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The Even Worse Joke Thread

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Posts

  • darunia106darunia106 J-bob in games Death MountainRegistered User regular
    Here's one I just thought of but it's probably been told before.

    What's a vampire hunter's favorite meal?
    Garlic steak with hot cross buns.

    MYtio8V.jpg
    JedocPolaritieSirToastyRhesus PositiveToxdavidsdurionsRingoMetzger MeisterLord_Asmodeus
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    That is an extremely economical bad joke. Well done.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    darunia106PolaritieStraightziSirToastySlacker71davidsdurionsRingoMetzger MeisterLord_Asmodeus
  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    I saw this on facebook:

    I'm scared of giants.
    I have feefiephobia.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
    darunia106McFodderPolaritieElvenshaesarukunSlacker71IvarRhesus PositiveToxRingoKetarph blakeLord_AsmodeusdjmitchellaOut Of ContextMild Confusion
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    z6mjce9bs863.jpeg

    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
    PolaritieJedocRhesus PositiveTynnanBedlamdarunia106ToxSlacker71chromdom3clipseGoose!knitdantzeentchlingElvenshaeMcFodderPaperLuigi44Lord_AsmodeuskimeHeadCreepssarukunJoolanderironsizideAngelHedgieDouglasDangerDrezMild Confusion
  • Lord_AsmodeusLord_Asmodeus goeticSobriquet: Here is your magical cryptic riddle-tumour: I AM A TIME MACHINERegistered User regular
    Why was a donkey the coolest super side-kick?

    He was a real Bat-ass

    Lord_Asmodeus.gifLord_Asmodeus2.gifz1i30sg.png
    Elvenshae
  • darunia106darunia106 J-bob in games Death MountainRegistered User regular
    edited November 2018
    Why did the hipster burn his mouth from pizza?
    Because he ate it before it was cool.

    darunia106 on
    MYtio8V.jpg
    Lord_AsmodeusGoose!McFoddersarukunWiseManTobesElvenshaeDouglasDangerDrezMild Confusion
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    No one ever taught me the definition of Armageddon, but Im sure its not the end of the world...

    darunia106Slacker71MichaelLCkimeJedocsarukunRingoRhesus PositiveLord_AsmodeusDrezMild Confusion
  • WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    darunia106 wrote: »
    Why did the hipster burn his mouth from pizza?
    Because he ate it before it was cool.

    If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it,
    The Hipster will buy the album

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
    darunia106sarukunRhesus Positive
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    No one ever taught me the definition of Armageddon, but Im sure its not the end of the world...

    I feel you. I've made it this far without ever learning what a simile is. I can't even tell you what that's like.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    BedlamsarukunRingoSlacker71ElvenshaeRhesus PositivePolaritieCaptain InertiaLord_Asmodeus
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    No one ever taught me the definition of Armageddon, but Im sure its not the end of the world...

    I feel you. I've made it this far without ever learning what a simile is. I can't even tell you what that's like.

    I'm just glad I finally learned the meaning of "plethora". It really means a lot.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
    JedocBedlamdestroyah87sarukunRingoSlacker71ElvenshaekimeRhesus PositivePolaritieCaptain InertiaOut Of ContextLord_Asmodeus
  • djmitchelladjmitchella Registered User regular
    Courtesy of one of my kids:

    What's the name of the newspaper evil rulers read?
    The daily o-Press

    destroyah87RingoSlacker71ironsizidedarunia106kimeRhesus PositivePolaritieGoose!joshofalltradesMetzger MeisterLord_AsmodeusPaperLuigi44zekebeauMild Confusion
  • PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Realtor Santa ClaritaRegistered User regular
    We hung up new blinds and valences last year and yesterday they literally saved me life. If it wasn't for those blinds, it'd be curtains for me.

    Slacker71kimeElvenshaeRingosarukunSporkAndrew3clipsedjmitchellaFlarneHeadCreepsMetzger MeisterLord_Asmodeus
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    "You know who you never hear about? Olive, the tenth reindeer."
    "Olive?"
    "Yeah, you remember Olive. The other reindeer used to laugh and call him names."

