Hey. You know what? Kidney stones hurt. I want to the Dr and got some meds to help, but they still hurt. The silver lining is this is Sunday and I don't have any chores that need immediate attention.
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Blackhawk1313Demon Hunter for HireTime RiftRegistered Userregular
Nobeard, if you don’t mind me asking, where are you looking to work? If it’s a locale I have some contacts in for IT I could try and see if I could land you something.
She wants to talk to me and Rachel about how much money we're going to have when we move up to Washington
We've not been able to save much due to having a lot of expenses every month, plus rent and such
We've tried to explain this to my parents but they never wanted to hear it saying it was our business
now of course my mom is protesting that they have 'no idea' what's going on with our finances and that they 'need to know' so there's 'no surprises'
she of course denied that she ever said she didn't want to hear anything about our money
this of course has sent me into a state of anxiety, which my mom HELPFULLY exacerbated by coming into our house and very aggressively (or 'bluntly' as she would put it) told me DON'T BE NERVOUS WE JUST WANT TO KNOW WE NEED TO BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER
I kinda just want to curl into a ball and die right now
I would recommend waiting until they're thoroughly on their feet, without any input major from mom, and then wait for her to fall into a lifelong-laid trap where Mori lays into her like Spacey's character (i know and I'm sorry but its such a goddamn good movie) in The Ref
There's nothing, *nothing* better than meeting the "pay homage or I'll burn it all down" parent on your front foot and look them dead in the eye and inform them matter of factedly, "actually, *you* need *me* more than *I* need *you*"
But you *have* to, absolutely *have*, to have done the full-prove of "I can call quits to literally all of your bullshit and still be solid and fine this time next year, and you just witnessed that- do not fuck with me"
@mrpaku I didn’t have HG but just regular old morning sickness (well, all-day nausea and vomiting once a day or so) was really debilitating, I can’t even imagine how rough HG is. It’s really hard to describe what a number pregnancy does on the body as it is, let alone with HG added into the mix. I have Hashimoto’s disease and am no stranger to fatigue but pregnancy dials the fatigue up several notches, and the brain fog is intense. I held down 2 jobs while pregnant with Niko but it was tough and I was definitely only got by because both jobs were mentally easy.
That’s all to say that I empathize with both of you (I also know what it’s like to try and do it all and have resentment from that) and that it’s not easy and there’s no one benefiting in this situation. And although your wife is napping a lot it’s definitely not the fun kind of nap, and is probably the bare minimum she needs to function given the strain HG must be taking on her body (not to mention the lack of nutrients from all the vomiting).
I hope the next month passes by as quickly as possible!
This isn’t so much a rant as much an... astonishment? at how much she manages to insert herself.
7.20 am: Hears Niko talking. Opens the door to ask him what he wants. Me: I’m up and he’s talking to me. Her: Oh.
7.30 am: Her, opening the door again: Niko, what are you playing with?
Me: He’s right here with me.
Her: Oh.
8.20 am: I make crepes for breakfast. (I’m at home on Mondays so it’s my morning treat to the kids). Anya runs to tell her we’ve run out of chocolate chips. She comes in. ‘There’s some new maple syrup if you’ve run out.’ Me: I know where it is. Her, opening a cupboard: Here it is! Me: Yes. Thanks.
Meanwhile the pan’s started to smoke sliiightly because she distracted me.
Her: Here, you’re going to set the smoke alarm off! *turns on fans, opens our front door*
8.30 am: She comes in to bring in Anya’s homework folder.
8.40 am: Asks Anya where the actual homework is. Anya tells her, she goes and retrieves it. I knew where it was.
8.45 am: Reminds me to pick up a new calendar from Anya’s school. Tells me the realtor is coming by at 9.30.
8.50 am: I dare to use the bathroom. While I’m peeing she comes in to ‘check up on the kids’ because apparently they can’t be trusted for two minutes.
9.00 am: Comes in to tell Anya to get dressed even though I had just told Anya the same thing 30 seconds previously. Waits until Anya has finished dressing.
9.10 am: Comes in to borrow two mugs as she doesn’t have enough for the realtor.
9.15 am: Comes back in because she had been chatting about the move and totally forgot to actually take the mugs.
9.20 am: I go to get dressed. While I am getting dressed she comes in to changes Niko’s diaper even though I was going to get him dressed immediately afterwards.
9.30 am: Realtor shows up so I am granted a reprieve.
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Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
They're not charging us an arm and a leg for rent because they can
We pay a reasonable amount and that's only because they took a big mortgage out to build the extension onto the house, the money we paid for rent was to pay the mortgage and such
I mean my parents have done a lot of unreasonable things but that isn't one of them.
If you guys find it reasonable that's not for me to judge. It just seems odd to me to pay rent and have someone completely impinge on your space constantly like that (landlords shouldn't be doing that without invitation or emergency).
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
If you guys find it reasonable that's not for me to judge. It just seems odd to me to pay rent and have someone completely impinge on your space constantly like that (landlords shouldn't be doing that without invitation or emergency).
Yeah, this is what gets me. Zero agency.
When the living space wasn’t split we were paying half their mortgage but had to ask weeks in advance for permission to have our friends over.
My own parents didn’t even require us to gain permission for having friends over when I was a completely dependent teenager.
I've been trying to paint that picture for my own mom for awhile now. Hey, are you being "honest" right now because it comes from a genuine place of concern and you're trying to help? Or are you being "honest" because you literally can't stop yourself from inflicting your opinion on everyone at all times and think you're scoring points or something
Let you know whether my head or that wall gives first
My brother has been struggling with depression of late.
He has self-harmed, and got to the point where he was talking about doing something extremely stupid, and scared his family a lot. The poor guy is doing better now, which is good, but my poor Mum ain't doing so well.
Of her four children, three of them have struggled with depression and anxiety, and the other one is getting quite distant from the rest of the family. We never really spoke about feelings when I grew up, we don't share things, we aren't particularly close (especially between siblings, I speak to my sister and brother outside the city once every few months at best), Dad never says "I love you" because that'd be weird, and that's just how it's always been. The close, intense relationships and comfort that some families have just aren't there, and that's okay. We're pretty alright with that, as far as things go. We do love each other, in our own way.
But now my Mum thinks that she's been, I dunno, a bad parent or something, because she's anxious about how some of us have found it hard to deal with our issues, articulate them, and be open with each other in the family. And we are a bit closer to each other now (my sister an I tolerate each other more and more, rather than hating each other, my brothers communicate a bit etc), and I have a good relationship with my parents these days mostly because I have made an effort to see them regularly, to spend time with them, and be more open with them (which is part of my general attempt to be more emotionally open throughout my 20s, as not doing it was tearing me up).
Anyway, the point is, I am frustrated with my family for being uncommunicative and for it upsetting my Mum, who is a great Mum and always was.
That sounds exactly like my family - may be partly a British family thing? We siblings are closer as adults and have decent relationships with our parents and yet... we’re also very not close at all. I know some surprisingly intimate things about my family yet emotionally speaking we’re all quite distant.
I’m sorry it’s upsetting your mum! I wish I had advice but speaking as a parent I think she’d probably find a way to feel blame herself no matter what. But I am sure your words of reassurance do help a lot! And I hope your brother continues to do better, too.
That sounds exactly like my family - may be partly a British family thing? We siblings are closer as adults and have decent relationships with our parents and yet... we’re also very not close at all. I know some surprisingly intimate things about my family yet emotionally speaking we’re all quite distant.
I’m sorry it’s upsetting your mum! I wish I had advice but speaking as a parent I think she’d probably find a way to feel blame herself no matter what. But I am sure your words of reassurance do help a lot! And I hope your brother continues to do better, too.
Thanks Janson.
Parents do tend to blame themselves, which I found out myself, and is one reason I don't bring painful things to them. I think my Mum is somewhat reassured, but also she doesn't really talk about it much so...
Maybe ultimately, I regret that I don't feel emotionally close with my family. They didn't turn to me, I found out about it, and I don't really feel comfortable going to them about private negative feelings either.
I'm really tired of seeing Ted nugent and Alex Jones on my Facebook timeline.
I wish I had instituted a no family on Facebook policy before my sister in law. it's honestly making me question going over to see them as much from now on which sucks.
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Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
Just watch that Charlie Daniels NRA video and laugh your ass off as often as you like.
I just sent kind of a pissy message to my siblings right now.
My brothers are very anti-U.S. - which I would completely understand if it was confined to political discussion, but it seeps over into more personal attacks. Like hi, your nephew and niece are U.S. citizens.
I realize it was my decision to immigrate and wasn't anything I was forced into, but sometimes being caught between two countries is tough.
Also I realize my brothers show their love/affection through teasing, and everyone is an equal target at least (their own partners are not spared), but I'm also kind of over it.
I just sent kind of a pissy message to my siblings right now.
My brothers are very anti-U.S. - which I would completely understand if it was confined to political discussion, but it seeps over into more personal attacks. Like hi, your nephew and niece are U.S. citizens.
I realize it was my decision to immigrate and wasn't anything I was forced into, but sometimes being caught between two countries is tough.
Also I realize my brothers show their love/affection through teasing, and everyone is an equal target at least (their own partners are not spared), but I'm also kind of over it.
Oh, they're responding with more teasing, argh.
I can commiserate because I've had canadian relatives shit all over being a US citizen and being "dumb" (the kicker is they're worse with geography than anyone I've ever met).
Sucks when it feels like a personal attack on your values though.
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
I mean, there are worse letters that could have fallen off that sign...
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Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
what's crazy to me is that, even provided everything had stayed put, it would still look like something thrown together at the last minute for an eighth-grader's book report
Posts
She wants to talk to me and Rachel about how much money we're going to have when we move up to Washington
We've not been able to save much due to having a lot of expenses every month, plus rent and such
We've tried to explain this to my parents but they never wanted to hear it saying it was our business
now of course my mom is protesting that they have 'no idea' what's going on with our finances and that they 'need to know' so there's 'no surprises'
she of course denied that she ever said she didn't want to hear anything about our money
this of course has sent me into a state of anxiety, which my mom HELPFULLY exacerbated by coming into our house and very aggressively (or 'bluntly' as she would put it) told me DON'T BE NERVOUS WE JUST WANT TO KNOW WE NEED TO BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER
I kinda just want to curl into a ball and die right now
There's nothing, *nothing* better than meeting the "pay homage or I'll burn it all down" parent on your front foot and look them dead in the eye and inform them matter of factedly, "actually, *you* need *me* more than *I* need *you*"
But you *have* to, absolutely *have*, to have done the full-prove of "I can call quits to literally all of your bullshit and still be solid and fine this time next year, and you just witnessed that- do not fuck with me"
That’s all to say that I empathize with both of you (I also know what it’s like to try and do it all and have resentment from that) and that it’s not easy and there’s no one benefiting in this situation. And although your wife is napping a lot it’s definitely not the fun kind of nap, and is probably the bare minimum she needs to function given the strain HG must be taking on her body (not to mention the lack of nutrients from all the vomiting).
I hope the next month passes by as quickly as possible!
This isn’t so much a rant as much an... astonishment? at how much she manages to insert herself.
7.20 am: Hears Niko talking. Opens the door to ask him what he wants. Me: I’m up and he’s talking to me. Her: Oh.
7.30 am: Her, opening the door again: Niko, what are you playing with?
Me: He’s right here with me.
Her: Oh.
8.20 am: I make crepes for breakfast. (I’m at home on Mondays so it’s my morning treat to the kids). Anya runs to tell her we’ve run out of chocolate chips. She comes in. ‘There’s some new maple syrup if you’ve run out.’ Me: I know where it is. Her, opening a cupboard: Here it is! Me: Yes. Thanks.
Meanwhile the pan’s started to smoke sliiightly because she distracted me.
Her: Here, you’re going to set the smoke alarm off! *turns on fans, opens our front door*
8.30 am: She comes in to bring in Anya’s homework folder.
8.40 am: Asks Anya where the actual homework is. Anya tells her, she goes and retrieves it. I knew where it was.
8.45 am: Reminds me to pick up a new calendar from Anya’s school. Tells me the realtor is coming by at 9.30.
8.50 am: I dare to use the bathroom. While I’m peeing she comes in to ‘check up on the kids’ because apparently they can’t be trusted for two minutes.
9.00 am: Comes in to tell Anya to get dressed even though I had just told Anya the same thing 30 seconds previously. Waits until Anya has finished dressing.
9.10 am: Comes in to borrow two mugs as she doesn’t have enough for the realtor.
9.15 am: Comes back in because she had been chatting about the move and totally forgot to actually take the mugs.
9.20 am: I go to get dressed. While I am getting dressed she comes in to changes Niko’s diaper even though I was going to get him dressed immediately afterwards.
9.30 am: Realtor shows up so I am granted a reprieve.
We managed to reassure my parents that we are doing alright.
Although my mom still managed to get a "I know I'm DIFFICULT for SOME PEOPLE because I'm so HONEST" speech in
At some point someone is gonna have to point out that honesty =/= asshole
Does she do "I'm not being judgemental, I just notice things."?
We pay a reasonable amount and that's only because they took a big mortgage out to build the extension onto the house, the money we paid for rent was to pay the mortgage and such
I mean my parents have done a lot of unreasonable things but that isn't one of them.
No she just beats the drum of being HONEST and DIRECT and people don't like HONESTY
Yeah, this is what gets me. Zero agency.
When the living space wasn’t split we were paying half their mortgage but had to ask weeks in advance for permission to have our friends over.
My own parents didn’t even require us to gain permission for having friends over when I was a completely dependent teenager.
You deserve some peace.
The key thing to understand about honestly is that honesty is just one factor, and other factors determine what that honesty says about you.
If you're honest while being unsympathetic to someone's situation, and aren't considerate of boundaries? Then you're an asshole.
Let you know whether my head or that wall gives first
Also Kayla has the cutest outfit ever, today. Good gracious.
This almost feels like a good HONY Today in Micro Fashion.
He has self-harmed, and got to the point where he was talking about doing something extremely stupid, and scared his family a lot. The poor guy is doing better now, which is good, but my poor Mum ain't doing so well.
Of her four children, three of them have struggled with depression and anxiety, and the other one is getting quite distant from the rest of the family. We never really spoke about feelings when I grew up, we don't share things, we aren't particularly close (especially between siblings, I speak to my sister and brother outside the city once every few months at best), Dad never says "I love you" because that'd be weird, and that's just how it's always been. The close, intense relationships and comfort that some families have just aren't there, and that's okay. We're pretty alright with that, as far as things go. We do love each other, in our own way.
But now my Mum thinks that she's been, I dunno, a bad parent or something, because she's anxious about how some of us have found it hard to deal with our issues, articulate them, and be open with each other in the family. And we are a bit closer to each other now (my sister an I tolerate each other more and more, rather than hating each other, my brothers communicate a bit etc), and I have a good relationship with my parents these days mostly because I have made an effort to see them regularly, to spend time with them, and be more open with them (which is part of my general attempt to be more emotionally open throughout my 20s, as not doing it was tearing me up).
Anyway, the point is, I am frustrated with my family for being uncommunicative and for it upsetting my Mum, who is a great Mum and always was.
I’m sorry it’s upsetting your mum! I wish I had advice but speaking as a parent I think she’d probably find a way to feel blame herself no matter what. But I am sure your words of reassurance do help a lot! And I hope your brother continues to do better, too.
Thanks Janson.
Parents do tend to blame themselves, which I found out myself, and is one reason I don't bring painful things to them. I think my Mum is somewhat reassured, but also she doesn't really talk about it much so...
Maybe ultimately, I regret that I don't feel emotionally close with my family. They didn't turn to me, I found out about it, and I don't really feel comfortable going to them about private negative feelings either.
Anyway.
I wish I had instituted a no family on Facebook policy before my sister in law. it's honestly making me question going over to see them as much from now on which sucks.
My brothers are very anti-U.S. - which I would completely understand if it was confined to political discussion, but it seeps over into more personal attacks. Like hi, your nephew and niece are U.S. citizens.
I realize it was my decision to immigrate and wasn't anything I was forced into, but sometimes being caught between two countries is tough.
Also I realize my brothers show their love/affection through teasing, and everyone is an equal target at least (their own partners are not spared), but I'm also kind of over it.
Oh, they're responding with more teasing, argh.
I can commiserate because I've had canadian relatives shit all over being a US citizen and being "dumb" (the kicker is they're worse with geography than anyone I've ever met).
Sucks when it feels like a personal attack on your values though.
Just reply to every message with a single "BREXIT".
It'll get old for them fast.
I mean, there are worse letters that could have fallen off that sign...