KetarCome on upstairswe're having a partyRegistered Userregular
Any suggestions for helping a very emotional 6 year old deal with bullying? My son is on a new t-ball team this year and he's had issues with one of his teammates three of four weeks so far. I believe it has been the same kid each time, but it's hard to be certain since my parents took him for one practice, my wife another, and me for his first game tonight. All three times though have included a mother apologizing for their child's behavior and mentioning that their son has special needs.
Things got started tonight when my son fielded a ball that the other boy wanted to go after. He ended up diving on top of my son and trying to take the ball from him, staying on top of him for a long time until one of the coaches walked over to see what was going on. After that the two apparently started shouting at each other and calling each other names for several minutes, along with hissing at each other. My son ended up sitting down and crying and saying he hated t-ball and wanted to quit and never play again. He said the other boy kept calling him a baby and that was what got him so upset. I talked him into batting one last time and got him back with his team eventually. While walking over with my younger daughter I see the two boys squared off again with one of the other mothers trying to talk to them. The other boy reached over and lightly hit my son in the chest, and then told the mother there that he was just trying to get a bug off of him when my son got angry. When she looked away he hit my son much harder in the stomach. When I got there she started telling me that they were both just swinging their hats at each other in a way that was obviously trying to excuse the other kid, so I asked my son if that was the boy who had been calling him a baby and she stopped talking immediately.
The other kid's mom came over and apologized, and that was when she told me that her son had special needs. The two boys took turns growling at each other until I got my son off to the side and talked to him enough to calm him down. Less than a minute later the other boy steps to the side of his mother to call my son a baby again. At this point the boy's father comes over and tries to distract him a bit, but neither parent is really doing anything at all to discipline him or tell him to stop. My son goes up to bat, and the kid calls him a baby again from behind the batter's cage, and tells his dad off when he tries to get him to cheer on his teammate. When the game is over and the kids go to line up for handshakes, he calls my son a baby yet again. They get through the handshakes any my son comes to me sobbing and starts screaming about how the other boy is a bully. While I'm trying to help him calm down both of the other parents are trying to bring my son the post-game snack and drink, and offering some to my daughter as well as some kind of peace offering, but continuing to do almost nothing about their kid other than act apologetically. I am being as graceful as I can possibly be, thanking them every time they offer or bring something and telling them that my son is probably just upset because he'd gotten in trouble at home before the game - even though watching my son get bullied is enraging me while filling me with an aching sadness. They end up heading over to a nearby playground and I get my kids sorted with snacks and drinks and start the long walk back to our car. As we pass the playground the kid is waiting until we're about even with him and then shouts to call my son a baby again from about 100 feet away. I literally bite my tongue and end up talking a little bit with the asst. coach who is in between us and heard that last shout.
I don't know what to do. My son was absolutely miserable and seeing him like that was even more painful than my own memories of being bullied as a child. He has gone from loving t-ball to desperately wanting to stop playing. I am trying to be sympathetic to the other parents - I have a diagnosed personality disorder that has lead to a lifetime of depression and (at times) crippling anxiety and runs in my family, and many signs thus far indicate my son is likely in the same boat; and I manage a child and adolescent psychiatric office that I have worked at off and on for over 7 years in every role imaginable aside from therapist/doctor, so I absolutely understand how difficult it can be in their shoes. But that little shit had the kind of malicious smile on his face every time he called my son a baby that tells you he understood exactly what he was doing and was enjoying every minute of it. And I have zero faith that his parents can or will reign him in. It's too late for my son to switch to a different team since uniforms have already been ordered, so our options are to help him through this somehow or let him quit. I really don't like the latter option for a variety of reasons, but I also don't want my son to suffer as obviously as he was tonight. My instinct is to let him stop playing and get him out of this situation asap, but I know that probably isn't the best for him in the long run. The coaches don't seem to be ready to deal with something like this, and I can't really blame them since they're just volunteers who probably just wanted to help out with something their kids wanted to do.
So, any coping mechanisms that others have had success with with their kids in similar situations? Or any other ideas at all, really? Anything that might help my son would be greatly appreciated. He's no angel - he has a bad temper at times that leads him to react too much when he gets provoked, but I saw enough tonight to be sure that he was being bullied by the other boy far beyond any kind of tit-for-tat like them growling or hissing at each other.
