People find my rather dry macabre sense of humor nerve racking at times
Or say things that they are way out of my league or such
Then why does 20q girl love talking to me even saying the rather nerdy things I say to her is distracting her from her classes and work at times .
What am I doing that's so right and yet so works with her it just boggles the mind and leaves me asking questions of myself.
Just go with it. Do not ask questions. Never do that.
But that is how we talk to each other or Da rules
I am not allowed to ask personal info of her just a really haphazard way we talk to each other I ask questions she answers them via a video or live via chat
She makes fun of the fact the last couple of times she wasted more time looking up what I was talking about her friends raving about TFA, her lack of knowledge of SW.
Dating in general when I said looking at a women's ass is not going to tell me about their goals or interests. Both of us working not so fun jobs and so on
I'm in a bar right now sitting in the darkest corner of the room joined only by my thoughts as I sip some abyssal liquid from a tulip glass. There are no ladies here. A few couples. Older folks. 50… 60? My arm rests upon a box of cigarettes that do not belong to me. The pool table is racked, but silent. I watch as a man paces in front of the bathroom door. We're all waiting for something.
I'm in a bar right now sitting in the darkest corner of the room joined only by my thoughts as I sip some abyssal liquid from a tulip glass. There are no ladies here. A few couples. Older folks. 50… 60? My arm rests upon a box of cigarettes that do not belong to me. The pool table is racked, but silent. I watch as a man paces in front of the bathroom door. We're all waiting for something.
And here I was expecting a dame to walk in with a dangerous proposition for you
Ok people, the love thread rule is if you make risotto you better be inviting me over! I need to know what it tastes like!
Anytime you find yourself in Chicago, just let me know
I figure you've got a whole lot more challenge in getting here than I would in making some fancy rice
The euro lottery rolled over again. If that finally decides to give me money I'll come to you first. My life has been very well behaved recently, you seem the type to cure that.
He is.
As an aside, visit me second because I'm really good at brunch and I like the validation when people inhale my omelettes.
Date went really well, I think. Ended up talking a little longer than planned which caused me to be late to BFF's daughter's birthday, which was still fine because SHE was even later due to problems picking up the cake.
Anyway, now I get to play the "I had a great time but will there be a second date because I misread these things like crazy" game, because getting past the first 1-3 dates has been a seemingly impossible task for me so far.
I think it went... Okay? Like, I seemed to actually know what to do and recognized what was happening as things progressed. That was reassuring.
The coffee shop also had live music, and as that started, he moved his chair closer to me, held my hand, kinda touched my hair a couple of times. That sort of thing. Then he walked me to my car and kissed me twice. (The first time was super awkward, second time was kind of less so.)
Conversation was good. He's the kind of guy I'd probably want to be friends with. Funny, smart, similarish interests.
The physical stuff what's freaking me out. This was literally my first date, first time doing anything even slightly physical with a guy. It wasn't bad, but I didn't really feel anything positive either.
The way I see it, there are three possible explanations for why that was- I'm asexual heteroromantic, I just wasn't attracted to this one guy, and/or my anxiety prevented me from feeling anything other than anxiety. (I was extraordinarily nervous the entire time and had a panic attack after the date that's just going away now.)
Ugh. When it comes to feelings, I like it when things are black-and-white. This is some kind of weird gray area I wasn't even planning on dealing with for another two years!
OrthancDeath Lite, Only 1 CalorieOff the end of the internet, just turn left.Registered User, ClubPAregular
My guess would be the anxiety prevented you from feeling anything other than anxiety.
If you enjoyed yourself, and enjoyed the company, then you're not going to loose anything by going out again. The nervousness will likely fade as you get more used to the idea.
Once the nervousness goes away, you'll over think it less. If you're still note feeling it then, that's the time to consider whether you're actually not physically attracted.
At least that's what I found, the nervousness intially kept me from really loosing myself in the moment, but once I got over that everything was good.
Don't feel like you have to do anything you're not comfortable with, that's the primary thing. It's easy to feel a certain amount of social pressure about how things are 'supposed' to go after a certain number of dates. Whether it's your anxiety getting in the way, or just not being attracted to this person for whatever reason - it's fine, you're under no obligation to feel or act a certain way. (I know you know all this intellectually, but it can help if someone else articulates it).
Also I wouldn't worry about trying to diagnose your own sexual leanings based on one dude and one date. Raw, immediate physical attraction to a person is probably not as common as conventional media would have people believe. 'Romance' is all about the grey areas. Some people love that ambiguity and some people hate it, but ultimately it's something almost all of us have to negotiate at some point
I feel kind of bad then, if that's the case. The other two options meant I had to make somebody feel bad, but at least weren't drawn out.
This means I have a lot of work to do, (that requires upsetting myself) so I can possibly end up making somebody feel bad anyway.
Romance!!!
Yep, and the unfortunate reality is that feelings are messy and complicated. It's practically inevitable that you will hurt someone along the way, and that you will be hurt.
Just never be someone you're not, and never deliberately set out to hurt someone and it will work out for the best in the end.
The only way you work these things out about your self is to try.
Raw, immediate physical attraction to a person is probably not as common as conventional media would have people believe.
One thousand times this.
Not every social interaction should be laden with the vibe that says, "WE SHOULD TOTALLY FUCK RIGHT NOW," because a relationship is more than physical attraction, it's about being interested in someone else for the long haul because you like spending time with them.
And let's be honest here, shall we? No matter how great the sex is, no matter how long it lasts, no matter the intensity of the romance, you must ask yourself two simple questions:
1. Can this person make me laugh when everything has gone to shit, i.e. do they get me enough to make me crack the shits when I don't wanna.
2. Will they want to when it's not convenient for them i.e. does my happiness matter more to them than their happiness for themselves.
With my dying breath, I will assert that one of most the important linchpins to a healthy relationship is laughter.
Creagan: Don't sweat it if you're not sure yet. The situation you're is really similar to the experience I had only a few weeks ago. Anxiety is a bastard at taking you out of an otherwise pleasant experience. With the girl I've currently seeing there have been multiple times I've thought 'man maybe just isn't for me?' only to come back the next time and think 'actually this is kind of nice'.
That doesn't mean you should do something that you're really not okay with. So long as you communicate your needs - let him know that you may need to take things slow, or if you're not comfortable with something yet - you should be okay. You're not obligated to do anything, but once you do don't discount those things based on one experience either, it might just take a while for you to get used to it, and to learn what you enjoy.
Yeah sex is great and all, and for some people it's really important in a relationship, but for some people it's just a thing that happens in the relationship and the emotional intimacy, openness and laughter is the core. And that's fine, tbh.
I'm gonna say that I do think its important to have chemistry/a spark with a person though too, that does fade with time but its good for a foundation I think. Relationships are like spinning plates, one plate is chemistry, one is comparability, one is timing, one is common interests etc and you've got to spin them all at the same time. If you focus too much on one, the other plates won't be balanced at it won't work, they should all spin at the same time. All plates need to be spinning, aka a relationship shouldn't be just based on just having stuff in common or just chemistry.
Plates.
+11
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Liiya, we've talked about your plate fetish enough times in these threads, Jeeze.
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
I think it went... Okay? Like, I seemed to actually know what to do and recognized what was happening as things progressed. That was reassuring.
The coffee shop also had live music, and as that started, he moved his chair closer to me, held my hand, kinda touched my hair a couple of times. That sort of thing. Then he walked me to my car and kissed me twice. (The first time was super awkward, second time was kind of less so.)
Conversation was good. He's the kind of guy I'd probably want to be friends with. Funny, smart, similarish interests.
The physical stuff what's freaking me out. This was literally my first date, first time doing anything even slightly physical with a guy. It wasn't bad, but I didn't really feel anything positive either.
The way I see it, there are three possible explanations for why that was- I'm asexual heteroromantic, I just wasn't attracted to this one guy, and/or my anxiety prevented me from feeling anything other than anxiety. (I was extraordinarily nervous the entire time and had a panic attack after the date that's just going away now.)
