The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Feel horrible
Magus`
The fun has been DOUBLED!Registered User regular
The fun has been DOUBLED!Registered User regular
Though I know I'll get responses telling me things aren't so bad I feel like getting this off my chest will hopefully help me feel better.
Two weeks ago on the 5th my GF of seven months broke up with me. Mind you, this was my first GF in ten years. There was no warning even one week prior (spent a nice evening together) and her reasons for wanting to end the relationship were questionable at best.
I get called in Friday concerning access of said GFs electronic file (mind you, this happened months prior). The reason I accessed the file was to give her appointment times because she had missed several in a row and thus could not get medication necessary to function. She asked for this information and nothing in company policy said appointment times were protected.
Note: a person can give you verbal permission to access their personal health files vis a vis HIPAA.
I explained the situation to the district director when asked about it and said that if I thought I was disallowed from accessing this information that it would be incredibly dumb to risk my job over such non-info. I was assured it would be looked in to and several staff said while bad it wasn't malicious and at best I'd get reprimanded.
I take Monday and Tuesday off and get told I need to come in to talk to the director again. After a short discussion I was told my employment was terminated due to "unnecessary" access to privledged information. So after 2.5 years of absolutely no policy violations I'm terminated for what, at worst, was an accidental violation of a rule I was never informed of.
Mind you, our company has had several willfully fraudulent employees. What got me was being honest (why wouldn't I be?) about something I didn't know was wrong.
My phone was through my company so it got shut off. My three weeks of vacation time were disallowed. My 3,000 yearly bonus for performance and constant adherence to company values was declined.
I honestly thought I was managing. I was looking for work and telling myself I'd find something and someone better. However I went on FB today to deactivate the account (I used it mainly contact her when she misplaced her phone, which was often) and because of stupid website design I saw messages from her from a few months ago and I just broke. Everything just hit me at once and I've been a wreck all day.
Yes, I know it's temporary and things will get better but right now I can honestly say I have never felt worse. Anyhow, I wanted to get that off my chest because god knows I have nowhere else to put it. If you're still reading at this point I thank you for taking the time to do so.
I think I may just go lay down and hope I can regain enough will to continue job hunting.
Two weeks ago on the 5th my GF of seven months broke up with me. Mind you, this was my first GF in ten years. There was no warning even one week prior (spent a nice evening together) and her reasons for wanting to end the relationship were questionable at best.
I get called in Friday concerning access of said GFs electronic file (mind you, this happened months prior). The reason I accessed the file was to give her appointment times because she had missed several in a row and thus could not get medication necessary to function. She asked for this information and nothing in company policy said appointment times were protected.
Note: a person can give you verbal permission to access their personal health files vis a vis HIPAA.
I explained the situation to the district director when asked about it and said that if I thought I was disallowed from accessing this information that it would be incredibly dumb to risk my job over such non-info. I was assured it would be looked in to and several staff said while bad it wasn't malicious and at best I'd get reprimanded.
I take Monday and Tuesday off and get told I need to come in to talk to the director again. After a short discussion I was told my employment was terminated due to "unnecessary" access to privledged information. So after 2.5 years of absolutely no policy violations I'm terminated for what, at worst, was an accidental violation of a rule I was never informed of.
Mind you, our company has had several willfully fraudulent employees. What got me was being honest (why wouldn't I be?) about something I didn't know was wrong.
My phone was through my company so it got shut off. My three weeks of vacation time were disallowed. My 3,000 yearly bonus for performance and constant adherence to company values was declined.
I honestly thought I was managing. I was looking for work and telling myself I'd find something and someone better. However I went on FB today to deactivate the account (I used it mainly contact her when she misplaced her phone, which was often) and because of stupid website design I saw messages from her from a few months ago and I just broke. Everything just hit me at once and I've been a wreck all day.
Yes, I know it's temporary and things will get better but right now I can honestly say I have never felt worse. Anyhow, I wanted to get that off my chest because god knows I have nowhere else to put it. If you're still reading at this point I thank you for taking the time to do so.
I think I may just go lay down and hope I can regain enough will to continue job hunting.
0
Posts
Things will get better man. They always do.
The reasoning for your termination sounds really sketchy to me, though. I think they're in the wrong here. Unless I'm understanding it wrong, it sounds like you were an employee of some kind of medical facility, and your GF was a patient. If a patient contacts you and asks for appointment times, of course there is no breach of HIPAA since you're doing your job. Not sure if it's worth it to you now to obtain legal help for wrongful termination, but maybe you can try and sue for any bonuses or severance pay you should've received?
He only dated her for 7 months, not 10 years.
That said, there are no "questionable reasons" to break up. As much as it hurts, her wanting to break up is enough, there doesn't have to be a reason.