As much as I hate to say it you may need to talk to the governing body for the t-ball league and talk to them. Special needs or not they cant have that kind of behavior go un-dealt with.
I am a person with a lot of patients. Like, worked at Chuck E. Cheese for over 7 years, then retail for another 8 patience. I know how to deal with people and remain calm.
But I tell you what, it probably would have taken the third incident (name call or shover) before I confronted the parents and asked them to do something. I understand they have an extremely difficult child to deal with, but that kid is their responsibility. Seriously, enough is enough. Please remove the kid from the game today to teach him a lesson and allow the other kids to enjoy a drama-free game.
Or as @schuss said, have coach step in. Kids can't sass him/her like a parent, which makes him/her a great 3rd option.
Need a voice actor? Hire me at bengrayVO.com
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051 Steam ID Twitch Page
+1
Options
El SkidThe frozen white northRegistered Userregular
edited June 2017
Yeah, I'm afraid some sort of authority has to step in at this point. Likely the bully needs to get put on notice that if this behaviour contiues he'll be suspended. I don't know what special needs the kid has, but they can't override the need of other kids to have fun.
Just because his parents won't discipline him doesn't mean the league can't.
Coach needs to step in on that stuff as a neutral third party. Those parents need to actually discipline their kid too, but good luck with that.
Can't agree enough. At that level, the coach isn't really there to teach these kids baseball, they're there to make sure everybody gets their turn and gets along. If he/she won't or can't help, then you need to go over his or her head.
Went to the Alameda County Fair today with the kids, which was a lot of fun, and also just, so, so hot. Oh my god, it was hot. We drank enough water, but sheesh.
Also, the damn kids walked around a LOT, didn't really sleep on the way back, and... still took over 2 hours to go to sleep. What the hell, kids.
+2
Options
HenroidMexican kicked from Immigration ThreadCentrism is Racism :3Registered Userregular
Happy Father's Day guys. I've known a lot of you sorta for years and you guys are doing great.
Also yes, too salty, but if you have a dog you are not a parent and should not make Father's or Mother's day posts and pet ownership is nothing like tiny human raising. Sorry.
Also yes, too salty, but if you have a dog you are not a parent and should not make Father's or Mother's day posts and pet ownership is nothing like tiny human raising. Sorry.
Oh shit no, I didn't even connect what I wrote to what you said, I was just trying to stave off people saying "yo that's too harsh" because believe me it's not half as harsh as the first draft.
Also yes, too salty, but if you have a dog you are not a parent and should not make Father's or Mother's day posts and pet ownership is nothing like tiny human raising. Sorry.
Excepting of course the folks for whom having a pet is the closest thing they can ever achieve to having a child, obviously.
0
Options
HardtargetThere Are Four LightsVancouverRegistered Userregular
Also yes, too salty, but if you have a dog you are not a parent and should not make Father's or Mother's day posts and pet ownership is nothing like tiny human raising. Sorry.
Excepting of course the folks for whom having a pet is the closest thing they can ever achieve to having a child, obviously.
nope, sorry, those still aren't their kids. it sucks but them's the breaks, don't compare it to having baby humans, it's NOT the same thing. drives me crazy.
also that fucking t-ball story that @Ketar posted made me fucking rage, I can't believe the assistant coach or the head coach didn't step in. Having special needs is not carte blanche to be an asshole.
My daughter just said I love you to me for the first time!
took her long enough! ungrateful.
that's awesome man, the Isaac first said it to me I almost died of happiness.
0
Options
DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
kind of really feel like I've screwed up not having kids by now. when I first started dating my wife, she said she didn't really want kids. I was like, "nah, that'll change when you hit 30." Whoops!
Hitting 40 this year. When I start doing the math of what probable age I'd be to have a kid, and then what age I'd be at major milestones of their life, my heart falls. I guess I was thinking 35 would be a likely start date but yeah, that was 5 years ago.
My nieces and nephew are cute, but not exactly the same thing as having my own. So, Happy Father's Day!
We had our daughter when I was about to turn 40. Granted my wife was 32, so there is the big difference. I try not to think about my age compared to my daughter's milestone life events and just enjoy our time together. Hell, we're thinking about another one which would make me 42 when he/she is born.
Need a voice actor? Hire me at bengrayVO.com
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051 Steam ID Twitch Page
I turn 50 this year. Bleh. But, Kate is the best thing to happen and I don't care how old I am. I'm even working on being healthier so I can keep doing things with her in the future.
