learning in, and that was definitely a worst, and if I didn't think it was a great field capable of doing great things I wouldn't stay in it
There are few things more frustrating than trying to deal with an egocentric who refuses to grasp that someone can draw a different valid conclusion than they do, when presented with the same information.
Especially when you're the only neurodiverse person in the room, and the subsequent popular consensus is against you.
I'm suspicious that a shock collar would even solve the problem.
The fucked up part is we know it does work. Yes, there are currently places you can send your autistic kid to be trained with a shock collar. It is every bit as fucked up and damaging as it sounds, but it does produce results. This causes a lot of people to shrug their shoulders and just move on. It causes me to get into extremely drawn out arguments with professors who absolutely hate me for making them sound like the monster they are. Mental health field is still full of shady fuckers who do not get what why human rights are a big deal.
They are monsters though.
Just because it's the path of least resistance doesn't make it the right path.
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
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Blackhawk1313Demon Hunter for HireTime RiftRegistered Userregular
Whelp it's done, not how I wanted this to go I'm sad and worry for the future for him, but I just have to hope for the best I guess. Pretty down at the moment, lost my son, and now I lost family who is a son in all but name to me. Kinda feels like I've failed a second time to save a kid, won't be winning any father of the year awards anytime soon that's for sure.
I have my man cave back and I don't even want it, it's just another empty room now, directly across the hall from the other room that I still can't spend more than a minute in and is still full of all the memories of a life cut too short and a future that will never be. God dammit I'm an utter failure.
I don't have a lot of good words for you. I don't think there are words for this. Your continuing efforts to help the next generation is a testament to how good a person you are. After more than your share of heartbreak you have chosen to push forward. That is the kind of shit we should build monuments to. It is the furthest from failure in my eyes.
You have lived a life in just a few short years that I would not wish on the Devil Himself; the loss of you and yours will never be ignored.
This young person who is confused and angry ... their anger and pain is not your fault ... and it's not your purpose to correct the mess they feel.
It's their purpose to correct and feel the reality in which they now live.
I know that you will never turn your back on this young one; it's not in your nature.
You are strong despite your pain; in fact, your pain makes you more able.
You are a good person.
You are good.
You Exist.
You Feel.
You Are.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Hurricane is heading straight at my parents house on the gulf coast, mandatory evac order, Dad is all "nah I ain't sitting in that traffic we'll just stay here".
Fucking hell, just because we just got the whole family together for the first time in almost ten years doesn't mean you get to die of stubbornness and take Mom with you.
Hurricane is heading straight at my parents house on the gulf coast, mandatory evac order, Dad is all "nah I ain't sitting in that traffic we'll just stay here".
Fucking hell, just because we just got the whole family together for the first time in almost ten years doesn't mean you get to die of stubbornness and take Mom with you.
It's up to a Category 3? I don't know if it will help, but you can tell them that I lived through a direct hit from a Category 3, and my opinion as a survivor is that if another one were coming at me, I would steal a car to get away if I had to, even if I knew I was heading into 24+ hours of utter gridlock on the road. And that experience comes from Florida, the part of the country that is by far the most experienced in taking these hits. I can't imagine what kind of shitshow the aftermath will be somewhere that doesn't pretty much count on one of these things landing every year or two.
Realizing lately that I don't really trust or respect basically any of the moderators here. So, good luck with life, friends! Hit me up on Twitter @DesertLeviathan
Cat 3 was the rating for Hurricane Alicia that hit Houston in late '83; I have vague memories of being without power for a few days, pretty much the same with water.
@Weaver , where in Houston does your family live? There's been significant improvements to the drainage in the north and west sections of the metroplex since Allison in '01 and Katrina in '05.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Cat 3 was the rating for Hurricane Alicia that hit Houston in late '83; I have vague memories of being without power for a few days, pretty much the same with water.
@Weaver , where in Houston does your family live? There's been significant improvements to the drainage in the north and west sections of the metroplex since Allison in '01 and Katrina in '05.
Not in Houston. Portland, across the bay from Corpus.
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Nah, that would probably make him go camp on the beach.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Tried more and he won't budge. Just went on about hurricane shutters and how much food and water he has stored. He made a comment about calculated risk, I countered with this risk being entirely avoidable. My sister is at Ft. Hood and had been trying to get them to stay at her place.
I suspect a big part of him staying is because he thinks "the Hispanics" will loot the house. Dad is one of those "I'm not racist, but" guys.
He has a twenty year old barely working weather radio that only receives, no transmitting radio or beacon, not even any flares.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Got word this morning they left for my sister's place before the storm landed.
That's definitely good to hear; while most of the affected areas inland are just going to get a lot of rain, the winds hitting the coast are going to be pretty stiff and have a good chance of picking up debris.
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lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
Oh good. I woke up this morning very worried for your family.
