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Help me to survive in a job I hate
Keeponswimming
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Registered User new member
The TL,DR of this is that I hate my job and it’s killing me, how do I cope with it and maintain my performance while waiting for another job to turn up?
I work for a consulting firm and I’ve been here a little more than 2 years. Here’s how the process generally works: 1) client gives us a project, 2) I formulate a strategy for the project and I get the strategy to a supervisor in charge, 3) the supervisor approves/rejects/modifies the strategy and gets it back to me, 4) I package the project and get it back to the supervisor, 5) the supervisor approves/rejects/modifies the packaged project, sometimes sending it back to me for modifications, and the packaged project is then sent to the client, 6) the client approves/rejects/modifies the packaged project and returns it to us for execution, 7) we complete/modify the packaged project and upon completion we finally bill the client for the completed project.
My pay is based on completed projects, however, I am also responsible for my portion of company overhead. So the breakdown generally goes like this: my portion of overhead is 8K a month, and projects are billed out at 4K a project, so I don’t even get any income until I’ve taken care of my overhead, which means I have to complete at least two projects a month before I get anything. Then, once my overhead is taken care of, I get 50% of the project as pre-tax commission, so for every project after the first two I’m getting 2K per completed project. So if I do five projects a month, (20K in billings), I should get 6K in pre-tax income every month.
That sounded good to me, and it’s why I accepted the job in the first place. Plus the “you work more you get more” was a nice incentive. But it doesn’t end up actually happening that way. Here’s why.
First, supervisors are concerned with making their own money, and not with helping me. It’s literally no skin off their nose for me to not get paid, or for my projects to fall behind in favor of them finishing their projects (for which they get 75% per project upon completion). There have literally been months I have gone without a paycheck because supervisors couldn’t be bothered to work on my projects, resulting in projects being late. Oh, and because they’re my projects, even if I get them to supervisors a month ahead of time for review and they only get it back to me on the date its due and request revisions, I take a billing penalty of anywhere between 300-500 dollars for the project being late. So, one month late on one project means that I’m only getting $1500 instead of 2K due to the penalty. Additionally, any and all time a supervisor spends reviewing my project gets credited to them at 200 per hour. So my supervisor spends 2 hours total on my late project, now I’m lopping off another 400 bucks so now I’m getting 1100 for the completed project.
Second, this isn’t my first job in consulting, but the type of consulting here and how it’s done was new to me. I was told this wouldn’t be a problem because I’d have a mentor and the company prided itself on its training program. But because everything is structured around project completion, I’ve never gotten adequate training because supervisors don’t want to waste their time training me. It’s not like I’m getting a salary and sitting around so they actually have an economic motivation to train me, no, so any time spent training me is viewed as a drain on their personal bottom line. Not to mention, the personalities here are so “alpha dog” and mercurial I have literally been told to do one thing by one supervisor only to be excoriated for doing it by the same supervisor two weeks later. And I have 8 different supervisors, each with their own distinct ways of doing something be it how the projects should be done, to how review is conducted, etc.. It’s schizophrenic and maddening.
So it’s just a mountain of terrible shit. Also, when I do have all my projects completed, new projects are not automatically doled out to available consultants. Instead, I have to individually ask/beg a supervisor to see if they have any I can work on. Again, there’s no real motivation on their part to get back to me, because it’s not like I’m getting paid to sit around, so it can be days or weeks before I hear back with something new to work on so I can pay rent for the month. When I send out strategy proposals, I have to repeatedly hound them to annoyance because I can’t actually finish the project until they sign off on it, but they have no real motivation to get back to me because, again, I’m not getting paid to sit around because I’m not getting paid at all via salary. When an e-mail pops up I seize up with anxiety because it’s a 50/50 chance I’m going to be yelled at for something I should know not to do or should be doing even though I’ve never actually been told that’s the case, or I should have done more when I’ve been advised to not think for myself in certain situations and to defer to the supervisors, or I shouldn’t have done more because supervisors know better and need to be talked to about everything. It’s fucking maddening.