You're never too old.
+5
Options
Raijin QuickfootI'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Hey Dads! Happy Father's Day!
Its weird because even though I wasn't really close with my dad at the end I can't help but be sad he's not here on days like today.
I turn 50 this year. Bleh. But, Kate is the best thing to happen and I don't care how old I am. I'm even working on being healthier so I can keep doing things with her in the future.
You're never too old.
Yep. The older you are, the less energy you'll have for them (in general), but you're likely to be a bit less crappy at the modeling good behavior stuff (thinking of myself in my early 20's if I had a kid - yeesh). I'm 36 and we had our 2nd 11 months ago, my dad was 38 when I was born and still wrecked me at bicycling through high school.
All kids really want is your time and attention, and there is honestly no end to the fun they have with your exhausted body lying on the floor (Hop on pop is a valuable book of lessons FYI).
Yeah, I'm afraid some sort of authority has to step in at this point. Likely the bully needs to get put on notice that if this behaviour contiues he'll be suspended. I don't know what special needs the kid has, but they can't override the need of other kids to have fun.
Just because his parents won't discipline him doesn't mean the league can't.
And, as everyone knows, official organizations are awesome at dealing with bullying!
I have a really, really hard time with bullying as a parent because I WAS bullied. And my immediate reaction to being bullied was, and remains, violence. I nonchalantly offered to break some little bastard's arm once because my son's school was smiling and nodding as he literally ran children off as their parent's transferred them to other schools as ours did a grand total of nothing at all. My wife actually had to point out that not only was that an appropriate reaction, it was actually frightening. It's just a hardwired (literal) fight response for me.
I turn 50 this year. Bleh. But, Kate is the best thing to happen and I don't care how old I am. I'm even working on being healthier so I can keep doing things with her in the future.
You're never too old.
there is honestly no end to the fun they have with your exhausted body lying on the floor (Hop on pop is a valuable book of lessons FYI).
This is seriously my kid's favorite thing in the world. I can lay on the floor and nap while he plays climb over mommy. Win win.
+1
Options
Raijin QuickfootI'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPAregular
As I lay here at 12:50am knowing I have to be up in a few hours for work a thought passes through my head...
I wonder if my son is getting his molars in... He didn't sleep last night, and kept wanting me to cradle his face. It's not an ear infection, since we just got cleared by the doctor. And Tylenol helped him. I thought he maybe had some generic issue, but teething makes sense.
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
My wife is at the library with the kids, and Mallory was playing with a block and another kid came up to play with it, too, and Mallory screamed "ME!" So my wife told her, "Mallory, you share."
And now Mallory is going around to all the toys and grabbing them all and yelling "Share!"
That's not....quite the meaning of "share," Mallory.
My wife is at the library with the kids, and Mallory was playing with a block and another kid came up to play with it, too, and Mallory screamed "ME!" So my wife told her, "Mallory, you share."
And now Mallory is going around to all the toys and grabbing them all and yelling "Share!"
That's not....quite the meaning of "share," Mallory.
The kiddo and I took a walk up our street to get the mail. Naturally this meant she had to stop and look at everything on the way. I decided to take a few pictures and put them on Facebook. The wife saw the album and started scrolling through the pics.
Her comments on the first pic:
"Oh I love this one! So cute! It looks so peaceful and professional. You should think about being a photographer honey!"
She clicks to the next pic:
"NOPE! That looks like a horror movie shot! Delete it quickly! AHH!
Need a voice actor? Hire me at bengrayVO.com
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051 Steam ID Twitch Page
Kid at daycare threw up shortly before we dropped Ollie off this morning, swear to god if you give my kid the pukes and I get them... I'M GOING TO BE SO ANGRY AT YOU!
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
Kid at daycare threw up shortly before we dropped Ollie off this morning, swear to god if you give my kid the pukes and I get them... I'M GOING TO BE SO ANGRY AT YOU!
You have to get more zen about it or you'll have an aneurysm before he hits kindergarten :P
On the bright side, my son brought way fewer plagues home from kindergarten than he did any year of daycare or pre-school.
+1
Options
KetarCome on upstairswe're having a partyRegistered Userregular
By the way, thanks to everyone who weighed in on the bullying issue for my son. Practice went well this week, but the other boy wasn't there, so... Fingers crossed for tonight's game.
+1
Options
lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
Well, we managed at least two weeks without a snotty nose.
Sigh.
Also, why do you insist on wearing shoes? Your feet hurt enough while using mommy as a jungle gym. Adding shoes into the mix is just cruel.
Posts
Things got started tonight when my son fielded a ball that the other boy wanted to go after. He ended up diving on top of my son and trying to take the ball from him, staying on top of him for a long time until one of the coaches walked over to see what was going on. After that the two apparently started shouting at each other and calling each other names for several minutes, along with hissing at each other. My son ended up sitting down and crying and saying he hated t-ball and wanted to quit and never play again. He said the other boy kept calling him a baby and that was what got him so upset. I talked him into batting one last time and got him back with his team eventually. While walking over with my younger daughter I see the two boys squared off again with one of the other mothers trying to talk to them. The other boy reached over and lightly hit my son in the chest, and then told the mother there that he was just trying to get a bug off of him when my son got angry. When she looked away he hit my son much harder in the stomach. When I got there she started telling me that they were both just swinging their hats at each other in a way that was obviously trying to excuse the other kid, so I asked my son if that was the boy who had been calling him a baby and she stopped talking immediately.
The other kid's mom came over and apologized, and that was when she told me that her son had special needs. The two boys took turns growling at each other until I got my son off to the side and talked to him enough to calm him down. Less than a minute later the other boy steps to the side of his mother to call my son a baby again. At this point the boy's father comes over and tries to distract him a bit, but neither parent is really doing anything at all to discipline him or tell him to stop. My son goes up to bat, and the kid calls him a baby again from behind the batter's cage, and tells his dad off when he tries to get him to cheer on his teammate. When the game is over and the kids go to line up for handshakes, he calls my son a baby yet again. They get through the handshakes any my son comes to me sobbing and starts screaming about how the other boy is a bully. While I'm trying to help him calm down both of the other parents are trying to bring my son the post-game snack and drink, and offering some to my daughter as well as some kind of peace offering, but continuing to do almost nothing about their kid other than act apologetically. I am being as graceful as I can possibly be, thanking them every time they offer or bring something and telling them that my son is probably just upset because he'd gotten in trouble at home before the game - even though watching my son get bullied is enraging me while filling me with an aching sadness. They end up heading over to a nearby playground and I get my kids sorted with snacks and drinks and start the long walk back to our car. As we pass the playground the kid is waiting until we're about even with him and then shouts to call my son a baby again from about 100 feet away. I literally bite my tongue and end up talking a little bit with the asst. coach who is in between us and heard that last shout.
I don't know what to do. My son was absolutely miserable and seeing him like that was even more painful than my own memories of being bullied as a child. He has gone from loving t-ball to desperately wanting to stop playing. I am trying to be sympathetic to the other parents - I have a diagnosed personality disorder that has lead to a lifetime of depression and (at times) crippling anxiety and runs in my family, and many signs thus far indicate my son is likely in the same boat; and I manage a child and adolescent psychiatric office that I have worked at off and on for over 7 years in every role imaginable aside from therapist/doctor, so I absolutely understand how difficult it can be in their shoes. But that little shit had the kind of malicious smile on his face every time he called my son a baby that tells you he understood exactly what he was doing and was enjoying every minute of it. And I have zero faith that his parents can or will reign him in. It's too late for my son to switch to a different team since uniforms have already been ordered, so our options are to help him through this somehow or let him quit. I really don't like the latter option for a variety of reasons, but I also don't want my son to suffer as obviously as he was tonight. My instinct is to let him stop playing and get him out of this situation asap, but I know that probably isn't the best for him in the long run. The coaches don't seem to be ready to deal with something like this, and I can't really blame them since they're just volunteers who probably just wanted to help out with something their kids wanted to do.
So, any coping mechanisms that others have had success with with their kids in similar situations? Or any other ideas at all, really? Anything that might help my son would be greatly appreciated. He's no angel - he has a bad temper at times that leads him to react too much when he gets provoked, but I saw enough tonight to be sure that he was being bullied by the other boy far beyond any kind of tit-for-tat like them growling or hissing at each other.
