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I didn't know it was supposed to be this hard.
Captain Cthulhu
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
My life is so fucking pathetic.
My girlfriend left me recently and it hasn't seemed that hard, until tonight.
I have no real friends so I have no one to talk to. My new cat has been my only comfort and he's not yet adjusted to the house enough to offer any real support. Plus, ya know, he's a cat.
So in short, my only source for help is you assholes.
I don't even know what the problem is. This isn't my first heartbreak. I was married for two years and she left me after cheating on my for a while. I guess it was just as hard before but for some reason I felt like this one ended a little bit better so it wouldn't be as bad. We were only living together for a year after all...
I made some mistakes, and did some things to drive her away, so she left. I never cheated on her or anything, so really nothing I did would be unforgivable, and we've talked about that.
Really, for the last week and a half we've just been trying to smooth everything out. Last night we hung out until early in the morning, talking about everything, and eventually sitting close on the couch, watching adult swim like we used to. Everything seemed all smoothed out and after she left I felt pretty good about everything, though still pretty sad that it was over at all. But then I tried to go to bed tonight, just a couple hours ago, and I couldn't sleep. I laid there for a couple hours thinking about her, wide eyed. Then around 7am I just erupted into violent tears. I know it makes me an emo faggot but I don't care.
At this very moment I still have fresh tears slowly traveling down the dried paths made by their fallen brothers.
My first love really turned out to be a high school sweetheart that lasted way too long. But this...this felt so real and true, and I just feel like I fucked it up. I should have seen it coming since I've failed pretty hard at everything else in my life. But really, I regarded her as the only thing I'd ever done right.
So when she left because of things I'd done wrong...I don't know...
It seems like a pretty clear sign that I'll nev er actually get anything right, and if that's the case, what's the point of even trying?
I know this post is pretty much nonsense, and I'm sorry, I'm just pretty much a fucking mess right now and I have no one to turn to.
My girlfriend left me recently and it hasn't seemed that hard, until tonight.
I have no real friends so I have no one to talk to. My new cat has been my only comfort and he's not yet adjusted to the house enough to offer any real support. Plus, ya know, he's a cat.
So in short, my only source for help is you assholes.
I don't even know what the problem is. This isn't my first heartbreak. I was married for two years and she left me after cheating on my for a while. I guess it was just as hard before but for some reason I felt like this one ended a little bit better so it wouldn't be as bad. We were only living together for a year after all...
I made some mistakes, and did some things to drive her away, so she left. I never cheated on her or anything, so really nothing I did would be unforgivable, and we've talked about that.
Really, for the last week and a half we've just been trying to smooth everything out. Last night we hung out until early in the morning, talking about everything, and eventually sitting close on the couch, watching adult swim like we used to. Everything seemed all smoothed out and after she left I felt pretty good about everything, though still pretty sad that it was over at all. But then I tried to go to bed tonight, just a couple hours ago, and I couldn't sleep. I laid there for a couple hours thinking about her, wide eyed. Then around 7am I just erupted into violent tears. I know it makes me an emo faggot but I don't care.
At this very moment I still have fresh tears slowly traveling down the dried paths made by their fallen brothers.
My first love really turned out to be a high school sweetheart that lasted way too long. But this...this felt so real and true, and I just feel like I fucked it up. I should have seen it coming since I've failed pretty hard at everything else in my life. But really, I regarded her as the only thing I'd ever done right.
So when she left because of things I'd done wrong...I don't know...
It seems like a pretty clear sign that I'll nev er actually get anything right, and if that's the case, what's the point of even trying?
I know this post is pretty much nonsense, and I'm sorry, I'm just pretty much a fucking mess right now and I have no one to turn to.
Captain Cthulhu on
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I'm going to repeat the advice given to nearly everyone who ended up alone without any real friends: join a club, go sporting, do something social. Maybe you'll meet some nice people, maybe it'll occupy your mind long enough to forget about the pain.
I would advice against going out to find yourself a new girlfriend right away, it sounds like you need time to be happy on your own for a while.
And you're not an emo faggot for crying.
You really just need something new to engage your mind for a while, and doing something that gets you together with new people is a good thing.
oh and I'm 22, btw. Yes, I got married really young, which is why I regard it as just another mistake.
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Nowadays I'm happily married to a different woman, have been with her for years, and rarely think about that old 'love of my life'.
In short - you haven't ruined your life. There's plenty more going to happen in all those years ahead of you. Good things.
Just because he can be abit of a jerk about it doesn't mean he's necessarily wrong. Really, if feels like it really sucks right now, but it's honestly probably not all that bad. You really need to just move on to something new for a while. When I was going through a similar situation a few years ago I decided to take up a new hobby and I really got in to cooking. Having something new to be interested in and excited about marginalized some of the problems I was having at the time and made the whole period much easier to get through.
How about taking up a musical instrument, or something along those lines?
Going out of a limb here: I think it would do you well to ignore that "everyone thinks I'm a pillar of strength"-thing for a while, everyone has their moments of weakness, that's when you find out who are really there for you. If you've helped your friends out in the past, maybe they'll do the same to you in return. You won't find that out unless you let them, though.
So at this very moment, this is the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life.
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Really the only thing you can do is force yourself to do things that will make you feel better right now. Hell, just clean your house or do laundry. Doing something productive will make things better, if even just a tiny bit.
Never do this again. Make shitloads of friends, and don't give a shit about girls until you have several dozen friends.
Just sayin'
Other than that... sometimes we just have to deal with shitty situations. It sucks, and there might not be that much constructive you can do about it, but in the end it will make you a stronger and wiser person, hopefully. Things are never quite so bad as one might think, and we are never helpless to affect our situation even if it might feel that way sometimes.
I'm here to tell you right now that you can move on from a long term relationship and find something new and good, as many others already know.
Also, if you catch me on vent we can talk a bit about it.
If there is anything about yourself that really bugs you, emotionally, work it out with yourself and realize that there's someone out there who can understand or thinks similarly or can tolerate it.
Secret Satan
A break up sucks, man. Coupled with how you're feeling about the rest of your life on a whole, it's going to seem pretty daunting. There, unfortunatly, is no two ways around it.
Rant, rage, cry, kick, and scream...do whatever you need to do to allow that well of emotions to release.
I was angry after my last break up. She hurt me pretty damned bad, so I purchased a heavy weight bag and some gloves. There is something to be said for physical exhaustion as therapy.
Call up some friends to hang out, grab lunch with some folks. I'll echo what others have said, join a group of some kind. Volunteer, play a sport, etc.. Not into heavy sports?
www.kickball.com Join W.A.K.A and meet a ton of folks (if there is a league in your area). Play a game or two and then everyone heads to the bar for some drinks, food, and just hanging out.
As corny as it might seem you just have to keep putting your left foot in front of your right and walking forward. This too shall pass and all that.
You've made mistakes? Learn from them, be aware of them in the future, and then be done with them. They are only there for you to learn more about yourself from, not to torture you late into the night.
Practical advice? I'd be wary of hanging out like you two just did the other night. You're going to be playing a game of emotional yo-yo if you keep up with that. By all means, be friends, but please keep in mind that your brain and your feelings are going to keep getting hopes up with little chance of it becoming the way it was.
Might help your sanity a bit.
As far as what I did to end it, I'm just a very pessimistic person and because of past experiences I have a lot of trust issues that I need to work out. So in short, over such along period of time, things inevitably crept up that bothered her and such, but like me, she tends to think she's a strong person who can work out all of her problems on her own, so when things were bothering her, she would distance herself. Granted this was really both of our faults in a lot of ways, but also just kind of how we both were. But from there, whenever she would distance herself, my undying pessimism would take hole and I would immediately think that she was trying to hide something, and that would grow until I said something and basically made an ass out of myself by accusing her of something ridiculous. This was really the biggest problem that she had with the relationship and it all culminated into a huge argument we had where I got a little too angry. Of course I didn't hit her or anything retarded like that, and I didn't even just yell insults at her, I just yelled a little too much and really just kind of scared her into just up and leaving that very night, and she's been gone since.
What's really hard is that I know that we weren't an absolutely perfect match, but we were perfect on so many amazing levels, and our time together was the most wonderful I've ever experienced. She was the first girl I'm been with who was truly equally friend and lover to me. I'm sure there's someone out there who might be a better match, but right now she seems impossibly hard to top.
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Took me a good two or so to get over the last meltdown.
You'll figure out stuff about yourself during that time even if you aren't planning on it. Knowing yourself is pretty damned helpful in helping another person to know you.
Look mac, he specifically said:
I just call them like I see em.
He then says he has friends but isn't comfortable talking with them about this kinda thing. Which is understandible. I don't go all mushy with all of my friends either. Just the ones that have been around for awhile and know me best.
This might sound weird, but whenever I don't want to let my friends see me upset I go hang out with my family.
My brother died couple years back but I wish he'd come hung out with me when he was depressed, too. Just like, movies and stuff nothing special.
There is a lady at work who's a decent friend of mine and is kind of like the accepting mother I never had. I think I might call her up, she'll probably make me dinner and just sit around and listen to me bitch all night, which would probably be good.
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My best friend is like this too, as is another good buddy of mine.
I've learned that, honestly, it's not bad advice. You're tough, and your ex is just a girl. You'll be okay, recovering from things like this just takes time basically.
And listen to the new Thurisaz album, it'll make you feel better.
yeah, I know, and honestly I've come to realize how great you guys really are. I had just started talking to WaM on aim shortly before this all went down and she's just been really helpful and let me vent a lot of crap to her . And even just everyone on ventrillo, even though they might not know whats been going on with me, its still just been cool to chill and talk to cool people about cool stuff. So thank you for that, guys.
Thurisaz? alright I"ll check it out.
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As the world is growing ever smaller and people are meeting people from all over, this could not be more true.
:^:
If we're swapping music that has kind of an upbeat vibe to it, might I recommend Carbon Leaf.
Band out of Richmond, VA. Rock with some heavy irish influence. For you? I recommend "The Boxer" and "This is My Song"...and "Mary Mac" because it's just hilarious.
Secondly, just because you've made mistakes does not mean you won't or can't get it right. We're all human, and as such, we fuck up... And fairly regularly. That's one of the sucky things about life is there is no instruction manual, and often times, we fail to listen to the wisdom of our elders because it is in our nature to want to discover truths for ourselves. Don't beat yourself for making mistakes... It happens to everyone, and it will happen again. The only important thing is you find your mistakes through reflection, and adjust (learn) from them.
Thirdly, it sounds like you two still have a potential friendship you can salvage. And trust me: Don't think that is somehow "lesser" than a relationship. Some of my closest friendships are failed relationships. Hell, some of the best friends are formerly MARRIED. Some people just don't get along as a couple, but DO get along as friends. So, be open to the possibility.
And finally, take some time to yourself now. Don't ever define your life by a relationship, because those will always come and go, but the only thing you can hold onto forever is yourself, so learn to love yourself. Go on trips alone, spend some time doing things you enjoy... Just take life in! Don't let the relationship issues bother you, however hard that may seem at first, and just try to focus on things that make you happy. It's a bitch, but it will fade, I promise you.
A friend of mine got dumped recently, and I can tell you what I told him: It ALWAYS seems worse at night (not literally, but figuratively). But the morning always comes. It's just part of life: Yin and Yang. Sometimes life seems like it can't get better, but if you let yourself do so, it always will.
And while we may just be meaningless internet names, BEHIND those names are people that really do care, so don't be afraid of posting here, or think it's somehow "bad" to have internet friends.
I'm feeling a little bit better. Chester has ventured out of the closet and it sitting on my lap pulling on my pants. And even though you guys might feel like you're just telling me stuff that every human being should know, sometimes people just need to hear it again, just to be sure and it really has helped.
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I definitely agree with that.
It's like complimenting someone. Yes, they probably already know their "nice" (or whatever the compliment was) but it's always nice to hear that.
Sometimes you just have to hear someone else say it.
I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better.
I'm not an iron man type at all, typical fat nerd build, but after my last really bad relationship experience I picked up DDR (wanted something indoorsy since it was winter) and just bopped my ass off for like three months. I lost a few pounds, enough to give me a little confidence boost when I felt well enough to get back on the market, and it really did just sweat that negative shit right out of me.