I am a little suspicious at your looking up information for her suddenly coming up now, though. I'd maybe talk to a lawyer.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
Yeah, this seems weird to me. Why were they looking up who accessed that file months ago? Is it possible she issued a complaint about it?
It's because I mentioned it during a conversation. I wasn't trying to hide it because I didn't think it was wrong. She was a client out of another office due to our relationship (which I cleared with everyone I could think of).
I was a caseworker for a mental health/social work company. Checking appointment times is done in a different part of the program than actual medical information. I flat out told them to ask her because I figured she would back me up. I assume they never bothered to contact her.
When I say questionable I mean she said things like she just didn't feel like she was romantically or physically attracted to men. I'm not saying she lied but if that's the case why even ask me out in the first place? Also she has had BFs in the past and she never implied that those relationships wer uncomfortable for her. I'll spare everyone the intimate aspects except to say they existed and she tended to be the initiator.
Like, I know in the end it doesn't matter. But just being told out of nowhere we were done just blew my mind. If it had been being fired or the sudden breakup I could deal. Both in one weeks time just knocked me the fuck out.
If I left anything out let me know.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Not everyone knows perfectly well what their sexuality is all the time. Maybe she was in self-denial mode for a while before finally admitting it to herself. Maybe she's bi but is afraid of that label because it comes with a lot of baggage. There could be a lot of things going on with her, and again there doesn't have to actually be a reason.
As much as it hurts to be broken up with, she did you a kindness by saying what she felt instead of trying to hide it. I've been in those relationships where the person obviously wanted to break up but instead of just kindly cutting me off, they made me feel uncomfortable and unloved and uncertain for a while first, stringing me along unnecessarily. Even one guy who denied he wanted to break up when I brought it up, but went right back to ignoring me after that conversation was over. Breaking up is dreadful. But being in a relationship with someone who wants to break up but won't admit it is so much worse.
On an emotional level, take really good care of yourself right now. Talk with people who care about you. Get that lawyer regarding wrongful termination if that's an option. Exercise, eat good food. Remember that you're an awesome person and you aren't defined either by your romantic relationship or your job.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
Not sure what documents I could use. Also I live in an At Will (I think that's the term?) state so I'm not sure legal stuff will help. I'll certainly ask a local firm just in case.
On a side note I put in an official complaint which is apparently headed towards the 3rd highest ranked employee in the company. I don't think they usually go that high so maybe my complaint was considered at least compelling enough to review.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
At will employment doesn't mean wrongful termination isn't a thing. You absolutely can fight that even in most at-will states, if only to file for unemployment while searching.
I mean I can't speak for her but she already considered herself bi. She said she felt something was missing but couldn't 100% explain why. If she was being completely honest it's impressive (sad?) that I didn't pick up on her not really being into the relationship.
I guess I'm just upset because I don't feel like I learned anything. By that I mean things I could use to improve my own behavior. Also my personality lends to extensive self guilt even when I was objectively in the right. I could find out she was cheating and I'd still somehow feel it's all my fault when it wasn't.
I just need these feelings to leave, even for just a bit. It's making job hunting impossible and that's not something I can afford (literally).
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
I have a second job that ends today (tax prep). Can I still file for unemployment even though I'm employed at this exact moment?
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Re: second job, you can still file. You may qualify for less for the one day you're still employed. Just get the process started.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Wow I totally misread that. Nevermind :bigfrown:
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Well there's nothing wrong with not picking up on her not being into the relationship. Happens to the best of us. I had a relationship in which I thought I had found the gal of my dreams while she apparently was seeing other men from our 2nd month together until she broke up with me 10 months later. All my friends thought we were in an open relationship because she was doing it right in front of my eyes but I had the blinds down and my brain must have just shut all those clues down.
I am no US law expert, heck I am a Turk, but I would definitely consult an attorney. Don't they have free half an hour consultation in the US?
I'm working hard to find a job. So far my best bet is a manager trainee position at Aldis which would solve all my money issues. That being said I'm sure there are a lot more qualified people than me.
Also looking into criminal justice stuff since that's my major. I found a GA/CJ at the college I went to that's 10 hours a week and yet pays more than my 40 hour job. I feel like there has to be a catch.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
If you like the field, why not try it? Even if it doesn't turn out to be what you expected, you can keep looking in the meantime and arrange to start when the academic year ends? Or maybe that 10 hours a week turns into more hours that involve things that you find interesting. You cannot know without trying. At least go ahead and apply and listen to what they say. Cheers mate, hope you feel better.
I work in a large health system which I also utilize myself and have access to the EMR, AFAIK I am not allowed to access my own chart despite legally speaking, the information within is my own. I need to go through the proper channels like any other patient (ie medical records request). Now whether its a legal violation or a violation of company policy, i'm not quite sure of, but either way it would still be a violation one could use to support termination.