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    SporkAndrewPolaritie3clipseSlacker71valhalla130ToxAnialos
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    "You know who you never hear about? Olive, the tenth reindeer."
    "Olive?"
    "Yeah, you remember Olive. The other reindeer used to laugh and call him names."

    There's a very bad animated special based on this joke.

    No, that's not a joke. It's a warning.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
    tzeentchlingElvenshaeLord_Asmodeusknitdansarukun
  • StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    edited November 2018
    Wouldn't Olive be the one that bullied Rudolph?

    "Olive[,] the other reindeer[,] used to laugh and call him names."

    Straightzi on
    3clipseJedockimeElvenshaeSlacker71BedlamToxpimentoProlegomenaAnialosLucedessarukunMild ConfusionBionicPenguin
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    Straightzi wrote: »
    Wouldn't Olive be the one that bullied Rudolph?

    "Olive[,] the other reindeer[,] used to laugh and call him names."

    And that's why you never hear about Olive. Nobody likes to talk about the jerks in the family.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    That's a much better iteration of the joke than the one in our holiday joke book. I'll contact the publisher immediately.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    There's a Christmas quiz coming up in my office, so obviously we're thinking of stupid names

    There's an added layer of stupidity in that we work in Large Business Compliance for HMRC (please, hold your applause)

    Suggested names so far:
    The Three Kings Had a Prophet-Seeking Motive
    The Holly and the IT
    Snowtional Trade
    A Chimney is a Santagrated Feature
    3 Non-Dom French Hens
    Gift Aid
    5 Gold Ringfenced Trades
    Large Business, I Gave You My Heart
    Elf Assessment


    Bonus list of landmark tax cases mashed into the Christmas theme (NSFAnybody who isn't a tax nerd):
    Rut-sledge v CIR
    Styles v Fairytale of New York Life Insurance Co
    Mallileau v Drummer Boy
    Snowmann v Nash
    J & R O'Candy-Cane v CIR
    Taylor v Goodwill to All Men
    Wing v O'Come All Ye Faithful
    White Christmas v G & M Davies
    Silent Knight v Calder Grove Estates
    Terry's All Gold Coast Selection Box Ltd v Humphrey
    A Partridge in a Tax Case Involving an Illegal Betting Shop

    JedocMrMonroeStraightzitzeentchlingElvenshaeAngelHedgieSlacker71knitdansarukun
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    There was a kids' book that was turned into a little animated TV special called Olive, The Other Reindeer.

    zappsigsm.jpg
    Amazon wish list | Please check out my wife's blog and jewelry store.
    ElvenshaeBedlamsarukun
  • tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks San DiegoRegistered User regular
    There's a Christmas quiz coming up in my office, so obviously we're thinking of stupid names

    There's an added layer of stupidity in that we work in Large Business Compliance for HMRC (please, hold your applause)

    Suggested names so far:
    The Three Kings Had a Prophet-Seeking Motive
    The Holly and the IT
    Snowtional Trade
    A Chimney is a Santagrated Feature
    3 Non-Dom French Hens
    Gift Aid
    5 Gold Ringfenced Trades
    Large Business, I Gave You My Heart
    Elf Assessment


    Bonus list of landmark tax cases mashed into the Christmas theme (NSFAnybody who isn't a tax nerd):
    Rut-sledge v CIR
    Styles v Fairytale of New York Life Insurance Co
    Mallileau v Drummer Boy
    Snowmann v Nash
    J & R O'Candy-Cane v CIR
    Taylor v Goodwill to All Men
    Wing v O'Come All Ye Faithful
    White Christmas v G & M Davies
    Silent Knight v Calder Grove Estates
    Terry's All Gold Coast Selection Box Ltd v Humphrey
    A Partridge in a Tax Case Involving an Illegal Betting Shop

    Most of these would be amazing trivia team names.

