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The Even Worse Joke Thread

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    Hi I'm Vee!Hi I'm Vee! Formerly VH; She/Her; Is an E X P E R I E N C E Registered User regular
    edited September 2018
    Regardless of the correct pronunciation of "shih-tzu" i would argue that the pun should be based on the common pronunciation. The joke makes sense because almost everybody thinks "shit zoo" in their heads, and even if you don't, you almost certainly know that's how the vast majority of people pronounce it.

    In America anyway, obviously certain puns don't work in other countries with different dialects/accents/whatever. :P

    Edit: did it seriously take me nearly two hours to come back and realize i'd typed "countrys"?

    Hi I'm Vee! on
    vRyue2p.png
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Let’s argue semantically some more about how pronounciation affects whether or not a joke works

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    destroyah87destroyah87 They/Them Preferred: She/Her - Please UseRegistered User regular
    joshofalltrades wrote: »
    Let’s argue semantically some more about how pronounciation affects whether or not a joke works

    Truly one of the consonant arguments of bad jokes.

    steam_sig.png
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    edited September 2018
    b62Req4.jpg

    eLPutkp.png

    Bedlam on
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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    What’s the difference between a socialite and a coprolite?

    The socialite isn’t petrified

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Speaking of accent-dependent jokes:

    What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

    You can't wash your hands in a buffalo

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Rhesus Positive wrote: »
    Speaking of accent-dependent jokes:

    What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

    You can't wash your hands in a buffalo

    You can't tell me qhat I can and can't do!

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    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Why did the vision-impaired person fall down the hole?

    Because they don't see that well.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Sometimes I use feelings as a defense mechanism so I dont let out all the jokes I have bottled up inside.

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    SyphyreSyphyre A Dangerous Pastime Registered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    Sometimes I use feelings as a defense mechanism so I dont let out all the jokes I have bottled up inside.

    So that's where the calendar came from.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I tried to enjoy my trip to Poland but I kept running into Poles.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I have a friend named Luke.

    He is never too hot, nor too cold.

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    I have a friend named Luke.

    He is never too hot, nor too cold.

    What about his hand, is it cool?

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    I have a friend named Luke.

    He is never too hot, nor too cold.

    What about his hand, is it cool?
    It is as warm as one (1) Luke.

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    LucedesLucedes might be real Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    I have a friend named Luke.

    He is never too hot, nor too cold.

    What about his hand, is it cool?

    I heard it's missing, but...
    sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I grew up just a stones throw away from where that family all died of mysterious head injures.

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    The Cow KingThe Cow King a island Registered User regular
    What would elvis be up to today if he was still alive?
    Scratching at his coffin

    icGJy2C.png
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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    What do you get a baseball player for their birthday?
    A bunt cake.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Robert Khoo wrote: »
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Grapes are a great snack for when you want something delicious; and if you happen to drop one it goes on an adventure to fucking Narnia!

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    wdaoYVV.jpg

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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    https://youtu.be/2ft954vXPa4

    BLM - ACAB
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    McFodderMcFodder Registered User regular
    Majestic.

    Switch Friend Code: SW-3944-9431-0318
    PSN / Xbox / NNID: Fodder185
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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    An important note, when your partner says "Nothing would please me more" than whatever you just said you were going to do, do not do nothing instead. It's a trap.

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    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    This is a joke I read for the first time last weekend when the AFL Grand Final was on. For reference, Collingwood Football Club are probably the most hated team in the league, and their president is one of the most hated people in the country. Most jokes about Collingwood supporters revolve around a lack of teeth, perpetual unemployment and incest.

    This one still makes me giggle over a week later, so I'm gonna share it here, maybe it can be adapted to other teams supporters across other sports?

    How do you know when your house has been burgled by a Collingwood supporter?

    Your bins are empty and your dog is pregnant.

    Editor's note: in Australia we call a trash can a "bin".

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    honoverehonovere Registered User regular
    That feels like a different category of "bad" jokes to me.

    Like, that joke structure seems dangerously close to a bunch of racist jokes i've heard.

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    MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    This is a joke I think a lot about in 2018.

    What do you call a guy having dinner with nine nazis?
    Ten nazis.

    I am in the business of saving lives.
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    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    honovere wrote: »
    That feels like a different category of "bad" jokes to me.

    Like, that joke structure seems dangerously close to a bunch of racist jokes i've heard.

    Collingwood fans are famously racist against non-whites.

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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    It’s still basically a racist joke with the dehumanized target switched out

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?
    He couldn’t control his pupils.

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    Capt HowdyCapt Howdy Registered User regular
    2b027o4qdhb6.jpg

    Steam: kaylesolo1
    3DS: 1521-4165-5907
    PS3: KayleSolo
    Live: Kayle Solo
    WiiU: KayleSolo
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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    that got a substantial lol outta me

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    Captain InertiaCaptain Inertia Registered User regular
    I make a variation of this joke to my wife every time we drive by or I need to shop there

    It’s a wonder she hasn’t divorced me

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    davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Oh I do indeed sing the jingle “Save big money at Menards” every time we drive by.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Technically Moses was the first person to download from the cloud to a tablet

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    My buddy drowned recently. At his funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a life jacket.

    It’s what he would have wanted

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    joshofalltrades wrote: »
    Technically Moses was the first person to download from the cloud to a tablet

    Holy shit.

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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    Rhesus Positive wrote: »
    My buddy drowned recently. At his funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a life jacket.

    It’s what he would have wanted

    Life preserver makes more sense tho

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    Rhesus Positive wrote: »
    My buddy drowned recently. At his funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a life jacket.

    It’s what he would have wanted

    just for the record, just in case, this is what I want as well

    please stitch the words "better late than never" onto the front of it

    STEAM ID
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    AistanAistan Tiny Bat Registered User regular
    Better Nate than lever.

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    Mr FuzzbuttMr Fuzzbutt Registered User regular
    Aistan wrote: »
    Better Nate than lever.

    My favourite thing about this joke is that where I live, "lever" is pronounced "LEE-ver" so the punchline doesn't even work.

    broken image link
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Penny Arcade Forums› Social Entropy++