Ugh. When it comes to feelings, I like it when things are black-and-white. This is some kind of weird gray area I wasn't even planning on dealing with for another two years!
If you are that nervous you might wanna stay out of the game for now. You might find if you focus on improving general social activity, you won't be as nervous when you go back to the dating world.
Raw, immediate physical attraction to a person is probably not as common as conventional media would have people believe.
One thousand times this.
Not every social interaction should be laden with the vibe that says, "WE SHOULD TOTALLY FUCK RIGHT NOW," because a relationship is more than physical attraction, it's about being interested in someone else for the long haul because you like spending time with them.
And let's be honest here, shall we? No matter how great the sex is, no matter how long it lasts, no matter the intensity of the romance, you must ask yourself two simple questions:
1. Can this person make me laugh when everything has gone to shit, i.e. do they get me enough to make me crack the shits when I don't wanna.
2. Will they want to when it's not convenient for them i.e. does my happiness matter more to them than their happiness for themselves.
With my dying breath, I will assert that one of most the important linchpins to a healthy relationship is laughter.
One day and three years ago I followed Vivienne around right behind her really close until she asked her what I was doing.
I told her, "Sand people travel in single file to hide their numbers."
Naturally, as it was high class comedy, I posted it on Facebook as I am a person under forty, and yesterday I got the "on this day notification" for it.
So yesterday I then followed her around really close until again (quite annoyed) she asked me what I was doing, and then I showed her on my phone my Facebook status. She then asked me, quite annoyed, why I have to be funny all the time.
I think it went... Okay? Like, I seemed to actually know what to do and recognized what was happening as things progressed. That was reassuring.
The coffee shop also had live music, and as that started, he moved his chair closer to me, held my hand, kinda touched my hair a couple of times. That sort of thing. Then he walked me to my car and kissed me twice. (The first time was super awkward, second time was kind of less so.)
Conversation was good. He's the kind of guy I'd probably want to be friends with. Funny, smart, similarish interests.
The physical stuff what's freaking me out. This was literally my first date, first time doing anything even slightly physical with a guy. It wasn't bad, but I didn't really feel anything positive either.
The way I see it, there are three possible explanations for why that was- I'm asexual heteroromantic, I just wasn't attracted to this one guy, and/or my anxiety prevented me from feeling anything other than anxiety. (I was extraordinarily nervous the entire time and had a panic attack after the date that's just going away now.)
Ugh. When it comes to feelings, I like it when things are black-and-white. This is some kind of weird gray area I wasn't even planning on dealing with for another two years!
If you are that nervous you might wanna stay out of the game for now. You might find if you focus on improving general social activity, you won't be as nervous when you go back to the dating world.
If the issue is specifically physical intimacy, no amount of general social activity is going to help with that. Or at least, I can say that it definitely hasn't helped in my case.
My best advice would be to just remember that you don't have to be in a physical relationship and every date doesn't have to go perfect (and in fact most first dates will be awkward to one degree or another). Dating should be fun and enjoyable, so if you look at it later and decide that, overall, it was a fun and enjoyable experience, consider it a victory. Physical stuff can be fun, but it's not a requirement for a successful date.
OrthancDeath Lite, Only 1 CalorieOff the end of the internet, just turn left.Registered User, ClubPAregular
Oh god. That sink is giving me flashbacks. Oh love thread, let me tell you a tale. (Spoilered cause nobody cares)
My first flat when I was at university was totally set up to succeed. I had 2 flat mates who were mates of mine from the residences. A a guy and B a girl. In what should have been a sign that I should not live with these people, I had a huge crush on B, and A was B's ex. Surprisingly there was some tension,
After about a year, A moved out, so B & I had to get a new flat mate who I'll call C. C was just some guy who responded to the ad in the paper, Neither of us knew him before hand, but he could pay the rent and seemed not to be an Axe Murderer, which is about all you could hope for.