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Cat 4 now, whole Corpus/Portland area has lost power, reports of homes being looted. Dad still wishes he'd stayed in case of looters. Enclosed patio at parents place is likely shredded in the winds at this point.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Where they evac'd to, my sister's place at ft hood, is still expecting tropical storm level winds.
yeah in San Antonio we have the broadest possible range of forecast - 9-20" of rain and winds between 25 and 60mph. the HEB we stopped at tonight looked like it had been ransacked. the only bread left in the store was frozen gluten free stuff
the most important thing we had to pick up was a DAP calming collar for Kanji because he is scared as hell of storms and the thundershirt didn't help and the blanket cave didn't help and the melatonin didn't help
Finally heard back from my mom after I begged her to book out of Northwest Houston (Willowbrook area, just a few miles from the mall) and she was in Buffalo by 6pm and should already be in Palestine by now.
"Mom, only take essentials."
"I've got food, water, the dogs, the guns, and my photo albums."
"Yup, like I said, essentials."
The area itself isn't at a high risk for wind damage, but it floods like a motherfucker in the right conditions.
+5
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
My parents house is basically a gallery of pre fall of the USSR items and also my dead grandmothers oil paintings and faberge eggs, so even though parents are safe I worry about the loss of history.
Oh thank God. They are keeping her overnight and checking her pancreas levels again in the morning but her aneurysm isn't any bigger so that's a relief.
Well... this has been one hell of a day. My Mother-in-law recently came into an inheritance, and evicted us from her place, as she didn't need us paying her mortgage. She began to renovate the place, painting walls, striping off the carpeting, changing light fixtures, etc. We managed to find a place a couple doors down, so everything was turning out alright. We have a nice smoke free house, she has her space.
Today, four months later, my father in law (her ex husband) found her dead on the floor. Odds are it was heart related, but last night she was fine, talking to Mr. Muzz and commenting on how big Mini-muzz was getting. Now, I'm trying to emotionally support Mr. Muzz, while trying to figure out what we're going to do. We're going to inherit the house (Mr. Muzz's sister doesn't want it, she's going to inherit her dad's house), and that complicates our renting agreement. I'm even sure how this shit works. Plus there's Grandma, a 92 year old lady who has lost two of her three kids now, and my Mother-in-law was the one that checked up on her nearly everyday.
You know what fucks me up though? I went for a walk with Mini-muzz today and passed her house. I should have at least went up to the house and knocked. I would have been able to see her body from the entrance, and while it probably was too late, there could have been a chance I could have gotten her help. Fuck, she wasn't the most pleasant lady, but nobody should have to die like that.
You know what fucks me up though? I went for a walk with Mini-muzz today and passed her house. I should have at least went up to the house and knocked. I would have been able to see her body from the entrance, and while it probably was too late, there could have been a chance I could have gotten her help.
I know I can't stop you from thinking this way, but let me tell you - don't feel bad. The thing about grief is it fills your mind with what-ifs for you to feel guilty about. There's nothing you could have done and you have nothing to feel bad about. If you start to go down that path mentally there's no end to how much you can come up with to feel bad about - what if you'd never moved out? What if you'd made her go to the doctor? What if this or that? Shit happens, and it isn't your fault or anyone's fault. This is a totally normal part of loss, try not to let it weigh you down.
Not about Charlottesville, though that also, no. She says that the nazis never bombed cultural landmarks while the British did so all the time. I haven't inquired further to see what other things she thinks about them are.
Maybe she always has been and it never came up in conversation. Because, you know, who feels the need to ask people if they think the nazis weren't all bad, actually? I guess nowadays that actually needs to happen.
I kind of don't ever want to see her or spend time with her again. Problem is that would mean never attending family gatherings.
Posts
What.
I wrote a huge discourse about it a while back elsewhere, but basically I had so many classmates who were really incapable of empathy as far as understanding where another person with different experiences is coming from, or why they would do things differently, or why they would learn differently. I would try to hand wave it away with "well, college students are generally 18-22 which isn't fully formed brain yet" but it was professors and older classmates too. A notable example would be that time my professor and classmates discussed whether it was really that bad to use aversive shock collars to change the behavior of autistic people and most of them came to the conclusion it was probably "for their own good". And god forbid in either major you disclose a mental illness or learning difficulty, you immediately just became a diagnosis instead of a person.
I want to be clear that I think college can expose you to the best and worst of whatever field you're learning in, and that was definitely a worst, and if I didn't think it was a great field capable of doing great things I wouldn't stay in it
My parents have said they don't want to get involved which is fine considering me and my brother are adults. However it's quite clear my parents have been treating me and my wife as the aggressors in this situation (which they also did last year when my brother kicked off again).
It's a shame my parents have believed the lies my brother and sister in law are peddling about me and my wife.
We've put up with so much from my family including my parents not wanting to travel to our wedding in Dublin meaning we completely changed our wedding plans because of them. I'd have hoped we'd earned a little more respect but it seems my parents are more than willing to follow my brother's lead, probably because they've given my parents grandchildren.
Rant over.
I actually said "holy fuck" out loud.