Because of the above shenanigans there have been several months in my two year span where I’ve received no income at all because I haven't been able to get more than 2 projects completed a month (to handle the overhead) or the 3 to 4 projects I've completed have been nickle and dimed to the point that my income barely covers my medical insurance. The more you work the more you get paid is bull, because more often than not it seems no matter how hard I work, I don’t get paid more (sometimes less) and my stress level only increases, but I can't not work because we need to cover rent and food. It's a terrible feedback loop. I’m sure I could deal with the stress, demands, inconsistency, and belligerent supervisors if I was actually paid by a salary, but that’s not the case here, nor will it ever be. So right now I’m stressed as all hell and I hate being here because nothing is going to get better and I have to put up with bullshit to maintain the miserable status quo.
My family and I have managed to survive, hoping that it will shake out and get better, but it hasn’t. I’ve been applying like mad to jobs for several months now, but while I’m waiting for things to happen on the new job front I still need to keep working and trying to complete projects in order to survive. It’s just that most days I’m so miserable it’s all I can do to not stare at the ceiling for eight hours. This job is killing me and I need advice as to how to deal with this terrible job until something better comes along.
Thanks.
I work for a consulting firm and I’ve been here a little more than 2 years. Here’s how the process generally works: 1) client gives us a project, 2) I formulate a strategy for the project and I get the strategy to a supervisor in charge, 3) the supervisor approves/rejects/modifies the strategy and gets it back to me, 4) I package the project and get it back to the supervisor, 5) the supervisor approves/rejects/modifies the packaged project, sometimes sending it back to me for modifications, and the packaged project is then sent to the client, 6) the client approves/rejects/modifies the packaged project and returns it to us for execution, 7) we complete/modify the packaged project and upon completion we finally bill the client for the completed project.
My pay is based on completed projects, however, I am also responsible for my portion of company overhead. So the breakdown generally goes like this: my portion of overhead is 8K a month, and projects are billed out at 4K a project, so I don’t even get any income until I’ve taken care of my overhead, which means I have to complete at least two projects a month before I get anything. Then, once my overhead is taken care of, I get 50% of the project as pre-tax commission, so for every project after the first two I’m getting 2K per completed project. So if I do five projects a month, (20K in billings), I should get 6K in pre-tax income every month.
That sounded good to me, and it’s why I accepted the job in the first place. Plus the “you work more you get more” was a nice incentive. But it doesn’t end up actually happening that way. Here’s why.
First, supervisors are concerned with making their own money, and not with helping me. It’s literally no skin off their nose for me to not get paid, or for my projects to fall behind in favor of them finishing their projects (for which they get 75% per project upon completion). There have literally been months I have gone without a paycheck because supervisors couldn’t be bothered to work on my projects, resulting in projects being late. Oh, and because they’re my projects, even if I get them to supervisors a month ahead of time for review and they only get it back to me on the date its due and request revisions, I take a billing penalty of anywhere between 300-500 dollars for the project being late. So, one month late on one project means that I’m only getting $1500 instead of 2K due to the penalty. Additionally, any and all time a supervisor spends reviewing my project gets credited to them at 200 per hour. So my supervisor spends 2 hours total on my late project, now I’m lopping off another 400 bucks so now I’m getting 1100 for the completed project.
Second, this isn’t my first job in consulting, but the type of consulting here and how it’s done was new to me. I was told this wouldn’t be a problem because I’d have a mentor and the company prided itself on its training program. But because everything is structured around project completion, I’ve never gotten adequate training because supervisors don’t want to waste their time training me. It’s not like I’m getting a salary and sitting around so they actually have an economic motivation to train me, no, so any time spent training me is viewed as a drain on their personal bottom line. Not to mention, the personalities here are so “alpha dog” and mercurial I have literally been told to do one thing by one supervisor only to be excoriated for doing it by the same supervisor two weeks later. And I have 8 different supervisors, each with their own distinct ways of doing something be it how the projects should be done, to how review is conducted, etc.. It’s schizophrenic and maddening.
So it’s just a mountain of terrible shit. Also, when I do have all my projects completed, new projects are not automatically doled out to available consultants. Instead, I have to individually ask/beg a supervisor to see if they have any I can work on. Again, there’s no real motivation on their part to get back to me, because it’s not like I’m getting paid to sit around, so it can be days or weeks before I hear back with something new to work on so I can pay rent for the month. When I send out strategy proposals, I have to repeatedly hound them to annoyance because I can’t actually finish the project until they sign off on it, but they have no real motivation to get back to me because, again, I’m not getting paid to sit around because I’m not getting paid at all via salary. When an e-mail pops up I seize up with anxiety because it’s a 50/50 chance I’m going to be yelled at for something I should know not to do or should be doing even though I’ve never actually been told that’s the case, or I should have done more when I’ve been advised to not think for myself in certain situations and to defer to the supervisors, or I shouldn’t have done more because supervisors know better and need to be talked to about everything. It’s fucking maddening.
Because of the above shenanigans there have been several months in my two year span where I’ve received no income at all because I haven't been able to get more than 2 projects completed a month (to handle the overhead) or the 3 to 4 projects I've completed have been nickle and dimed to the point that my income barely covers my medical insurance. The more you work the more you get paid is bull, because more often than not it seems no matter how hard I work, I don’t get paid more (sometimes less) and my stress level only increases, but I can't not work because we need to cover rent and food. It's a terrible feedback loop. I’m sure I could deal with the stress, demands, inconsistency, and belligerent supervisors if I was actually paid by a salary, but that’s not the case here, nor will it ever be. So right now I’m stressed as all hell and I hate being here because nothing is going to get better and I have to put up with bullshit to maintain the miserable status quo.
My family and I have managed to survive, hoping that it will shake out and get better, but it hasn’t. I’ve been applying like mad to jobs for several months now, but while I’m waiting for things to happen on the new job front I still need to keep working and trying to complete projects in order to survive. It’s just that most days I’m so miserable it’s all I can do to not stare at the ceiling for eight hours. This job is killing me and I need advice as to how to deal with this terrible job until something better comes along.
Thanks.
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What did you actually get paid from them last year?
Does that include them deducing payroll taxes like Social Security and Medicare?
Right now my advice is run the hell away.
I'm an employee, so they do deduct payroll taxes. So in the ideal example above, if I earn 6K in pre-tax income per month, that income is then subject to FICA, Fed Tax, State Tax, my medical insurance premium, my FSA, my dental, etc. My gross pre-tax ended up being around 50K last year.
As far as things being illegal, can you be more specific? I'm in the US, but nothing my company is doing strikes me as illegal, crazy regressive yes, but not illegal.
Edit: as far as quitting and going to McDonalds, I'm thinking that would be damaging to the job search.
Unfortunately, though, you may have to come at this indirectly just to cope until you can GTFO. Work stress like this (simply hating where you are) is a bit like taking a small dose of terrible shit every work day. It's tolerable in a microcosm but chronically builds up until you have a mental breakdown. What I'd recommend is that you find things outside of work that make you legitimately happy and be sure to counter the dosage with them. Since money is a stressor, consider the following as they are easier on the wallet:
- Parks, go to them. Just spend time in places that you think look and feel nice. Just being there for a little bit of time every other day can help you keep your sanity.
- Friends/Family, talk to them. Do things with them that aren't expensive (free to play multiplayer games, ultimate Frisbee, whatever floats your boat). Make sure you interact with human beings who aren't a part of this shitty social structure you have to deal with at the office.
- Cooking, try it. Learn to make something you think is really delicious. It may be fun and honestly could save you money.
Keep researching new things, and get second opinions on your resumes/cover letters/applications. Even if you aren't getting anywhere with the job application process, feeling productive with it is very important. Remember that it only takes one "Yes".
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This is true, particularly about the job search helping things to seem a little better. I know I feel better every day I get at least one application out, and the day is even better if it happens to be a recruiter and they take the time to call me to talk about my resume. I'm also trying to hit the gym at least three times a week, because while it takes away time from work, the stress relief is necessary to survive at this point.
But you're also right, at this point the toxicity and stress is so high I'm concerned about a breakdown. Hey, another positive of my job is that there is no vacation time, sick time or personal time! Sure I can take a week off anytime I want, but that means projects aren't getting done and as you can see it's just one wrench in the process that precipitates this massive cascade of failure that ramps up the stress.
I don't have a lot of experience with how consulting companies are run, but this sounds like a scam not a job.
Your 'portion of the overhead' is shit like your supervisor's time. Assuming that doesn't get billed out to clients directly. Also IDK how the fuck discounting your salary, you are responsible for 8k a month in overhead which sounds illegal as hell in the US. I mean pre employee IT costs are basically negligible. Unless your office is in like midtown manhattan that is insane for the sq footage one person represents in an office.
Well the very first bit would be minimum wage laws. Those pay periods were you brought home zero? Yeah, illegal as fuck if you're an actual employee.
Also, what the hell is 8k a month in overhead paying for if it isn't pay for things like your supervisors to review your projects?
Using my 20k billing example, since 8k goes to overhead, that leaves 6k to me and 6k to the company as profit.
This. In a strange reverse from the current trend, by having to pay your own overhead (which includes company advertising), you are an employee being treated as a contractor.
Honestly, by having to go months without getting paid, and having to beg for work, I'm surprised you pulled 50k.
I agree with heartlash; work on making your workspace in the office as relaxing as possible to help you manage, find things outside of the office to help you festered in your free time, and keep on applying to literally anything in your field you find because it has to be better that what you've got.
I worked for a small boutique consulting firm, which was acquired by an international consulting firm, which then merged with another major consulting firm, and which then merged again with an global brokerage and reinsurance firm. I have done everything from peon grunt work to revenue-based consulting and client relationship management to software development in those various companies. And in none of those instances can I recall a pay structure like the one you have described.
I would not be surprised if it were actually illegal, assuming you work in the United States, especially if you are an employee of the company and not an independent contractor. Even if you were the latter, the pay structure you are describing is not standard, as contractors are generally paid a set fee either for work product or time spent - calculations on overhead and what not are included in that final fee, not calculated as some sort of "company tax" in the accounting. Most professional services firms that take work on what is essentially a commission-based model still provide a standard salary and benefits to their employees, and then add on incentives for sales/revenue/billable hours/etc. (a.k.a., "you eat what you kill"). It sounds to me like you are way too low on the totem pole (no offense) to be working in that type of model. Most legit companies would simply hire a recent college graduate looking for an entry-level job with a minimal salary for the kind of work you are doing. Even in a standard pyramid scheme, if you are selling knives or vacuums you get paid on a per-sale basis - they don't make you jump through hoops to calculate overhead and revenue adjustments, because there is a strong implication that you are then an actual employee of the company and not a contractor.
This sounds SUPER duper fishy.
And I would second the notion that if at the end of the day you are working 40+ hours per week and not even getting minimum wage out of it, you might a well go work at McDonald's for all the good this company is doing you.
Do you know if you are an Exempt or a Non-Exempt Employee? Or are you a contractor?
Another thing that jumped out at me in your story: why the hell are your projects billed out at a constant flat-rate, but require tons of up-front work and multiple approval steps to define them?
If something is going to have commodity pricing, then it damn well needs to be a commodity: implementation 1 should be almost identical to implementation 2, 3, 4, ... X. If there's customization of the work, then there needs to be customization of the pricing.
One of my fucking huge pet peeves is companies who fuck up the alignment of business interests with their compensation structure, and your particular example is like nails on a chalkboard to me.
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