    RingoElvenshaepimento
  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Crossposting this today:

    alpha_centauri.png

    PwH4Ipj.jpg
    JedocMichaelLCTynnandarunia106Slacker713clipseBedlamtzeentchlingdjmitchellaElvenshaevalhalla130joshofalltradesPolaritiechromdomkimevisiblehowlJoolanderchrishallett83ToxMcFodderGoose!pimentoOut Of ContextLord_AsmodeusAnialosLucedesRingosarukunKruiteironsizideKetarCaedwyrsponojungleroomxAbsurdProposition
  • valhalla130valhalla130 13 Dark Shield Perceives the GodsRegistered User regular
    There's a Christmas quiz coming up in my office, so obviously we're thinking of stupid names

    There's an added layer of stupidity in that we work in Large Business Compliance for HMRC (please, hold your applause)

    Suggested names so far:
    The Three Kings Had a Prophet-Seeking Motive
    The Holly and the IT
    Snowtional Trade
    A Chimney is a Santagrated Feature
    3 Non-Dom French Hens
    Gift Aid
    5 Gold Ringfenced Trades
    Large Business, I Gave You My Heart
    Elf Assessment


    Bonus list of landmark tax cases mashed into the Christmas theme (NSFAnybody who isn't a tax nerd):
    Rut-sledge v CIR
    Styles v Fairytale of New York Life Insurance Co
    Mallileau v Drummer Boy
    Snowmann v Nash
    J & R O'Candy-Cane v CIR
    Taylor v Goodwill to All Men
    Wing v O'Come All Ye Faithful
    White Christmas v G & M Davies
    Silent Knight v Calder Grove Estates
    Terry's All Gold Coast Selection Box Ltd v Humphrey
    A Partridge in a Tax Case Involving an Illegal Betting Shop

    HMRC?

    His Majesty's Royal Chamberpot?

    Slacker71
  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    @Rhesus Positive

    Insufficient GDPR references!

    omgbfz5lzi1s.png
    Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
    The Disappearance of Inigo Sharpe: Tomas à Dunsanin
    Slacker71
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    There's a Christmas quiz coming up in my office, so obviously we're thinking of stupid names

    There's an added layer of stupidity in that we work in Large Business Compliance for HMRC (please, hold your applause)

    Suggested names so far:
    The Three Kings Had a Prophet-Seeking Motive
    The Holly and the IT
    Snowtional Trade
    A Chimney is a Santagrated Feature
    3 Non-Dom French Hens
    Gift Aid
    5 Gold Ringfenced Trades
    Large Business, I Gave You My Heart
    Elf Assessment


    Bonus list of landmark tax cases mashed into the Christmas theme (NSFAnybody who isn't a tax nerd):
    Rut-sledge v CIR
    Styles v Fairytale of New York Life Insurance Co
    Mallileau v Drummer Boy
    Snowmann v Nash
    J & R O'Candy-Cane v CIR
    Taylor v Goodwill to All Men
    Wing v O'Come All Ye Faithful
    White Christmas v G & M Davies
    Silent Knight v Calder Grove Estates
    Terry's All Gold Coast Selection Box Ltd v Humphrey
    A Partridge in a Tax Case Involving an Illegal Betting Shop

    HMRC?

    His Majesty's Royal Chamberpot?

    Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs - without us the country wouldn’t have a pot to piss in, so you were close :P
    Elvenshae wrote: »

    Insufficient GDPR references!

    Ooo, good shout

    Our Answer Sheet Isn’t Blank, It’s GDPR Compliant

    ElvenshaeLaOschrishallett83valhalla130pimentoSlacker71
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    You know, Trump’s cabinet started filling slowly. As soon as he became President he hadn’t filled any positions yet, but he started with one, and then another one, and then a couple more, and then three on the same day...

    Too bad they’re all lying fascists. It’s a perfect example of a Fibbin’ Nazi sequence.

    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
    Rhesus PositivekimeElvenshae3clipseTynnantzeentchlingdarunia106IvarMetzger Meisterdavidsdurionschrishallett83PolaritieToxAistanSlacker71Out Of ContextLord_Asmodeusdestroyah87Captain InertiaYaYaAnialosSporkAndrewDiplominatorRingosarukunironsizideMrGrimoireMild Confusionspono
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    That right there is a goof that came to me a few days ago and now that I’ve had my tonsils and adenoids taken out I finally found the time to post

    I’m rather proud of myself

    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
    ElvenshaeRhesus PositiveMetzger MeisterPolaritieToxLord_AsmodeusCaptain InertiaRingo
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    Dang, that surgery is a bear. I had it done when I was sixteen and couldn't eat solid food for a month. Enjoy the pills!

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    I have been getting like 5 or 6 sinus infections a year for a while now so it was time

    Feels bad but I’m excited to have fewer breathing/allergy/sinus issues

    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
    JedocElvenshae
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    I got that surgery when I was in third grade I believe? It ain't fun!

  • ToxTox I kill threads Punch DimensionRegistered User regular
    edited December 2018
    My best friend called me up today with some trouble. He said "hey man, I'm in a bit of a pickle."

    I said "alright, what's the dill?"

    Tox on
    Wishlists! General | Gaming | Comics | Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
    Lord_AsmodeusElvenshaeJoolanderRingoKruiteMild Confusionspono
  • WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    edited December 2018
    I'm so sad, I thought this was a well known reference , but like no one I've shown in RL has known it, starting to think everyone I know in RL is just dumb, it is possible. Save me bad joke thread!

    But omg this had me DYING

    WiseManTobes on
    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
    Grobianknitdandarunia106JedocAngelHedgiejoshofalltradesKharnorProlegomenaSirToastyRhesus PositivePolaritieElvenshaeph blakeFlarnedavidsdurionsdestroyah87kimeMrMonroeHeadCreepsYaYatzeentchlingToxAnialoschromdomJoolanderMr FuzzbuttLucedesDecomposeyDiplominatordjmitchellaTynnanCurly_BraceLord_AsmodeusLegacyOut Of ContextShortyThe Escape GoatKaplarThorn413OlivawAistanjungleroomx
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    I'm so sad, I thought this was a well known reference , but like no one I've shown in RL has known it, starting to think everyone I know in RL is just dumb, it is possible. Save me bad joke thread!

    But omg this had me DYING

    So if nobody got it, does that mean the comedy is finished?

    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
    Slacker71Legacy
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Is it just a flip of the original Pagliacci, or am I missing something else?

    "Never believe management about anything anywhere." -Aistan
    Legacy
  • destroyah87destroyah87 Registered User regular
    edited December 2018
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    Is it just a flip of the original Pagliacci, or am I missing something else?

    Doctor is roasting Pagliacci, telling patient not to go see him because he’s bad.

    But Patient is Pagliacci.

    One of the replies to that tweet provides a more straightforward punchline .

    destroyah87 on
    steam_sig.png
    ElvenshaePolaritie
  • TayaTaya Hit refresh Registered User regular
    An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders half of the previous mathematician’s order and so on. The bartender says, “you guys are assholes” and pours two beers.

    destroyah87JedocRhesus PositivejoshofalltradesProlegomenadavidsdurions3clipsetzeentchlingToxkimeAnialosSlacker71darunia106JoolanderLucedeschrishallett83SporkAndrewBlitzAce1981TynnanRingoElvenshaeCurly_BraceMunkus BeaverLindsay LohanPolaritieKruiteLord_AsmodeusMrGrimoireLegacyKetarXaquinCaptain InertiaMild ConfusionJacques L'HommesponoOlivawjungleroomx
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
    Deep pan, crisp and even

    joshofalltradesPerrsunJedocMrMonroetzeentchlingToxAnialosSlacker71chromdomdarunia106SporkAndrewProlegomenadjmitchellaElvenshaeLord_Asmodeus
  • WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    Is it just a flip of the original Pagliacci, or am I missing something else?

    Just a flip of original. Is why I was starting to feel insane with no one in real life getting the reference

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
  • TastyfishTastyfish Registered User regular
    What blew my mind when I suddenly realised it, is that the first joke anyone seems to learn - "Why did the chicken cross the road", is a joke on the format of jokes. That's why it's not funny - why do we do this to children!?

    LucedesJedocSlacker71Kruiteironsizide
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    Is it just a flip of the original Pagliacci, or am I missing something else?

    Just a flip of original. Is why I was starting to feel insane with no one in real life getting the reference

    Thanks. Didn't know if 'orville' was a reference. Yeah, everyone should know that one. Simple, but very clever.

    "Never believe management about anything anywhere." -Aistan
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