Also as a first offence it seems awfully harsh considering my record. That and they're losing 2-3,000 a week while trying to find a replacement. I was a very productive employee.
I can promise you it's not a legal obligation. They basically got the base info and assumed the worst. I still assume they never contacted my ex. I feel pretty sure she'd sign a waiver stating I was getting her appointment times by request.
Ah well. My company is trying to hit me with early termination fees for my corporate line but AT&T says it was never under my name by law so I don't owe them anything. If I get a decent paying sometime soon I may pay it out of good sportsmanship. Otherwise, who knows.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
I think it requires being enrolled at the same time so not terribly feasible.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
It sucks but I don't think you can fight the termination. Unemployment is a good idea to buy yourself time to get some stuff sorted. Chiefly, you need a job and your previous relationship with an unstable girl is irrelevant in your mission to find one.
Pick something important you don't like and fix it. Employment is a good start. Then pick something else. Lots of people go with fitness as the next thing. You're in a position that millions of people end out in and are entirely capable of sorting it out.
I know it's fixable but that doesn't change how it feels.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
I know grief, over whatever, can last awhile. While I accept that I need to find some way to hold it in until I get the job situation managed. Any tips? I understand if this is unanswerable but doesn't hurt to try.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Despite all the efforts to make things better, non-traditional sexual ties aren't really well regarded in large swaths of our society, and she could have been trying to "conform", for a number of reasons. (Which doesn't work.)
But to the main part: I work for a health insurer, and I can tell you that what you did would be a clearly defined firable offense where I work. As in "this is the sort of thing that gets pounded into us from day one." Appointment bookings are very much protected health information, and as easy as it may have been for you to look up her information, touching information of significant others is strictly prohibited for a number of reasons. I'm sorry, but this is something that's pretty much standard.
Basically it's upsetting to be fired over an accidental, if very stupid of me, access of information. Keep in mind I was unemployed for 5 years before working here and ten years since dating someone. I have to force myself to take chances because no matter how little of potential risk there is my brain freaks the fuck out.
So now I'm in the position of grieving over my first relationship in ten years (once again, massive effort for me to even get into the relationship) and having to look for work when the only reason I had the job I had was a reference from a friend (though I was good at the job once I got it).
People understandably dismiss how I feel because, even together, these events aren't that bad. On paper, I would agree wholeheartedly. However, these "everyday" things are huge moments to me. I'm not saying I deserve any special sympathy but I feel like people assume I'm not trying out of laziness when in actuality I'm so insecure that even leaving the apartment makes me want to puke.
Doesn't help I'm 31 and am experiencing things I should have been familiar with for over a decade. Can't be helped now, though.
Edit: Also I was the type of person who would ask twenty questions if I was concerned about something. The fact that I didn't points out it wasn't clearly defined and I wasn't smart enough to suss it out myself. So yeah, that's on me, I guess.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
That said, the likelihood of you having an actionable claim for the dismissal is...low. HIPAA is a law that has real teeth, and verbal authorizations are, in my experience, only for the duration of that specific contact. In addition, not allowing employees to touch self/family/friends' records is pretty much an industry standard. It would be uphill to prove a wrongful dismissal. And while I get that it's galling that other people haven't been dismissed for more egregious offenses, dwelling on that will chew you up.
As for your girlfriend, yes, the relationship ending sucks horribly. But what you should do, after letting yourself grieve, is look at the relationship, and use it to better understand what you want in a relationship. You mentioned that she was the one initiating intimacy - what happened when you tried to? If she rebuffed your attempts to initiate, that's a bit of a warning sign. But what you should not do is give up. Grieve for your loss (and yes, it is a real loss), and then use it to grow, to help you figure what you want in your next relationship.
Yes, next. Funny thing about relationships - they sneak up on you when you're not expecting it.
Allow me to give some feedback. I met my GF by chance in town. Shortly after she entered services for what I assume was PTSD, ADHD and other things (you'll note I'm not sure because I made a point of not involving myself in her treatment from day one, part of the reason I'm pissed they assume I was purposely ignoring protocol).
I told everyone - my bosses, coworkers, nurses and so on about our relationship to make sure there was no issue. After a short discussion with his boss, my boss gave me the go ahead to keep seeing her. That was fall of last year.
We saw each other about once a week due to our work schedules. It was hard (for me, anyhow) and after a period of not hearing from her for 4-5 days we discussed if it was worth it. After talking a few hours we decided to keep trying and the following week she said she was very happy that we decided to continue.
While the once a week bit continued to suck (2 days for the weeks she spent the night) they were wonderful times. Though infrequent I would get texts from her saying she missed me and so on. She would even brag how helpful I was to her relatives she was living with.
