As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options

I work with history's greatest monster in the [job] thread.

13468999

Posts

  • Options
    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Veldrin wrote: »
    Look folks, if you're not presenting your resume with blue font on a red background then you don't even deserve a job.

    White font, neon yellow paper.

  • Options
    MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    Veldrin wrote: »
    Look folks, if you're not presenting your resume with blue font on a red background then you don't even deserve a job.

    White font, neon yellow paper.

    Orange font, neon green paper.

  • Options
    Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    Resumes are so yesterday. I apply for things with my patented ResumePoint(tm) - it's an hour long multi-media PowerPoint extravaganza.

  • Options
    Librarian's ghostLibrarian's ghost Librarian, Ghostbuster, and TimSpork Registered User regular
    Resumes are so yesterday. I apply for things with my patented ResumePoint(tm) - it's an hour long multi-media PowerPoint extravaganza.

    No one uses Powerpoint. Prezi is where it's at!

    (Switch Friend Code) SW-4910-9735-6014(PSN) timspork (Steam) timspork (XBox) Timspork


  • Options
    MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    Resumes are so yesterday. I apply for things with my patented ResumePoint(tm) - it's an hour long multi-media PowerPoint extravaganza.

    No one uses Powerpoint. Prezi is where it's at!

    LibreOffice Impress. For when you really want to fuck up the formatting of an existing PowerPoint just by opening it.

  • Options
    Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    Building management promised a free lunch from Jimmy John's today for three separate floors as a kind of meet-and-greet. As I sit here and eat the lunch I brought with me, I can see the mood getting ugly because there's been no update on why the sandwiches aren't here yet.

    If the food actually arrives, I'm going to film the feeding frenzy of office workers and sell the footage to Shark Week.

  • Options
    QuantumTurkQuantumTurk Registered User regular
    Ughhh giving my first big talk today at work about my research, it should go fine but it's my first with this large and educated an audience. I do look spiffing though.

  • Options
    GizzyGizzy i am a cat PhoenixRegistered User regular
    A couple of coworkers and I have a tradition of bringing each other magnets from our vacations. I brought back what I thought were just really detailed magnets - but it turns out these are for real alive cacti

    EVIBvo9m.jpg

    Switch Animal Crossing Friend Code: SW-5107-9276-1030
    Island Name: Felinefine
  • Options
    Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    Ten minutes till noon, neither Jimmy nor John has made their prophesied appearance. The suspense is terrible; I hope it lasts.

  • Options
    QuantumTurkQuantumTurk Registered User regular
    Annnd the boss gets back in today after being out with sick kids (which is legit!) but wants to change a lot of things in my talk before 4 today. Especially including, "this is far too long, and you need a lot more background" I swear he is a good boss but surely he hears the problem here, a couple hours before this talk is given.

  • Options
    BaidolBaidol I will hold him off Escape while you canRegistered User regular
    Chalk talk. Bonus points for incredibly abstract drawings of complex biological macromolecules.

    Steam Overwatch: Baidol#1957
  • Options
    TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    Ten minutes till noon, neither Jimmy nor John has made their prophesied appearance. The suspense is terrible; I hope it lasts.

    Somewhere there is a Jimmy John's with a really annoyed staff wondering why someone thought they could walk in 15 minutes before lunch, place 40 orders and be out of there in less than an hour.

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • Options
    Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    Ten minutes till noon, neither Jimmy nor John has made their prophesied appearance. The suspense is terrible; I hope it lasts.

    Somewhere there is a Jimmy John's with a really annoyed staff wondering why someone thought they could walk in 15 minutes before lunch, place 40 orders and be out of there in less than an hour.

    Hmm, three floors, average of 100 people per floor, lunch rush on a Wednesday ...

    JJ's probably told them to get fucked.

  • Options
    Librarian's ghostLibrarian's ghost Librarian, Ghostbuster, and TimSpork Registered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    Ten minutes till noon, neither Jimmy nor John has made their prophesied appearance. The suspense is terrible; I hope it lasts.

    Somewhere there is a Jimmy John's with a really annoyed staff wondering why someone thought they could walk in 15 minutes before lunch, place 40 orders and be out of there in less than an hour.

    Hmm, three floors, average of 100 people per floor, lunch rush on a Wednesday ...

    JJ's probably told them to get fucked.

    Were they buying everyone their own sandwich or getting catered JJ's?

    (Switch Friend Code) SW-4910-9735-6014(PSN) timspork (Steam) timspork (XBox) Timspork


  • Options
    Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    Is it wrong that every time my new boss comments on not being sure how things work for hourly employees I use it as a chance to point out that making me salaried would fix things?

    Also, the sales guy next to me constantly uses the phrases "bro" and "my friend" to customers and I can't understand why anyone would buy anything from someone that uses those terms.

  • Options
    TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    Ten minutes till noon, neither Jimmy nor John has made their prophesied appearance. The suspense is terrible; I hope it lasts.

    Somewhere there is a Jimmy John's with a really annoyed staff wondering why someone thought they could walk in 15 minutes before lunch, place 40 orders and be out of there in less than an hour.

    Hmm, three floors, average of 100 people per floor, lunch rush on a Wednesday ...

    JJ's probably told them to get fucked.

    If all goes well, you may get a free dinner.

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • Options
    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Wait, six sigma is a real thing and not just a joke from 30 Rock?

  • Options
    NaphtaliNaphtali Hazy + Flow SeaRegistered User regular
    Wait, six sigma is a real thing and not just a joke from 30 Rock?

    yuuuuuuup

    Steam | Nintendo ID: Naphtali | Wish List
  • Options
    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Madican wrote: »
    Veldrin wrote: »
    Look folks, if you're not presenting your resume with blue font on a red background then you don't even deserve a job.

    White font, neon yellow paper.

    Orange font, neon green paper.

    Brighter, but also far more legible. I don't just want it to be ugly, I want to give them a migraine so bad their skull shatters.

  • Options
    BrainleechBrainleech 機知に富んだコメントはここにあります Registered User regular
    Yeah when they give us our free lunch it's usually in house stuff.
    Because no one is open on this side of town at 2am and it's getting to be fewer and fewer businesses that stay open past 10pm as well

    But like I said earlier they gave us steak one year it was so raw I took it home for the dogs and they refused to eat it
    Even a coyote refused to eat it after a sniff! that was something worrying

  • Options
    MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    Madican wrote: »
    Veldrin wrote: »
    Look folks, if you're not presenting your resume with blue font on a red background then you don't even deserve a job.

    White font, neon yellow paper.

    Orange font, neon green paper.

    Brighter, but also far more legible. I don't just want it to be ugly, I want to give them a migraine so bad their skull shatters.

    I'm not sure how you find that more legible. I got said migraine every time a teacher who had no business touching PowerPoint put together a slide with that color scheme and it hurt to try to read.

  • Options
    LuvTheMonkeyLuvTheMonkey High Sierra Serenade Registered User regular
    Six Sigma has been a thing since like, the 90s.

    q3O127Dl.jpg

    Molten variables hiss and roar. On my mind-forge, I hammer them into the greatsword Epistemology. Many are my foes this night.
    STEAM | GW2: Thalys
  • Options
    YukiraYukira Registered User regular
    6th Sigma was the worst, but at least the theme was okay.

    @Naphtali

  • Options
    TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    Six Sigma has been a thing since like, the 90s.

    q3O127Dl.jpg

    Whatever, I could kick his ass.

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • Options
    Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    Ten minutes till noon, neither Jimmy nor John has made their prophesied appearance. The suspense is terrible; I hope it lasts.

    Somewhere there is a Jimmy John's with a really annoyed staff wondering why someone thought they could walk in 15 minutes before lunch, place 40 orders and be out of there in less than an hour.

    Hmm, three floors, average of 100 people per floor, lunch rush on a Wednesday ...

    JJ's probably told them to get fucked.

    Were they buying everyone their own sandwich or getting catered JJ's?

    Catered.

    And they finally delivered but I'm thoroughly disappointed that there was no actual bloodshed; the saving grace was the collective look of sandwich-sadness on all of their faces.

    Sandwich-freude, you are delicious.

    I can't stop licking my fingers and smacking my lips.

  • Options
    WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    I always felt that six sigma was invented solely by some secret cabal of consultants so they could scam big companies to hire them to come in and tell everyone how everything they're doing is wrong.

  • Options
    NaphtaliNaphtali Hazy + Flow SeaRegistered User regular
    Yukira wrote: »
    6th Sigma was the worst, but at least the theme was okay.

    Naphtali

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nySkau-deI

    Steam | Nintendo ID: Naphtali | Wish List
  • Options
    JoeUserJoeUser Forum Santa Registered User regular
    I'm on a spirit quest to find the elusive Seventh Sigma

  • Options
    AthenorAthenor Battle Hardened Optimist The Skies of HiigaraRegistered User regular
    JebusUD wrote: »
    Athenor wrote: »
    JebusUD wrote: »
    Seriously though agile is a code word for huge layoffs. They kept saying it here after Target shut down Canada operations.

    Then a day later they later off like... 3000 people.