Meanwhile, B had started experimenting with lesbianism and I still hadn't either asked her out or moved on, Let's just say I did not handle this situation well and was a bit of a dick about it, while still trying to stay on good enough terms that she'd see what I great guy I was and fall for me. Of course since I never asked her out for fear of being shot down there was basically no chance of that happening. It also probably didn't help that when B's friend D was up staying, she ended up staying in my room instead of B's. I may have been to shy to ask someone out, but I was still a teenage boy, and when D made a move on me I went for it with all the lack of consideration for consequences that comes from being a horny teenager.
Basically though, with all of this going on, communication in the flat completely broke down. C started leaving dishes in the sink. I absolutely refused to do the dishes, because they weren't mine, and stopped using the kitchen or any dishes at all so I would have the moral high ground when it came to the dishes issue since none of the dishes were mine. Not exactly my proudest moment, and of course I didn't actually do anything like talk to my flatmates about the growing pile of dishes in the sink and the that perhaps we should just do the dishes.
Anyway, the final straw in the flat was a standup argument between B and me, that started about something I can't remember and ended about the dishes. The end result was that B and C did the dishes and the flat broke up.
I haven't seen B since we moved out of that flat. It was many years ago now, and I've well and truly moved on, but when I'm having a low moment I still wonder if things could have come out differently if I'd just asked her out.
Posts
Just go with it. Do not ask questions. Never do that.
eventually you'll find one the same kind of broken as you
or at the very least find you broken in very fuckable way
I am not allowed to ask personal info of her just a really haphazard way we talk to each other I ask questions she answers them via a video or live via chat
She makes fun of the fact the last couple of times she wasted more time looking up what I was talking about her friends raving about TFA, her lack of knowledge of SW.
Dating in general when I said looking at a women's ass is not going to tell me about their goals or interests. Both of us working not so fun jobs and so on
And here I was expecting a dame to walk in with a dangerous proposition for you
let me tell you about the prostate
It's better to show than tell
Please don't show people your prostate.
Steam ID - VeldrinD | SS Post | Wishlist
He is.
As an aside, visit me second because I'm really good at brunch and I like the validation when people inhale my omelettes.
Anyway, now I get to play the "I had a great time but will there be a second date because I misread these things like crazy" game, because getting past the first 1-3 dates has been a seemingly impossible task for me so far.
I think it went... Okay? Like, I seemed to actually know what to do and recognized what was happening as things progressed. That was reassuring.
The coffee shop also had live music, and as that started, he moved his chair closer to me, held my hand, kinda touched my hair a couple of times. That sort of thing. Then he walked me to my car and kissed me twice. (The first time was super awkward, second time was kind of less so.)
Conversation was good. He's the kind of guy I'd probably want to be friends with. Funny, smart, similarish interests.
The physical stuff what's freaking me out. This was literally my first date, first time doing anything even slightly physical with a guy. It wasn't bad, but I didn't really feel anything positive either.
The way I see it, there are three possible explanations for why that was- I'm asexual heteroromantic, I just wasn't attracted to this one guy, and/or my anxiety prevented me from feeling anything other than anxiety. (I was extraordinarily nervous the entire time and had a panic attack after the date that's just going away now.)
Ugh. When it comes to feelings, I like it when things are black-and-white. This is some kind of weird gray area I wasn't even planning on dealing with for another two years!
If you enjoyed yourself, and enjoyed the company, then you're not going to loose anything by going out again. The nervousness will likely fade as you get more used to the idea.
Once the nervousness goes away, you'll over think it less. If you're still note feeling it then, that's the time to consider whether you're actually not physically attracted.
At least that's what I found, the nervousness intially kept me from really loosing myself in the moment, but once I got over that everything was good.
Also I wouldn't worry about trying to diagnose your own sexual leanings based on one dude and one date. Raw, immediate physical attraction to a person is probably not as common as conventional media would have people believe. 'Romance' is all about the grey areas. Some people love that ambiguity and some people hate it, but ultimately it's something almost all of us have to negotiate at some point
This means I have a lot of work to do, (that requires upsetting myself) so I can possibly end up making somebody feel bad anyway.
Romance!!!
Yep, and the unfortunate reality is that feelings are messy and complicated. It's practically inevitable that you will hurt someone along the way, and that you will be hurt.
Just never be someone you're not, and never deliberately set out to hurt someone and it will work out for the best in the end.
The only way you work these things out about your self is to try.
One thousand times this.
Not every social interaction should be laden with the vibe that says, "WE SHOULD TOTALLY FUCK RIGHT NOW," because a relationship is more than physical attraction, it's about being interested in someone else for the long haul because you like spending time with them.
And let's be honest here, shall we? No matter how great the sex is, no matter how long it lasts, no matter the intensity of the romance, you must ask yourself two simple questions:
1. Can this person make me laugh when everything has gone to shit, i.e. do they get me enough to make me crack the shits when I don't wanna.
2. Will they want to when it's not convenient for them i.e. does my happiness matter more to them than their happiness for themselves.
With my dying breath, I will assert that one of most the important linchpins to a healthy relationship is laughter.
That doesn't mean you should do something that you're really not okay with. So long as you communicate your needs - let him know that you may need to take things slow, or if you're not comfortable with something yet - you should be okay. You're not obligated to do anything, but once you do don't discount those things based on one experience either, it might just take a while for you to get used to it, and to learn what you enjoy.
This is the most truth I've seen today
Plates.
If you are that nervous you might wanna stay out of the game for now. You might find if you focus on improving general social activity, you won't be as nervous when you go back to the dating world.
Who are these people?
We used to do that to each other at uni because fuck you other people have to use that sink.
One day and three years ago I followed Vivienne around right behind her really close until she asked her what I was doing.
I told her, "Sand people travel in single file to hide their numbers."
Naturally, as it was high class comedy, I posted it on Facebook as I am a person under forty, and yesterday I got the "on this day notification" for it.
So yesterday I then followed her around really close until again (quite annoyed) she asked me what I was doing, and then I showed her on my phone my Facebook status. She then asked me, quite annoyed, why I have to be funny all the time.
So I guess she thought it was funny?
Satans..... hints.....
If the issue is specifically physical intimacy, no amount of general social activity is going to help with that. Or at least, I can say that it definitely hasn't helped in my case.
My best advice would be to just remember that you don't have to be in a physical relationship and every date doesn't have to go perfect (and in fact most first dates will be awkward to one degree or another). Dating should be fun and enjoyable, so if you look at it later and decide that, overall, it was a fun and enjoyable experience, consider it a victory. Physical stuff can be fun, but it's not a requirement for a successful date.
After about a year, A moved out, so B & I had to get a new flat mate who I'll call C. C was just some guy who responded to the ad in the paper, Neither of us knew him before hand, but he could pay the rent and seemed not to be an Axe Murderer, which is about all you could hope for.
Meanwhile, B had started experimenting with lesbianism and I still hadn't either asked her out or moved on, Let's just say I did not handle this situation well and was a bit of a dick about it, while still trying to stay on good enough terms that she'd see what I great guy I was and fall for me. Of course since I never asked her out for fear of being shot down there was basically no chance of that happening. It also probably didn't help that when B's friend D was up staying, she ended up staying in my room instead of B's. I may have been to shy to ask someone out, but I was still a teenage boy, and when D made a move on me I went for it with all the lack of consideration for consequences that comes from being a horny teenager.
Basically though, with all of this going on, communication in the flat completely broke down. C started leaving dishes in the sink. I absolutely refused to do the dishes, because they weren't mine, and stopped using the kitchen or any dishes at all so I would have the moral high ground when it came to the dishes issue since none of the dishes were mine. Not exactly my proudest moment, and of course I didn't actually do anything like talk to my flatmates about the growing pile of dishes in the sink and the that perhaps we should just do the dishes.
Anyway, the final straw in the flat was a standup argument between B and me, that started about something I can't remember and ended about the dishes. The end result was that B and C did the dishes and the flat broke up.
I haven't seen B since we moved out of that flat. It was many years ago now, and I've well and truly moved on, but when I'm having a low moment I still wonder if things could have come out differently if I'd just asked her out.