The following things stick out in my memory:
1. At one point her uncle died. They were close and she shut down. I gave her space and eventually things stabilized. Their relationship was important as I'll get to in a bit.
2. At some point her immediate family got evicted because of.. several things. At this point the relatives she lived with let them stay at their house without asking my ex. She was not happy due to not being asked and her parents and one of her siblings being abusive. The plus side was she adored her youngest brother due to raising him during her teenage years.
3. A few weeks after they moved in we were spending time together at my place. I don't recall the exact conversation but at some point she broke down and said her uncle was the only person there who didn't treat her like a maid. She also hated feeling like she had to be the parent to her brothers, even though she loved them so much. We talked about it, she relaxed and the rest of the night was pleasant.
The next week I was taking Tuesday off and she texted she wanted to hang out, as was the norm. I go to her place, she's all smiles and says her parents found a place so.. whoo. Anyhow, we get in the car and she goes from very happy to DEAD SERIOUS if not almost guilty or remorseful. She says we need to talk and as anyone knows that never ends well.
We go to a nearby lake and she basically says that something is missing. She says maybe she's not really attracted to men (which, while there was plenty of evidence to the contrary, OK). She also said she didn't see me as her husband which seemed unnecessary considering, no shit, you don't marry a person you're breaking up with. We went to my place, I returned the things she left there and then dropped her back at her relatives.
That was the last time I spoke with her. A week later I was fired (as noted, off something I said, not a complaint by her.. I'd hope).
Anyhow, there was plenty of evidence everything was alright (but there always is, isn't there?) and I found her reasons for breaking up to seem.. odd. Outside her breaking down the week before I can honestly say I saw no negative behaviors from her.
So yeah, I'm sure I missed something. Maybe a lot of somethings. Maybe she was too young. Maybe it was her past. Maybe she was cheating on me or just wanted someone else more. I don't know, I know I won't know and it has broken me. Now the stress of having no job and multiple anxiety attacks a day have made it near impossible to do.. anything.
Two weeks ago I had never felt better. Now I have never felt worse and I don't see it improving any time soon. Sorry if that was way too much info.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Assigning blame isn't going to help - either you or her. All its doing is making you feel horrible, playing "if only..." over and over in your head. And that's not healthy for you. You didn't "miss" anything - she has her own demons, and sometimes they erode a relationship. Looking for blame will only lead you to one of two places - blaming her, or blaming yourself. Both are unhealthy.
Also it's not so much I want someone or something to blame, I just don't want it to turn out there is some part of my personality or behavior which upsets people. Yes, I know, just be yourself and people should like you for who you are but it's hard to shake self doubt even when I know it's dumb.
In the end I just want to feel better so I can focus on myself. I don't really care how I get there (assuming healthy ways) because I'm not going to add homeless and carless to my status of being single and unemployed. I'm pretty sure I'm entering some sort of anger stage. Earlier posts were making me tear up. Now I'm clenching my teeth. That's progress, I suppose?
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
When I note I'd like 12-13/hr to pay my bills people act like I asked for a six figure salary. I'll continue to search and increase my range from half hour to full hour. That would put me within vicinity of KC, so.. there's that.
Also if it seems like I've been taking this extra poorly I may have forgotten to mention I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. I've got medication (for now) but it's only somewhat effective. Today has been especially bad, no idea why.
I also suffer from IBS which is really kicking my ass. The few times I can keep anything down I end up getting massive cramps. I also worry about what effect it will have on any future jobs. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Anyhow, I'll update if anything happens. I really need some good news right now.
Edit - Also I found out my psych appointment for this month was rescheduled to the end of next month when I won't have insurance.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Did you explain this to them? I can't imagine any practice not doing their best to accommodate you under those circumstances. Most do want to get paid after all.
Also are you just using Indeed to apply? I'd avoid Monster and sites like that, but I had good luck with LinkedIn when I was job hunting. Hell, I got my current job when I was super exhausted after getting home late from the retail job I was working post college and just applying to any job on there in my field that I could apply to just using my account and an attached résumé.
My psych appointment was with the company that terminated. I'm sure the reschedule was coincidental but damn.
Also people keep telling me if it gets bad I can always live in a tent or my car. I can't live like that. Literally. Or they tell me to work two 40 hour a week jobs. I can't handle that. Working 55 hours a week in two jobs for three months was barely manageable.
I'll keep trying as long as I can but it's getting worse every day. I appreciate all the suggestions and kind words given.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Apply through the HR website listed for whatever hospital system. Don't rely on LinkedIn or Monster.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
Tomorrow I'm going to apparently tour a UPS office. Not sure if they're actually offering an interview but the pay would be more agreeable.
I'm getting worried I don't have enough marketable skills to get the income I need to survive. At least not around here. I know I could move but I've lived here for 24 years and a change that large goddamn terrifies me.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass