[Internet Dating] - Swipe Left on COVID-19, and then wash your hands!

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  • MyiagrosMyiagros Registered User regular
    T-bolt wrote: »
    After having a few people flake out after initially agreeing to 1st dates in the past few months and now the pandemic, I'm taking a break and ditching my beard. I have a habit of absent-mindedly stroking the whiskers that's hard to stop doing. Didn't know I could look older without it, despite the only grey hairs on my head being on my face.

    I've slacked off on shaving but got annoyed enough to trim everything off today. If this goes on for longer than expected I may contemplate growing a grizzled apocalypse survivor beard to be on brand.

    Been single for 5 weeks after 9+ years and decided to grow out a beard for the first time in my life. I did manage one date before things started shutting down, and now I'm looking at it from the perspective where I'll have time to grow a proper beard!

    iRevert wrote: »
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  • Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    Myiagros wrote: »
    T-bolt wrote: »
    After having a few people flake out after initially agreeing to 1st dates in the past few months and now the pandemic, I'm taking a break and ditching my beard. I have a habit of absent-mindedly stroking the whiskers that's hard to stop doing. Didn't know I could look older without it, despite the only grey hairs on my head being on my face.

    I've slacked off on shaving but got annoyed enough to trim everything off today. If this goes on for longer than expected I may contemplate growing a grizzled apocalypse survivor beard to be on brand.

    Been single for 5 weeks after 9+ years and decided to grow out a beard for the first time in my life. I did manage one date before things started shutting down, and now I'm looking at it from the perspective where I'll have time to grow a proper beard!

    A friend brought up a point in relation to other men she knows that some have shaved their beards due to wanting germs to have surface area to land on and because many of them tend to touch their beards which is no bueno right now. I may have to rethink my apocalypse look.

    Big Dookie wrote: »
    I found that tilting it doesn't work very well, and once I started jerking it, I got much better results.

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  • chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    I've been considering shaving my beard for a similar reason. Also I have never been a huge fan of the beard trend that's been going on the last few years, but with a shaved head, no facial hair makes me look like roll-on deodorant.
    I figure I have time before I have to make a read decision on it.

    Drez wrote: »

    Being quoted out of context is honestly what I live for.
  • Stabbity StyleStabbity Style Warning: Mothership Reporting Kennewick, WARegistered User regular
    edited March 2020
    Myiagros wrote: »
    T-bolt wrote: »
    After having a few people flake out after initially agreeing to 1st dates in the past few months and now the pandemic, I'm taking a break and ditching my beard. I have a habit of absent-mindedly stroking the whiskers that's hard to stop doing. Didn't know I could look older without it, despite the only grey hairs on my head being on my face.

    I've slacked off on shaving but got annoyed enough to trim everything off today. If this goes on for longer than expected I may contemplate growing a grizzled apocalypse survivor beard to be on brand.

    Been single for 5 weeks after 9+ years and decided to grow out a beard for the first time in my life. I did manage one date before things started shutting down, and now I'm looking at it from the perspective where I'll have time to grow a proper beard!

    A friend brought up a point in relation to other men she knows that some have shaved their beards due to wanting germs to have surface area to land on and because many of them tend to touch their beards which is no bueno right now. I may have to rethink my apocalypse look.

    My beard doesn't look great, but still probably better than what I look like without a beard. Got a shaved head and a round baby face, so if I shave my beard, my head's just gonna look like a testicle with face and a double chin.

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  • DissociaterDissociater Registered User regular
    I've had some pretty good luck with the dating apps over all to be honest. I've been able to see a few girls before the covid lockdown started. Actually the first girl I saw, like a day or two after I installed the apps, has kind of become very attached, and I have a few other girls waiting in the wings.

    It's a tricky thing to navigate. I went from a 12 year relationship to a 5 year relationship and now i'm single at 38 years old. I'm fairly attractive, my beard is nice, I have tattoos which a lot of girls like, and I'm a lawyer. So I manage to get a lot of interest despite my borderline dad-bod. Oh I'm also a dad...

    But the reason it's tricky is as much as I like the girl I've been seeing, I'm feeling a bit gun shy from these long term relationships. I kind of want to explore my options and see what else is out there, but at the same time I still really like this girl and don't want to ruin things. I think, under normal circumstances I would have seen a few other girls, but with covid shutting things down, it's like I've become accidentally exclusive with this girl.

    What a strange time to be alive...

    CelestialBadger
  • TOGSolidTOGSolid Drunk sailor Seattle, WashingtonRegistered User regular
    edited March 2020
    It straight up says Living In: Seattle, Washington on my Tinder profile but I still get people trying to match me while I'm in Ketchikan and then being surprised when I casually bring up the fact that I'm not local as a way to make sure they noticed that.

    At least I'm getting practice talking to people *shrugs*

    TOGSolid on
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  • EchoEcho Moderator mod
    Hinge is weird. I got three likes on day one of signing up, nothing since, no responses to my likes.

    Echo wrote: »
    Let they who have not posted about their balls in the wrong thread cast the first stone.
    thatassemblyguy
  • DragkoniasDragkonias Registered User regular
    So just got out of a relationship, my first real one if we're being honest lasted 9 months.

    Decided I would look around a bit(well before the virus and all) and I'm realizing something.

    Like I'm not saying I'm the most interesting person in the world, but I'm realizing how many people around my age just like...don't have hobbies or interests like that. Its really strange to me. Its work, maybe drinking and they'll throw "travel" in there for good measure.

    I really don't know what this will mean for me dating in the future, but I encounter so many people who are just conversationally dry. It makes me feel like I probably won't have a serious relationship again for a while.

    DoodmannTcheldorForarSteel AngelHexmage-PA
  • TcheldorTcheldor Registered User regular
    Dragkonias wrote: »
    So just got out of a relationship, my first real one if we're being honest lasted 9 months.

    Decided I would look around a bit(well before the virus and all) and I'm realizing something.

    Like I'm not saying I'm the most interesting person in the world, but I'm realizing how many people around my age just like...don't have hobbies or interests like that. Its really strange to me. Its work, maybe drinking and they'll throw "travel" in there for good measure.

    I really don't know what this will mean for me dating in the future, but I encounter so many people who are just conversationally dry. It makes me feel like I probably won't have a serious relationship again for a while.

    I was talking to a girl a few weeks ago, and I was trying to tease out of her something she does for fun or has interests in or whatever, and her response was the equivalent of nothing.

    Maybe most people don't have something that they can just talk about for a while if you ask them to?

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  • DragkoniasDragkonias Registered User regular
    I talked to my mom about this and well tbf I'm in my 30s and the definition of a late starter(20s depression hit me pretty hard).

    So I kind of get at my age a lot of people have kids so outside of work and their kids they don't have much free time to themselves. Its still kind of frustrating though.

    For the most part I think I'll just have to take a more of a casual approach to dating and just hope I meet someone I click with eventually.

    Fencingsax
  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    I've had some pretty good luck with the dating apps over all to be honest. I've been able to see a few girls before the covid lockdown started. Actually the first girl I saw, like a day or two after I installed the apps, has kind of become very attached, and I have a few other girls waiting in the wings.

    It's a tricky thing to navigate. I went from a 12 year relationship to a 5 year relationship and now i'm single at 38 years old. I'm fairly attractive, my beard is nice, I have tattoos which a lot of girls like, and I'm a lawyer. So I manage to get a lot of interest despite my borderline dad-bod. Oh I'm also a dad...

    But the reason it's tricky is as much as I like the girl I've been seeing, I'm feeling a bit gun shy from these long term relationships. I kind of want to explore my options and see what else is out there, but at the same time I still really like this girl and don't want to ruin things. I think, under normal circumstances I would have seen a few other girls, but with covid shutting things down, it's like I've become accidentally exclusive with this girl.

    What a strange time to be alive...

    I can see this leading to heartache if she falls in love with you via Zoom but when the quarantine is lifted you want to date widely for a bit...

  • Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    Dragkonias wrote: »
    I talked to my mom about this and well tbf I'm in my 30s and the definition of a late starter(20s depression hit me pretty hard).

    So I kind of get at my age a lot of people have kids so outside of work and their kids they don't have much free time to themselves. Its still kind of frustrating though.

    For the most part I think I'll just have to take a more of a casual approach to dating and just hope I meet someone I click with eventually.

    It's hardly something reserved for people with kids. A lot of people legitimately don't have much in the way of hobbies and spend a lot of time watching TV or movies in their free time. And even some that really do (a lot are pretty into how they get exercise even if they don't consider it a hobby), some don't think to put it on a profile in favor of much more generic, broadly approachable lines of text.

    Big Dookie wrote: »
    I found that tilting it doesn't work very well, and once I started jerking it, I got much better results.

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  • AistanAistan Tiny Bat Registered User regular
    edited April 2020
    Tinder is becoming even more useless than usual by showing me people thousands of miles away about half the time. One was 10,000 miles away. I'm pretty sure this setting I marked says "50 miles" not "the other side of the planet."

    Aistan on
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  • Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    Aistan wrote: »
    Tinder is becoming even more useless than usual by showing me people thousands of miles away about half the time. One was 10,000 miles away. I'm pretty sure this setting I marked says "50 miles" not "the other side of the planet."

    They've made a feature basically for finding pen pals free for everyone as a way to help deal with social isolation right now. They've deliberately tried to shift away from their normal purpose.

    Big Dookie wrote: »
    I found that tilting it doesn't work very well, and once I started jerking it, I got much better results.

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    CelestialBadger
  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    Aistan wrote: »
    Tinder is becoming even more useless than usual by showing me people thousands of miles away about half the time. One was 10,000 miles away. I'm pretty sure this setting I marked says "50 miles" not "the other side of the planet."

    They've made a feature basically for finding pen pals free for everyone as a way to help deal with social isolation right now. They've deliberately tried to shift away from their normal purpose.

    Showing people 10,000 miles away from you is Tinder doing their little bit for social isolation. People shouldn’t be hooking up in person right now. And for Zoom dating, Australia is as good as down the road.

    A side effect will be some very long distance relationships when this is all over.

    thatassemblyguy
  • AistanAistan Tiny Bat Registered User regular
    It also has the annoying "super like to get 3x chance of a match!" popup every 10 profiles. Well 3 times nothing is still nothing, so i've uninstalled it.

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  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    Long distance relationships work for some, but not for me. If I hadn’t already deleted the app as a useless waste of time, that’d be the final straw for sure.

    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • LostNinjaLostNinja Registered User regular
    So is it a thing to have zero info besides age, school, location and maybe a Spotify anthem for a profile?

    Seems like at least half the ones I see are that way. Hard to see if I’d be interested in somebody when they don’t give any personality information.

  • BlarghyBlarghy Registered User regular
    LostNinja wrote: »
    So is it a thing to have zero info besides age, school, location and maybe a Spotify anthem for a profile?

    Seems like at least half the ones I see are that way. Hard to see if I’d be interested in somebody when they don’t give any personality information.

    Its pretty common. If they've got a decent face, most girls are going to be matching with a lot of guys, regardless.

    ArmorocElvenshae
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited April 2020
    Speaking frankly, I think some women have simply clued into the fact that, at least when it comes to being a heterosexual female on these apps/sites, they don't have to put any effort in, and still get a deluge of interest.

    Heterosexual males will swipe right on anything, and they'll be clearing out their inboxes with pruning shears in no time.

    Note, I'm sure that tons of guys have lazily made profiles as well. This is based on my observations over more years than I'd care to talk about on these things, and conversations with female friends. One had over a dozen messages, without a pic, before she'd finished creating the profile.

    I'm also sure some dudes have the same experience, and further frankly, I don't want to hear about it. :-P

    But, basically, they already know they're going to be weeding through dozens, if not hundreds or thousands of messages, so unless there's something they feel they wish to narrow in on (ie: specifically want/don't want kids, particular taste in ethnicity or height or whatever), age and location (often required) are sort of the bare bones necessities to get that avalanche going.

    It becomes something of a sixth sense picking out the bots, the escorts, the scams, those clearly just looking to get thirsty follows on their IG account, the fake profiles of other sorts, etc.

    Forar on
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  • InfidelInfidel Heretic Registered User regular
    Imagine that you make a profile to attract the right people and put out info to have incompatible people self-select themselves out of your matches.

    Then everyone ignores it and sends you messages anyways clearly indicating they didn't read your profile. Because for everyone guy that leads with something proper, there's a dozen that are just spamming regardless.

    Why exactly would you bother making one?

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  • Stabbity StyleStabbity Style Warning: Mothership Reporting Kennewick, WARegistered User regular
    Infidel wrote: »
    Imagine that you make a profile to attract the right people and put out info to have incompatible people self-select themselves out of your matches.

    Then everyone ignores it and sends you messages anyways clearly indicating they didn't read your profile. Because for everyone guy that leads with something proper, there's a dozen that are just spamming regardless.

    Why exactly would you bother making one?

    Because you're lonely and want to find a partner? Like, that's the only reason anyone puts up with any of the bullshit that's online dating. It's not like it's a great time for guys, either.

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  • LostNinjaLostNinja Registered User regular
    Infidel wrote: »
    Imagine that you make a profile to attract the right people and put out info to have incompatible people self-select themselves out of your matches.

    Then everyone ignores it and sends you messages anyways clearly indicating they didn't read your profile. Because for everyone guy that leads with something proper, there's a dozen that are just spamming regardless.

    Why exactly would you bother making one?

    That seems like a problem that solves itself when most of these apps require a match before you can message.

    You make one so the people actually looking at that stuff, which presumably are the ones you would care about, don’t skip over you because you don’t have one which makes you either a) lazy b) fake account or c) uninteresting.

  • Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    LostNinja wrote: »
    Infidel wrote: »
    Imagine that you make a profile to attract the right people and put out info to have incompatible people self-select themselves out of your matches.

    Then everyone ignores it and sends you messages anyways clearly indicating they didn't read your profile. Because for everyone guy that leads with something proper, there's a dozen that are just spamming regardless.

    Why exactly would you bother making one?

    That seems like a problem that solves itself when most of these apps require a match before you can message.

    You make one so the people actually looking at that stuff, which presumably are the ones you would care about, don’t skip over you because you don’t have one which makes you either a) lazy b) fake account or c) uninteresting.

    There is still the matter of finding said people in the sea of thirsty swipes.

    Online dating: Where most straight women are deluged by the hive of scum and villainy and most straight men endure the gradual eradication of their sense of self worth and attractiveness.

    Big Dookie wrote: »
    I found that tilting it doesn't work very well, and once I started jerking it, I got much better results.

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  • TOGSolidTOGSolid Drunk sailor Seattle, WashingtonRegistered User regular
    LostNinja wrote: »
    Infidel wrote: »
    Imagine that you make a profile to attract the right people and put out info to have incompatible people self-select themselves out of your matches.

    Then everyone ignores it and sends you messages anyways clearly indicating they didn't read your profile. Because for everyone guy that leads with something proper, there's a dozen that are just spamming regardless.

    Why exactly would you bother making one?

    That seems like a problem that solves itself when most of these apps require a match before you can message.

    You make one so the people actually looking at that stuff, which presumably are the ones you would care about, don’t skip over you because you don’t have one which makes you either a) lazy b) fake account or c) uninteresting.

    There is still the matter of finding said people in the sea of thirsty swipes.

    Online dating: Where most straight women are deluged by the hive of scum and villainy and most straight men endure the gradual eradication of their sense of self worth and attractiveness.

    Too real. I've been trying to internet date for a year or so and I've had such abysmal luck that I'm starting to get convinced that I should just give up because I'm clearly unattractive and uninteresting.

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  • BlarghyBlarghy Registered User regular
    TOGSolid wrote: »
    LostNinja wrote: »
    Infidel wrote: »
    Imagine that you make a profile to attract the right people and put out info to have incompatible people self-select themselves out of your matches.

    Then everyone ignores it and sends you messages anyways clearly indicating they didn't read your profile. Because for everyone guy that leads with something proper, there's a dozen that are just spamming regardless.

    Why exactly would you bother making one?

    That seems like a problem that solves itself when most of these apps require a match before you can message.

    You make one so the people actually looking at that stuff, which presumably are the ones you would care about, don’t skip over you because you don’t have one which makes you either a) lazy b) fake account or c) uninteresting.

    There is still the matter of finding said people in the sea of thirsty swipes.

    Online dating: Where most straight women are deluged by the hive of scum and villainy and most straight men endure the gradual eradication of their sense of self worth and attractiveness.

    Too real. I've been trying to internet date for a year or so and I've had such abysmal luck that I'm starting to get convinced that I should just give up because I'm clearly unattractive and uninteresting.

    One thing I learned is that the difference between a profile that gets no matches and a profile that gets enough (I've been both) is not actually that large. However, it's extremely hard to determine on your own what's the exact fix you need to make, especially when it comes to photos. Most of the pics I've liked personally the most actually turned out to be my lower rated ones when I asked dates or had them rated on photofeelr.

    It really requires an active, iterative approach where you're continually looking for good pic opportunities and then -taking- them. It took me 5 months and a few hundred dollars worth of travel and photoshoots before I had a decent profile that matched regularly. It's really amazing how much the right small changes in a profile can affect your overall results.

    Doodmann
  • LostNinjaLostNinja Registered User regular
    edited May 2020
    Curious what everyone’s thoughts are on sending a second, follow up message?

    My initial thought was that that is bad, and comes off as desperate but I’ve seen a few articles, usually referencing a Hinge study, that say a second message (never a third) is alright after a certain length of time such as the next day or longer if a conversation never got started. If a few messages were exchanged first though you should take it as a polite rejection.

    LostNinja on
  • milskimilski UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ Registered User regular
    To an extent I’m pretty sure repeated messages are “fine” since they can just unmatch. Don’t be a shithead or anything but I don’t think it’s some serious problem to ping somebody again

    You can't write me off like that! You're just a voice, pal! You don't know a DAMN THING ABOUT RACING!!
  • OrcaOrca Registered User regular
    I think it depends. I've had success pinging some people; others it just kind of peters along or then out, or one of us unmatches.

    I've also heard the advice not to message back immediately either, and had a few people where it was an honest-to-god conversation back and forth. So the answer is...it depends, and it seems like there are no good rules. Just your best guess as to what the other person wants or doesn't want. In other words...good luck. :P

  • BlarghyBlarghy Registered User regular
    I'd give it more than a day, at least 3. Its not unusual to get a response to a first message a couple days later. That being said, for second messages, I'd highly suggest doing the "ping value into the void" type of message -- where you send a message that doesn't ask for or require a response (aka isn't a question or even a conversation opener). Like a picture of you doing something cool with a caption like "hanging out downtown" or "messing with my friends" or something. It could even be a funny meme that is somehow relevant to her or dating in general. The kind of message you might send to your friends anyway and that you think might interest her. It avoids the neediness inherent in double messaging and makes you two feel bit more like actual friends already.

  • KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    So I run a local meetup group and some people have approached me about doing a virtual singles mixer/speed dating as we been doing other virtual events (book clubs, discussions, happy hours, etc).

    Normally I try not to do dating focus events for the group, but I think doing one virtually could be interesting and there's less danger to it.

    I'm trying to figure out the logistics though. My initial thought was one room where everyone meets and hangs out briefly, then have the women create private rooms and basically funnel the men through it.

    Thoughts?

  • 101101 Registered User regular
    My initial thought would be to have the men setup the rooms rather than the women, as that gives them an easier time disconnecting from a chat and moving on if they're uncomfortable?

    The usefulness of that depends entirely on the group you have and how well you know them though.

  • Lord_AsmodeusLord_Asmodeus goeticSobriquet: Here is your magical cryptic riddle-tumour: I AM A TIME MACHINERegistered User regular
    So I was wondering if I could get some feedback re some pictures I have which I was thinking of adding

    Linking because of file size
    https://i.imgur.com/Uf4RbQf.jpg
    https://i.imgur.com/hRrO2uV.jpg
    https://i.imgur.com/NTcKtD7.jpg
    https://i.imgur.com/Dat9Buh.jpg

    Just curious if there's anything wrong with these or if they seem fine? I mostly want to know if there's some obvious issue with them I haven't caught.

    Lord_Asmodeus.gifLord_Asmodeus2.gifz1i30sg.png
  • milskimilski UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ Registered User regular
    IMO 3 and 4 are fine, while 1 + 2 are relatively static/stiff and I'm not sure about the headphones.

    You can't write me off like that! You're just a voice, pal! You don't know a DAMN THING ABOUT RACING!!
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  • BlarghyBlarghy Registered User regular
    1. You're smiling, that's great! Background is not that great though. You show your full body, which is good, but you're wearing a baggy t-shift which is bad. Unless you have a reason why you're always wearing headphones for no apparent reason, I would not have two pictures in your profiles where you are wearing headphones.

    2. You're not smiling, you're wearing headphones, it's an obvious selfie, and you're wearing the same shirt as picture number 1. Don't use this one. It is an excellent idea to have your pictures outdoors though.

    3. This is a good fourth or fifth pic in a profile, since its a full body shot of you doing something cool. Decent to include, but it can't be your primary pic since it doesn't show your face.

    4. A decent headshot, though I would suggest a bigger smile. Out of the 4, this is your best one.

    Armoroc
  • KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    Friends and I have been sharing our dating profiles for fun and critiques. It's interesting seeing people you know and how they present themselves.

    One thing that stuck out was that some of them say they go the minimalist approach, by having little to no text and instead just a pictures.

    They're also the ones that normally would be labeled conventionally attractive white women, so I think that approach def works for them and mostly them.

  • LostNinjaLostNinja Registered User regular
    So I decided to give Hinge a try. So far it feels like a better space. You definitely get the feeling it’s for people looking for an actual relationship.

    The massive downside is the process when you want to like someone of finding the right picture or prompt to “like” and formulating the perfect comment to send them is super draining, and creates an emotional investment that can’t be healthy in this situation.

    AistanSteel Angel
  • fedaykin666fedaykin666 Registered User regular
    edited June 2020
    First ever Tinder date arranged on Tuesday! She doesn't speak English and I'm sort of kind of fluent in her languages with massive grammar errors and missing vocabulary. I warned her that I speak the local language like an amnesiac barbarian, which she found amusing, but I'll have a hard time being witty without a dictionary. Worst case scenario, I figure it will be a good linguistic workout...


    Update: Got through it with a mix of my Slavic languages, German and hopefully amusing gesticulation. She said she wants to see me again, so I'll call that a success. It's amazing how you can communicate with people about all kinds of topics despite language barriers. I obviously had some study behind me, but I'm far from a proficient speaker and it was still fine.

    fedaykin666 on
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  • Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    LostNinja wrote: »
    So I decided to give Hinge a try. So far it feels like a better space. You definitely get the feeling it’s for people looking for an actual relationship.

    The massive downside is the process when you want to like someone of finding the right picture or prompt to “like” and formulating the perfect comment to send them is super draining, and creates an emotional investment that can’t be healthy in this situation.

    I'd forgotten how draining it was to think of messages back when I was trying to use OKCupid before the swipe apps became predominant. Doing it dozens of times in a few days to no positive response when I delved into Hinge initially was extremely demoralizing.

    Big Dookie wrote: »
    I found that tilting it doesn't work very well, and once I started jerking it, I got much better results.

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  • LostNinjaLostNinja Registered User regular
    LostNinja wrote: »
    So I decided to give Hinge a try. So far it feels like a better space. You definitely get the feeling it’s for people looking for an actual relationship.

    The massive downside is the process when you want to like someone of finding the right picture or prompt to “like” and formulating the perfect comment to send them is super draining, and creates an emotional investment that can’t be healthy in this situation.

    I'd forgotten how draining it was to think of messages back when I was trying to use OKCupid before the swipe apps became predominant. Doing it dozens of times in a few days to no positive response when I delved into Hinge initially was extremely demoralizing.

    I’ve been getting a decent amount of matches as I’ve been using it for a few days now (more than Bumble and Tinder in the same period of time when I’d be using one or the other primarily, with a significantly higher response rate). I think there is a weird initial period where the app doesn’t really know who to show your profile to, or who to show you. I still don’t get a lot of likes unless I like someone first, but I suspect that has more to do with how women use the app. Presumably spending more time filtering through the likes and comments they receive.

    I think I may be liking it the best now, but that emotional investment it creates in non-matches is still rough.

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