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Unconquered Restorer of the [Chat]
RMS Oceanic
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hey, you know what's a cool historical thing? When somebody is given a grandiose and even badass sounding title, and they utterly deserve it.
What such title am I talking about? How about "Unconquered Restorer of the World"?
Lucius Domitius Aurelianus, known to us as Aurelian. Roman Emperor from 270-275. The man who punted the Empire's collapse for a few centuries (or a thousand years, depending on how you think).
Now the period Aurelian turns up in is called the Crisis of the Third Century, the cycle of larger than ever before external threats attacking the weaker than ever before legions, Generals beating them back, being proclaimed Emperor for their achievement, marching on Rome and having a civil war before said civil war invited another external threat to avail of the weakness. And the nadir of this came in 260 where after the disastrous battle of Edessa, the Empire was attacked on literally every frontier, resulting in the General-cum-Emperors (and a client Kingdom) choosing not to march on Rome, but instead to look after the territory they just defended.
(The Balkans and Anatolia also had emperors, but they chose the traditional march on Rome strategy and died for it)
Now as politically disastrous as this looks, from a stability point it was a net positive in the short term: Three centers of power allowing three points of focus with more limited objectives than the earlier crisis that meant the Emperor had to have the largest army with him at all times to hold on to his power and thus march from the Rhine to the Euphrates and back as crises emerged. However obviously in the long run, interests will diverge, and a very real risk of final Balkanisation existed. Indeed by the time Aurelian took the throne, the King of Palmyra's widow Zenobia was maneuvering to convert the Roman approval-though-gritted-teeth of the situation in the east into a true independent empire.
Now Aurelian didn't emerge from a vacuum. Since 268 a cabal of Generals from Illyria (Northern Balkans) had assassinated the Emperor and one of them, Claudius Gothicus, took the top job, while the others worked with him to stabilise the rump Empire. He had even managed to grab a chunk of Gaul back from the Gallic Empire before succumbing to plague. Claudius' brother was proclaimed emperor by the Senate, but they haven't meant squat for nearly a hundred years, and the Army proclaimed Aurelian, who promptly marched on his rival who died in uncertain circumstances. Natural causes for a king.
It's fitting that the final breaking point back in 260 was the Emperor choosing to prioritise an invasion of Italy over similar attacks on the Rhine Danube and Tigris, for Aurelian's first challenge was another Italian invasion. Fighting several Germanic tribes in Northern Italy, he then got word the Alamanni had reached south. They initially gave him a bloody nose, but he rallied and eventually routed them. The Victory Title of Germanicus Maximus was his. That being said, his experience inspired him to begin a rethink of Roman defense strategy.
Not since the Punic Wars had Rome itself felt threatened by an external force. Sure it had been marched on by Legions for over 300 years, but that's not the same. But Aurelian realised the frontiers could no longer guarantee the internal empire's safety. Therefore he had brand new walls built, humbly called the Aurelian Walls. For the time they were built super quickly, and there are some differences in style and quality as a result, but much like the Theodosian Walls of Constantinople 150 years later, they would protect their city for a thousand years. Many more towns and cities would follow in Rome's wake.
The next challenge: The Danube. Goths had been trying their luck here since the Antonines. They had a back door though in the form of Dacia, modern Central Romania and Transylvania, the only continuous province beyond the Rhine-Danube frontier. Unlike the natural geographic boundaries of that frontier, Dacia was not as easily defended. The only reason it had remained was for its astounding gold and silver mines which helped fund the Antonine golden age. But those mines were dried up now. So after routing the Goths and killing their leader, earning Gothicus Maximus as a title, and saving Dacia, Aurelian abandoned Dacia. Not immediately, but he let it be known that the legions were pulling out soon, and if you stayed you were on your own. To save face, Aurelian reorganised the provinces south of the Danube and named one of them Dacia. "I haven't abandoned Dacia, I just moved it south!" Very Cnut-ish.
With the Rump Empire stabilised and rationalised, it was time to look east. Though Zenobia had started her reign paying lip service to Rome, she had grown emboldened, cutting off Egyptian grain shipments. Rome, who had lost her appetite for Eastern Queens 300 years earlier, was not going to put up with this. Aurelian marched east. After a dream which warned him to abstain from harsh reprisal, he famously ordered that the initially defiant city of Tyana be left alone after its capture. Caesarian clemency established, every city from there to Palmyra welcomed him openly. Upon reaching Palmyra, Zenobia and her son tried to flee to the Sassanid Empire, the same Empire her late husband had roundly whipped a decade earlier. They were promptly captured and handed over to the Emperor, where they would be the guests of honor at a triumph he held to celebrate the east's return to the fold. It would be over a year before he could hold that triumph though. Palmyra had been spared the first time, but a revolt sprung up as he headed west. Like Caesar, his clememcy was a one time deal. Returning to Palmyra, he had the city sacked, though people would still live in its ruins until the 1930s. For this, the Senate now granted him Parthicus Maximus and Resitutor Oriens as titles.
So that left the Gallic Empire. This was easier than you might think, as the formidable general who had founded it had died in 271, replaced by an underling didn't have much stomach for fighting. Spain had taken this opportunity to defect back to the motherland, so the richest province had been returned with Gladius sheathed. While the details are sketchy as to whether this happened before or after the battle, he surrendered to Aurelian when their armies met. Much as in the east, Aurelian showed clemency, assigning the underling to a minor Governorship, and keeping many Gallic appointments.
With that, Rome once again stretched from the Scottish Lowlands to the Arabian deserts, from the Straights of Gibraltar to the Caucuses. And for this great victory, Aurelian was given his final title, Restitutor Orbis Invictus, "Unconquered Restorer of the World". So now his full title was Imperator Caesar Lucius Domitius Aurelianus Augustus, Germanicus Maximus, Gothicus Maximus, Parthicus Maximus, Restitutor Orientis, Restitutor Orbis Invictus. And unlike the titles Commodus awarded himself, or those given to Diocletian for the success of his underlings, they are titles that feel truly earned.
If he had reigned for even a few more years, one could put the end of the Crisis at his reunification. Unfortunately, he died of natural causes. For a king at least. A bureaucrat was afraid Aurelian would discover some wrongdoing, and in a panic he forged a list of Generals that were to be "disciplined" (executed). The generals knew Aurelian had the resolve to do something like this, so in a panic they struck first. When they realised the deceit, they were so distraught they did the unthinkable: They let the Senate proclaim an emperor without challenging him. The instability that usually accompanies assassination means we have to punt the end of the Crisis for a decade, until Diocletian and his Tetrarchy really brought peace to the empire. But still, he couldn't have done that if not for Aurelian.
Fun fact: A city in Gaul was renamed Aurelianum in his honour. Over the centuries this became the city of Orleans. So when you celebrate Mardis Gras, you do it in the new city of the Unconquered Restorer of the World.
What such title am I talking about? How about "Unconquered Restorer of the World"?
Lucius Domitius Aurelianus, known to us as Aurelian. Roman Emperor from 270-275. The man who punted the Empire's collapse for a few centuries (or a thousand years, depending on how you think).
Now the period Aurelian turns up in is called the Crisis of the Third Century, the cycle of larger than ever before external threats attacking the weaker than ever before legions, Generals beating them back, being proclaimed Emperor for their achievement, marching on Rome and having a civil war before said civil war invited another external threat to avail of the weakness. And the nadir of this came in 260 where after the disastrous battle of Edessa, the Empire was attacked on literally every frontier, resulting in the General-cum-Emperors (and a client Kingdom) choosing not to march on Rome, but instead to look after the territory they just defended.
(The Balkans and Anatolia also had emperors, but they chose the traditional march on Rome strategy and died for it)
Now as politically disastrous as this looks, from a stability point it was a net positive in the short term: Three centers of power allowing three points of focus with more limited objectives than the earlier crisis that meant the Emperor had to have the largest army with him at all times to hold on to his power and thus march from the Rhine to the Euphrates and back as crises emerged. However obviously in the long run, interests will diverge, and a very real risk of final Balkanisation existed. Indeed by the time Aurelian took the throne, the King of Palmyra's widow Zenobia was maneuvering to convert the Roman approval-though-gritted-teeth of the situation in the east into a true independent empire.
Now Aurelian didn't emerge from a vacuum. Since 268 a cabal of Generals from Illyria (Northern Balkans) had assassinated the Emperor and one of them, Claudius Gothicus, took the top job, while the others worked with him to stabilise the rump Empire. He had even managed to grab a chunk of Gaul back from the Gallic Empire before succumbing to plague. Claudius' brother was proclaimed emperor by the Senate, but they haven't meant squat for nearly a hundred years, and the Army proclaimed Aurelian, who promptly marched on his rival who died in uncertain circumstances. Natural causes for a king.
It's fitting that the final breaking point back in 260 was the Emperor choosing to prioritise an invasion of Italy over similar attacks on the Rhine Danube and Tigris, for Aurelian's first challenge was another Italian invasion. Fighting several Germanic tribes in Northern Italy, he then got word the Alamanni had reached south. They initially gave him a bloody nose, but he rallied and eventually routed them. The Victory Title of Germanicus Maximus was his. That being said, his experience inspired him to begin a rethink of Roman defense strategy.
Not since the Punic Wars had Rome itself felt threatened by an external force. Sure it had been marched on by Legions for over 300 years, but that's not the same. But Aurelian realised the frontiers could no longer guarantee the internal empire's safety. Therefore he had brand new walls built, humbly called the Aurelian Walls. For the time they were built super quickly, and there are some differences in style and quality as a result, but much like the Theodosian Walls of Constantinople 150 years later, they would protect their city for a thousand years. Many more towns and cities would follow in Rome's wake.
The next challenge: The Danube. Goths had been trying their luck here since the Antonines. They had a back door though in the form of Dacia, modern Central Romania and Transylvania, the only continuous province beyond the Rhine-Danube frontier. Unlike the natural geographic boundaries of that frontier, Dacia was not as easily defended. The only reason it had remained was for its astounding gold and silver mines which helped fund the Antonine golden age. But those mines were dried up now. So after routing the Goths and killing their leader, earning Gothicus Maximus as a title, and saving Dacia, Aurelian abandoned Dacia. Not immediately, but he let it be known that the legions were pulling out soon, and if you stayed you were on your own. To save face, Aurelian reorganised the provinces south of the Danube and named one of them Dacia. "I haven't abandoned Dacia, I just moved it south!" Very Cnut-ish.
With the Rump Empire stabilised and rationalised, it was time to look east. Though Zenobia had started her reign paying lip service to Rome, she had grown emboldened, cutting off Egyptian grain shipments. Rome, who had lost her appetite for Eastern Queens 300 years earlier, was not going to put up with this. Aurelian marched east. After a dream which warned him to abstain from harsh reprisal, he famously ordered that the initially defiant city of Tyana be left alone after its capture. Caesarian clemency established, every city from there to Palmyra welcomed him openly. Upon reaching Palmyra, Zenobia and her son tried to flee to the Sassanid Empire, the same Empire her late husband had roundly whipped a decade earlier. They were promptly captured and handed over to the Emperor, where they would be the guests of honor at a triumph he held to celebrate the east's return to the fold. It would be over a year before he could hold that triumph though. Palmyra had been spared the first time, but a revolt sprung up as he headed west. Like Caesar, his clememcy was a one time deal. Returning to Palmyra, he had the city sacked, though people would still live in its ruins until the 1930s. For this, the Senate now granted him Parthicus Maximus and Resitutor Oriens as titles.
So that left the Gallic Empire. This was easier than you might think, as the formidable general who had founded it had died in 271, replaced by an underling didn't have much stomach for fighting. Spain had taken this opportunity to defect back to the motherland, so the richest province had been returned with Gladius sheathed. While the details are sketchy as to whether this happened before or after the battle, he surrendered to Aurelian when their armies met. Much as in the east, Aurelian showed clemency, assigning the underling to a minor Governorship, and keeping many Gallic appointments.
With that, Rome once again stretched from the Scottish Lowlands to the Arabian deserts, from the Straights of Gibraltar to the Caucuses. And for this great victory, Aurelian was given his final title, Restitutor Orbis Invictus, "Unconquered Restorer of the World". So now his full title was Imperator Caesar Lucius Domitius Aurelianus Augustus, Germanicus Maximus, Gothicus Maximus, Parthicus Maximus, Restitutor Orientis, Restitutor Orbis Invictus. And unlike the titles Commodus awarded himself, or those given to Diocletian for the success of his underlings, they are titles that feel truly earned.
If he had reigned for even a few more years, one could put the end of the Crisis at his reunification. Unfortunately, he died of natural causes. For a king at least. A bureaucrat was afraid Aurelian would discover some wrongdoing, and in a panic he forged a list of Generals that were to be "disciplined" (executed). The generals knew Aurelian had the resolve to do something like this, so in a panic they struck first. When they realised the deceit, they were so distraught they did the unthinkable: They let the Senate proclaim an emperor without challenging him. The instability that usually accompanies assassination means we have to punt the end of the Crisis for a decade, until Diocletian and his Tetrarchy really brought peace to the empire. But still, he couldn't have done that if not for Aurelian.
Fun fact: A city in Gaul was renamed Aurelianum in his honour. Over the centuries this became the city of Orleans. So when you celebrate Mardis Gras, you do it in the new city of the Unconquered Restorer of the World.
RMS Oceanic on
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Posts
300 years late
It's seems like a rough gig.
Ambition. Pretty potent stuff.
*returns to the other chat to anime shitpost*
I bet you think the empire fell in 476
sic semper tyrannis, eh
just sailing that ocean liner right across the rubicon
The Chatocracy has degenerated into an Animearchy so the social order could no longer keep private ambition in check.
Don't worry, I'm "just" the First Citizen.
I like it.
I was trying so hard to make a barbarian joke there.
Choose Your Own Chat 1 Choose Your Own Chat 2 Choose Your Own Chat 3
hello my germanic brother, the chattans have grown weak and complacent let's raid across their borders and eventually invade and place one of our own as OP of the Chat thread
Bold! And obviously for the best. I'm in like Ariovistus!
Spite orders that I judge their decision to be excellent.
This is a true story.
"as tahm kench placed the colossal girthy mass of eugene "VulvaVaporiser" park into his mouth, eugene let out his usual jaded sigh. this was not the first time a fat green chick had swallowed. he sought refuge inside his custom nitro-boosted bong, waiting."
Never change Scheck.
Never change.
Meh.
*writes in notebook*
I am not Bogart but it was an MG ZS
Not a fan?
I recognized another person, that I only know from posting on a message board, because we were both watching the same person play video games online at the same time and he decided to give that person money so that people could see his meme.
And his twitch name isn't even his name on here.
Burn it all down.
but as soon as that name says anything everyone knows who it is.
his steam name is the same too
Nope, there's not enough of a politician there to be a fan of.
but nope
kicking Greece whiles it's down is something I guess?
Listen I really have to take a shit, I didn't expect you to take a lunch an hour after everyone else, please just finish eating and go back to work so I can shit!
RIP shceck 1896-2015
the company sells athletic merch with college names/logos ect on it
except they don't exactly have the license to make them for every school... for the ones they don't they just use the colors and a generic collegiate font
if they get sued they settle, pull that specific merch, and keep going with the rest
this is real fucking shady right? I'm not even sure it's worth seeing if I get an offer.
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
burn it all down