But I tell you what, it probably would have taken the third incident (name call or shover) before I confronted the parents and asked them to do something. I understand they have an extremely difficult child to deal with, but that kid is their responsibility. Seriously, enough is enough. Please remove the kid from the game today to teach him a lesson and allow the other kids to enjoy a drama-free game.
Or as @schuss said, have coach step in. Kids can't sass him/her like a parent, which makes him/her a great 3rd option.
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051
Steam ID
Twitch Page
Just because his parents won't discipline him doesn't mean the league can't.
Can't agree enough. At that level, the coach isn't really there to teach these kids baseball, they're there to make sure everybody gets their turn and gets along. If he/she won't or can't help, then you need to go over his or her head.
Also, the damn kids walked around a LOT, didn't really sleep on the way back, and... still took over 2 hours to go to sleep. What the hell, kids.
That said, for levity's sake,
From work. I'm not salty.
Also yes, too salty, but if you have a dog you are not a parent and should not make Father's or Mother's day posts and pet ownership is nothing like tiny human raising. Sorry.
Was this directed at me?
WoW
Dear Satan.....
Excepting of course the folks for whom having a pet is the closest thing they can ever achieve to having a child, obviously.
nope, sorry, those still aren't their kids. it sucks but them's the breaks, don't compare it to having baby humans, it's NOT the same thing. drives me crazy.
also that fucking t-ball story that @Ketar posted made me fucking rage, I can't believe the assistant coach or the head coach didn't step in. Having special needs is not carte blanche to be an asshole.
ugh.
anyways, happy father's day dudes!
PSN/Steam/NNID: SyphonBlue | BNet: SyphonBlue#1126
that's awesome man, the Isaac first said it to me I almost died of happiness.
Hitting 40 this year. When I start doing the math of what probable age I'd be to have a kid, and then what age I'd be at major milestones of their life, my heart falls. I guess I was thinking 35 would be a likely start date but yeah, that was 5 years ago.
My nieces and nephew are cute, but not exactly the same thing as having my own. So, Happy Father's Day!
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051
Steam ID
Twitch Page
You're never too old.
Its weird because even though I wasn't really close with my dad at the end I can't help but be sad he's not here on days like today.
He only ever got to meet one of his grandkids.
Yep. The older you are, the less energy you'll have for them (in general), but you're likely to be a bit less crappy at the modeling good behavior stuff (thinking of myself in my early 20's if I had a kid - yeesh). I'm 36 and we had our 2nd 11 months ago, my dad was 38 when I was born and still wrecked me at bicycling through high school.
All kids really want is your time and attention, and there is honestly no end to the fun they have with your exhausted body lying on the floor (Hop on pop is a valuable book of lessons FYI).
Matrim:
Carolina:
James:
twitch.tv/Taramoor
@TaramoorPlays
Taramoor on Youtube
We have 1. Trying for 2. Multiples run in both sides so we are preparing for more.
Assembly Line methodology.
twitch.tv/Taramoor
@TaramoorPlays
Taramoor on Youtube
I have a really, really hard time with bullying as a parent because I WAS bullied. And my immediate reaction to being bullied was, and remains, violence. I nonchalantly offered to break some little bastard's arm once because my son's school was smiling and nodding as he literally ran children off as their parent's transferred them to other schools as ours did a grand total of nothing at all. My wife actually had to point out that not only was that an appropriate reaction, it was actually frightening. It's just a hardwired (literal) fight response for me.
This is seriously my kid's favorite thing in the world. I can lay on the floor and nap while he plays climb over mommy. Win win.
"Fuck teething"
And now Mallory is going around to all the toys and grabbing them all and yelling "Share!"
That's not....quite the meaning of "share," Mallory.
PSN/Steam/NNID: SyphonBlue | BNet: SyphonBlue#1126
"They're all shared with me, myself, and I!"
Her comments on the first pic:
"Oh I love this one! So cute! It looks so peaceful and professional. You should think about being a photographer honey!"
She clicks to the next pic:
"NOPE! That looks like a horror movie shot! Delete it quickly! AHH!
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051
Steam ID
Twitch Page
pleasepaypreacher.net
You have to get more zen about it or you'll have an aneurysm before he hits kindergarten :P
On the bright side, my son brought way fewer plagues home from kindergarten than he did any year of daycare or pre-school.
Sigh.
Also, why do you insist on wearing shoes? Your feet hurt enough while using mommy as a jungle gym. Adding shoes into the mix is just cruel.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad