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[Bad Jokes]

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Posts

  • JavenJaven Registered User regular
    Heard this from a coworker today:

    "How does Moses make his coffee?"

    "Hebrews it"

  • DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    October 3

    I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
    SvXhCIu.jpg

    I...I cant be sure anymore...

    Feet are just shoes the skeleton that lives inside you wear

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    October 4

    I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    I think that sums up the entire calendar.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • OmnipotentBagelOmnipotentBagel floof Registered User regular
    These jokes would make a lot more sense if calendar writer were a Frankenstein-like monster.

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  • destroyah87destroyah87 They/Them Preferred: She/Her - Please UseRegistered User regular
    October 4

    I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

    Mostly dead? Or all-dead.

    There's a big difference.

    steam_sig.png
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Does it count if Im dead inside?

  • KaplarKaplar On Google MapsRegistered User regular
    DaMoonRulz wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    October 3

    I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
    SvXhCIu.jpg

    I...I cant be sure anymore...

    Feet are just shoes the skeleton that lives inside you wear

    A fine line by Jaden Smith.

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    October 5

    Q: What do you call it when a walrus eats 1,000 clams?

    A: A calamity.

  • DecomposeyDecomposey Registered User regular
    On Sundays I play in a Pathfinder Tabletop game group. We are currently running Skulls and Shackles, a pirate themed adventure path.

    So yesterday the group was crossing a deserted island in search of fresh water to resupply our ship with. We find an abandoned village, some undead camping in a swamp, and then an overgrown field of corn. The group was excited for the corn, because fresh food isn't something pirates see a lot of.

    I said to the party, "Guys if we could harvest this corn do you have any idea how much we could sell it for?"

    The party said, "No, but you have the Appraise skill trained, do you know?"

    "Yeah, about a buck an ear!"

    Before following any advice, opinions, or thoughts I may have expressed in the above post, be warned: I found Keven Costners "Waterworld" to be a very entertaining film.
  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    October 5

    Q: What do you call it when a walrus eats 1,000 clams?

    A: A calamity.

    No part of this joke makes sense.

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    When I read it this morning I had literally just woken up, so I was very bleary and my judgment a little clouded, so at first I thought it had to be a very simple joke and that I just didn't get it because I hadn't had coffee yet. So I posted it verbatim, hoping somebody would explain it to me.

    I'm glad to see it wasn't just me.

  • darleysamdarleysam On my way to UKRegistered User regular
    Is.. there some other name for walrus that nobody knows? That sounds like 'calamity'? Is that the pun junction that he's aiming for?

    If not, why walrus? Why 'calamity' and not, at least 'clamity'?

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  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    When I read it this morning I had literally just woken up, so I was very bleary and my judgment a little clouded, so at first I thought it had to be a very simple joke and that I just didn't get it because I hadn't had coffee yet. So I posted it verbatim, hoping somebody would explain it to me.

    I'm glad to see it wasn't just me.

    Yeah, like...the joke would be "better" if it was just "What word sounds sort of like clam? Calamity. HA HA HA HA HA"

  • TamerBillTamerBill Registered User regular
    Houk wrote: »
    October 5

    Q: What do you call it when a walrus eats 1,000 clams?

    A: A calamity.

    No part of this joke makes sense.

    I think it's supposed to be "calamity" = "clam eat-y".

    3DS Friend Code: 4828-4410-2451
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    That's an absolutely atrocious pun, if so. And not in a good way.

    But... why a walrus? Why was that necessary to the joke?

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Do you see what happens when you make your joke confusing and force everybody to try and interpret it, calendar writer?

    DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS?

  • DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    Walrus and the Fisherman?

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




  • darleysamdarleysam On my way to UKRegistered User regular
    That's an absolutely atrocious pun, if so. And not in a good way.

    But... why a walrus? Why was that necessary to the joke?

    And why specifically a thousand? Is there some uncommon synonym for 'a thousand' that makes this all line up?

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  • ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    DaMoonRulz wrote: »
    Walrus and the Fisherman?

    Skidoo!

    Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
  • klemmingklemming Registered User regular
    That's an absolutely atrocious pun, if so. And not in a good way.

    But... why a walrus? Why was that necessary to the joke?

    I think we're supposed to make the link between Walrus and Manatee, somehow?
    Clam-Manatee?
    ...
    No, I still can't see it.

    Nobody remembers the singer. The song remains.
  • DecomposeyDecomposey Registered User regular
    DaMoonRulz wrote: »
    Walrus and the Fisherman?

    Wasn't it a Carpenter? And Oysters?

    Before following any advice, opinions, or thoughts I may have expressed in the above post, be warned: I found Keven Costners "Waterworld" to be a very entertaining film.
  • TomantaTomanta Registered User regular
    edited October 2015
    Oh, good, it's not just me that didn't get it.

    Look, I love puns. I love good puns. I love bad puns. Other than being able to hear "clam" in "calamity" I don't understand anything in that joke. I thought maybe there was a joke around the number, but can't figure it out. Maybe there was something with the Walrus I just didn't grasp.

    Trying to locate the joke on Google comes up with very few hits, except what might be a definitive link to one of the sources for the calendar:
    http://badpets.net/Humor/Jokes/Jokes1.html

    (Some of the others on the page look very familiar...)

    Tomanta on
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    That may be one of the sources for the calendar

    If he specifically sorted them by quality and then picked the worst ones

  • TomantaTomanta Registered User regular
    That may be one of the sources for the calendar

    If he specifically sorted them by quality and then picked the worst ones

    I see several on there that are far worse than what we have seen on the calendar so far!

    Wait. That doesn't bode well for the rest of the year.

  • SyphyreSyphyre A Dangerous Pastime Registered User regular
    Hang in there josh. 3 months to go!

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
  • TayaTaya Registered User regular
    I wanted to work "steamed hams" in a joke but couldn't make it work.

  • LalaboxLalabox Registered User regular
    17 Of The World's Most Powerful Industrial Fans (Number 11 Will Blow You Away)

  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    October 5

    Q: What do you call it when a walrus eats 1,000 clams?

    A: A calamity.

    Maybe it's a joke about it being a calamity - a terrible event - for clams.
    Like did your hear about the Hindenburg? Oh the humanity!

  • OmnipotentBagelOmnipotentBagel floof Registered User regular
    Taya wrote: »
    I wanted to work "steamed hams" in a joke but couldn't make it work.

    So you're saying it was an inappropriate time for ham?

    cdci44qazyo3.gif

  • OmnipotentBagelOmnipotentBagel floof Registered User regular
    That may be one of the sources for the calendar

    If he specifically sorted them by quality and then picked the worst ones

    This is the one instance where I'd accuse the calendar writer of some degree of cleverness. He clearly knows that if you plagiarize the best material, someone's going to figure out you're cheating. By using crappy jokes no one would go out of their way to look into further, he reduces his chances of getting caught.

    cdci44qazyo3.gif

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    October 6

    A fine line by Mark Twain...

    All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

  • TomantaTomanta Registered User regular
    Does it have to be in that order? I may have just figured out what I have been doing wrong.

  • OmnipotentBagelOmnipotentBagel floof Registered User regular
    October 6

    A fine line by Mark Twain...

    All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

    Hey, an actual fine line by Mark Twain.

    cdci44qazyo3.gif

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    INiV2IA.jpg

  • JoolanderJoolander Registered User regular
    October 6

    A fine line by Mark Twain...

    All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

    Hey, an actual fine line by Mark Twain.

    Calendar Writer took this one to heart

    That's how he was able to slap Mark Twain's name on all the others

  • knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    How do you think the unthinkable?
    Uthe an itheberg

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
  • FuselageFuselage Oosik Jumpship LoungeRegistered User regular
    @DaMoonRulz you may have seen this before, but it brought up some points on human interaction.
    Qi042i7.jpg

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  • StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    The image equivalent of a damn shaggy dog story

    I hate you

This discussion has been closed.