    Sad part is that I'm learning about Agile.. and in a perfect world, it may work... but no one fucking does it right.

    I don't know what capital A Agile(TM) means, but I don't think they meant that.

    It's probably related.

    http://agilemanifesto.org/principles.html

    https://www.quora.com/Why-do-some-developers-at-strong-companies-like-Google-consider-Agile-development-to-be-nonsense

    He/Him | "A boat is always safest in the harbor, but that’s not why we build boats." | "If you run, you gain one. If you move forward, you gain two." - Suletta Mercury, G-Witch
  • Options
    YukiraYukira Registered User regular
    JoeUser wrote: »
    I'm on a spirit quest to find the elusive Seventh Sigma

    You'll know you're close when you find a shape changing robot.

  • Options
    tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Weaver wrote: »
    I always felt that six sigma was invented solely by some secret cabal of consultants so they could scam big companies to hire them to come in and tell everyone how everything they're doing is wrong.

    Though that was every management consulting firm ever.

  • Options
    AthenorAthenor Battle Hardened Optimist The Skies of HiigaraRegistered User regular
    All this Six Sigma talk is reminding me of this:

    Sigma6.jpg

    He/Him | "A boat is always safest in the harbor, but that’s not why we build boats." | "If you run, you gain one. If you move forward, you gain two." - Suletta Mercury, G-Witch
  • Options
    JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    Just saw a listing for Lanewood Lane.

    If you are going to give up on naming streets that much just go with numbers. Or letters like in Missouri. Road HH. Road C.

    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
    but they're listening to every word I say
  • Options
    KakodaimonosKakodaimonos Code fondler Helping the 1% get richerRegistered User regular
    Six sigma is just basic statistical process control. The idea is to measure and analyse your process outputs and inputs and attempt to minimize the sources of variability and defect sources in the process.

    It works great when you're dealing with a repeatable process that's performed a large number of times, like a manufacturing line.

    When you completely drink the koolaid and start trying to apply it other processes, it doesn't work as well.

    Is also tends to make people spend more time looking for reducing variability in a process rather than improving the robustness of a process.

    And if you try to apply it to a process that has a non-normally distributed output, it breaks down.

  • Options
    NocrenNocren Lt Futz, Back in Action North CarolinaRegistered User regular
    Building management promised a free lunch from Jimmy John's today for three separate floors as a kind of meet-and-greet. As I sit here and eat the lunch I brought with me, I can see the mood getting ugly because there's been no update on why the sandwiches aren't here yet.

    If the food actually arrives, I'm going to film the feeding frenzy of office workers and sell the footage to Shark Week.

    Reminds me of when I was in Nuclear Power Training in the Navy.
    See, as a "school" we qualified for the 5 Large 1-topping pizzas for $25 deal at Papa Johns.
    During study hours, one friend went and got the five pies, and give me and a friend one each (we chipped in) and threw the rest down and said "Anyone else..."
    She was cut off by the people leaping over tables and chairs to get to the front of the classroom.

    newSig.jpg
  • Options
    KwoaruKwoaru Confident Smirk Flawless Golden PecsRegistered User regular
    so the building I work in does these monthly themed food things in the lobby and it is happening today and one of the things is little philo cups with beef and chili and it isn't the highest quality stuff but it tastes good and it's taking a lot of self restraint not to shovel all of them into my mouth

    2x39jD4.jpg
  • Options
    JarsJars Registered User regular
    we have swimming in gym class right now. and I never gave much thought to why girls wear shorts over their suits until today when a girl with not a lot of social awareness had a suit several sizes too big on. I'm glad there was a female staff there to explain why she needed to change because that would have brought an already awkward situation to a place I'm not prepared to go

  • Options
    cr0wcr0w Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    JebusUD wrote: »
    Just saw a listing for Lanewood Lane.

    If you are going to give up on naming streets that much just go with numbers. Or letters like in Missouri. Road HH. Road C.

    I drive past a street every day named Loch Lake.

  • Options
    Josiah_9Josiah_9 Registered User regular
    JoeUser wrote: »
    I'm on a spirit quest to find the elusive Seventh Sigma

    Bill Lumbergh Is the gatekeeper.

    Are you the Keymaster?

    Saturate.jpg
  • Options
    BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    cr0w wrote: »
    JebusUD wrote: »
    Just saw a listing for Lanewood Lane.

    If you are going to give up on naming streets that much just go with numbers. Or letters like in Missouri. Road HH. Road C.

    I drive past a street every day named Loch Lake.

    Please tell me it leads to a body of water formally known as Boulevard Street.

This discussion has been closed.