It's actually pretty scary/sad to hear that some people who are supposed to be learning how to help others would lack the modicum of empathy required to realize how awful that is.
yeah
"well but what if they hurt themselves"
as a person who is almost certainly on the spectrum, to sit there and listen to that, it's just very difficult to describe. I spent more than a little time in both majors feeling like some kind of animal who had somehow believed it was a person
I also had a child psych class where one of my classmates and I self-disclosed we had ADHD and then the professor kept referring to us as proof people with ADHD could be "pretty successful!"
The fucked up part is we know it does work. Yes, there are currently places you can send your autistic kid to be trained with a shock collar. It is every bit as fucked up and damaging as it sounds, but it does produce results. This causes a lot of people to shrug their shoulders and just move on. It causes me to get into extremely drawn out arguments with professors who absolutely hate me for making them sound like the monster they are. Mental health field is still full of shady fuckers who do not get what why human rights are a big deal.
There are few things more frustrating than trying to deal with an egocentric who refuses to grasp that someone can draw a different valid conclusion than they do, when presented with the same information.
Especially when you're the only neurodiverse person in the room, and the subsequent popular consensus is against you.
They are monsters though.
Just because it's the path of least resistance doesn't make it the right path.
I have my man cave back and I don't even want it, it's just another empty room now, directly across the hall from the other room that I still can't spend more than a minute in and is still full of all the memories of a life cut too short and a future that will never be. God dammit I'm an utter failure.
You have lived a life in just a few short years that I would not wish on the Devil Himself; the loss of you and yours will never be ignored.
This young person who is confused and angry ... their anger and pain is not your fault ... and it's not your purpose to correct the mess they feel.
It's their purpose to correct and feel the reality in which they now live.
I know that you will never turn your back on this young one; it's not in your nature.
You are strong despite your pain; in fact, your pain makes you more able.
You are a good person.
You are good.
You Exist.
You Feel.
You Are.
Fucking hell, just because we just got the whole family together for the first time in almost ten years doesn't mean you get to die of stubbornness and take Mom with you.
It's up to a Category 3? I don't know if it will help, but you can tell them that I lived through a direct hit from a Category 3, and my opinion as a survivor is that if another one were coming at me, I would steal a car to get away if I had to, even if I knew I was heading into 24+ hours of utter gridlock on the road. And that experience comes from Florida, the part of the country that is by far the most experienced in taking these hits. I can't imagine what kind of shitshow the aftermath will be somewhere that doesn't pretty much count on one of these things landing every year or two.
@Weaver , where in Houston does your family live? There's been significant improvements to the drainage in the north and west sections of the metroplex since Allison in '01 and Katrina in '05.
Not in Houston. Portland, across the bay from Corpus.
He's not just putting them in danger, but also the people that might have to come rescue them.
Will that help? Does guilt work?
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
I suspect a big part of him staying is because he thinks "the Hispanics" will loot the house. Dad is one of those "I'm not racist, but" guys.
He has a twenty year old barely working weather radio that only receives, no transmitting radio or beacon, not even any flares.
Glad to hear some sense prevailed.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
the most important thing we had to pick up was a DAP calming collar for Kanji because he is scared as hell of storms and the thundershirt didn't help and the blanket cave didn't help and the melatonin didn't help
So I'm probably not going to be able to sleep tonight unless I hear from her again soon.
Today, four months later, my father in law (her ex husband) found her dead on the floor. Odds are it was heart related, but last night she was fine, talking to Mr. Muzz and commenting on how big Mini-muzz was getting. Now, I'm trying to emotionally support Mr. Muzz, while trying to figure out what we're going to do. We're going to inherit the house (Mr. Muzz's sister doesn't want it, she's going to inherit her dad's house), and that complicates our renting agreement. I'm even sure how this shit works. Plus there's Grandma, a 92 year old lady who has lost two of her three kids now, and my Mother-in-law was the one that checked up on her nearly everyday.
You know what fucks me up though? I went for a walk with Mini-muzz today and passed her house. I should have at least went up to the house and knocked. I would have been able to see her body from the entrance, and while it probably was too late, there could have been a chance I could have gotten her help. Fuck, she wasn't the most pleasant lady, but nobody should have to die like that.
Fuck this shit.
WoW
Dear Satan.....
I know I can't stop you from thinking this way, but let me tell you - don't feel bad. The thing about grief is it fills your mind with what-ifs for you to feel guilty about. There's nothing you could have done and you have nothing to feel bad about. If you start to go down that path mentally there's no end to how much you can come up with to feel bad about - what if you'd never moved out? What if you'd made her go to the doctor? What if this or that? Shit happens, and it isn't your fault or anyone's fault. This is a totally normal part of loss, try not to let it weigh you down.
Not about Charlottesville, though that also, no. She says that the nazis never bombed cultural landmarks while the British did so all the time. I haven't inquired further to see what other things she thinks about them are.
Maybe she always has been and it never came up in conversation. Because, you know, who feels the need to ask people if they think the nazis weren't all bad, actually? I guess nowadays that actually needs to happen.
I kind of don't ever want to see her or spend time with her again. Problem is that would mean never attending family gatherings.
I miss her, but fuck that
Also, ask your aunt about that cultural landmark some folks call 'London' =p
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades